"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? What you are about to witness is bound to make you question science's most fixed laws. You'll find yourself thrown into an abyss of self-doubts as you will not be able to fully comprehend what you see, you'll accuse your eyes of deceiving you as your mind..."
"Oh, for Kasterborous' sake...!"
"Get a move on, Koschei!"
Koschei cleared his throat before readjusting the papers he was holding. Also, to most of his student's bemusement and Theta's annoyance he was wearing his fake glasses again.
"Mr Berseklav may I ask of you to ensure silence and order during my presentation?" Koschei addressed their professor of Advanced Engineering directly while readjusting his papers once again.
"Proceed," the professor didn't bother to sit up any straighter during Koschei's speech but added with a hint of menace, "And as you are well aware it is Mrs Berseklav since the last regeneration."
Koschei looked the professor in the eye, innocence radiating from his face. Not even a spaniel tied to a lamppost in pouring rain could look as pitiful as Koschei. He knows his way into people's minds, Mrs Berseklav found herself pondering as she rolled her eyes, signalling Koschei to continue, he is actually convincing me that he didn't do anything on purpose. For the mere attempt he should get expelled...
"...a project of utmost importance, if I may say so. It will revolutionize warfare as we know it. This," he indicated the large box-like object hidden underneath a blanket, "Will dominate combat and incapacitate our enemies. This little ace of genius workman ship," here Koschei couldn't suppress a self-satisfactory grin, "will help us win any upcoming war."
"You've said that about your previous inventions before!"
"Well, then this time you can be sure it is the real thing," Koschei snapped and adjusted his glasses.
"Behold!" he exclaimed while pulling back the blanket.
"What is that?"
"Oh Gods, that stinks!"
"It's a chemical agent! I thought students weren't allowed to tinker with them. School expulsion!
"It looks like a dead rat!"
"It is a dead rat!"
"Will you all just shut up for a moment?" Koschei yelled over the rising voices. Soon he had discovered the centre of the commotion and threw his glasses at the most troublesome student in the last row.
"Ouch!"
As he had expected the room fell silent.
"Thank you," Koschei straightened his lab coat, a mad scientist's grin popping up on his lips.
"What you see here is the ultimate contact mines disguised in the perfect manner: vermin. Or to be more precise: a deceased rodent."
He turned around a flipchart with a blueprint on it.
"As you may notice there are extremely sensible sensors at the whiskers, a small fish eyes camera implanted somewhere in between the eyes and an infrared reflection –detector, sensing the slightest movement in front of it. The microchip scans the reflection off metal – thereby detecting Dalekanium with one hundred percent guaranty."
"So you stuffed a grenade up a rat's arse," the student in the last row summed it up.
Koschei put on another pair of glasses.
"What is your name, my fellow colleague?" he asked the person occupying the seat in the last row, honey dripping from every syllable.
"Epsilon," the student replied earnestly.
"Of course," Koschei added amicably, "Epsilon I'd like you to assist me during a little demonstration. Would you kindly hold this crystal? Thank you!"
Koschei had pressed a small, pyramid shaped object into the students unresisting hands.
Theta saw the glint in Koschei's eyes.
"Duck!" he yelled before flinging himself to the ground, a number of colleagues following him suit.
There was a whirring sound, a flash and en echo of an explosion which left at least 12 students deaf for a week.
"You see," Koschei explained while crouching out from his hiding place under a table, "The only major flaw is that the rat bomb fails to distinguish between Dalekanium and copper pyrites which, at least in my humble opinion is a negligible imperfection. And I am sure my friend Epsilon would agree if he could talk right now. Or hear what I have said. I see the explosion has disposed of both of his ears. Oh, he's starting to glow already. Let's see what the new regeneration brings; for all of our sakes we can hope that he'll be a less tiring student. Anyway class, thank you for your attention."