Disclaimer – I own nothing to do with The O.C, they belong to Josh and the people at Fox!

A/N; well the last chapter was a surprise to all including me! Hadn't planned the ending the way it turned out but I think it turned out okay. This chapter was written as an additional one I had planned to go ahead in time to when the boys were seven but I knew that it wouldn't be possible anymore.

So this chapter is all Kirsten's point of view, written in first person. The idea is that she is at an AA meeting and it's her turn to speak. Time has moved on and she is letting everyone know what has happened since Sandy left.

Warning; this chapter was written as an additional one it wasn't expected. Therefore it isn't long at all or particularly good (well not my usual standards anyway.) I hope that the next chapter will please you as it is written by an on form me not a panicked at the sudden story twist me.

Enjoy and please review!

"Hi everyone my names Kirsten and I'm an alcoholic.

Yesterday was a really hard day for me, it was my mom's birthday and all day I really wanted a drink. I did everything I could to keep myself busy but I really miss her. She'd be so mad if she knew what I'd done after she died – I nearly lost everything.

When she was diagnosed Sandy gave up everything for me and I threw it back in his face. He gave up his job, his friends, his whole life and I never appreciated what he was doing for me. I got stuck in a rut I suppose; I kept going over everything in my mind. I was blaming myself for her illness trying to find someway to make the pain…just go away.

So I started to drink, I guess you guys know that since I'm here. It started off with a second glass of chardonnay at dinner but it built up I started needing vodka just to get out of bed. The day of the funeral I drank nearly a full bottle own my own, everyone knew I was drunk at the ceremony. Looking back now I'm so embarrassed I can't face any of my friends or my family I feel like I disrespected them and most of all my mother.

The worst thing I did that day though was drink in front of my boys, they came to comfort me and I rejected them. I hid myself away in the bedroom, trying to stop them all staring at me, so my boys they came to find me. I yelled at them told them to leave me alone they looked so lost but the didn't go they just sat with me till I broke down and cried.

After that day I stopped thinking about them when I drank, before I had always tried to act normal around them – but when they stayed with me it was like they accepted what I was doing. They didn't ask me to stop or me what I was doing they just stayed with me and I guess I thought that they understood. I realise now how wrong I was they're just babies they can't understand.

The day I hit rock bottom was when Sandy left me – he just took the boys and left. I couldn't make out what he was saying to me it was like a dream but then he drove away and I knew he wasn't coming back. At least not until I got help, sorted myself out but it got worse before it could get better.

When my father got home I was still where Sandy left me, just sitting in the driveway sobbing. He asked what had happened and when I told him he wasn't surprised, he looked at me with pity and I hated it. I knew then that I had to change what I was doing, if my own father thought Sandy was doing the right thing by taking my children from me.

I locked myself away in our bedroom trying to stop, at times when I didn't think I could go on when I really wanted a drink I would look at a picture of the boys taped to the back of the door. Seeing them smiling and laughing made me focus it made me think about what I was losing.

It took months before Sandy came back, he'd taken the boys up to his mothers for a holiday – or at least that's what he told them. I don't think they believed him but they couldn't understand what was really going on. He came home but stayed in the hotel he wanted to be sure I was honest about being sober he wouldn't hurt the boys anymore. At first I was so angry at him for taking them away; he kept them from me even when they were back in Newport. I realised when I finally saw them that he had done what was right all along – they hadn't seen me go through the detox so they still loved me and treated me like normal. There was no pity or disappointment in their eyes just happiness at our reunion; I've got Sandy to thank for that.

They still know things have changed though its like they're trying to overcompensate for our tensions. Seth runs around all day long trying to keep us busy, he thinks if he can get us to play together that we'll sort out our differences. He fills all our silent gaps with noise and when we get snappy at each other he takes one of us away, out of the conflict. He's so clever for his age trying to fix us in the only way he knows how.

Ryan's so different though, he's so sensitive to our feelings. The other day I was tidying up some pictures and he crawled up into my lap, content just to sit there and be with me. I think when Sandy was away Ryan really helped him through; he takes so much responsibility on his shoulders. He stays with us when we're upset and he asks questions about our day or about the world to change our focus. We try not to fight in front of them but they know what's going on – I hope some day that they'll forgive me for what I put them through.

I've got to take this as a positive experience, I know now that I never want to put them through anything like this ever again. They need me just as much as I need them, without them I never would have gotten help. I wouldn't be able to sit here today and talk about my addiction without their support.

Thanks for listening to me today I really feel better getting things off my chest, I just hope that in the future I'll make them proud of me.

Well that was Kirsten's confession - next up we're back with normal family life.

Please review now!