Author's Note: I am the world's worst updater. I feel horrible for how long everyone has to wait for a new chapter. Please understand that there are parts of my life that are spinning out of control, and it makes it difficult for me to sit and write as often as I would like.
Warning: This is an M rated story for a reason. The war outlook is much darker than the real HP books and mature and taboo topics will be addressed in later chapters. Please be warned.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter (or Sirius Black and Fred Weasley would be alive and embarrassing Hermione by flirting shamelessly with her) I also am making no money off this story. Basically I'm broke all around and own nothing for myself.
THANK YOU! andherestograce thank you for your review. I realize I'm updating very slowly but life gets in the way at times, and I hope you continue to enjoy. Keite thank you for pointing that error out. I hadn't even noticed I had typed it wrong, I was just reading it correctly in my head. catsgotmytongue I'm glad you find the story interesting so far without Draco making an appearance. I have everything planned out, and hopefully I will be in a position to update more regularly with summer so we can get to his plotline quickly! lizziemarie0529 thank you so much for those kind words! Lilykees I agree that Hermione took what was the easy way out, but within this story the Hogwarts Battle did not play out as it does in the books. The Order was even less prepared for the fight, and Hermione was attempting to be strategic and save their energy for a time when they may actually win. I do want to clarify though, that Hermione and Ron did not leave Harry. He was with them until all three were captured and Hermione was separated. I believe Harry is able to understand being forced to separate, however I agree: I hope he found Ginny quickly.
January 2nd, 2000
"Nothing is better for self-esteem than survival." ~Martha Gellhorn
She was having a hard time breathing. Five people were dead, five people were dead because of what she had said. Her mind wasn't wrapping around the idea. She had spouted off in an effort to cause a scene and because of her five people were dead.
"Hermione," Anna said grabbing her face, "if you aren't willing to give it all up then nothing will change."
"I was willing to give up my own life so you could have bread, not five innocent people! There was no reason they had to die."
She had pulled away from Anna in an attempt to catch her breath but it still hadn't worked. The whole room seemed fuzzy. It wasn't as if she didn't feel guilty enough about the whole war. Ron, as much as she loved him, had made her feel insanely responsible for everything that was happening to the world. She pulled Harry away, if it wasn't for her things could have been different.
But she thought she had finally gotten past that insecurity. She thought she understood that she had done what needed to be done. There were no more time turners she couldn't go back and change the past. But this… these peoples deaths could have been prevented. None of those five nameless people would have died had she not caused a scene.
Hermione stood up pacing the bedroom. At this point what could she do? There was no going back to save them and there would never be justice for their murders while Voldemort was in control. Everything was broken and backwards.
Hermione had been so sure during her days alone that Major had no clue how to punish her. But clearly she was the one in the wrong. What he had done would haunt her, she couldn't move past it. She had only known for a few minutes and it was near driving her insane.
Anna was talking nonsense to her but she wasn't comprehending any of it. The younger girl looked panicked but Hermione could only focus on her own thoughts and fears. The war was only continuing because of her. She had pulled the boys away and then she had gone quietly into the town until she almost couldn't leave her bed. She had become neutral, and if there was anything more dangerous than a villain it was a large body of neutrals.
What if she had started an uprising during the round up? What if they could have taken the few Death Eaters who guarded them in the town? Could she have saved Leslie in some way? The town had dwindled in size and it was her fault. She couldn't get the words out of her head; her fault, all her fault.
She hadn't even made up her mind before her feet started walking away from the bed. Anna followed, screaming words she didn't understand at her. Hermione still didn't know what she was going to do, but she sure as hell wasn't going to sit around and do nothing. To long she had sat and done nothing while people around her died. This time she wouldn't stand for it.
There had been a time when she would have stood up to anyone who tried to oppose her, she defended Harry and stood up for the first years, she tricked Umbridge and yelled at Remus when she had thought he was a traitor. When had she lost her voice, when did she lose the ability to stand up for everyone? No more, she had once said that she wouldn't let the town get to her, that she would fight and remind herself everyday of what she needed to be doing. Well somewhere down the road that mantra had been forgotten, but no longer.
She couldn't change the last few months but she would certainly change how the next few hours would go. She wouldn't stand by and wait for Voldemort to kill off everyone, he had gotten away with enough. Now was the time to solidify her plan of escaping and finding Harry. It was a new year, a new century and she'd be damned if she let it pass her by. She was going to survive, no more sitting on the sidelines she would stand up and fight.
Anna was following her as she nearly flew down the stairs. Hermione could hear Anna's cries that she stop, to not do anything stupid. But the truth was Hermione didn't even know what it was she planned on doing. Her body had reacted quicker than her mind had processed. She knew something needed to happen, but she hadn't gotten much past that fact before she flew into action.
Hermione only stalled when she got to the door that led outside. It was really night by now, if she walked outside there would be no going back. They had been warned about going out past dark, they had seen how some people had been punished.
"Hermione!" Anna hissed at her, "What could you possibly think you could do about this? There isn't anything you can change about what happened, just come to bed."
It was true, but what about what might happen? What about what would happen tomorrow? Hermione had to believe she still held some power in people's minds. If she could just be strong enough to realize what it would take to survive then maybe other people could lean on her strength to get through. Maybe they could even find the strength to overpower the Death Eaters, magic or not.
"If we want this to end we have to be strong, we need the courage to change the world." Hermione spoke more to herself than to Anna.
"You're not in school anymore, Hermione. The punishment for doing something stupid isn't a few house points. One person isn't going to change all this, especially not one mudblood. People won't support you if you do some ridiculous courageous act, they're too afraid."
Hermione was scared, didn't Anna see that? Her chest was pounding from how hard she was breathing. Her eyes could barely stay still as they darted back and forth with every thought she had. She was scared, she was terrified of what might happen to her. But didn't the fate of the world matter more than her own life? She had been fighting for years despite every fear she had ever had, she couldn't stop now just because she had been beaten down.
"Some things are too important to let fear stop you."
It felt like the poetic thing to say after all she was most likely about to walk to her death. If she stepped out of that door there was no telling what would happen to her, especially considering the fact that she just barely got out of solitary. Whether or not she had been right about the Death Eaters not being allowed to kill her another act of defiance might push her luck.
She wasn't sure, she couldn't be sure of anything anymore. But being trapped like a bird in a cage wasn't how she planned to live her life. When she was young she had thought that life in any form would be better than death, but this was no life at all. She was drowning in the town, and it had taken her far too long to realize she could move beyond her fear. She may need to accept that she would be killed but at least she would die standing up for her people.
An alarm sounded the moment she stepped outside. Anna had jumped back into the building but left the door open –it was as much support as she was ready to give to the former Gryffindor's foolish stunt. Hermione pushed forward, trying to block the terrible ringing in her ears from the loud siren.
Major and the others appeared in no time, clearly abandoning whatever duties they might have at night. The alarm silenced once they caught sight of her Hermione assumed one of them had turned it off. She was doing her best to stand tall even though she was weak on her feet. Her head was high but she hadn't looked any of them in the eyes. She wouldn't take the action back but the gravity hit her she was standing one against a couple dozen, one against dozens of wands, one against the world.
"You just can't learn your place. Can you, Mudblood?"
"They were innocent." She spat out. "I'm the one who spoke out, I'm the threat but they were innocent people."
"There's no such thing as an innocent mudblood. They may have paid for your crime, but they deserved to die."
Hermione's jaw tightened in anger. She ran through her mind trying to think of a spell she might have the strength to perform wandless.
"I won't let you hurt anyone else because of me."
"Let me teach her a lesson, Baines." The man to Major's left had eagerly requested.
Hermione felt her legs give out with such a force she knew it hadn't been from her own weakness. She opened her mouth to yell out at them, to yell for help or even just to say a final word but nothing came out. She was frozen in place, down on her knees staring at the men and women who were looking at her like she was a meal.
Major approached her slowly a sneer on his face that rivaled any she had seen before. If there was ever a time he looked more frightening than Voldemort himself it would be then. Her grabbed at her hair and pulled, causing her to silently scream out in pain. Her knees were still stuck to the ground but he was pulling as if he intended to pop her head off. He leaned down only slightly to look her in the eyes.
"You can't kill her, yet. But maybe a lesson is what the pig needs."
Anna watched, horrified, from the doorway. She was too scared to make her presence known but too worried about Hermione to turn away. She couldn't understand why the older girl had acted so foolishly, she couldn't have foreseen a productive ending to such a small unorganized rebellion. Anna covered her face with her hands, parting her fingers so she could still watch Hermione.
The Death Eaters weren't even using magic after the first few minutes. Hermione had screamed out as Crucio after Crucio hit her but that alone hadn't been enough. Anna was sure she was watching them slowly beat the girl to death. It seemed like each one of the Death Eaters took a turn doing their worst to the already frail girl.
Hermione had slipped into unconsciousness quickly enough. Anna was sure she hadn't been awake when one man took a knife to her stomach. There was nothing she could do, to stop them would mean her own death and Anna wasn't that selfless. She wished she could be willing to let it all go but instead she prayed.
As time drug on some of the Death Eaters left. It seemed that once they had their fun they had no interest in watching. The few women had done little to permanently damage Hermione, one had chopped her hair and the other had taken the knife and reopened the wound on Hermione's head. But the men had been more brutal. Anna was sure that almost every bone in Hermione's body had been broken if she hadn't been killed during the process.
The men would shout and talk to each other but from her hiding spot Anna couldn't hear them. She couldn't leave Hermione there to die at their hands alone but she couldn't watch anymore. If no one got to her she would die from the injuries at the very least, but it was a long time until morning.
Anna was thankful Hermione had passed out, enduring everything the Death Eaters had done would have been worse than death. Kicks, hits, the knife… the Cruciatus would have been kinder. The commotion outside was loud, she could hear them all yelling and moving around but what was worse was the moment it all went silent.
"Damn it, I said stop! It was a direct order! Do you want to die just for the fun of killing her? You know our orders the mudblood doesn't die until he's ready for her to. If the Dark Lord wants to make a show of Potter and his precious friends you won't get in the way!"
"But they haven't found them in two weeks. The whole country is ours, Potter and his stupid friends are dead or they would have been found by now."
"That's not your call to make. Drag her into her building the other mudbloods can deal with her when they wake up."
Anna panicked, she couldn't be seen. If they knew she had watched the whole thing she might be killed just for the fun of it. From the sound of things Hermione would need someone to take care of her right away, Anna couldn't risk getting killed and leaving Hermione alone.
She hid in the corner of the stairs, the shadows of the night hiding her but just barely. If the Death Eater wanted to find her all they would need to do was look up. But she sat still and silent as she watched one of the men pull Hermione by the arms across the dirt street and into the building. He pushed her in just enough to close the door behind him and Anna let out a small breath of relief.
She didn't need to walk to Hermione to know how bad off she was. It looked as though the girl might break in half at any moment. There was no way Anna would be able to get her up the stairs, at least not on her own. She didn't know what the right choice was it seemed any move would be a bad one but she couldn't leave Hermione there on the ground. She had already stood by and done nothing, she couldn't do nothing again.
A.N. Thank you to any and everyone who is keeping up with this story on their end. I am hoping that with it being summer I will have more time to sit and write. I also hope that this chapter was well written. I am attempting to describe horrible things and situations without truly going into such detail that my writing suffers because of it.