Chapter 10:
Sam paced around his room, waiting for Matt to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, can I see you?" Sam said immediately.
"Who is this?"
Sam stared at his phone. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
Matt laughed. "Yes, Sammy. I'm fucking kidding. You want to see me now?"
"Yeah, like right now." Sam said, holding the phone against his shoulder and stretching his arms restlessly.
"Hey, who ya talking to?" Sam heard a girl ask Matt.
"None of your business, slut face." Matt replied. Sam raised his eyebrows.
"Oooh is it Sam?" The girl asked. "Can I talk to him can I talk to him, can I can I?"
"No." Matt said, and he heard an "oof" sound as he presumably pushed her away. "Sam, um I want to see you too but my aunt and uncle are home now so..."
"You can to my house; my Mom won't be home until like 6 or 7." Sam said.
"Sure. Text me your address, ok?" Matt said. In the background, Sam heard someone else ask who he was talking to. "No one. Go entertain Kate- she's giving me a dirty look." Matt said. "Tell her I'm sorry I called her a face a slut."
"Matt?" Sam said, trying to remind him he was still there.
"Sorry, nosy friends are nosy. I'll see you soon, ok?" He said. Sam hung up and sent Matt his address.
43 minutes and about 24 seconds (not that he was counting) later, Matt knocked on his door. Before he could say "Hello" Sam pulled him inside and pushed him up against the wall, his hands moving vigorously down over his hips as he kissed him. "This is my house," Sam murmured, not moving his mouth away from Matts. "Do you want an actual tour or can we just go up to my room?"
Matt grinned, and bit down on Sam's lip a little. "I'll race you."
"You don't know where it is." Sam pointed out.
"I have an excellent sense of direction." He whispered, leaning in close and moving his hand a bit below his stomach. Sam moved into kiss him again, but Matt darted away and was making his way upstairs before Sam even realized that he'd somehow unbuckled the belt he was wearing.
He followed Matt upstairs, taking off his belt as he went. He found Matt leaning against his doorway.
"I'm going to assume the room with the Blade Runner poster and the shelf full of action figures is yours." He said, smiling smugly. "Yeah, I know. My deductive skills are astounding."
Sam shook his head, folding his belt up in his hand. For a moment, something odd flashed across Matt's face. It was gone less than a second, and he sauntered towards him, pulling him by his collar into the bedroom and taking the belt out of his hand.
"Yeah, my Mom's room is super different." He said, letting Matt lead him over to his bed. "For one, all her action figures are Buffy related."
"That's cute." Matt muttered, pulling Sam down on top of him and wrapping his arms around his neck.
They kissed slowly and calmly for a little while longer, before Matt tilted his mouth away. "Sam, uh, not that I'm not enjoying this and all, because I am...I mean seriously, your mouth is just like fuck me wow. But you sounded sort of urgent on the phone, and I was just wondering why you called." He said, letting Sam continue to brush his lips over him as he spoke. Sam paused and looked at him, and Matt grinned. "I mean, did Kurt wear something extra incredibly intensely sexy or something?"
"No, it's nothing like that." He mumbled, shaking his head.
Matt shrugged. "I don't mind if you're thinking about Kurt, really." He said.
He sounded sincere, and Sam didn't know whether to smack him or cry. Instead, he just brushed a tangled piece of hair off his face. "Hey," he said quietly, looking in Matt's bright green eyes. "When I'm with you, I'm thinking about you."
Matt smiled a little, and for a second Sam thought he saw his cheeks tinge pink. "You're such a sweetheart." He said, reaching up to kiss him again. Sam grinned; his tone was only half-mocking.
"But still," Matt continued a moment later. "This weekend you were all 'we shouldn't do this, because maybe Kurt doesn't like Andrew McCarthy as much as I thought he did' and now you're all 'get in my bed, fool!'" Matt said, in a deep voice. Sam laughed and shook his head. "What changed is what I want to know."
Sam rolled off him, and leaned back against his head board. "Well, what you said about Small Town Gay Syndrome made a lot of sense, so I decided to pay close attention to how they acted around each other." Sam sighed. "It was bad. He was watching him sing with this super into it look on his face...afterwards they were holding hands and talking all close in the hallway. I may have died, just a little, right here." Sam said, pointing to his chest.
"So, you're just giving up?" Matt asked, sounding crushed. Sam nodded a little. "After one day of seeing them together?"
Sam shrugged and Matt gave an exasperated moan. "For god sakes Sammy, they are a couple you know. Obviously they like each other. But they might not love each other. Isn't that what you care about?" Matt asked, poking his shoulder.
"He's happy with him, that's what I care about." Sam said, crossing his arms.
Matt rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up in the air a little. "Garg." He muttered, leaning back against the head board as well.
Sam blinked, and cast a sideways glance at Matt. "Did you just say 'garg'?"
Matt nodded.
Sam stared at him longer, waiting for an explanation. "What the hell is a 'garg'?" He asked, when none came.
"An exasperated noise. Like 'ah, you're being so dense...garg!'" Matt said simply.
"I don't see how 'garg' is supposed to tell me you're exasperated."
"It just is, and I am, ok? Accept it and move on." Matt replied.
"I will never accept garg."
Matt rolled his eyes again and sat up. He swung his leg over Sam's lap so he was straddling him, and placed his hands firmly on Sam's shoulders. "What I am trying to tell you, Mr. Gnat-Span, is that Kurt may very well be happy with Blaine. He might like Blaine quite a bit. But guess what? If you gave him the chance, he might be happier with you. He might love you. Do you see the difference?"
Sam pouted. "Might, might, might..." He mumbled.
Matt sighed. "Sammy, I hate to break it to you, but there are no definites when it comes to love."
"So what do I do?"
Matt bit his lip for a moment, thinking. "I think keep watching them a bit more. Give it more than a day though." He said, staring at him pointedly. "But no matter what you see this week, eventually you're going to need to make a decision. If Kurt is really, truly happy with Blaine then you're going to need to stop torturing yourself like this and move on. And if not, it's time to nut up and make a move."
Sam sighed and nodded. "Good." Matt said cheerfully. "Now, in the meantime..." He murmured, resuming their kiss. Matt moved his hands over Sam's hips, playing with the hem of his shirt before slowly lifting it off his body.
Once the shirt was fully removed, Matt stared at him for a minute, his mouth hanging open a little. "Oh, my god." He said, taking in Sam's chest. "Sam."
Sam grinned proudly, and pulled Matt towards him. As they kissed, Matt moved his hands over Sam's chest. "Holy fuck, Sam." Matt moaned. "This is awful; I don't know whether I want to fuck you or paint a goddamned fresco."*
Sam laughed a little. "No idea what that means, but I feel like the first one would be less time consuming." He said, as Matt began to kiss his way over his collarbone.
"Don't underestimate my stamina, Sammy." Matt murmered, circling Sam's nipple with his tongue.
"Yeah?" Sam said, lifting Matt's shirt up and over his head. Matt leaned in and kissed him again as Sam brushed his fingers down Matt's chest, letting it settle on the waistband of his jeans and down to the button on them.
"Seriously?" Matt asked, murmuring against Sam's lips. Sam deepend the kiss in response. "Ok, wait." He gasped, pulling away.
"What's wrong?" Sam asked, wondering if he'd set some sort of standard where instead of making out, they talked. He hadn't meant to.
Matt sighed. "Are you seriously saying you want to have sex? Like, now?" Sam nodded and Matt sighed again and shook his head.
Sam stared. "What happened to 'I don't know whether I want to fuck you or paint a fresco'?"
Matt shrugged, giving him a half apologetic, half pained look. "I don't know. I didn't think you'd say yes, I guess."
"So you only want to fuck me hypothetically?" Sam demanded.
"No!" Matt insisted. "I just, I mean it isn't that I don't want to." He placed his hand gently on Sam's face. "Look, if a little while from now you decide that Kurt really is doing well with Blaine and it's time to move- and I mean actually move on, not in a sad kidding-yourself way, then I'll have sex with you, ok?" Sam frowned, blowing air at Matt's hand. "Oh, don't be a baby. Sammy. For all your 'oh I'm backing off no really Blaine can have him herp derp' talk, you know you're not backing off even a little bit. And I may not have met him or anything, but trust me when I say that if Kurt is half as great as you think he is then he has enough common sense to secretly already love you back. So if you have the opportunity to have your first time with a guy be this special amazing thing with the guy you love, I don't wanna fuck that up. So to speak."
Sam blinked a few times, wondering why the hell the world was backwards all of a sudden. "I thought sex wasn't a big deal."
Matt shrugged. "It really isn't, usually. It's just sex." He bit his lip. "But the first time you do it, I think that time it does matter. Sorta sets the tone for the rest of them."
"I already had a first time, Matt. And it wasn't that great." Sam said, taking Matt's hand off his face. "Damage done."
Matt shook his head. "That's even more reason to make sure it's special. Not many people get a second chance at their first time." Matt wrapped his arms over his shoulders, hugging himself tightly. Sam saw him brush his fingers over the white, circular scar.
Sam took Matt's hands from around his shoulders and pulled him in close. He reached up to stroke Matt's hair as he held him but before he could, Matt gave a startled jerk and removed himself from Sam's embrace.
"Let's avoid getting all emotional, ok?" Matt mumbled, shaking his head. "Save that kind of thing for Kurt."
Sam sighed. "You know Matt, I'm starting to think that this whole jaded, no-emotions-just-sex thing you've got going on is just a smoke screen." Sam said, rubbing a small circle on Matt's neck with his thumb before leaning down and sucking on it. "Deep down, you're really a big softie."
"Bullshit," Matt scoffed, lacing his fingers through Sam's hair and move his head off his neck down to his collar bone.
"I don't know, you're showing an awful lot of concern for my emotions." Sam said, brushing his lips over the jutting bone.
"You think so?" Matt asked, a small smile playing on his lips. Before Sam could respond, Matt shoved him back against the headboard, hard. He groaned as Matt leaned in a bit down on his neck, hard enough for it to hurt but not so much that it didn't feel great.
One hour, several hickey's and one blow job later, Sam lay back on his bed catching his breath while Matt wandered around his room, looking at things. He seemed oddly pleased.
"How many comic books do you own, Sammy?" He asked, trailing a finger over his book shelf.
"Not enough." Sam mumbled, a sleepy smile on his face.
Matt grinned, looking around at his room some more and smiling at the posters and the action figures. "I like you're room. A lot."
"Me too." Sam agreed, as Matt went to inspect his DVD collection.
"You got some decent movies here." He mused, moving through shelf. "I can't say much for the horror movies, but in general you seem to have good taste-" He paused, pulling a DVD off the shelf and staring at it. Sam glanced at the movie in his hands, and saw it was "The Virgin Suicides". "I love this movie..." Matt almost whispered.
"Yeah, it's really good." Sam said, wondering why Matt was suddenly so quiet. Matt glanced at Sam, his eyes wide.
"Sam, I-" He broke off, smiling to himself. He looked almost embarrassed. "Have you ever watched a movie, and felt like it was made just for you? Just so you could see it and know you weren't alone, or that things were ok or whatever?"
Sam nodded. He knew exactly what Matt was talking about. Matt looked down at the film in his hands, a vaguely loving look in his eye. "That's this movie for me."
Sam's stomach flipped a little, unsure exactly what to make of that. He stood up and went over to where Matt was standing, taking him in his arms. For once, Matt didn't move away. He kissed his forehead as Matt snuggled against his chest, still holding the DVD in his hands and staring at it.
They broke apart a moment later when they heard the front door open, and Sam's mother come in. Matt moved away from him, putting the movie back on the shelf and hugging his arms around himself again. Sam sighed and grabbed his shirt. "Guess my Mom's home." He said, shrugging.
Matt looked a little panicked. "Should I hide, or leave or…?"
Sam laughed. "No, you come say 'hello' like a normal person." He said, pulling the shirt back over his head.
"I don't know, Sam." Matt said, looking uncomfortable. "Meeting your Mom-"
Sam laughed again. "Dude, chill. You're not 'meeting my Mom', you're just seeing her because she happens to be in the same place as you, and that's what people do. It's not a big deal."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I promise."
"Son number one? You here?" He heard his mother call.
"Yeah!" Sam called back, leaving his room. Slowly, Matt followed.
"I think I need something unhealthy for dinner, so do you want me to make you a salad or something?" She asked, flipping through a coupon book.
"No one needs something unhealthy, Mother." Sam said, jumping down the last few steps. "But yes, I would like a salad."
"Gotcha. And yes, you do need something unhealthy every once in a while, or you die. I read it in a magazine I made up." She said absently. She glanced up from her coupon book, and gave a surprised smile when she spotted Matt. "Oh hello." She said pleasantly. Matt smiled uncomfortably and glanced away, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Mom, this is my suddenly socially awkward friend, Matt. Matt, this is the person that made me." Sam said.
"Nice to meet you, socially awkward friend." His mother said, reaching out to shake his hand.
"Nice to meet you, maker of Sam." Matt said, shaking her hand quickly.
"Are you staying for dinner?" She asked, picking the coupon book back up. "You have the option of deliciously terrible for you awesomeness, or rabbit food." She said, raising her eyebrows.
"Actually, I have to go." Matt mumbled, his hands back in his pockets. "My aunt and uncle will be worried." He moved towards the door as he spoke.
She shrugged. "Suit yourself."
"I'll call you later, ok?" Sam said, opening the door for Matt. Matt nodded, and ducked out without another word.
"Well, he sure was in a hurry to leave." She said thoughtfully. Sam shrugged, going to take a seat on the couch. "I wonder if that has anything to do with the giant hickey peeking out from his collar bone." She smiled at Sam, her eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
Sam froze. "Uhh..."
"Ok, see the part I don't understand is where he goes from telling you to go after Kurt to giving you a blow job." Lauren said, staring at him with an eyebrow raised.
Sam shrugged. "That's Matt for you. Besides, he wasn't telling me to go after Kurt exactly. He was telling me to keep watching, and decide whether I'm in or out."
"And what decision have you come to, exactly?" Puck asked.
"None, yet. I'm going to keep watching this week, look for any clues that maybe he's not so into Blaine."
"I still don't understand how Matt can just be ok with you talking about another guy while you're together." Lauren said, shaking her head.
"I told you, Matt's funny like that." Sam said.
"He sure is." Blaine said, appearing suddenly at their table. "Who we talking about?" He asked, taking a seat.
"Matt." Kurt said a tight lipped smile in place as he sat down with Blaine.
"Yes, I heard the name too Kurt." Blaine said, rolling his eyes in exaggerated fashion. "But what I mean is who is he?"
"Oh, he's my friend." Sam said, glancing away uncomfortably.
"A really good one." Puck added. Sam kicked him under the table. Puck glared at him.
"Really, I didn't think you two were that close." Kurt said with his smile stretched painfully across his face.
Sam shrugged. "We've gotten closer." He said. He knew that probably wasn't a great thing to say, but he couldn't help it. Kurt's obvious jealousy was far too satisfying.
Jealousy aside, Kurt and Blaine seemed to be doing annoyingly well.
No, he wasn't annoyed. He wanted Kurt to be happy. If Kurt and Blaine were doing well, that was good.
He wasn't at all annoyed, watching them hold hands during glee, cuddling close while Puck and Quinn sang a heart breaking duet of "Big Yellow Taxi," about giving up their daughter Beth. It's a sad song people, He thought bitterly. STOP BEING SO IN LOVE!
Not at all annoyed.
What was even more annoying was Kurt's song. The song itself wasn't annoying, secretly Sam really liked Norah Jones...and of course, Kurt sang it beautifully. It was annoying because Sam had no idea what he was singing about.
I waited 'til I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
Kurt was looking everywhere but Blaine as he sang, so Sam didn't think he was singing to him, but then what was he singing about?
When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Couldn't have picked something just a little less vague? Sam had been hoping for something more along the lines of "In Love with Another Man." Hell, he'd even take something like "Torn Between Two Lovers," just to let him know he had a fighting shot at least.
Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind
Forever
Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
I don't know why I didn't come
Kurt looked around at his peers, finishing his song with a tear in his eye. He looked at Sam, who seemed to be desperately trying to understand what he'd been singing about. Blaine was applauding now, telling him he'd been great. Obviously, he didn't understand what he'd been singing about any more than Sam, but it didn't seem to be concerning him as much.
Kurt didn't think either of them understood how confused he was. He didn't know why he was feeling this way, so torn.
A few months ago he'd been so sure of his love for Blaine. So sure. And then Sam had come along, and now he didn't even know what love really felt like anymore. Was it what Sam made him feel? He felt like he'd finally been given everything he'd wanted for so long; the handsome boyfriend who loved him and held his hand and told him he was beautiful, and now he was throwing it away. Throwing it away for someone who apparently was with someone else. He'd thought Sam had loved him...but now there was Matt.
It should have made things easier. Sam was with someone else. There. Done. But it just made it all worse because he was jealous, so jealous. He didn't want Matt to be kissing Sam; he wanted to be kissing him. He wanted to be the one growing closer to Sam, learning more about him and spending time with him.
"That was so beautiful, Kurt." Blaine gushed, following him out of glee. "It was so emotional. That's one thing you've definitely got on me when it comes to singing. You're like an emotional wizard."
Kurt smiled, taking Blaine's hand in his. "That comes naturally when you're a total drama queen."
"All brilliant artists are dramatic." Blaine said firmly. "Drama makes you interesting."
Kurt felt like laughing a little. "I must be the most fascinating person in the world then."
More hand holding after glee.
Smiling and leaning in.
All signs point to love.
Sam leaned against a locker, watching them and wishing he could just go up to Kurt and pull him away from Blaine. He'd kiss him and let him know that he was sick of being honorable because it sucked. He didn't want to be honorable anymore, he just wanted him.
"Dude, you crushing on the fairy prince?" A voice from behind him sneered.
Sam jumped, and turned around. "Fuck off, Karofsky." He sneered back.
"I'm just saying, you're staring kind of hard at Kurt." He said shrugging. Sam glared at him as he snickered to himself and walked away.
"He's onto me." Sam said, as Puck and Lauren wandered out of the glee room. He turned and looked at them. "He needs to die."
Puck shrugged. "I'm in."
"Slow or quick?" Lauren asked, a smile on her face. For a second, Sam was unsure about whether or not she realized he was joking.
"Slow." Puck said instantly, matching Lauren's slightly deranged smile.
"I dunno," Sam said, starting to walk down the hallway. "Slow usually means messy. I have a lot of homework to do tonight, I don't have time for a major clean up."
"Yeah me too." Puck said. Lauren and Sam raised their eyebrows. "What? I have lots of homework, and no time for a major clean up. I mean, I won't be doing my homework, but I have a lot of other shit going on."
A/N: Totally stole the phrase "fuck me wow" from Scream 4. Allison Brie's character says it.
*A fresco is a large mural type painting
The Virgin Suicides (I think I mentioned once before in "Everything") is a move about a group of girls living with an intensely religious mother. It's a very good movie.