As Punishment for His Most Wicked Life
As he ran, Severus could still hear Bellatrix' gleeful cackle as she had informed the Dark Lord that the Mark had been cast and the dementors deployed. Severus had been careful not to look alarmed, simply curiously impressed as Voldemort had given the mad bitch a fond, indulgent smile and then nodded for Severus to run along to gather a report on the damage.
The Potions Master's cool facade dissolved instantaneously upon Apparating to the gates of Hogwarts; and he sprinted now, as fast as he could, for the Headmaster's office; grateful that the current absence of students allowed him to use his preternatural speed.
Loraina was already there when Severus burst inside, not slowing until he'd doubled over Dumbledore's desk. "Have you heard ?" he asked urgently. Obviously he hadn't, or else they would not looked so shocked by Severus' arrival; but just at that moment, a face appeared in the Headmaster's floo, and they all turned their horrified attention to it.
The conductor of the Express spoke frantically via his firebox, his voice and image cutting in and out. Death Eaters had appeared on the tracks, he was able to convey. Chaos blared intermittently in the background as the connection threatened to fail completely. They had somehow jammed his floo signal so he could not call for help until just that moment. Albus' face turned as ashen as that of his vampiric companions'. The Hogwarts Express was beset by dementors, and there were too few adults onboard to repel the attack.
Before the link was lost, Albus demanded and received the train's location, then he moved quickly from behind his desk and took Severus and Loraina each by the wrist and Disapparated. It had not been precise, and they were still hundreds of feet from the nearest car, but they elected to cast and send their patronuses on ahead of them as they ran rather than Apparate closer. The scene was unusually quiet. Only a few dementors could be seen, flying out of windows and from between carriages, but they did not swarm and not in the numbers the rescuers had expected. They didn't stop to try to make sense of it. Loraina, looking far more excited than was appropriate, abruptly Disapparated to inside the train. Severus felt he should follow, she was much too swept away in the hunt, but he spotted a burst of colour just beside the tracks and moved in that direction instead. A lone student was being hovered over by one of the lingering dementors. Severus sprinted ahead of the Headmaster, reaching the boy just as their patronuses flushed the monster away.
He recognized the young man instantly and his heart nearly stopped in his chest.
Had they arrived in time? Had Loraina's spider scared the thing away, or was it leaving because it was sated on Harry's soul?
The boy looked subdued and vacant as Severus, heart hammering, wrenched him from the ground; but he also met Severus' eye, which he would not have done if he no longer possessed his soul. "What in bloody hell is wrong with you?!" Severus demanded harshly. He was almost too overwhelmed with panic to process the situation, but he nonetheless held Harry at arm's length and frantically inspected him for injury. His aversion to the boy was strong, and the sensation was disturbingly familiar, but Severus noted it and then ignored it. "Were you just going to sit there, wand-in-hand, and let the accursed thing kiss you?" he asked, taking Harry's face roughly in hand to examine him.
The boy did not respond, and it was worrying. But his breathing was full and steady and his colour was slowly returning in the dementor's absence. He had not been kissed. He was still whole. Gradually, Severus allowed himself to relax, releasing in a huff a breath he hadn't even been aware he'd been holding. But before he could succumb to the urge to allow his shaking knees to fail him, Severus' eyes were caught by Harry's.
The boy had been staring at him the entire time, he realized, and the expression on his face struck Severus like a fist to the stomach. The man had taught countless students, watched an endless parade of children pass through his classroom and his House; many of them were haunted by difficult home lives, as he had been, and several were from Death Eater families and Severus knew for a fact they had seen horrors. But Severus had rarely seen the kind of desolation he recognized in Harry's eyes save when he looked in his own mirror, and he'd certainly never seen it in one so young.
"Severus," Dumbledore called from the darkness behind him, jolting the man to his senses. Realizing he still cupped Harry's chin in the palm of his hand, Severus released him abruptly, but his hand still tingled where they had touched and the sensation spread down his forearm...to his Mark. He gave Harry one last, uncertain look before stepping aside for the Headmaster.
"He appears to be intact," Severus reported, still disconcerted, taking another small step away from Harry. Dumbledore heaved a sigh of relief and placed a heavy hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Excellent. Though it hardly surprises me," he smiled proudly. "Professor Cobbleshot has just been informing me of the marvellous way in which you and your friends have defended the others during the attack," he said. Severus looked to Loraina. He'd have to speak to her later about what she found on the train, but at the moment her attention was glued to Harry, and the intensity of it made Severus slightly uncomfortable. "I can't tell you-"
"Ron," Harry interrupted him in a dull voice, his eyes trailing away from the Headmaster's.
Dumbledore's smile disappeared and he and Severus shared a dreading glance. They waited patiently for the young man to elaborate, though Severus felt his stomach sink. They all knew what they were about to hear.
"Ron," he repeated shakily. "He...They..." Harry's wand slipped from his fingers and fell dully to the ground, and Harry himself teetered as though he might follow. Severus rushed forward and caught him easily beneath the shoulders, but it was clear Harry wouldn't be able to support himself. Severus groaned in rueful sympathy of the young man's loss. No wonder he'd seen such despondence in him. But comfort was not the man's strong suit, so he simply held Harry upright. Albus stared at the boy for a moment, and Severus could see the man's heart breaking for an instant before he snapped into action.
"Severus, come with me," Albus said already turning toward the train himself. "Rainey, see to Harry. Get him back on the train," he instructed firmly. Severus handed Harry hastily over to Loraina in order to follow, a bit surprised at how quickly the old man could still move. But he did so with apprehension considering the situation, considering the link. But Harry seemed almost catatonic. It should be safe.
Severus swept into the carriage behind the Headmaster to find the corridor packed with milling students. He stopped just inside the door to urge them to disperse, but Albus made a beeline for the compartment they all seemed to be staring at, from which weeping could be heard.
"This way. Go on," Severus directed gently, pointing children to other parts of the train. "Someone will be around shortly to speak with you all, but right now we need to clear this carriage."
They filed out, sullen and surprisingly obedient. Most were too saddened to even look at the man, but a first year boy with impossibly large, tear-filled eyes spontaneously hugged him around his middle as he passed. Severus grimaced and stood with his arms suspended at his sides, confused. No doubt he'd learn soon enough from the other students that the Potions Master was not the cuddle bear the small boy mistook him for. For now, though, Severus simply scowled and patted him awkwardly on the head before peeling him off and ushering him along.
The rest of the gathering looked to disperse without further direction, and so Severus reluctantly stepped inside the compartment into which the Headmaster had disappeared. The scene was disturbing in the extreme, and Severus hadn't even particularly liked the boy. He could only imagine how crushing it must had been to Harry moments ago. Albus knelt on the floor. He cradled Weasley's unseeing shell in one arm and used his other to comfort Granger as she clung to the front of his robes. She cried softly but steadily, but Severus could tell she'd recently been far more distraught.
Short of Harry himself being kissed, which they had only very narrowly avoided, this was the absolute worst thing that could have happened. No doubt the Dark Lord would be pleased, Severus thought disgustedly. He bent to lift Weasley from Albus' arms so he could devote his attention to the girl, but Granger reached out to cling to the redhead's jumper, preventing Severus from bearing him away.
"It's alright, Hermione," Albus soothed, gently prying her fingers from the boy's shirt. "We'll take care of him now. You'd done so well to look over him until we arrived."
"It was my fault," she whispered between sobs.
"No, no," Albus told her, wrapping his now-free arm around her and patting her gently on the back. "You did not send the dementors, my dear girl. We may have lost Ron, but you fought very bravely. You saved countless other lives."
"But Ron…"
"Is beyond our reach now, Dear."
Albus continued to console her, speaking softly in her ear as Severus rose with the boy and backed silently from the compartment. He carried him outside, checking to make sure Harry was no longer there before stepping to the ground.
It was eerily quiet. For a moment, Severus simply stood there with the gangly ginger draped across his arms, not looking at him but up at the sky were the faintest wisp of green still lingered. He closed his eyes and let the breeze lift his hair, wishing it were a gale; wishing something, anything, could rinse away this shame from him: that he could be associated with such monsters; that he bore on his skin, forever, the symbol of terror that had so recently hung on this horizon.
He told himself he was doing all he could to remedy his mistakes, that this is why he did what he did and would continue to do what he does. But the weight of the body in his arms was proof that he had not yet done enough; and at that moment he truly felt he would never redeem himself and that Albus was right to impose on him as he did. Perhaps the man was even far too lenient.
Severus, full of resentment for his arsehole of a Muggle father, bitter to sickness at the transgressions of his classmates, had been so eager to prove himself to the bigger bully, thinking he would finally find himself in a position of power over those who had tormented him. He had been the one to deliver the prophecy to the Dark Lord that had fueled that madman's obsession and robbed Harry of his parents. And now that same obsession had taken the young man's best friend. Severus was responsible for the continued threat to Harry's life, and so it was up to him to ensure the young man weathered the onslaught until he was old enough and strong enough to end it once and for all. Perhaps, if he could manage that…
Severus would not dare to hope for forgiveness. He did not deserve it, least of all from Harry Potter, and perhaps not even from himself. Severus took a deep breath and Apparated to the gates of Hogwarts to carry Ron Weasley's still breathing remains solemnly to the Castle. Each slow step renewed his resolve to protect the Boy Who Lived, and to prepare himself to deal with the latest consequences of the worst decision of his life.