I do not own any of the internet personalities or memes presented in this story.
The Internet Police: The Will of the Internet
Good Luck Brian, Part 2
The sun was rising on Las Vegas. Considered the Mecca for gamblers and pleasure-seekers alike and the modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah to fundamentalists, Las Vegas was a city of both the highest form of sophistication and the lowest type of debauchery. The tagline for Las Vegas was "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," and it was only in Las Vegas that Brian Kyle, once infamous for having the worst luck in the universe, had defied the odds and became one of the richest men in the world through his extraordinary good luck in the casinos. But his presence in Las Vegas has earned the ire of several people who felt he had overstayed his welcome by wrecking havoc on the city by his crazy stunts, and they all believed that his antics were a sign that he was flaunting his wealth by showing how he was untouchable by even the law through his newfound fame and fortune. For Brian Kyle, he couldn't explain why he did these illegal actions. Even more troubling was the fact that he somehow involved himself with the Las Vegas mafia led by an infant named Baby Godfather, where his desire for rare items which the mafia supplied him with in exchange for money landed him in a heap of trouble. If he couldn't pay a substantial portion of his wealth on time for their services, then they would have his head after they got to his arms and legs. Brian Kyle woke up from his deluxe bed and picked up his flask of lucky juice, remembering what had happened the night before.
"Why is this happening to me?" said Brian Kyle as he held the flask in his hand. "Are you responsible for all this?"
Putting on his plaid sweater vest and khaki pants, Brian Kyle drank his flask of lucky juice, hoping that it would give him some advice on the current situation.
"Take a drive in your Ferrari to the Hoover Dam and bring some rope with you," said a voice in his head. "A relaxing drive will make you feel better."
"Are you sure?" said Brian Kyle in response to this unusual response.
"I'm absolutely sure," said the voice in his head. "And don't mind the traffic or pedestrians. Just drive as fast as you can."
"Okay. If it makes me feel better," said Brian Kyle.
He got out of his mansion, carrying rope in his hand. He entered into his Ferrari and drove off to the Hoover Dam as fast as he could.
"What does this painting mean to you, HurricaneAubrey?" asked the Nerd.
The Nostalgia Critic, the Angry Video Game Nerd, and HurricaneAubrey were in the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art, and HurricaneAubrey was analyzing the painting in front of her. It was a painting from Jackson Pollock, an American painter known for his abstract expressionism art.
"I think it represents how meaningless the universe is due to the absurdity of how the lines are arranged and the randomness of the colors chosen. Therefore, this painting by Jackson Pollock is a statement in nihilism and existentialism," answered HurricaneAubrey. "What do you think this painting mean, Critic?"
"I think this painting is a piece of crap that a Kindergartener could have colored before naptime," said the Nostalgia Critic.
The three Internet Police agents went back to their hotel room after spending their morning looking at art. The Nerd entered first, and the Nostalgia Critic and HurricaneAubrey attempted to follow him.
"Get over here to the rats' cage!" exclaimed the Nerd to both the Critic and HurricaneAubrey.
The Critic and HurricaneAubrey rushed to the rats' cage, and what they saw shocked them. Several rats were lying dead in the cage, with the living rats showing no concern for them.
"What happened here?" said HurricaneAubrey.
The Nerd poked around the cage and took out the drinking dish, which was filled with water that was unusually contaminated.
"What has these rats been drinking? Water?" said the Critic.
"Wait. That's not water. That's Felix Felicis!" shouted HurricaneAubrey.
"I must have accidently filled up the dish with this lucky potion," said the Angry Video Game Nerd. "And judging from the excessive amount of this liquid coming out of the mouths of the dead rats, I would say that they overdosed on this stuff. And on another note, it appeared that the rats went against their nature to survive and attempted to commit suicide by climbing to the ceiling of the cage and repeatedly throwing themselves onto the floor, with many of them dying in the process."
"What does all of this mean?" said the Nostalgia Critic.
"It means that whoever drinks this liquid to excess will exhibit reckless behavior with fatal results," said the Angry Video Game Nerd.
"So if these rats died from overdrinking on Felix Felicis, then that would mean that Brian Kyle would…. Quick! Check the internet!" shouted HurricaneAubrey.
Everybody got onto their G.E.D.s and soon found reports of Brian Kyle driving his Ferrari dangerously on the Las Vegas Strip, and he had just barely missed the drivers and pedestrians in front of him (of whom swerved out of the way just in time as they yelled insults towards Brian Kyle). According to the photos of Brian Kyle's Ferrari, it appeared that he was carrying some rope, and added to the fact that Brian Kyle was clearly driving right out of Las Vegas, the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd had a general idea of where he was going: the Hoover Dam. The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd headed out to the Bellagio front entrance to get a taxi.
"Take us to a Las Vegas helicopter tour at once! This is an emergency!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic as he climbed into the taxi with the Angry Video Game Nerd.
Just then, HurricaneAubrey came rushing to the taxi, with the Nostalgia Critic looking especially displeased.
"I'm coming with both of you," said HurricaneAubrey.
"You most certainty will not!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic.
"I insist, Critic!" countered HurricaneAubrey.
"Listen. We gotta go and get to the helicopters! We don't have time to argue about this!" yelled the Nerd.
With time running out to save Brian Kyle from whatever crazy stunt he was planning to do (which would most likely be fatal), the Nostalgia Critic opened the taxi door to let her in.
"Get in," said the Nostalgia Critic, which HurricaneAubrey happily obeyed.
The taxi brought the three Internet Police agents to an area where the tour helicopters were stationary and was about to be boarded by eager tourists wanting to see a bird's eye view of the Las Vegas Strip, the Grand Canyon, and the Hoover Dam. Just as a tour helicopter was about to lift itself off the ground, the three Internet Police agents took out their handheld guns and pointed it at the helicopter.
"We're taking over this helicopter!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic. "This is the police and this is an emergency situation."
Not wanting to interfere, the pilot and the tourists immediately got out of the helicopter, with the three Internet Police agents entering it.
"Are you sure you can fly this thing, Nerd?" asked HurricaneAubrey as she saw the Angry Video Game Nerd getting into the helicopter's cockpit.
"I fucking can," said the Nerd. "After all, I managed to beat Top Gun on the Nintendo Entertainment System."
The Angry Video Game Nerd flew the tour helicopter over the Las Vegas Strip and headed directly to the Hoover Dam. Soon, the tour helicopter had a clear view of the Hoover Dam. Built during the Great Depression, the Hoover Dam supplied Las Vegas and the surrounding area with electricity and was considered one of the greatest marvels of the modern world. Down below, the three Internet Police agents saw a Ferrari approaching the Hoover Dam from a distance. Knowing that it was Brian Kyle driving the Ferrari, the Angry Video Game Nerd landed the helicopter on top of a helipad. The three Internet Police agents rushed out of the helicopter and ran across the top of the Hoover Dam, and at the midpoint of the dam was Brian Kyle, who was tying a rope from a wooden post to his legs. The Nostalgia Critic knew what Brian Kyle was going to do.
"He's going to bungee jump off the Hoover Dam! That son of a bitch!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic.
The three Internet Police agents pointed their guns at Brian Kyle, who was smiling as he looked down the high and mighty Hoover Dam at the water down below. He seemed to have no fear at all.
"Stop right there! Step away from the edge!" yelled HurricaneAubrey as she pointed her gun at Brian Kyle. HurricaneAubrey remembered what happened to the rats in the cage after they overdosed on Felix Felicis, and she didn't want to think about what would happen to Brian Kyle if he actually carried on with this deadly stunt.
"Just think about what you're doing. You'll be a fucking idiot if you even think about bungee jumping with that rope of yours," said the Angry Video Game Nerd.
Brian Kyle smiled on as he saw the three Internet Police agents make their way closer to him with their guns still out. After being bullied by Baby Godfather's mafia, he wasn't going to let them intimidate him.
"Don't let them stop you from enjoying yourself," said the voice in his head. "Keep defying them."
"You don't scare me!" shouted Brian Kyle back to the three Internet Police agents. "I remember the three of you several nights ago, and you just took me to dinner because you wanted to be in my glorious presence. That just proves that I'm more powerful and influential than you'll ever be. So don't tell me what to do because I'm one of the richest men in the world, and I can do whatever the hell I want!"
Brian Kyle made a pose that was similar to a diver about to jump from a diving board. He was ready to leap forward with a rope that was clearly old and unable to hold his weight. The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd were ready to shoot Brian Kyle even if they risk seriously wounding him or even killing him. Not wanting to take that risk, HurricaneAubrey ran directly to intercept Brian Kyle midway through his jump.
"HurricaneAubrey no!" shouted both the Critic and the Nerd.
Brian Kyle was momentarily stunned at HurricaneAubrey's unexpected move, and taking advantage of his moment of surprise, she tackled him like a football player and pinned him to the ground.
"Get off of me!" shouted Brian Kyle as he tried to push HurricaneAubrey off him.
But HurricaneAubrey was too strong for him, and he eventually given up trying to overcome her strength against him.
"That was really foolish and stupid of you, HurricaneAubrey," said the Nostalgia Critic as he proceeded to handcuff Brian Kyle. "You could have been caught in the line of fire from our guns."
"It was reckless, but it was well worth it considering the two alternatives of Brian Kyle bungee jumping to his death or the two of us shooting and potentially causing severe injuries to Brian Kyle. I would say that HurricaneAubrey made a damn good move all things considered," said the Nerd as he patted HurricaneAubrey on the back.
"Thank you, Nerd," said HurricaneAubrey as she smiled back at him.
The three Internet Police agents took Brian Kyle to the Hoover Dam Visitor Center, which showcased exhibits detailing the construction and operation of the Hoover Dam. The three Internet Police agents tied Brian Kyle to a bench next to an exhibit explaining how the Hoover Dam worked. They made sure the ropes tying him to the bench were strong enough to prevent him from escaping and doing more havoc to himself or to anyone else. The staff inside the visitor center was initially confused, but after an explanation from the three Internet Police agents, they understood and left them alone as the Nostalgia Critic began to interrogate Brian Kyle.
"Where did you get this lucky liquid?" said the Nostalgia Critic as he held the flask full of it in front of Brian Kyle.
"I have no idea," said Brian Kyle unconvincingly.
It appeared that all the good luck from the lucky juice had been drained out of Brian Kyle's body as he attempted to kick the Nostalgia Critic but ended up missing him entirely. The Nostalgia Critic watched as Brian Kyle tried to break free from his ropes and maybe even lift the bolted bench off the ground. Brian Kyle failed to do either action.
"Let's me ask you again. Where did you get this lucky liquid?" asked the Nostalgia Critic again.
With no other options left, Brian Kyle decided to confess everything to the Nostalgia Critic.
"From a self-proclaimed witch," said Brian Kyle as he recalled his encounter with her some time ago. "I was walking down the street when a car drove over a puddle and splashed water onto me. And if that wasn't enough, I happened to be carrying my lunch with me in a paper bag, and just my luck, a dog came by and snatched it from my very hands. It was another bad day in my sorry life, and just when I was about to curse the universe for my misfortune, a teenage girl came up to me telling me she was a witch. I don't know if she was a real witch or just out of her mind, but either way, she felt sympathetic towards my plight. She told me to meet me in an abandoned store later that day, and so I did."
The Nostalgia Critic saw that the Angry Video Game Nerd and HurricaneAubrey were finished carrying the jars full of what HurricaneAubrey called Felix Felicis from Brian Kyle's Ferrari to the tour helicopter. The two Internet Police agents were now present to listen to Brian Kyle's story of how he obtained this Felix Felicis.
"This so-called witch told me that if I drink this molten gold liquid, I would become lucky. Though I was skeptical at first, I decided to give this potion a chance to alleviate the series of bad luck I had throughout my life. I left the abandoned store having drunk this potion, and right away, I found a quarter on the ground. Of course, I dismissed it as just a coincidence, but after drinking more of this stuff, I realized that this potion indeed made me lucky after I won at bingo several times and when I found dollar bills on the ground every single day. I wanted more of the lucky potion to sustain my good luck for the rest of my life, and thus, I went over to the witch wanting more of it," said Brian Kyle as he breathed heavily. "But the witch said no and explained to me that whoever drinks the lucky potion to excess will exhibit recklessness and overconfidence that would doom the drinker. After being refused the potion, I became enraged and threw a chair at the witch's head, and as far as I could tell, she got amnesia after being knocked out by the chair. I stole the ingredients for the lucky potion, and began producing it myself."
Brian Kyle looked at the stunned faces of the three Internet Police agents as he continued his tale of luck.
"Seeing greater potential in my good luck, I traveled all the way to Las Vegas to win big at the casinos. And I gained wealth no other mortal could have ever dreamed of. For the first time in my life, I was successful, and I bought a mansion, several expensive cars, and other luxuries as a testament to my good luck. I eventually attracted the attention of the media regarding my good luck, achieving fame in the process. Sure, I had been a minor internet celebrity for being the unluckiest man in the world, but now, I was beloved by everyone for being an underdog who defied the odds and became one of the richest men in the world," explained Brian Kyle.
"And why did you continue drinking the lucky potion even though it was causing you to put yourself and others into dangerous situations?" asked the Angry Video Game Nerd. He was remembering how the mice killed themselves after drinking the Felix Felicis to excess.
"Because I was addicted to it," said Brian Kyle. "Like I said, I wanted my good luck to sustain me for the rest of my life. Therefore, I followed the advice of the lucky potion despite my better nature due to the fact that I had complete faith in the liquid (after all, it had brought me great wealth). My trust in the potion brought me to being tied to this bench and telling my story to the three of you. Before my attempted jump off the Hoover Dam, the potion told me to do several things I'm not proud of. It told me to climb into the Mirage's volcano, rappel down the Luxor hotel, and to involve myself in mafia business with a baby as its leader."
"You got involved in the mafia!?" gasped the Nostalgia Critic. "Why the fuck would you do that?"
"Because the potion told me to," said Brian Kyle. "I was stupid in following the advice of the potion when it made this suggestion in my head. And I might have accidently let slip the location of where I was manufacturing the potion in my mansion at the potion's suggestion. If the mafia gets hold of that potion, then there's no telling of what they would do next."
"This is an INN news alert," said Brian Collins on the television screen. "A group of thieves have broken into the Mandalay Bay hotel armed with machine guns and shotguns, demanding money from the casino and the guests. They appeared to be led by what looked like a small child. The local authorities seemed to be having no luck in stopping these armed bandits."
The three Internet Police agents looked at Brian Kyle angrily for what he had caused.
"Sorry," said Brian Kyle with an awkward smile.
"We don't have time to waste!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic as he ran with the Nerd to the tour helicopter.
"I'm coming with you!" yelled HurricaneAubrey as she followed them to the helicopter.
"No!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic. "It's too dangerous for a rookie."
"Absolutely not!" shouted the Nerd. "I agree with the Critic. This is a job for real fucking agents."
"But I can handle it!" argued HurricaneAubrey.
The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd simply ignored HurricaneAubrey's pleas and closed the tour helicopter's doors on her.
"Just stay with Brian Kyle until we get back," said the Nerd as he started up the helicopter's engines and flew the helicopter up into the air and towards Las Vegas.
HurricaneAubrey continued to shout towards the helicopter to no avail. Feeling that she was being left behind as simply a guard for an already tied up individual, HurricaneAubrey made her way back to the Hoover Dam Visitor Center, where she would miss out on what would be an exciting showdown at Mandalay Bay. On her way back, she saw Brian Kyle's Ferrari and noticed that the keys were still in it. She smiled as she got into the Ferrari and drove the car back to Las Vegas.
"Why wouldn't the mafia just gamble to gain wealth rather than stealing it from other people?" said the Nostalgia Critic in the backseat of the helicopter. "I would've just used the lucky potion to gamble and not attract wanted attention by needless violence."
"Because for the mafia, it's more thrilling to use combat and brute force to get what they want rather than slowly and methodically gambling their way to wealth," answered the Angry Video Game Nerd. "It's in their violent nature. Anyway, drink some of this Felix Felicis."
"Why?" said the Nostalgia Critic. "If we start drinking it to excess, then we'll eventually succumb to the same temptations as Brian Kyle."
"Because the mafia's bound to have drank it already, and if we go in there without drinking the Felix Felicis, then we'll be completely unprepared for their abnormally good luck," said the Angry Video Game Nerd. "So start drinking the potion if you want to survive this encounter."
"Got you," said the Nostalgia Critic as he started drinking the Felix Felicis after opening the jars containing them.
The helicopter was now above the Las Vegas Strip, and as the helicopter hovered above the Mandalay Bay hotel, the Critic and the Nerd saw the local police running out of the hotel looking frightened. They were accompanied with the scared hotel staff and guests as they ran out of the building, evidently having left their luggage and other personal belongings except the clothes on their backs.
"They're still here," said the Nerd as he landed the helicopter on top of the hotel.
The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd loaded up their pistols, and after placing jars of Felix Felicis into their pockets, proceeded into the hotel. As they ventured down to the lower floors of the hotel, they saw that the rooms were completely ransacked and torn apart.
"The mafia's been searching through the rooms looking for anything valuable for them to take," said the Nerd as he pointed his pistol into the room, and he saw nobody was there.
For the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd, their consumption of Felix Felicis produced a strange and euphoric feeling within themselves. They felt that they could take down the mafia members quite easily, and constantly, their own conscious told them to undertake several tasks to achieve this goal.
"Keep going down and you'll soon find your first mafia member to shoot," said the voice in the Angry Video Game Nerd's head.
"Keep going down," said the Nerd as he beckoned the Critic to follow him down the stairs (taking the elevators would risk them being trapped in them).
They soon found one of the mafia members rummaging through the guest room in search of any valuable. Both Internet Police agents pointed their guns at him as he was preoccupied with his search.
"Look behind you!" said the voice in the mafia member's head.
Following this warning in his head, the mafia member took out his shotgun and promptly fired upon both the Critic and the Nerd. Luckily, the Felix Felicis the two Internet Police agents have drank seemed to have granted them immunity as they completely avoided being hit by the bullet. In retaliation, the two Internet Police agents shot their pistols at the mafia member, but since he also had drank the Felix Felicis, he also managed to dodge the bullets emitted from their guns. He ducked behind a bed and continued firing his shotgun, still missing the Critic and the Nerd in the process. The Critic and the Nerd hid behind a couch to avoid being hit by a wave of bullets.
"I'm just one member of the seven member mafia that has decided to rob the Mandalay Bay hotel for its treasures," shouted the mafia member.
"We're at a stalemate Critic!" shouted the Nerd as he was reloading his pistol as the Critic continued firing his. "Both we and the mafia member have drunk Felix Felicis, so we and the mafia member have an equal amount of good luck to avoid being hit by each other."
The Nostalgia Critic was quickly thinking through the situation, and knowing that it was the only way, he got out another jar of Felix Felicis and drank the entire contents. Feeling satisfied and with a surge of confident bubbling within himself, the Critic got up from behind the couch and shot his pistol repeatedly. As he predicted, his bullets hit the mafia member and he landed to the ground wounded.
"Well done, Critic," said the Nerd as he tied up the injured mafia member, with the Nerd also taking the shotgun the mafia member had been using.
"I just needed to boast my level of good luck over his," said the Critic as he began to drink more Felix Felicis, which the Nerd joined in afterwards.
Guided by the voices in their heads as influenced by the Felix Felicis, the two Internet Police agents continued their way down to the lower floors of the Mandalay Bay hotel, drinking more Felix Felicis in order to boost their chances of defeating the mafia members. They passed by an air vent grill as they stepped over abandoned luggage.
"Shoot the air vent grill just above you," said a voice in the Angry Video Game Nerd's head.
The Nerd followed this piece of advice and shot the air vent grill with his shotgun, out of which a body tumbled onto the floor.
"Damn you two," shouted the mafia member as he was being tied by the Nostalgia Critic.
"Good job, Nerd," said the Nostalgia Critic.
"Behind you!" exclaimed a voice in the Nostalgia Critic's head.
For some odd reason, the Critic decided not to turn around and face whoever was behind him, and instead, he pointed his pistol behind his back and fired without even looking at his target. Thanks to drinking an excessive amount of Felix Felicis, the Critic managed to hit the mafia member behind him perfectly before the member could've fired his shotgun at him.
"Excellent, Critic," said the Nerd as the proceeded to tie up the mafia member the Critic had just shot.
The Critic was picking up the mafia member's shotgun when he saw the member's walkie-talkie emitting what appeared to be an infant talking.
"What's going on up there?" said the infant on the other line. "This is Baby Godfather talking to you."
The Nostalgia Critic then heard Baby Godfather whispering to several of his men on what has just happened on the upper floors.
"Listen. Whoever you are, we'll be expecting you at the bottommost floor of this hotel, and if you are trying to stop us, you'll meet a barrage of gunfire from my men and I. Just give up now and let us rob this hotel from top to bottom," said Baby Godfather threateningly. "Let me sing you your ABCs. A is for Anger from me if you try to stop me. B is for Bastards if you try to interfere with my plans. And C is for Cowards which perfectly describes you."
The walkie-talkie fell silent as the Critic and the Nerd rushed down to face the four remaining mafia members on the bottommost floor of the Mandalay Bay hotel. They saw that the lobby was ruined as luggage and other personal belongings were scattered about. And hiding behind one of the aquariums present in the lobby, the two Internet Police agents saw the few cops brave enough to venture back into the lobby attempting to fire their guns at the mafia members. Unfortunately, their guns had become jammed, which the Critic and the Nerd assumed to be the result of the mafia members drinking Felix Felicis.
"What the hell is wrong with this thing?" said one of the cops as he tried to fire his gun to no avail.
The mafia members fired their machine guns at them, causing the cops to retreat instantly out of the lobby.
"Take all the money and stolen items to the getaway van," yelled Baby Godfather to his mafia members.
The Critic and the Nerd saw a baby dressed up in a tuxedo telling his men to take all of the stolen goods out of the hotel.
"You've been followed, and they're hiding behind that aquarium," said a voice in Baby Godfather's head.
Baby Godfather then saw the two Internet Police agents through the glass aquarium and promptly shot the glass with his machine gun.
"Come out and play!" said Baby Godfather as he held up his machine gun.
Baby Godfather charged towards the Nostalgia Critic, firing his machine gun wildly in the process. Miraculously, not one bullet hit the Nostalgia Critic due to his consumption of Felix Felicis. With Baby Godfather focused on killing the Nostalgia Critic, the Angry Video Game Nerd followed the three mafia members as they tried to drag bags full of stolen property to their getaway van. Unluckily for the Nerd, these mafia members knew that he was behind them and fired their machine guns at him. The Nerd got out of the way just in time by escaping into the hotel's casino floor. He saw that he was being pursued by two mafia members, and they were firing their machine guns at him, hitting the poker tables and breaking several slot machines.
"We'll just sneak all of these goods out of this getaway van disguised as an ambulance," said the mafia member as he dragged the bags onto the van, which had been placed inside the hotel's parking lot.
The mafia member was about to close the backdoors of the ambulance when he saw a Ferrari racing towards the van.
"What the…!" yelled the mafia member as he got out of the way before the Ferrari smashed into the van filled with stolen goods.
The mafia member lifted up his machine gun and was about to fire when a bullet pierced his hand, causing him to drop his machine gun. He screamed in pain as he saw a brunette woman pointing her pistol at him. He saw the jars inside the Ferrari were filled with the lucky potion, and inferred that she had drank some of it.
"Where are the other mafia members?" asked the brunette woman to the mafia member, who was holding up his arms as a sign of surrendering.
The Angry Video Game Nerd was in a shootout with the two mafia members within the Mandalay Bay casino, and he was in greater danger than ever before as the two mafia members were now throwing grenades across the casino floor. He thought about drinking even more Felix Felicis to avoid being hit by these grenades, but decided otherwise as he knew the consequences of drinking the substance to excess. As a result, he barely avoided being hit by the flying debris that was the result of these grenades exploding. In contrast, the two mafia members continued drinking their Felix Felicis in order to sustain their level of good luck over that of the Nerd, who had consumed less Felix Felicis than them. The Nerd ran further and further away from the mafia members, and without a sense of direction due to being disorientated from the ensuring chaos, he found himself on the artificial beach of Mandalay Bay, of which led to an enormous wave pool. He saw that the two mafia members caught up to him, and before he had the chance to even blink, one of them threw a grenade at him. And this time, the Nerd was unable to leap away from the blast in time as shrapnel from the grenade pierced his body. The two mafia members smiled as the Nerd was bleeding on the sand.
"Look like your luck has run out once and for all," said one of the mafia members as he got out another grenade to launch towards the Nerd.
"Let's see his bloody organs permeate the sands of this fabulous beach," said the other mafia member nonchalantly.
The Angry Video Game Nerd saw the mafia member take out another grenade from his pockets. All the Nerd saw was the grenade being thrown into the air and landing right besides the Nerd, and right after the Nerd closed his eyes, he heard a bang. The Nerd opened his eyes, and saw that his body had not been blasted apart. He looked around and saw that the mafia member had failed to activate the grenade for he had been incapacitated by HurricaneAubrey, who had arrived to save the Nerd's life by shooting his would-be killer. But there remained one more mafia member, who was now chugging up even more Felix Felicis in order to increase his good luck even further.
"Now it's your turn to die!" shouted the still standing mafia member as he had his finger on the pin of the grenade, and he was ready to throw it at HurricaneAubrey.
"Don't throw it yet," said a voice in the mafia member's head.
"Why?" questioned the mafia member to his own conscious.
"Because you'll hit your target too soon, allowing her to get away before the grenade explodes," said the voice. "I'm telling you to pull the pin and hold the grenade for a few more seconds before throwing it at her."
Against his better judgment, the mafia member pulled the pin of the grenade, and held it in his hand for a few seconds longer than he would normally have allowed. He threw the grenade. It exploded right in his face, and he fell onto the ground. The Angry Video Game Nerd and HurricaneAubrey walked towards the fallen mafia member and saw that he was still alive if somewhat wounded, and he had Felix Felicis spilling from his mouth.
"The Felix Felicis made him take an unnecessary and idiotic risk based on the large amounts of the drink he had consumed," said the Angry Video Game Nerd as he examined the mafia member.
"I'm just thankful nobody was killed," commented HurricaneAubrey.
"Come on, HurricaneAubrey. Let's go save the Nostalgia Critic," said the Angry Video Game Nerd as he ran back into the Mandalay Bay Hotel.
The Nostalgia Critic and Baby Godfather were battling it out in the Mandalay Bay's Shark Reef Aquarium. The Nostalgia Critic and Baby Godfather drank more and more Felix Felicis in order to have the slightest bit of good luck over the opponents. So far, they were evenly matched in terms of the amount of good luck they have. Both of them fired bullets at each other, which ricocheted off the glass exhibits, but thankfully, the glasses were thick, preventing the Critic from repeating the difficulties he encountered at the Museum of Internet Culture. They found themselves next to a tank holding sharks. Naturally, nobody would dare enter into a tank filled with sharks unless they were a marine biologist or if they were a complete idiot. And the Nostalgia Critic and Baby Godfather would certainly not under normal circumstances. But having drunk continuous amounts of Felix Felicis, voices in their head kept telling them to enter into the shark tank.
"Go into the exhibit," said the voice in the Nostalgia Critic's head. "Baby Godfather will surely follow you into there and you'll be able to trap him there.
The Nostalgia Critic's stared at the platform leading into the shark tank, and he had the strong temptation to climb into the tank. But he simply groaned and kept his composure.
"I need to stay focus and not give into Felix's demands," thought the Nostalgia Critic as he continued his gunfight with Baby Godfather.
The Critic saw that Baby Godfather looked at the shark tank with a sense of longing on his face, suggesting that he also shared the same idea as the Nostalgia Critic concerning it. The Critic and Baby Godfather squinted their eyes towards each other, daring their opponent to follow Felix's advice and jump into the shark tank as a seemingly valid battle strategy. The longer the both of them resisted, the more difficult it became to deny the advice of Felix Felicis.
"Jump into the tank," suggested the voice in the Nostalgia Critic's head.
"No," thought the Nostalgia Critic.
The Nostalgia Critic found himself inching closer and closer towards the platform leading into the shark tank.
"Jump into the tank!" said the voice in the Nostalgia Critic's head, with even more force.
"No!" thought the Nostalgia Critic, though he was closer to entering the tank than Baby Godfather.
"JUMP INTO THE FUCKING TANK!" shouted the voice.
"Fuck no!" shouted the Nostalgia Critic to himself, attempting to not fall into Felix's temptations.
The Nostalgia Critic found that he was on the edge of the shark tank, and he had the urge to jump into the tank in luring Baby Godfather into it in order to trap him. The Critic made a diving pose as he stared into the water, but his own rational mind reminded him about how close Brian Kyle was to death under the influence of Felix Felicis. And so, he kept himself from swimming with the sharks by solidifying the body to the platform on top of the tank.
"Go swim with the sharks, it would be such great fun," said a voice in Baby Godfather's head.
"No," said Baby Godfather.
"Just take some baby steps into the swimming pool," said the voice again.
"You think I'm just a dumb baby," said Baby Godfather.
"There are toys down there," said the voice. "Like rattles and toy blocks."
"I don't fucking need those," replied Baby Godfather. "I'm the head of a criminal organization about to make a major heist in Las Vegas."
"There're machine guns and rocket launchers down there," suggested the voice. "Perfect for any baby to use."
"There are?!" shouted Baby Godfather as he ran towards the platform above the shark tank. "Time to collect my toys for an early birthday present."
Baby Godfather pushed aside the Nostalgia Critic and jumped into the shark tank.
"Good boy," said the voice in Baby Godfather's head. "Now just keep swimming until the Nostalgia Critic jumps into the tank to come and get you. Then he will be shark-bait."
Baby Godfather continued waddling in the shark tank as he waited for the Nostalgia Critic to come in after him.
"Don't fall for it," said the Nostalgia Critic as he remained rooted to the platform.
"Catherine Zeta Jones is down there and she's going to help you defeat Baby Godfather by doing an underwater ballet," said the voice in the Nostalgia Critic's head.
"I would like that but she's not really there," said the Nostalgia Critic. "I'm not falling for your tricks, Felix."
With the Nostalgia Critic failing to jump into the shark tank to fight him, Baby Godfather tried to swim back to the platform. Alas, the sharks came up to Baby Godfather and swallowed him whole. Perhaps it was because Baby Godfather still had some Felix Felicis left within his physiological systems that Baby Godfather was still alive as he was still flailing and screaming within the mouth of the shark. Evidently the shark hadn't eaten him for some reason (with that explanation being the Felix Felicis that Baby Godfather had consumed).
"Do you require any assistance, Critic?" said a voice from afar.
At first, the Nostalgia Critic thought that it was the Felix Felicis that was talking to him, but as it turned out, it was the Angry Video Game Nerd who had spoken to him. And HurricaneAubrey was there much to his annoyance.
"I'm good," said the Nostalgia Critic as he saw Baby Godfather struggling to keep himself from being chomped by the shark he was inside of.
Night has fallen on the Las Vegas Strip. The lights from the gargantuan hotels were turned on, instantly brightening the natural darkness of the inhospitable Mojave Desert. The lighting from the Las Vegas Strip was so bright that one could see it all the way from space, the brightest spot on earth in fact. The lighting came from many sources: hotel rooms, electric advertising, cars, etc. And in the heart of this symphony of lights in the middle of nowhere were the three Internet Police agents strolling down the Las Vegas Strip to discuss today's events. The seven member mafia led by Baby Godfather was all taken to the Asylum alive against their wills for larceny and property damage at the Mandalay Bay Hotel. As for Brian Kyle, it turned out that he wanted to serve time in the Internet Police's Asylum as an alternative to real prison time as he, under the influence of Felix Felicis, had committed the crime of tax evasion. The IRS took away all of his wealth and had threatened to lock him up for life unless he could think of another punishment for him, and so, Brian Kyle agreed to be sent to the Asylum to learn some lessons in humility and selflessness. The Internet Police has succeeded in their mission without any casualties. However, some loose ends needed to be settled.
"There was some damage done to the Mandalay Bay Hotel, but overall, I think our work here in Las Vegas was a complete success," said the Nostalgia Critic to the Chief on his G.E.D.
"Thanks Nostalgia Critic, I'll take it from here," said the Chief. "Just make sure to destroy all the remaining jars of the lucky potion at Brian Kyle's mansion."
"Got it," said the Nostalgia Critic.
"So how was your time shadowing the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd, HurricaneAubrey?" asked the Chief.
The Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd looked at HurricaneAubrey, and they noticed that she was taken aback about being asked by the Chief a rather personal question in front of the Critic and the Nerd. She gathered her thoughts, and answered the question with the best intentions.
"It was great, Chief," began HurricaneAubrey as she smiled with a sense of confidence. "As you already know, we caught all of these bad guys in Las Vegas and brought them to justice without any serious casualties. The mission here was pretty easy considering that I was able to shoot accurately, which I never had done before."
"That was just a fluke," retorted the Nostalgia Critic as he was flabbergasted at how HurricaneAubrey could consider the fight at the Mandalay Bay Hotel to be easy. "You only managed to hit anything by drinking that lucky potion. Otherwise, you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn considering your record in the Test Chambers."
"Like you were any better fighting against Baby Godfather and his mafia considering that you and the Nerd also drank the lucky potion," countered HurricaneAubrey. "If you really considered yourselves to have superior shooting skills than me, then you wouldn't have even drunk the Felix Felicis?"
HurricaneAubrey raised her eyebrows and beamed at the Nostalgia Critic's exasperated expression. She was proud of proving the Nostalgia Critic to be an uptight and holier than thou bully.
"I think it would be best if I allowed the two of you to settle matters on your own," said the Chief as she logged off from the G.E.D. videophone link.
As usual, the Nerd was caught in the middle of a generational fight between the Nostalgia Critic (the seasoned old man) and HurricaneAubrey (the naïve young woman). The Nerd listened on as the Critic and HurricaneAubrey debated about her fighting skills compared to his.
"I would've done well on the battlefield with or without the Felix Felicis," insisted HurricaneAubrey. "I proved myself to be a true Internet Police agent today."
"You are not an Internet Police agent, HurricaneAubrey," said the Nostalgia Critic. "You are just an immature little girl who only thinks she can handle tough situations."
"And what are these so called tough situations?" asked HurricaneAubrey. "From what I just saw, these Internet Police cases are inherently outlandish and over the top compared to what the real police have to deal with. I mean come on! I'll just list some of these cases for you: a prairie dog wanting to create a New Chipmunk Order and being defeated by a song from a children's cartoon, a plot to rob from Fort Knox that's straight out of an episode from the Pinky and the Brain, and a brawl against overweight parents who have nothing better than do than attend boring pageants. So what if I don't take my work as seriously as you want me to, Critic."
The Nostalgia Critic's thoughts were racing as he thought of a counterattack against HurricaneAubrey's immaturity. The Critic had several glimpses from his past as he contemplated HurricaneAubrey's statement. He frowned as he remembered himself making a fool of himself at the Battle of the Crater of Diamonds in Arkansas as well as laughing at Fred Figglehorn's defacing of Mount Rushmore. Pushing these thoughts away from his mind, the Nostalgia Critic launched his rant against HurricaneAubrey.
"You listen here, little girl. You haven't seen what I have seen. You think Internet Police agents are just run of the mill police officers who just occasionally solve crimes and mostly stand around to guard buildings and other crap. Being an Internet Police agent changes you beyond belief. The difficulties and drama you experienced so far as a rookie restricted to a desk job is nothing compared to what the field agents experience. You're basically just scratching the surface of the trauma and tragedies that an Internet Police agent goes through. Several negative and pessimistic thoughts might have crossed you mind throughout your short life, but for the most part, you could simply laugh them off and move on from them quickly. In fact, your generation seems to be under the impression that life is full of sunshine and rainbows, and that life will give you everything you need," said the Nostalgia Critic without pausing to take a breath.
After finishing this statement, the Nostalgia Critic gave a dismissive laugh towards HurricaneAubrey.
"I've been through a lot more shit than you can even comprehend," continued the Nostalgia Critic. "Life doesn't fuck around, HurricaneAubrey. It beats you down like a bitch and pummels you into a pulp, and that's just the appetizer. But I really shouldn't expect much from a generation with such arrogance and self-entitlement, and evidence for this mindset extends beyond your insistence that you are already a bonafide Internet Police from having fought just one real battle (with the aid of a lucky potion). Your generation butchered and trampled upon the achievements of my generation, ranging from that piece of dick live-action Inspector Gadget movie in 1999 to that abysmal Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie in 2005. Hope you're proud of what you and the generation consider to be accomplishments."
The Nostalgia Critic saw the New York-New York Hotel and Casino across the street, and decided to get something else off his mind.
"And why do New Yorkers have their own city represented in Las Vegas. Why don't Chicagoans have Chicago be its own Las Vegas hotel," said the Nostalgia Critic, alluding to an additional layer of enmity between him and HurricaneAubrey in the form of the age-old New York and Chicago rivalry (the Critic being a Chicagoan while HurricaneAubrey was a New Yorker).
The Angry Video Game Nerd knew that he had to diffuse the situation when it looked like that HurricaneAubrey would punch the Nostalgia Critic in the face. He decided to pull the Nostalgia Critic away from HurricaneAubrey, engaging in a conversation with the Critic to divert his attention elsewhere.
"You know what's bullshit, Critic? Printers. They're man's inhumanity to man. They give you nothing but shit. No matter how many times I shut the fucker off and on, it still fucks around with me.
"Those fuckers are the worst," said the Nostalgia Critic, apparently getting his mind off his argument with HurricaneAubrey. "All I want is to print black text on a sheet of paper, and guess what, the black ink cartilages I just purchased are incompatible with the printer. What a fucking load! And don't get me started on paper jams."
As the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd continued their tirades against the evil printers, HurricaneAubrey retreated to a replica of the Brooklyn Bridge on the outskirts of the New York-New York Hotel and Casino just across the street. She decided to occupy her time by contacting her friends on her G.E.D.
"The Nostalgia Critic is still thinking about my failings in the Test Chambers and doesn't appreciate how integral I was to saving the day," said HurricaneAubrey as she decided to call Strawburry17.
Modesto was a Californian city known for its location on some of the most fertile farmland in the world, allowing Modesto to grow and prosper as an exporter of agricultural goods. Modesto's importance as an American city also resulted from it being the birthplace of George Lucas, the creator and the destroyer of the Star Wars franchise. But before becoming the mastermind of the Star Wars series, he made the film American Graffiti, which showcased the story of teenagers in the cultural background of the 1950s and the early 1960s. Beloved by many, American Graffiti was more than just a movie about teenagers enjoying a night racing cars and other harmless shenanigans. It was a slice of Americana during its last golden age when everything was more innocent and carefree. As a resident of Modesto, Strawburry17 was trying to explain to JoeyGraceffa why she was nostalgic for the 1950s and the 1960s (to a lesser extent) while she was driving a classic Fifties car through the roads of Modesto, just like the characters in American Graffiti.
"What do you know about the 1950s JoeyGraceffa?" asked Strawburry17.
"I know that it was a boring time where people had to actually survive without video games or the internet," answered JoeyGraceffa, much to Strawburry17's dissatisfaction. "What did these people do in their free time? Just stand around and smile continuously while women and minorities were being repressed."
"Don't say that," said Strawburry17. "I'll show you what people in the Fifties did in their spare time."
JoeyGraceffa noticed that Strawburry17 had turned on the car's radio, which was playing Hound Dog as sung by Elvis Presley. With Elvis singing in the background, Strawburry17 began speeding up the car, and despite driving at high speeds, she managed to avoid hitting any cars as she dodged past them. In contrast to JoeyGraceffa's squeals of terror, Strawburry17 felt thrilled and rejuvenated. After a few minutes of speeding through the streets of Modesto like those 1950s teenagers before her, Strawburry17 parked the car in front of a 50s style diner.
"So does that answer your question of what people in the 1950s did in their free time, JoeyGraceffa?" asked Strawburry17.
"That answered my question quite well," replied JoeyGraceffa in a high-pitch voice as he removed his hands from covering his eyes. He then followed Strawburry17 into the 50s style diner.
For the past few weeks, Strawburry17 and JoeyGraceffa had been dating after Strawburry17 made a vow to become less uptight and more spontaneous. The results have been mixed to say the least. Initially, Strawburry17 loosened up and followed JoeyGraceffa's lead of being more fun and unpredictable in a 21st century manner. For example, they played the latest video games rather than just sticking to the classics, watched Japanese anime, and held each other hands as they skipped through a park. Alas, Strawburry17 became more reluctant to participate in JoeyGraceffa's antics, and started to dress more conservatively as well as lose interest in her favorite hobbies. Now, Strawburry17 wanted to live like a wholesome girl from the 1950s, and as Strawburry17 drank from her smoothie with a straw, JoeyGraceffa examined her clothing, which was depressingly old-fashioned to his liking. He couldn't believe that this was the same girl who had the nerve to date him as well as go on the Amazing Race with him.
"What's gotten into you, Strawburry17?" questioned JoeyGraceffa. "I thought we agreed that you would take more risks and defy societal expectations when we started dating each other. Now, you're just sticking to the status quo by liking generic, old-timey music that you would not normally like and acting completely out of character from your former self even before we made that agreement back in Georgia. And why are wearing that ridiculous 50s costume when it's clearly not Halloween."
Strawburry17 analyzed JoeyGraceffa's attire, and frowned at the sight of him wearing a plain yellow t-shirt with purple pants, a hideous combination to say the least.
"What are you wearing, JoeyGraceffa?" said Strawburry17. "Your outfit looks ridiculous, similar to the ones in our generation. In my opinion, I believe that you should wear a sweater vest and khaki pants in order to look more appealing to me and to the rest of the civilized world."
"And why would I do that," said JoeyGraceffa. "I don't want to transform into a generic goody two-shoe and lose who I really am, and quite frankly, I believe that your transformation into a Fifties girl is unhealthy for you."
At that moment, Strawburry17's digital tablet began ringing, which told her that HurricaneAubrey was calling her.
"Hello," said Strawburry17, who saw HurricaneAubrey on the videophone.
"How's everything right now?" asked HurricaneAubrey.
"Everything's just fine for the most part," answered Strawburry17. "JoeyGraceffa and I are just on a pleasant little date at a 50s style café."
"I think pleasant isn't the right word," said JoeyGraceffa. "The word uncomfortable would be more accurate."
"I take it that things aren't going so well for the two of you," said HurricaneAubrey, who had been hoping for a conversation with Strawburry17 under friendlier circumstances.
"If it wasn't for that scumbag George Zazz, then we wouldn't be in this position," interjected JoeyGraceffa.
"Of course, JoeyGraceffa," said Strawburry17 in a sarcastic tone, "George Zazz is the cause for all of our arguments and disagreements as you have pointed out at every single opportunity. You also called him a douchebag, an oldster, and a Victorian dingbat. Let me tell you something. George Zazz will save all of us from the decline of western civilization, and I hope that you not be left behind in the process."
"I shall not follow him. I will keep defying George Zazz like I did when I attacked him on YouTubers React," said JoeyGraceffa. "I am sick and tired of him and his followers pursuing a life of phoniness and fakeness over one of honesty and authenticity."
"And I suppose being honest and authentic involves running around like a howling monkey and screeching like a drunken parrot," said Strawburry17. "I hope that you will choose to be on the right side of history, which will not be with your generation of loud-mouthed Americans."
"I gotta go," said HurricaneAubrey, attracting the attention of Strawburry17 and JoeyGraceffa. They had forgotten that she was even listening in on their heated conversation.
"Goodbye then," said both Strawburry17 and JoeyGraceffa with forced smiles.
HurricaneAubrey looked up from her G.E.D. and saw that the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd were still talking from across the street. Wanting someone else to talk to, she decided to contact her sister Allison back in New York City.
"I hope she is feeling more positive than Strawburry17 and JoeyGraceffa currently are," thought HurricaneAubrey as she tried calling Allison on her G.E.D.
New York City contained many apartment buildings that had a variety of different people from all corners of the globe. And in one of these apartments in the borough of Manhattan, Allison was practicing on the violin in preparation for an audition at the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts. As she played Canon in D on the violin with the music also playing the background, she saw her digital device lighting up, indicating that had received a call. Putting down the violin, she picked up the digital device and answered it.
"Hello?" said Allison.
"Hello, Allison. This is your big sister Aubrey," said HurricaneAubrey on the videophone. "How are you feeling right now?"
"Great," answered Allison. "I was just preparing for another audition at the Lincoln Center."
"How wonderful," said HurricaneAubrey as she examined the room Allison was currently in. "I noticed that you moved into a new apartment."
"That's right. I saved enough money to pay for a room on the island of Manhattan," said Allison. "I think there are more opportunities here for an aspiring musician than in the borough of Brooklyn. Do you like what I did with the room, Aubrey?"
HurricaneAubrey saw that the room was covered in posters of classic musicians like Beethoven and Mozart in addition to more contemporary musicians like Lindsey Stirling.
"I like it," said HurricaneAubrey as she turned her head for a split-second towards the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd still talking amongst themselves.
"Is everything okay right now at work?" asked Allison.
"Not really," said HurricaneAubrey honestly. "I have to deal with older co-workers that don't respect me due to my age. Do you know that feeling?"
"Of course I do," replied Allison. "For every audition, I get insults thrown at me concerning my age. Some of them range from 'she's a youngster who's a shame upon her predecessors' to 'what is this little girl going to play? Modern pop with auto-tune that requires no talent to perform?' And this older man gave me a harsh laugh as he pointed his finger towards me. For his information, I was going to play Canon in D by Pachelbel, and even after I played Canon in D on my violin, they still don't treat me with any respect."
"I guess we're part of a generation that isn't respected by many people," said HurricaneAubrey. "Add to the fact that I'm an American and a New Yorker, I'm practically hated by a large segment of society even before they have gotten to know me."
"I concur with you," said Allison. "There has to be some way of reaching out beyond our restricted demographics. Listen sis, I have to do some more practicing on the violin. I'll just say that we're in this together as we try to convince the world that we're more than simply a stereotype. Good luck to you, big sis."
"Goodbye, little sis," said HurricaneAubrey as she turned off the videophone on her G.E.D.
From the replica of the Brooklyn Bridge, HurricaneAubrey looked directly towards the Nostalgia Critic, who was staring back to her. They both had different reasons for hating each other. For the Nostalgia Critic, HurricaneAubrey was a typical rookie who had an ego problem and placed her generation on a higher pedestal than it deserved to be considering how lackluster they were compared to previous generations. For HurricaneAubrey, the Nostalgia Critic was a bitter man past his prime who hated those young whippersnappers for basically existing regardless of who they really were. HurricaneAubrey thought about what she must do to put aside her lack of respect for the Critic and treat him as a close partner.
"Strawburry17 followed George Zazz's advice of going back to the past in order to distinguish herself from the rest of her generation," thought HurricaneAubrey. "Should I do the same as well to be appreciated by the Nostalgia Critic?"
HurricaneAubrey and the Nostalgia Critic maintained their gaze towards each other as the Nerd stood on the sidelines. It would take a series of cataclysmic events to bring the two of them together.
Please review this story to provide me some advice on improving it. What other internet personalities or memes should the Internet Police encounter?