A/N: With this chapter, my co-writer rachel and I are going to switch gears and focus on Clementine's Ascension again. Don't despair though! There probably won't be a gap bigger between chapters than there was for this one.

Chapter 10- No More Cannolis

Spongebob sat in the back of the van, his chest aching. Each flash of the streetlights that came through the small windows in the van dug deeper into his pit of agitation. It creaked onward down the road, heading towards some Headquarters hidden in Bikini Bottom. They began on the main roads, but soon began to veer off into some ancient bowels in the city. That was when the sack went over his head.

"Hey! What are you doing!" Spongebob protested, the sack tightening around his body.

"We don't want you to see any shit on how to get to HQ. Understand?" Said a fish with a thick Mediterranean accent. He was inside the van, waiting for the fish that took Spongebob to finish the job. "We're taking you to your first test."

The van eventually stopped, and Spongebob lurched forward. The sack slid off his head, and he found himself in front of a massive building, in the shape of a treasure chest. Suspicious looking fish slithered in and out of the doors, black sunglasses covering their faces.

"This the place? How come I've never seen it before?" Spongebob questioned.

"It's well hidden." Mediterranean guy said, pushing Spongebob out of the van.

"What...what are you going to do to me?"

A chuckle erupted from him.

He was lead into a room, the walls were large planks of an aubrey stained wood. The center of the room had a sole table and chair set, a few fish sat there playing cards. Spongebob stepped forward, hoping they would take notice of him. The fish, and one sea cucumber. They were playing minecraft .2311.9 competitively. Their beige khaki colored pants matched the table, and all of their computers were facing against Spongebob.

"Delivery, ah come over here." The leopard painted fish sighed. Spongebob felt more at ease with the scenery, it didn't LOOK like a test. He moved next to the fish, taking glances at his screen. The fish grabbed his hand without breaking focus, and began nibbling on his fingers, and then POP he started slurping his arm like a noodle, dislodging the arm from its socket. Spongebob's arm regenerated, instantly the man grabbed his arms like tissues out of a box. The pulling sensation made spongebob feel slight vertigo, but oddly enough, he was aroused. Eventually the two fish were devouring his arms, like never ending spaghetti they slurped and slurped but never chewed.

"Please… How much longer…" Spongebob was taken aback by the constant snacking. Then, the sea cucumber spoke.

"Let me try," the two fish stopped eating immediately. Spongebob glanced at the thing, erect and proud. His eyes had bags underneath, but his lips were as glossy as their computer screens.

The sea cucumber took out his tupperware that he had in his briefcase, and began to fill them with Spongebob's noodle arms.

"I've got a family barbecue this weekend. This will do great in my noodle salad!" He said enthusiastically.

Spongebob moaned and grunted in pain as more noodle arms were taken from him. He had just about reached his limit when the sea cucumber finally stopped. The room spun around him, merging into an intelligible blur.

"You've passed the first test." The Mediterranean fish said. "I'm Cyrus. Since you've passed the first test and lived, we can exchange names." He smiled, the gold ring on his left ear-fin reflected off the harsh lights in the room.

"Spongebob...Squarepants." Was all he could choke out before vomiting and passing out.

The tests weren't over until late. They never explained why these tests existed, whether they were an induction ceremony, or just weeding out the weak. Whatever it was, it was torture. Some sick game Cyrus was playing with him. A punishment of sorts for the amount of debt he had surmounted. It could be any of these reasons, all, or none. Spongebob managed to persevere given his worsening condition. Whenever it got too tough he would just focus on the repeated scene in his head, Patrick getting stabbed. It filled him with a searing anger to push on through the crime world, and find out who did this to him.

Spongebob sat in his bed, more beaten and battered than he usually was. He could feel himself dying, a small amount of suds leaked out of his temple holes. He stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, flinching at every noise. Early 5 AM he was awoken, he only had 3 hours of sleep.

An octopus with a bad combover lead the way through the wooden clad hallways. For once in Spongebob's life he didn't like wood.

"We need you to clean Fenry's cage." He was shoved into a dark room, multiple locks were clicked. Fenry? A small scuttle was heard, approaching closer.

"I assume you're here to clean my cage." He said. Spongebob took small steps forward, hoping to adjust his eyes in the darkness. Jumpscared into his vision, the sea cucumber appeared.

"SCREEEEEEEEEECH" it stuck out it's tongue and it seized in place. Fenry spat something at him, more and more, they seemed like solid chunks.

"What the hell?" He held out his tongue to identify the substance, tasted it like someone's bladder. He crunched down, it WAS someone's bladder. The cucumber was firing internal organs at him, Spongebob shielded himself with his noodle-arms. Spongebob looked at the camera,

"This defenseless-looking sea cucumber has a secret weapon. When under threat, it expels its own guts as sticky filaments that can tangle or injure its aggressor." He quickly looked back at the monster. It slithered away, frantically.

"Didn't I just watch you play Minecraft? Why are you attacking!?" He felt his way around the dark, but there was nothing he could grab. It was a big room.

"It's a fetch quest, silly! Collect my organs to move on." Said Fenry, hissing to Spongebob's left. He tried to turn towards the noise but Fenry was quick. He got on his knees, like he learned in boating school. And felt the ground like it was Patrick's sweet body, and frantically covered the area.

"Ah got one!" He exclaimed, "I found your heart!"

"Oh honey, you already had it." Fenry retorted.

Officer Debra-Pfishburg was sitting in her patrol car, enjoying a fresh coffee and doughnut. She opened the newspaper, titled The Bikini Topic. On the front page was a feature about how Patrick Star's case being reopened was a marvel or the perilous times of their city, and the police have actually made an effective arrest. She read the article, and smiled. It was all one big fucking lie.

Debby got into her personal car, a PT Cruiser, and changed into casual clothing. It was time to make her first report on this case. She stared out the windshield, focusing on the road, a stern look on her face. Officer Debra-Pfishburg wasn't just on the case, but in, around, and under it.

Debby backed her PT cruiser into a parking spot at the local diner and got a booth. For two. It was a waiting game of sorts. She found herself again, sipping on a coffee, but this time with a glazed pastry.

He said he would make contact soon. Where the hell is he?

She checked the time on her burner phone. 14:09. He was late. As she became increasingly disgruntled waiting, she was just about to get the check before he showed up. She had sucked down thirty cups of coffee before he showed up. He crept through the doorway donning a black and white suit, and slid into the booth across from Debby.

"Hello Larry." She said. He had a blank stare.

"Hello." He said. His carapace bulged out, he was even more fit than ten years ago. "How's everything going?"

"To plan. It should be over in a few days." She spat back, rolling her eyes.

Larry smiled. "Good. Be sure to make contact again soon." Larry said, sliding a bag of money under the table. It would be enough for rent. Maybe a little left to put towards savings.

Larry looked around the diner, his eyes scanning the area.

"Waitress!" He said. Her attention had been caught, and just by looking at Larry she was blushing.

"Y-yes sir?" She stuttered, admiring his study cephalothorax.

"Get me a cannoli." He commanded. His wish would be her command, all just by giving her a look

"I'm so sorry sir, but I'm afraid there are no more cannolis."

"No more cannolis, huh?" He let out a soft chuckle. "That's fine."

"Okay. If you need anything else, just let me know dadd- I mean sir." She said. She turned around, and began making her way to the kitchen while Larry drew his gun, and shot her in the back of the head from his seat.

The shot made Debby cover her ears. Her fins were pressed tightly against her head as the other fish in the diner scattered in terror.

"Larry! What the hell? Are you serious?" Debby exclaimed, her words traveling through the chaos in the diner. Tables were flipped, napkins were on the ceiling, fish were peeing on the floor, it was straight out of horror movie. Or Pulp Fiction.

All Larry did was smile.

"We should probably get out of here. Coppers are probably on their way." He kissed his gun and put it back into his pocket. He flexed his delicious muscles and stepped out of the diner.

"That crustacean…" Debby whispered to herself.