Thank you, everyone, for reading and commenting on my story. I love the reactions and of course your comments make me want to write more fanfic. There is no shortage of ideas running through my mind - the trick is to figure out which are worth pursuing. Thanks again!

CHAPTER 10
PULLING UP ANCHOR

Take my past and take my sins
Like an empty sail takes the wind
And heal.
~ Tom Odell, 'Heal' lyrics

It isn't until a week later, after shutting the front door on the last of their visitors – Abby doesn't always know when she's worn out her welcome but she means well – that Tony and Jethro sit down with a sigh. "Home," says Tony.

He's glad he had the chance to say goodbye to Beatriz and Emile, even though it turned out to be somewhat emotional. He gave the kid the old guitar and you'd've thought it was a Stratocaster, the way he beamed at the gift. Beatriz was all big hugs and well-wishes and Tony assured her they'd come back some day.

"Good to be back," says Tony. Last time he was here, he overheard Ducky telling Jethro that he needed to get back to work, and to let Tony have some control over his own life. That didn't turn out very well, Tony thinks, recalling his rush to get out of DC and ending up on a beach in the middle of nowhere.

Jethro must have been thinking the same thing because he asks, "You want to tell me why you left, Tony? Without even telling me?"

Tony shrugs, uncomfortable with the subject. "Guess I got tired of doin' nothing but puking and sleeping." Two weeks after being released from the hospital, doped up and seeing little-to-no progress, he had just wanted out. "I n-needed to get away." Only the further he went from Jethro, the worse things got.

"You have any clue," Jethro demands, "how worried I was when I found out you were gone? You'd just had surgery, Tony."

Tony shakes his head as an indication of how helpless he feels. Not that he doesn't understand how worried Jethro was, because he can see it in Jethro's face, and thinks he's the cause of some new worry lines on his forehead. It isn't easy to find the words to explain the uncertainty and anger that made it seem necessary to flee. Only maybe Jethro does understand. After all, he went through the same thing after he woke up from that coma a few months ago.

"I didn't mean to yell at you." Jethro rubs Tony between his shoulders, meantime watching him with concern. "I don't understand. You were doing okay at home. Weren't you? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, but I heard you and Ducky t-talking, in your kitchen."

Jethro is frowning, trying to figure out what Tony's talking about, so Tony says, "About our quarrel, and about F-Franks, and how you were s-scared I'd have another seizure, and you let him g-get away, and it made me really m-mad at you."

Jethro's face falls. "Tony, I don't know why Franks thought he could deal with Kobach on his own. He used us. And I let him. I regret that you got caught in the middle of it, that you got hurt. You'll never know how much. But now we have to deal with it. We gotta stop running away when things get tough."

Tony sums it up with. "You to Mexico, me to m-my beach." Jethro nods in agreement, looking relieved, so Tony adds, "I didn't want to stay around, d-didn't want to see you any more. Abby helped me and I…I left. Only, all the time I w-was away, I couldn't r-remember what we'd fought about. I don't like fighting with you. I'm so sorry."

"I don't like it either, Tony." Gibbs runs a finger across his eyebrow and seems annoyed at himself. "But it was my fault. Not yours."

"No."

"Yeah, it was. See, you wanted me to take sides, to choose between you and Mike, and I got angry."

"I did?" Tony doesn't remember anything about that although he can imagine Jethro's reaction. He chose to believe Mike Franks, for starters. "What did I say?" he asks even though he's afraid to know. God, he hates these dead zones in his memory and he wonders what else he's missed.

"Let's just say you put me in my place." Jethro smiles ruefully. "But you see, Tony, there never was any choice to make. I would always choose you."

"You would?"

Jethro squeezes Tony's hand. "I owed Mike." Tony starts to protest but Jethro raises his hand, making it clear he wants Tony to hear him out. "He gave me a break at what was the lowest point in my life. He made me pick myself up and taught me that it was okay to survive, to live when others had died. He believed in me, taught me how to be an investigator. He covered up for me, too, and took a huge risk to help me out…" Jethro pauses a minute and takes a deep breath. "But he's the kind of man who does whatever it takes to get the job done, and he's stubborn and secretive, and there are times he goes way over the line."

Yeah, that much Tony knows. He touches the place where Franks struck him, and thinks how he blindly trusted Franks even if he never liked him, how he was jealous over Franks' close relationship with Gibbs. "But he's your friend."

"No, he isn't. Not any more. No friend of mine, of ours, would do that to you, Tony."

Tony looks into Jethro's eyes and sees sincerity and regret in his expression. "Are we done with this whole thing then? Can we p-put it behind us?"

"Damn, I hope so." Jethro hugs Tony tightly. "I swear I am never going to have a fight with you again."

Somehow Tony doubts that but at least he now knows they can move on. "I hope you didn't t-take it out on Abby for helping me."

Jethro scowls. "Huh. Her and Ducky."

Relaxing against Jethro's chest, Tony says, "Ducky tried to stop me, y'know. At the airport."

"Yeah, so I heard. Only neither of them told me what the hell was going on until I confronted them."

"Don't get m-mad at them. Don't."

Jethro doesn't reply. Instead, he kisses Tony on the temple and runs his hand up and down is arm.

Sighing, Tony says, "Maybe I should have stayed and f-faced everything b-but at the time it seemed the thing t-to do."

"Yeah, I understand," says Jethro, and his meaning is clear. After all, he took off for Mexico when he couldn't face the people around him, couldn't accept their help, no matter how good their intentions. "I'll always love my girls but that doesn't mean I don't have room in my heart for you, too, Tony."

"That's really sweet," Tony says with a soft smile, touched that Jethro would open up to him and actually talk about his feelings. Jethro makes a non-committal shrug and blushes. "You know how much I love you, Jethro?"

"I know. And damn it if I don't love you, Tony."

"Think you c-can show me just how much?"

Jethro leans back a little and smiles into Tony's eyes. "I might need you to show me where the bedroom is."

Tony laughs. "Y-you know where it is."

"I dunno. See, I got blown up not long ago and my memory is sorta shaky." He looks around their home as if he doesn't recognize it.

"You saying you n-need me to show you the ropes, sailor?"

Jethro's eyebrows shoot up at Tony's suggestive tone. "Yeah. I think maybe we need to start from square one. Got some Swiss cheese goin' on here," he says, touching his head.

His arms still around Jethro, Tony leans back and looks him over. "Like kissing 101? Then slowly lead up to t-touching and licking and maybe some nipple play? It might be a long time before we c-can even get to sucking and fucking…"

Jethro stares at Tony for a moment, his neck turning red as he flushes. "You know what? My memory is comin' back just fine. How about we go straight to the sucking and fucking part?"

"Oh, really? You said you c-couldn't remember…I wouldn't want to interfere with your re-recup…getting better. I wouldn't want you to f-forget what's important, like me."

"How could I ever forget you, Tony?"

"Promise you won't?"

"Promise."

※÷※÷※÷※÷※

A couple of days before Christmas, Tony decides to call his father. Although he hasn't been stuttering quite so badly, it gets worse when he's tense, so he's sure he's going to mess up the call. And that makes him stutter all the more. He stands there looking at the phone in his hand for so long that Jethro offers to help him dial the number. Shaking his head, Tony says he can do it himself, and he does, after a couple of false starts.

His father picks up on the first ring. "Tony DiNozzo."

There's the sound of traffic in the background so Tony says loudly, "It's Tony."

"What?" Senior says, "Hang on a minute," and a car door thumps and it's immediately easier to talk. "Okay, Now who am I talking to?"

"Hey, D-dad."

"Junior, is that you?"

"It's Tony."

There was a pause and then, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything's p-p-peachy b-b-but…" Shit. Fuck. Tony almost hangs up.

Senior doesn't wait to hear the rest of what Tony has to say. "I'm heading for the airport, going to the Caymans for the holidays. Well, I plan to get in some wheeling and dealing, of course. Can't let an opportunity like this go to waste."

"Goes without s-saying."

"It's been a while, Junior. How about you take some time off and join me? Or are you too tightly wrapped up in that job of yours to take any time for yourself?" Tony doesn't respond immediately and, for a change, Senior picks up on it. "You okay? You sound a little off."

It's really hard to get the words out and Tony stumbles over them as he replies, "I'm…recup-recuperating, Dad. Got hurt."

After a pause, Senior says, "Well, you're talking to me so I'm guessing you're not too badly hurt. You can still come down, relax just as well on the beach as you can in DC. Tell that boss of yours you need a long weekend. I'm sure he can manage without you."

Tony almost laughs. He's had enough of beaches. He can hear honking and Senior's voice is muffled as he gives the cabbie instructions to pull over at a hotel. He sounds frazzled when he comes back. "Look, I have to go. I'm getting a ride with someone…but it was good talking to you. You change your mind, just turn up, Junior. You know where to find me."

Tony says, "It's T-tony," and then a belated, "Merry Christmas, Dad." He wants to say more but he can already hear the dial tone. It leaves him feeling down because even if talking to his dad is usually a one-sided conversation, with Senior doing all the talking and none of the listening, he's still his dad. Tony asks himself why he always expects something more.

When Tony makes his way downstairs, he finds Jethro putting some greenery on the mantel. Jethro looks at him inquiringly, and it only takes a second for him to get the picture. Without saying a word he walks over and takes Tony in his arms. Jethro smells of pine and coffee and Jethro, and when they kiss, Tony opens his mouth and gives all of himself to his lover, the man who is always there when he most needs him.

※÷※÷※÷※÷※

SUMMER, 2 1/2 YEARS LATER

Tony is sitting on the dock idly watching Jethro doing boaty things onboard his recently completed sailboat. Jethro has taken her out a couple of times but those were only test runs, and now he is preparing to sail her down the Potomac, something they've both been looking forward to.

Tony thinks back to a time when he couldn't remember – didn't want to remember – some things, and the déjà vu is so strong he finds himself yearning for warm blue waters where he can swim until he's exhausted, until it would be all too easy to give up and accept the sweet embrace of the sea. Only he wouldn't do that now; he would never do that to Jethro.

He doesn't know what Dr. Schwartz said in the report he sent to Ducky, but Ducky insisted Tony see someone. "To talk about your experience," is how he put it. "To sort it all out. Perhaps it will aid you in relieving stress, and less stress could very well mean less migraines, and so on. Or you could speak to Jethro about it…" Tony knows blackmail when he hears it but he complies, for Jethro's sake as much as for his own. Talking to a professional does help and now, after two years, he feels he can make sense of a life that was turned upside down by a blow to his head.

Tony still stutters when he's under stress, but working with a speech pathologist on his vocal coordination has made a big difference. So, instead of dwelling on things he knows he can't change, like a weaker left-handed grip and a slight limp, Tony imagines swimming a perfect backstroke alongside Jethro. Their sex life has improved a lot over time, especially with the reduction of some medications and with the return of Tony's confidence. He closes his eyes and replays last night's encounter, picturing Jethro, poised over him before thrusting deeply one last time before both of them come simultaneously.

The sun is warm on Tony's back and he must have zoned out for a while because next thing he knows, Jethro is standing over him. Tony squints and asks, "Mmm?"

"You coming?" asks Jethro. He sounds confident that Tony will say yes, but then Tony sees a flicker in Jethro's eyes, and he knows that even now, his lover isn't quite sure of what he's going to say or do. That's okay, it keeps Jethro on his toes, keeps their relationship alive.

Yeah, he's been in a strange place, though he's broken the surface of the deep water, emerging from those odd, spacey moments where dreams swim alongside reality. The twilight times. Now that he has been weaned off most of his seizure medications Tony feels more able to cope. Stronger. Not much more you can ask for than to be able to deal with things as they come. Plus he finally got his driver's license back after two years. You have no clue how much it means to be able to hop in your car anytime you want, even if it's just to drive around aimlessly to clear your head – until you can't do it any more. No fucking clue.

Tony has made friends with Tim again, and he can handle Ziva okay although he's somewhat wary of her. She has a way of needling him when he's down and he isn't quite as quick with his comebacks as he used to be. Abby apologized sincerely for the way she treated Tony during the time Gibbs was in Mexico, and Tony's okay with her because she did, after all, make all the travel arrangements for him to get to Cypress Bay.

Gibbs eventually forgave Abby and Ducky for the part they played in helping Tony to escape, and for not informing him where Tony was, even though they knew Gibbs was going crazy with worry.

Jimmy Palmer has always been a good friend and Tony hangs out with him sometimes, but he spends most of his time with Jethro these days. Things will never be as they were just a couple of years ago, but life is getting better all the time. Tony is planning to get everyone back together, the whole team, because they're stronger as a unit than they are apart.

Despite serious misgivings, Tony began teaching at FLETC just over a year ago. He started out with Assessing Non-Verbal Behaviors, a course designed to aid interrogators. Tony calls it the 'Gibbs' Guide to Getting the Most Information Out of a Suspect as Fast as You Can So You Can Go Build a Boat' even though McGee rolls his eyes and says it's too much of a mouthful. It went so well that they asked him to teach Advanced Undercover Techniques and Survival (because it's all very well getting into an undercover situation, but the trick is to get out alive).

Jethro encouraged Tony to apply for field work, but for now Tony is content to stick with teaching. He just finished a six-week assignment introducing a gaggle of fresh-out-of-the-box probies to the reality of investigative work at NCIS, and got to work with his old team as well as with other NCIS agents.

Recently Tony designed a class for beginners in using digital photography in the field after he discovered his probies lacked that basic knowledge. When Tony admits he never thought he'd return to work, Jethro slaps his ass (there are no more head slaps) and says he always believed in him, and that, in turn, makes Tony blush with pleasure.

Being around Jethro helps him keep his head on straight, and Tony has no problem with sticking near his boss, his friend, his savior. He loves Jethro, truly loves him, but more than that, he needs him, and Jethro makes Tony feels needed, too. He gets the warm and fuzzies just thinking about it.

Jethro holds out his hand. "You want to go sailing?"

Tony reaches up and lets Jethro pull him to his feet, flush to his body. Jethro smells of motor oil and sunscreen, and coffee as well, which Tony finds incredibly arousing. "Where're we going?"

Jethro thinks hard for a moment, then asks, "Well, you heard of Virginia Beach?"

Tony grins. "Yeah!"

"We're going to the town just to the left of it."

"What's it called?" Tony asks, just knowing he's playing into Jethro's hands.

After a beat, Jethro says, "Ted's."

Tony slaps Jethro's arm but that just makes the older man tighten his grip. "You stole that line from Captain Ron! I knew you weren't sleeping through the whole movie!"

Jethro kisses him, long and sweet, and just as Tony is really getting into it, and even moaning a bit even though they're on a public dock and a couple of women sunbathing on a nearby boat are staring, Jethro pulls back. He is panting a little, his eyes sparkling. "Ready to set sail?"

"Oh yes." Tony climbs aboard the sailboat, which Jethro has named Stargazer, for the first time since she's been completed, and looks around. "There is a bed on this boat, right?"

"Bed? Nope."

"What? No bed? Do not tell me it's equipped with hammocks. Except…on second thoughts, this could be interesting. You know, finding a good angle for penetration while it's swinging wildly in a perfect storm–."

Jethro chuckles. "It's called a berth aboard a boat, Tony. And it's a double," he says with a grin. "Plenty of room for the both of us. C'mon, let's get to work. Still a lot to do before we pull anchor."

Tony kicks up a fuss at being put to work but, in truth, he sort of gets off on it when Jethro orders him around in his deep captain's voice. "Coming, Boss," he says happily.

※÷※÷※÷※÷※

Tony never finds out exactly what was said between them in that conference room at NCIS.

He decides not to pursue it because, honestly, he doesn't want to be reminded of the terrible things he suspects they said to each other. As far as he's concerned, it's water under the bridge. There will always be a part of his life that is blank. Sometimes he wishes more of his past could be forgotten, such as being a witness to friends and colleagues getting killed, or being involved in cases gone bad, or dealing with betrayals and ruined lives.

What Tony does remember, and keeps close to his heart, is that in the end Jethro came for him because he loves him and because, like all good partners, it is his responsibility to watch Tony's six just as much as it is Tony's responsibility to watch Jethro's.

÷※÷※÷※ END ÷※÷※÷※÷※

Captain Ron (1992)
Kurt Russell

Caroline Harvey: Captain Ron, I was wondering. Are we going to be going to any more "human" type places?
Captain Ron: Well, you heard of St. Croix?
Caroline Harvey: Yeah.
Captain Ron: We're going to the island just to the left of it.
Caroline Harvey: What's it called?
Captain Ron: Ted's.

※÷※÷※÷※ . . . ※÷※÷※÷※