She watched him as he strode back toward her and she felt her self blush as she examined his bare chest. She growled in anger upset that the lingering effects of their intimate encounter, were still reigning in her mind causing her to strip him mentally. It was the last thing she should be feeling, she knew it, but yet she had been moments away from, being with him.
While she had never been a woman to think dirty, she found it extremely hard to suppress the urge to punch him, and kick him and choke him and grab him and take him… she blushed once more realizing that she had allowed her mind to wander yet again.
She had always been told that women were not supposed to have such thoughts, that it was not lady like, yet the more she thought about what had happened, the more her fantasies ran rampant throughout her body and mind.
She found herself angry at the expectations of a woman. She found herself angry at the fact that, because, of her femininity she was looked upon as to have no sexual temptations, lying beyond her inhibitions.
She was now blushing even more fierce than before, convinced that if she knew he wasn't coming back to yell at her, and if she wasn't so angry, she would have been unable to resist the urge to tackle him and have her way with him.
She had never felt these feelings before, the desire to be with Ed in such a naughty way. She had always dreamed that she would marry him, yet she had never dwelled on the fact that if they had kids, they would have to participate in physical tests of endurance and stamina, to put it lightly.
Now after having tasted the fruit, she willed to have the tree. She desired to be one with him, to make him hers. She would not settle until he was hers, unable to ever be tempted by another woman. Blushing once again, she grinned at the thought that she would make sure he was never tempted to look at another woman.
She mentally smacked her self for her foolish ideas, as she remembered the full scenario, in which he had just discarded her. When she had told him what she felt, what she had believed in a small portion of her heart could lie with in his as well; he had stopped, proving he had no feelings for her.
Her anger bubbled back up, rising once again and surging full force when she could see him coming to a halt about a foot away from her.
When she caught a glimpse of his eyes. She slightly felt as though he was going to pick her up, whisk her away and make love to her, however she knew the true matter of the situation and refused to blush, instead scowling, as she placed her hands on her hips.
"Fuck you." he spoke harshly yet restrained which translated it into a loud whisper at the most. He folded his arms over his chest and stared at her, with rage in his eyes. She drew back afraid that he would explode on her with a barrage of screaming and insults. Pointing a finger at her he glared with shifting intensity.
"Go to hell." He spoke once more as he remained watching her. "How the fuck am I being selfish?" he leaned in so his finger was poking her shoulder, not hard enough to hurt or bruise, however it was hard enough to let her know that, at this moment, all he was seeing was his pure anger and no one else but her. There was no way he would let this go.
She could feel, the heat in her hand as the blood and anger rushed into a now presently balled fist. She shook her head, uncertain of whether he should receive her thoughts on the subject now or later. Tightening her fist one last time, and letting her hand go limp, she settled on the idea that he would find out later.
She snapped back to what he was saying, just in time to catch a "fuck you" and an "I swear…urggh!" she watched his eyes, scanning for anything other than the temper and sighing when she found nothing.
Pulling his hand away he once again folded them across his chest, and began speaking his mind again.
"Listen here," he spoke calmly with restraint in his voice. "I'm sorry that I did that, hurt you like that. But you have to admit, in the morning you would have regretted it." He trailed off before stopping with a sigh.
"You know Ed," she began at a small tone, which surprised her until she managed to find her voice lying dormant in the depths of her diaphragm, ", "You are so fucking dense! I swear! I don't even no why I bother worrying about you! It's completely obvious that all you care about is yourself! The belief that you could put someone else's, feelings, and their needs before your own is one of the stupidest I ever had about you! I think you like messing with the minds of those around you, toying with the thoughts that run through their heads, taking pleasure in their pain."
He looked drawn back after that last remark and she smirked, happy with his reaction. She wasn't going to be nice, play his game, give in to him, and feel sorry for him.
"I care about you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, and I am sorry," he spoke softly before losing the tone and adopting one of firmness and outrage. "But, under no circumstance, no matter what the situation are you going to sit here, and tell me with a series of blunt words that, I find it irresistible to dawdle in the minds of the many and the few, manipulating and twisting their thoughts and then reveling in their psychological agony."
"Ed," she spat talking with her hands, feeling the need to do something with them, lest she strike him. "I honestly do believe that you wake up, smile to yourself in the mirror and decide on who your next victim will be."
He just stared, and she felt he was unable to think of anything to confront her with. She felt her happiness growing by the second as the mighty Edward Elric, the Full Metal Alchemist, was forced into a position where he had to think of what he was going to say, to ponder on her thoughts and not his; if only for a moment.
She felt her heart drop when she finally picked up the second emotion lying behind his eyes. While the rage and anger were dancing on the surface, she could detect hurt nestled behind them, visible for just a brief second when he opened his mouth to speak and no sound managed to derive from it.
After what seemed like forever in her mind, she finally watched as Edward placed a hand on her shoulder and she drew back away from it, letting it fall and hand limply at his side.
"Listen," he whispered, his eyes watching the dark ground, arms at his sides, "I don't know what to say." He looked up at her and she could see the temper gone, extinguished to be overrun by a series of rapidly changing emotions. Miserable was the word she'd have chosen to describe him. He was nothing short of it.
"You know what I see when I look in the mirror?" he asked he voice breaking up in his throat, as he tried to control himself. "I see… a man who wishes he was human, a man who feels the burden of his sins and lack of knowledge every time he feels the cold alloy of auto mail as it rubs against his skin." He laughed with a hint of lunacy in his voice. "I see a man who was blinded by ignorance, arrogance, persistence; whatever you want to call it, who finally realized that the price of a soul is far too great for the laws of alchemy."
"I," he began once again pausing shortly, "Hate myself. Do you really think that I only care about myself? How could I? The only thing that keeps me moving is the desire to die. I wake up with the will to live because I have the will to die. I just can't allow it yet, because I still have to choose whether I wish to die by my enemy's hand… or by my own." He paused again taking a deep breath and exhaling before continuing.
"My life is just a weight in the scale that tips between life and death." She frowned unsure of what he meant and he smiled in an odd manner, expecting that she wouldn't. "I find it ironic that," he spoke before pausing again to collect his thoughts. "After all I have seen; been through, I only realized it a short while ago. The fact that my life is of no value is the reason it is one of the most precious ones in this world."
"You self-centered bastard." She hissed, sickened and distraught at his egotistical speech. "Don't you find it at least the slightest immoral to stand here and say that your life has more value than the next mans? Who gave you the celestial power to pass judgment on yourself? As much as it ails me to hurt you, you need to realize that you are not standing at the gates of heaven holding the key; deciding who may enter; you're the one on your knees begging for entry, for a taste, an experience of purity."
"I speak of this without the ideals of a God, a Holy Lord, but of the simple laws of nature." He said, with plainness in his voice that suggested no emotion, staring at her with seemingly growing intensity, while taking her hands in his, to which even though she tried to, failed to stop. "I speak of this matter in the sense that fate is real, however only for a certain few, ones chosen by nature, to pay, to mend what has been broken… or made."
"So what are you saying?" she asked as she began to feel tears roll off her cheeks finding their way to the ground, returning to nature. "Ed, what do you mean the few?"
"What I'm trying to say is," he paused and she saw him bite his bottom lip, "That if I don't do something, eventually my fate will find me." He bit his lip again. Hard.
"I guess what I'm really saying is…" he trailed off as he engulfed her a swift and powerful hold, burying his face in her neck and shoulder, which surprised her and left her stunned not returning the embrace. "Don't love me," he whispered in her ear and she had a hard time determining if he was shedding tears or not.
She stayed like that for a moment while he held her, a feeling that she didn't return as she allowed thoughts of hate and anger to drift about in her head. Eventually she began to sob uncontrollably as she realized what he was asking. The mere fact that he could do that to her, in a matter of minutes have her feeling his pain should prove to him that she was not going to be able to let go so easily.
Sensing this, he let go of her and turned around after softly kissing her on the lips and mouthing a "Please hate me."
She watched him as he walked away; his shoulders slumped, head low, emotions gone. He took long steps, however the depression that lurked in his mind seemed to extend in to the fabric of his muscles, making him seem to progress quite slowly.
Falling to her knees, she repeatedly punched the ground until she could feel nothing in her hands, crying quietly, watching him as he walked away, never looking back, unfaltering.
She smiled as she looked toward the sky laughing with all the air that she was able to muster before, with one last, meaningful breath, she screamed as loud as her vocals allowed to, piercing the cold night air, with an unrivaled passion fueled with hatred.
"Damn you," she whispered while rising to her feet and watching the far hill, although he had already traveled over it. "Damn your idiocy."
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Yeah I know that you all want more action. Fear not for in the next chapter it begins to take shape and maybe certain things will become clear. Such as certain chapters. Next chapter will be longer. Peace, I'm out for the night.