Phil looked at his cousin – how could she have kept that secret for so long? Nearly twenty years. Admittedly, they hadn't lived together long (only a year before she moved out), but how could he have not known? When he and Jack had got into a fight about Louise, she'd taken a break from the club – why? Why would she do that unless she knew something about the thought of a child growing up without her in their life? Phil couldn't be a part of Louise's life and Ronnie couldn't be in Danielle's life. She knew what he had been going through, that was why she left Jack to deal with the club. Not out of family loyalty, but because she was going through the same thing.
Why hadn't he seen that? Why hadn't anybody? Ronnie had been so angry when Archie had walked back into their lives, so, so angry. He'd put it down to jealousy, but it wasn't. That man had taken away her little girl. Over and over again.
"That's why you were like that with your dad," Phil mumbled, hardly aware he had even spoken out loud.
"What?" Ronnie asked him, so immersed in her thoughts she hadn't heard Phil speak.
He shook his head. "Nothing."
"Okay."
"No . . . why didn't you tell us?"
Ronnie shrugged. She didn't have to ask him to explain what he was talking about, she knew. "Roxy knew and Peggy knew and Jack knew. What was the point in adding more people to that story?"
"If Jack knew, why didn't he find her for you?"
"I didn't ask."
"He loves you, did you need to ask?" Phil asked bluntly. She looked away from him as the tears already formed in her blue eyes. He sighed, he hadn't meant to upset her. "I know it's not the same, but . . . Louise had an older brother."
"What?"
"Yeah, Lisa was five months pregnant. She lost the baby. So, I know-"
"No, you don't." Ronnie immediately silenced him. "I lost her over and over and over again. I had two hours and twenty three minutes with her before he took her from and then he tells me died when she was a little girl and then he makes me throw my baby out, makes me think that she's crazy and just wants to hurt us. I held her, Phil, I held her and I felt her blood fall onto my hands and I felt her heart stop. That was my little girl, my little girl. I had moments when I could've had years and he took that from me. I'm sorry about your son, Phil, but it isn't the same and you don't know."
Ronnie stood up from the sofa, needing to get away from Phil, from everyone; she just wanted to be alone now. "Ronnie, where're you goin'?"
She shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know. I don't . . . know."