Chapter Ten
Dreaming of YouJen wouldn't release Merry until she was sure that all of the poison was out of her system, and that the wound in her side wouldn't reopen. That took far longer than Merry would have thought, but at least John was there.
Merry had never thought she'd be relieved to spend time with the military commander of Atlantis. She kept trying to convince herself that it was only that she didn't want to be alone, but her irritating inner voice just wouldn't let her believe it. She could have had any one of her friends with her, but it wouldn't have been the same.
She was even starting to like his team.
They visited every day, usually together but sometimes alone. Teyla always had a few minutes for her. Merry began to wonder if the Athosian woman could read her mind; she always seemed to sense when Merry began to feel lonely listening to the team's banter. Ronon was very quiet and had a strange sense of humor, but when he relaxed, which wasn't very often, he could be very nice. Merry had the strangest feeling that there was something between the large Satedan and Jen, but couldn't confirm anything. She was even starting to like Rodney, a thing she had never thought would happen.
When there were visitors, there wasn't time to think about all that had happened to her over the past month. She was beginning to like having people around; she had even begun to learn the names of the nurses. Her favorite was Diana, the nurse with dark curly hair; she had also learned the name of her least favorite- the tall blond was named Carol.
The time she hated most was just after eleven. She had had trouble sleeping since she had been given the antidote, and the nightshift change at eleven meant that she was supposed to be asleep. Visiting hours were long over, and John, with his cocktail of sedatives and painkillers, was usually out like a light. Alone, she had far too much time to think.
She was almost always awake until at least two in the morning, and tried to stay asleep until at least eight, but was usually up far earlier. She was exhausted all day, and still couldn't sleep. She was slowly losing her grip on her temper, but no one seemed to notice. At least, no one said anything.
It took eight days before Jen would even consider letting her go, and she was ordered to spend one last night in the infirmary. John had watched on jealously- with his internal bleeding, he had needed surgery, and was stuck there for at least another week.
He had been sentimental and sickly sweet before he fell asleep on that last night. She had rolled over, trying to keep her eyes closed but failing miserably, when he had heaved a large sigh.
When she hadn't reacted, he made it louder and more dramatic. She turned over and groaned. "What do you want?"
He had sighed, even more dramatically than before, and put a pathetic look on his face. "You're leaving me to the mercy of all the nurses."
Merry had hidden her smile. "Yes. How heartless of me."
John had placed his uninjured arm on his heart. "Oh, you've wounded me!"
Merry couldn't have helped herself. She had giggled.
John had sent her a dark look. "Laugh at my pain, will you? You'll be sorry." She had lifted her eyebrows. "What?"
She had forced the smile down that threatened to overwhelm her face. "You can't move, and I get to leave…"
John had snorted. "Both minor inconveniences." He had appeared to think a minute before startling her with a loud exclamation. "I have a pillow!"
She had raised her brow higher. "So do I. What does that have to do with anything?"
She had snorted as he hit her in the face with his pillow. She had thrown it on the floor and glared. "You'll pay for that."
They had continued to fling pillows at each other's heads, Merry going so far as to grab a few off the bed next to her. John, however, just threw back the ones that she had thrown at him. Merry hadn't thought that they'd been too loud, until the clearing of a throat and the tapping of a foot brought them back to reality.
Rodney McKay had been standing in front of the two beds, a bemused expression on his face. Directly behind him stood Jen, and next to her were Ronon, Teyla, and Colonel Carter. Merry had felt the blush creep up the back of her neck and spread quickly over her cheeks; John had merely looked both sheepish and superior. Merry had doubted the same look would have worked as well on her own face.
She was brought back to the present by a small hand on her arm. She jumped, causing the clip on her finger to fall off and an alarm to sound. It was the nurse, Diana, who was smiling and cheerful. Diana quickly turned the monitor off, not even bothering to reattach the finger clip.
The nurse's smile brought Merry's rapid heart rate back under control. She wouldn't have been as surprised if she had been paying any attention at all to the woman; Diana was in charge of taking her vital signs so that Jen could release her.
It was as if the thought brought the doctor to her. Jen had a wide smile on her face, and Merry gave her a genuine, if small, smile in return. Diana handed the charts over to the doctor politely, and gave Merry a pat on the leg.
Jen glanced at the papers, flipping through them silently. "Well, it looks like everything's good." She looked up at Merry, a worried smile on her face. "Let me know immediately if you have any problems or concerns. Is there anything else you need to talk about?"
Merry frowned thoughtfully. "No, not really. I think I feel fine. Everything's out of my system and all, right?"
Jen nodded. "Right. Well, I'm here if you need me. You are free to change into your clothing- Teyla brought a it for you- and go back to your rooms. I placed you on light duty for at least a month- no more off-world excursions for at least that long- and I don't want you lifting anything more than a laptop for a while. We don't want to open your wound anymore."
Merry grinned. "I had almost forgotten it was there."
Jen smiled lightly. "Well, that's the medication talking. You'll be on painkillers for a week, and antibiotics for ten days. The nurse'll have your pills waiting for you in your rooms, neatly labeled and all." Jen's sudden grin nearly made Merry gasp. "I don't want to see you back here for at least twenty-four hours. Not even to visit."
Merry nodded. Jen's smile suddenly dimmed. "Unless, of course, there's a problem; don't hesitate to come to me if there's a problem."
Merry held up her hand and laughed. "Of course. Thank you, Jen." She hopped off the bed and nearly raced to the clothing. "Be out of your hair in a jiffy!"
It felt so good to be in clean clothes, but more than anything Merry wanted a bath. She walked out of the infirmary bathroom in loose running pants and a long t-shirt; Teyla had also thoughtfully included socks and a pair of low shoes.
Merry paused in the doorway and looked over at John. Jen was talking to him, and he had a rather sheepish look on his face. Merry nearly giggled at the thought of the quiet little doctor intimidating the roguish and loud colonel. She quickly sobered as the caught the look on Jen's face.
The doctor was exhausted. There were deep black circles under her eyes and her hair, caught in a neat ponytail, was limp. She was pale; Merry could see that from across the room. She felt a sudden surge of guilt. It was, after all, her fault.
Merry's room was not as she had left it. The boxes she had filled- most of them, at least- were still perched on her desk, but her clothing was scattered on the bed and floor. She heaved a sigh. Teyla had brought her the clothes, so, obviously, she had found them gathered together in the clothing box and placed neatly on her desk, awaiting transport.
All she wanted to do was sleep.
It took nearly two hours to put everything back where it had been; her clothing was in its proper drawers, her things back on the shelves and desks where they belonged. For once she was glad that she didn't have much at Atlantis.
She lay on her bed, staring wide eyed at the ceiling. She traced the lines with her eyes, hoping that that distraction would tire her out. It didn't help.
She tossed and turned until nearly two in the morning, when she closed her eyes one last time.
Merry was wading through snow up to her hips; she could feel that she was trying to run, but the snow just kept getting deeper and deeper. She could see, through the solid whiteness that surrounded her, a dark blob ahead on top of the snow.
As she got closer, she realized that it was John. Closer still, and she could see that he was dead, arrows jutting out of nearly every inch of his body. She felt her heart stop, and suddenly she was racing across hard-packed snow to get to him. She grabbed him in her arms and began to sob.
John's face was clear, perfect; just as she had remembered. There was even the hint of a smirk on his mouth. She looked down into his eyes to see maggots begin to crawl out. She screamed and dropped him and began to back away.
John stood, the arrows making a hideous sound as he straightened. He pointed a finger at her and she took a step back. Her foot fell into the snow and she twisted sideways to stop herself from falling. John advanced, every step a horrible song of breaking arrows.
His voice was rough. "Your fault. This is all your fault."
And then he collapsed into a molding corpse.
Her scream woke her. She sat straight up in the bed, panting heavily and pulling her covers higher. She scrambled to the head of the bed, eyes wide and her breath coming in choking gasps. It took her a moment to realize that she was still in her quarters.
She thought, for one brief moment, of going to the infirmary to check and see if John was okay, but she quickly talked herself out of it. He was fine; she hadn't killed him today.
She lay down again as soon as she could control her breathing; it took nearly twenty minutes, by the clock, a twenty minutes in which she replayed the horrible nightmare over and over. She pulled the covers to her chin and wrapped her arms around her pillow. The clock read quarter after five. She willed herself back to sleep, and hoped against hope that there wouldn't be any more dreams.
She woke at least twice more, but she didn't remember either dream. Finally, at nearly nine o'clock, with the sun just painting a picture on the far wall, she fell deeply asleep for the final time.