A/N: A friend wanted to see a comedic version of the previous scene (Bella angry with Edward after he disables her truck in Eclipse), so I wrote this. I don't usually write comedy, so please go easy on me. Thanks.

BPOV

I paced away from the open window as the cold swirled in. Then I whirled and slammed it closed again. The glass shuddered for a moment before I sighed and flung it back up. I glared out into the dark. My gaze landed on my truck, and I growled under my breath and slammed the window back down.

Open. Closed. Open. Closed. Open. Closed.

I nodded at my reflection in the glass, my eyes narrowed in determination. Stupid overprotective vampire. He could just stay out there in the cold. Not that he was bothered by the temperature. But it was the principle of the thing. Dismantling my poor truck's engine? Physically preventing me from leaving my own home? Over the line. I wasn't going to let him come into my room to visit the pitiful little human in her safe prison.

I was still glaring at my reflection when a pale face appeared on the other side of the dark glass. I fell back with a little squeal that melted into a curse. He was getting the better of me again. Jerk.

Quickly, I straightened my spine and glowered into his pleading eyes. "Visiting hours are over," I told him in normal volume, as though there was no barrier. I knew that he could hear me perfectly. Annoying superhuman.

"Bella, please," he began. "Try to understand."

"Oh, I understand," I replied. "You tell me what to do now. I have to get permission to leave? Is that it? My plans all have to be approved by the vampire warden? And if I try to escape, you'll just disembowel my truck?"

His brows lowered as he took in my anger. "I'm not keeping you prisoner, Bella."

I raised my brows back at him. "You're not? You disabled my truck. I couldn't drive off. And what, you'd let me walk away? Not likely. You'd just pick me up and throw me over your shoulder like a… caveman… a freaking Fred Flintstone in designer clothes, and you'd carry me back inside. Don't try to say you wouldn't! There's no way you would have let me go to La Push at all."

My voice was rising, and I knew it. But Charlie had the game on downstairs. He wouldn't hear me. I could tell that Edward knew that by the way he didn't spare a glance toward my bedroom door. But he still tried, the manipulator. "Don't get upset, Bella. Charlie will hear you."

"Charlie's two inches from the television screen," I countered. "And he acts less like my father than you do." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm dating a man who wants to act like my dad. What does that say about me? God. That's… not right."

Edward's face twisted. "I've told you you shouldn't be with me."

"Oh, get over the vampire crap, for heaven's sake." I rolled my eyes. "I don't care about the 'creature of the night' bull. I don't like the control freak. And if you hate the difference between us so much, why do you keep stressing it by acting like such a… nonhuman? Stop doing things like appearing in my truck with pieces of it in your hand! And stop looking toward the door like you think Charlie's coming. I know you're reading his mind, and he's not moving from the TV."

"You approve of my reading his mind, but not my dismantling your truck?" Edward cocked his head at me. "Men can dismantle engines, Bella, but they can't read minds."

"Charlie's mind isn't hard to read. I could read it right now." I waved that away. "You can go hang out in the driveway for the rest of the night to make sure I don't try to sneak out. You may miss your chance to drag me up the side of the house and back to my room."

"I wouldn't drag you up the side of your house."

I eyed him. He was hanging from the eaves with a grace that was sickening, just holding a conversation with me like it was nothing. His face glowed in the night, an angel's face, begging forgiveness, waiting for my will to crumble.

And I suddenly felt the urge to let him in.

I took a large step back. "Jasper," I hissed. "Tell him to leave. If he messes with my emotions right now, I will… do… something…. God! Get him out of here."

Edward looked down and said something sharply. I heard Emmett's voice from below, something that sounded suspiciously like, "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." Edward spoke more abruptly, and Emmett snickered. The next comment sounded like a suggestion to "just get the dog neutered."

That did it.

I opened my closet and dragged out the remains of the radio Emmett had installed in my truck for my birthday. Edward blinked in surprise when I flung the window open. He was so startled that he made no move to stop me. I hefted the radio into my arms and leaned out the window beside him, then heaved the box down into the darkness. I heard a muffled curse and a thud, then a "Hey! Is this the… radio? Holy… Look what she did to it! Are you sure she's human, Edward?"

Edward looked up at me, but he didn't respond to his brother. I shut the window in his face. "Go home," I ordered. "And take Tweedledum and Tweedledumber with you."

"I…can't, Bella. I can't leave you angry like this."

I felt my anger swelling. "Fine. Don't leave. You can just hang outside the window all night like a freaking BAT. A FREAKING VAMPIRE BAT. I am NOT LETTING YOU IN."

There was a chuckle from the yard below. Edward ignored it. "Please, Bella—"

"Don't make me get the flamethrower."

There was a pause. "When did you get a flamethrower?"

"Yesterday. At Thriftway. They were half price with the purchase of garlic and holy water."

A longer pause as the vampires outside considered that bit of news. I felt a little strange, as though my will were being tested. I leaned closer to the window. "You'll be the first to get fricasseed, Jasper, I swear it!"

The sensation stopped. And the yard suddenly felt very empty.

Edward muttered something under his breath. Then he looked into my eyes and cringed slightly. I glared back. He asked, "Garlic and holy water?"

"I was making vegetable soup."

He tried to make the connection and couldn't. I didn't elaborate. He began again, "Bella, can't you try to understand—"

"No."

He growled quietly. Suddenly he flung the window open and was inside so quickly I didn't have time to react. He hesitated just inside, and I grabbed a book from my nightstand and hurled it at him. He snagged it just before it struck his face. "I told you not to come in!" I yelled at him. "Or did you miss the VAMPIRE BAT part?"

I threw another book at him. He swatted it away distractedly, his eyes on the door. I launched three more books before I realized that he wasn't paying attention. Without warning, he was gone, back outside, leaving the window open. The last book thumped against the wall where he'd been standing.

My bedroom door slammed open an instant later. Charlie jumped in, waving his gun erratically. "THERE'S A BAT?" he demanded, keeping his head down as he swung the weapon wildly around to the corners of the ceiling.

I swallowed a laugh. "Not anymore, Dad," I assured him. "It went out the window."

"Oh." Charlie straightened slowly, smoothing his shirt and lowering his gun. He tried to recover some of his dignity as he surveyed the room, which was now strewn with the remains of my paperback arsenal. "You should keep the window closed, Bells," he told me. I watched him cross the room and shut the window. I tried to keep the smugness out of my smile when he turned back to me. "Keep the cold out. You don't like the cold."

"No," I agreed. "I don't. Thanks for the rescue, Dad."

"Sure." He shrugged, embarrassed. "Well… Good night, Bells. Get some sleep."

"I will. Night, Dad." When he left, closing the door behind him, I turned back to my room. Edward was already inside again. Before I could react, he was across the room, his arms around my waist. I gasped as he carried me to the bed so quickly it felt like he'd thrown me. His arms cradled me carefully as I landed, though, and he set me gently down on the comforter. I shoved against his chest, pushing him away from me. "Let me go."

"Bella, you almost had your father shoot me tonight," he said quietly.

"Not on purpose," I muttered.

"No," he allowed. "But the rest was. A vampire bat, Bella? Really?" He paused, studying me. There was a hint of amusement in his eyes, but also a twinge of pain. "If you truly dislike the cold, you should have told me. I would have kept my distance."

I felt an unwelcome stab of my own pain. "I didn't mean that."

He reached down to pick up one of the books that I'd thrown and held it up for me to see. "As you didn't mean to strike me with Heart of Darkness?"

Suddenly I felt a giggle well up inside me. I tried to keep it from breaking through. "Well, maybe that was intentional."

At his expression, I couldn't keep the laughter in anymore. I grabbed the front of his shirt in my fist and pulled him to me so I could bury my face in his chest in an effort to stifle my snickers. I felt him chuckle as he wrapped an arm around my waist. "Oh, God," I choked out. "I really am absurd, aren't I."

"It makes you intriguing."

I snorted. "Right." I snuggled into him, fitting myself carefully into his stone curves and breathing in his scent. "For the record, I'm still not happy with what you did tonight."

"I am aware of that."

"Good. I thought I may have been too subtle." I hid my smile against his chest. "You do need to let me have my freedom, Edward. I'm not your child, or your pet. I'm your girlfriend. And Jacob is my friend. I have a right to see him."

"I'm sorry, Bella, for my behavior tonight."

"That's not an agreement."

I felt him laugh quietly again. "No, it's not, you're right. I'll work on that."

"You do that." I paused, then added, "And I'll work on my aversion to the cold."

His arms tightened around me. "We have a deal." There was a long silence as I burrowed closer to him, letting him hold me as I began to drift off to sleep. I was almost out of it completely when he whispered, "Were you really making vegetable soup?"

I laughed quietly in the dark and kissed his chest, but I kept that secret to myself.