Music Theory and Yuletide Traditions
"On the third day 'til Christmas, Greendale gave to me: twelve useless credits, eleven POP-POP!s, ten blinking lights, nine costume changes, eight cups of cocoa, seven Secret Santas, six failed sleigh rides, five epic snowball fights, four Christmas specials, three crazy dances…"
3 Crazy Dances
It's Thursday December 22nd and Greendale is in turmoil.
Annie's pretty used to the Greendale chaos by now; after all, there isn't a day that goes by without some kind of study group drama or meltdown from the Dean. There is no such thing as a normal school day, because nearly all of their professors are nonsensical and have no real clue what they're doing. Once, Annie had to explain to her entire math class the idea behind the Pythagorean Theorem, because her professor was explaining it all wrong. It's those kinds of things that really do frighten her about this place.
Anyway, this particular Thursday was the day of the three holiday dances the Dean had organized to branch out from being secular. As Annie and the group walk through the halls of the school, Dean Pelton and his gaggle of attendants race about the school, carrying dreidels and menorahs to the library and trees and angels to the cafeteria. There was to be a Kwanzaa-themed dance in the abandoned Spanish classroom, a Hanukkah-themed dance in the library study room, and a Christmas-themed dance in the cafeteria that same evening. Jeff wryly asks the Dean where the agnostics, atheists, and Muslims should go. The Dean nearly has a heart attack.
So that evening, Annie showers and slides shimmery stockings over her legs. She's dressing that evening in a sapphire blue halter dress cut above the knees with bedazzling gemstones on the bodice and the hemline. Blue symbolizes both winter and Hanukkah, so she's quite proud of the double entendre she's created with her outfit and finishes off the look with strappy black heels instead of flats. Hey, it's the holidays. Annie's allowed to get a little crazy, right?
She then blow dries her hair and combs it out so it's full and bouncing on her shoulders, only partly pulled back by a few bobby pins at the top of her head. Annie adds the necklace her mother sent her for Hanukkah and then mentally notes to light the third candle on her menorah before she leaves that evening. Her makeup is delicate and simple; just a brushing of blue eye shadow over her eyelids and a touch of blush, finishing off her look with her signature bubblegum lip gloss.
"Okay, I'm ready!" Annie announces, yanking the door open to her bedroom and finding Troy and Abed in the exact same positions they were in just an hour ago, when she'd announced she was leaving to get ready. She frowns. "You guys! We have to leave in fifteen minutes! You're not even dressed!"
"Relax, Annie," Troy tells her. "It does not take more than fifteen minutes to make me look good."
Abed nods in agreement and turns to look at her. "You look really nice tonight."
She grins. "Thanks. Where did you two leave the matches? I need to light the menorah."
They both motion nonchalantly towards the sink and, as Annie approaches it apprehensively, she sighs. "Guys, there are only like two left. This was a full package yesterday!"
"We used most of them playing Fireball," Troy chuckles and again Abed nods.
"Yeah. And I wouldn't advise going into the Dreamatorium," Abed tells her. "It's not pretty in there."
She rolls her eyes and proceeds to use the final two matches to light the menorah. "Sometimes living with you is like having children!"
"Sorry Annie."
"Yeah, we're sorry."
"You're lucky no one got hurt," Annie scolds. "Now go get dressed, both of you."
They both nod, turn off the television, and scurry off to their bedroom as Annie gives a satisfied nod and then laughs at herself for literally acting just like a mother would. True to his word, five minutes later Troy exits the bedroom in dark dress pants and a fancy button down, fumbling with a tie and Abed follows behind him, wearing a suit with a sapphire blue bowtie, making Annie smile. They slip into their dress shoes and Troy grins, "Ready?"
"Cool," Abed grins, reaching for Annie's hand as Troy's expression changes. He doesn't say anything. "Cool, cool, cool."
They pile into the car and drive off toward Greendale, talking animatedly about the three dances that were sure to be a uniquely Greendale experience. The weather isn't all that frightful tonight; the ice has been defrosted, the snow has been cleared, and the temperature was in the low forties, making the evening less north pole-like and more like a typical Colorado winter. When they exit the car, they meet up with Pierce in the parking lot and together they greet Dean Pelton, who is dressed ridiculously, as per the usual.
The moment they enter the school, they're greeted by Jeff, Britta, and Shirley, all of whom are less than pleased with the current setup of the school. There are three lines to get into the three different dances with faculty members letting people in and out as if these three dances were the craziest clubs or bars Colorado's ever seen. The shortest line has the weirdest faculty member and the Hanukkah dance has Chang- of all people, seriously? - guarding the door. This intimidates Annie but they join their friends anyway.
Jeff is uninterestedly checking his phone as to be expected, but he's dressed nicely in a dress suit and tie- a black tie, which he claims is just because the affair is black-tie and not because Britta is wearing a black dress. Annie shrugs this off because she knows how much Jeff is afraid of commitment and tries not to comment on how closely they're standing or how in tune they seem to be with each other. Before all of this change, if Annie had witnessed this, she would erupt with jealousy and anger. But now? Now that the tension between them had diminished? She saw Jeff and Britta for who they really were- two people with feelings for the other, two people who wanted to be in a relationship but were too afraid to put themselves out there, too afraid of being hurt.
"Okay, so, what are we going to do first?" Annie asks. "Which dance can we go to?"
"Good luck getting into any of them," Jeff tells her. "We've been standing out here waiting for you and no one's getting in or coming back out."
"Well what about the Kwanzaa dance?" Shirley asks.
"Yeah, how many people actually celebrate Kwanzaa?" Pierce states. "Let's give that one a whirl."
They walk fairly quickly towards the abandoned Spanish classroom- no professor has had the courage to teach in here since Chang lost his teaching status. The line is pretty short and they wait for just a moment before being let in. It is, as expected, pretty stereotypical. Everything is decked out in red, black, and green and a giant Kwanzaa candelabra is set up in the far corner of the room, lighting the dark room. Anyone who wants to dance has to wear dashiki and Shirley immediately goes off on a tangent about how racist this is.
"Oh come on, Shirley," Pierce says. "Embrace your heritage!"
He slips into a dashiki and motions for her to do the same. She doesn't. "I am not buying into Dean Pelton's delusions!"
"Why not? It looks like fun," Troy tells her and puts on his own dashiki to join Pierce in popping and locking on the dance floor. "Nice moves, Pierce!"
"Oh, you think that was good?" He chuckles. "Wait until you see what we liked to call The Tootsie Roll!"
"Might be a little racist in this setting," Jeff snickers and though Britta and Annie laugh, Shirley glares at him.
"May we please try and get into the Christmas dance now? I refuse to be here to support a holiday I'm not even sure is real."
"Wait, you think Kwanzaa isn't real?" Britta asks. "What would make you think that?"
"Well, how many people do you know that celebrate it?" Shirley questions right back and Britta has to give her that argument. "Besides, it just sounds made up."
"Okay, we should probably go before Shirley has a coronary," Annie says. "Let's see if Chang will let us get to the front of the line at the Hanukkah dance!"
They leave Pierce and Troy, who look like they're having the time of their lives, and cross the school towards the study room. The line has shortened immensely in the time they were gone and by the time they get to the front, they reach their mortal enemy- Ben Chang. He's guarding the door like a warden watching over a prisoner, his face set, his palms enclosed together. Annie flashes him a bright smile and asks, "Hi! Can we go in, please?"
Chang pretends to consider this and then says, "No."
"What? Why not?" Annie's actually put off by this and Jeff goes back to checking his phone.
"Because I remember wanting a certain something from this study group," Chang answers. "And every time I asked, it was always a no. So you aren't getting into my dance if I can't be in your study group!"
"Fine," Jeff decides and turns to go.
"Jeff!" Annie shrieks. "Ben, this is not about the study group! You are tarnishing a dance celebrating my holiday! This isn't your dance; you're not even Jewish!"
"Neither are they!" Chang shouts back, pointing to Abed, Shirley, Jeff, and Britta.
"Listen!" Annie grabs his shirt and pulls him closer so their foreheads are touching. "You'll let us into this dance. You'll let us in right now."
Chang's eyes grow fearful and he nods quickly. "G-Go ahead in."
She grins, letting go of him. "Thank you. Come on guys!"
Annie grabs Abed's arm and pulls him in behind her as the other three stare at her retreating back. Jeff asks, "Who the hell was that?"
"That was the side of Annie you don't want to mess with," Britta answers and they follow her into the study room.
It's much brighter in the Hanukkah party than it was in the Spanish classroom, but maybe that's because not only is every single light on, but there are electric menorahs lit everywhere. There's a station where a small, bearded guy is frying up latkes and carding people before serving manischewitz. The Dean is over in the corner running a dreidel competition, even though they're all sure he doesn't know how to play. There's music playing and in twenty minutes, there will be a dramatic reading of the Torah. Annie pulls a face.
"This is… different," She tries to put it nicely. "Anyone want to enter the dreidel competition with me?"
"Sure!" Shirley says excitedly. "How do you play?"
"Um, it's kind of hard to explain," Annie tells her. "Just follow my lead."
They disappear in the crowd and Abed turns to Jeff and Britta. "The last dance was too dark and this one's too light. Does that mean the next one will turn out just right?"
"Who knows," Jeff shrugs. "And when did you become such a poet?"
Britta smirks and heads over to the latke table. Jeff asks, "Where are you going?"
"To get us a drink," She calls back haphazardly. When she returns with three glasses of manischewitz, she says, "I dated a Jewish guy once. It takes half as long to get twice as drunk on this."
It's Jeff turn to smirk as he sips the kosher wine. "Nice math."
She's not kidding, though, and after only a glass they're both feeling pretty tipsy. Abed sips at his glass slowly, the alcohol barely having any effect, this way. About an hour later, when Shirley and Annie return, Jeff and Britta are arguing, of course. Annie motions towards them and asks, "Who gave them beer?"
"Not beer. Whatever this is," Abed tells her, holding his half-full glass up. "It isn't very good, but that didn't stop them from chugging it."
"Manischewitz?" Annie shrieks. "You drank that?"
"They only had one glass, each," Abed calms her. "Everyone's only allowed one. Dean's orders."
"Okay, then," Shirley says, smoothing things over. "To the Christmas dance?"
The school is emptying out as people realize these crazy dances really aren't as entertaining as they would have expected. Dean Pelton himself is now acting as the bouncer to the Christmas dance and greets them with a cordial hello. They enter the cafeteria and are immediately near-blinded by green and red lights blinking, flashing, and shining everywhere. There are trees and snowflakes, presents and reindeer, Santas and snowmen all over the room. Troy and Pierce have clearly left their dashikis behind, because they are now busting a move in the middle of the dance floor.
Shirley squeals and claps excitedly at the live nativity scene in the corner. "Oh, that's nice!"
She hurries over to the manger to inspect this further as Abed grabs Annie's hand and drags her towards the dancing crowd. "Let's dance."
"Okay!" Annie agrees without hesitation and the two do just exactly that.
This leaves Jeff and Britta, the drunken haze already wearing off. He glances over toward her. "Wanna dance?"
"I don't dance," She shakes her head, stepping over a fallen paper snowflake and sitting down on one of the chairs left out for worn-out dancers.
"You used to be a ballerina, I thought," Jeff comments, sitting beside her. "Weren't you the swan princess?"
"I was the sugarplum fairy," Britta smirks. "There's a difference."
"It's all Greek to me," Jeff chuckles. "I dated a dancer, once. But she wasn't good enough to be one of the leads. She was like, a duck or something."
"There aren't any ducks in The Nutcracker," Britta grins. "Mice and owls, sure, but ducks?"
"Whatever, ballet police," Jeff nudges her. "That show put me to sleep."
"I cannot imagine why," She rolls her eyes. "God forbid you enjoy the blood, sweat, and tears of about a hundred starving ballerinas and orchestra members."
Jeff turns to look at her. "How long ago was this?"
"That I danced ballet?" She asks and he nods. "God, years ago. Years and years. Way before I became a foot model, though; those pointe shoes do nasty things to your feet."
"Doesn't sound pleasant," Jeff grimaces and Britta chuckles.
"It's really not," She tells him. "I don't know, though. I joined NYCB when I was… nineteen? Twenty?"
"NYCB?"
"New York City Ballet," Britta clarifies. "And you say you're cultured. Psh."
"I don't pretend I'm cultured; that's you," He shoots back. "Just because you spent time in New York dancing as a fairy doesn't mean you can call yourself well-rounded."
"Oh okay then, Mr. Hotshot Lawyer," Britta says. "Let's see your stellar moves. On your feet!"
She jumps up and extends a hand toward him, which he accepts with relish and twirls her onto the dance floor. He's actually not too bad of a dancer, but this doesn't stop Britta from calling out corrections that reminded her of ballet boot camp. "Shoulders down! Eyes up! Ears back! Round your arms! Point your toes!"
"Does it look like I'm trying to be you, Nina Ballerina?" Jeff comments offhandedly and she smirks.
"Just giving you a few helpful corrections," Britta shrugs and Jeff rolls his eyes.
A few feet away, Abed and Annie are swaying gently to the music and happen to take notice of the two envying Johnny and Baby's final sequence. Abed grins. "Nobody puts Britta in a corner."
Annie chuckles. "Definitely not Jeff, that's for sure. Do you think they'll work it out?"
"I'll tell you the same thing Jeff said to me when I first asked if I could join the study group," Abed says definitively. "I can't think of a single, logical reason why not."
Ahh ballet boot camp. Those were some good times... Oh that was sarcasm, but I forgot to inflect. =P