Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, not only would I own a copy of CoM (eBay won't even let me sneeze near it without a credit card), but I'd also own Final Mix, and it'd be in English. God damn it.

A/N: Chapter ten. Cool. Tomorrow's chapter may be delayed, my pretties (and handsomes? Anyone?). I hurt my wrist the other day, slipped on a patch of water near the kitchen and just about drove my fists through the floor catching myself. I thought it was okay, but there's a very real possibility that I've fractured it, since it's being a bitch and won't stop hurting. If it hasn't got any better by tomorrow, my mother has suitably horrified me into going for an x-ray with stories of my brother's remanipulation of a broken arm when we were kids. I refuse to let any fucker with a mallet and intent anywhere near me. Reviews! They're picking up, and they make me soooo happy. You guys are the coolest.

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CHAPTER TEN

Selphie was hurling by the end of the ferry ride. We all stood dutifully out on the deck with her, along with several other empathetic groups in similar situations, while she joined the ranks leaning over the rail blowing chunks. You'd have figured a girl who spent half her life paddling from one blot of land to another would have better tolerance.

The arrival at the mainland was a mess, and an irritating one at that, as I attempted to keep at least three familiar faces within sight at all times. Eventually, I resigned myself to clinging to Selphie, who was still feeling wobbly. People kept stepping on her heels, because she wasn't moving fast enough, and the poor girl was white as a sheet.

In due course, we managed to all locate one another, and stood shivering on the wharf as the mayor called on his cell phone to see why the cars he'd commissioned hadn't arrived yet. At last, after some argument, he sighed and ended the call.

"Pick up your bags, kids, they're parked around the other side."

There was a general chorus of complaint.

"Daddy, why can't they come to us?" Kairi whined. "All they have to do is drive, we have all this baggage!"

"Apparently, they can't get in, something about road-blocks and one-way-streets."

Everybody groaned, realising that no cavalry was coming. Fuck it, we'd have to walk.

"After this," Kairi seethed, face like thunder, as she carted along her two massive suitcases and a toiletries case slung over her forearm, "we'd better be eating somewhere damn nice."

Pretty soon, conversation was useless, and all you could hear was panting and the constant rumble of little wheels over pavement. We no doubt made an interesting sight, especially with Axel's eye-catching head of hair, as we tramped down the busy main road, past the park full of screeching children, and around into the second parking lot. It took about thirty minutes.

"I'm dying," Tidus gasped, as we finally dropped out luggage next to the two cars. We left the packing of the car to the slack bastards who hadn't managed to traverse a couple of goddamn streets, and tumbled into the air-conditioned interiors, whereupon an argument ensued concerning the seating arrangement.

"Daddy! There's not enough fucking seats!"

"Kairi, for God's sake, be quiet. Someone will have to sit on someone else's knees."

We went silent, deliberating. "Selphie gets a window seat by herself because she's sick," I ordered, and no one tried to contest it.

Sora looked sly all of a sudden. "Kairi can sit on Riku. After all, they're siblings now, right?"

"No, Sora," said the mayor from the front. Then Kairi proceeded to look just as equally evil.

"Sora, why don't you sit on Riku? You guys are close."

We blushed in unison. Not that I'd have minded, but I knew he did. Sending Kairi pain via ESP, I gritted sweetly, "How about no one sits on Riku?"

"Well, then, Kairi can sit on Tidus, after all, now they're – "

"No, Sora. No co-ed seating arrangements."

I glared over at the other car, where Axel lounged comfortably in the front seat, and Roxas and Wakka sat spread across the back. Suddenly, Selphie piped, "Hey, where'd Wakka go anyway?"

"In the other car, Selph," I sighed. "He's apparently smart enough to realise that we all don't need to be in the same car."

"You know, you're all really quite ridiculous," Kairi's dad said cheerfully. "But you're highly entertaining."

"Sora, go sit with your cousin," Kairi commanded.

"I'm not going to sit on Riku," Tidus protested.

"Nobody is sitting on me!"

"Look – " Sora cut in. "Seeing as how you're both girls, Kairi, you sit under Selphie, that way she won't overheat and can still barf out the window if the occasion arises."

Kairi made a noise of objection, but was quickly glared down. Sulkily, she climbed out of the car and went around to Selphie's door. They sorted themselves out.

"Now I will go sit, as Kairi so pleasantly suggested, with my cousin. Riku, you're in the middle."

"Why can't I go in the middle?" Tidus demanded.

"Because you only started going out with Kairi last night, that's why, and I'm not having you two playing footsie in the car while I'm not here!"

"Why, do you like to watch?" I asked into the stunned silence, smirking.

"Excuse me, kids," the mayor cut in smoothly. "But what was that I heard about my little girl and a certain blitzball fanatic?"

Kairi sighed. "Sora, get out of the car."

"Yes, dear." He clambered out, we arranged ourselves accordingly, and buckled up.

------

We ate lunch at a nice restaurant about ten minutes from the wharf, and even Kairi was suitably pacified, although she didn't relax entirely until her dad brought Tidus back unharmed from their little 'man-to-man' chat that came under the guise of Tidus being forced to escort the mayor to the bathroom.

I toyed with a breadstick, thinking distantly of the appointment I had with Penumbra in a few hours. Sora poked me. "Penny," he said.

"Dime," I responded like a smart-ass. He rolled his eyes.

"Gimme your thoughts in a paper bag."

I shrugged, biting the tip off the breadstick. I tapped him on the end of the nose with it. "Ugh, this thing is dry," I commented. "And crumbly," I added, pointing to the crumbs now on his face. He mock-glared, and brushed them off.

"I'm pretty sure breadsticks are always dry. So what's with the long face? And if you say anything about horses, I will scour this restaurant until I find a rusty spork, and I will stab you."

"What about donkeys?"

"Don't tempt me," he warned. I placed the breadstick down.

"Just thinking about later with the psychologist. And tomorrow with the school. In Twilight Town."

"Ah." He nodded sympathetically. "We're here for you, seriously. No one's going to let you get beat up."

I snorted a laugh. "So, I don't think anyone's going to try to beat me up. I'm not exactly small and defenceless."

"Yeah, but there's a couple of people you'll need to watch out for. Seifer's – "

"Seifer! Don't mention that asshole," Roxas growled from three places around the table. Axel, apparently in agreement, started playing with his knife in a vaguely threatening manner. I was glad for the interruption. I had almost choked out the name myself.

Seifer. I remembered him. Never encountered him personally, but it didn't mean I didn't think he was a moron. So it seemed that Twilight Town came as a set. It had a Roxas, a Seifer – no doubt Seifer's cronies and Roxas' other little friends, whose names escaped me. Not that they had technically been his friends… after all, Roxas' Twilight Town had been a computer simulation…

I shook myself out of the shock, firmly thinking that it didn't matter. I couldn't, and at this point shouldn't, be surprised by anything.

Except for the fact that I was. I had a sinking feeling that I was very far from home, and each new revelation made it stronger.

I looked over at Sora, who was laughing at something Kairi was saying across the table. I felt sad. You're not my Sora… are you? And yet, he was. With his every breath and heartbeat, he was my Sora – just a Sora who had never grown up with me. Things had changed in the world. Something, somewhere, had shifted, reality maybe. The seams of the universe. Everything big, like planetary topography for instance, was different. But the people – they were the same.

I suppose I had a decision to make. That was all.

------

We went on a last-ditch shopping expedition, in which the girls – all two of them – squealed with glee, whilst the rest – a good seven of us – trailed along rather miserably. Sure, we got some cool stuff. I got to see Sora in the changing room, so I'm not all complaint. And by no means are all men opposed to shopping, that's not my point at all. But we were all opposed to shopping, unless for a specific purpose. I like looking good as much as the next guy, but I did not like being part of a human train dribbling through Bath & Body Works behind a couple of midget females who thought bath bombs were the awesomest thing since platforms. The fact that my main emotion was relief when the mayor quietly informed me it was time for my appointment should be indication enough. I'd be jittery as hell by the end of it, but at least I'd be sitting.

The others stayed at the mall, although Sora did pull me aside and beg me to either take him along or end his misery. I smiled indulgently, and shook my head.

"Sorry, So, crazy people only."

"But my mom says I'm crazy," he said desperately. I gave him a quick, sideways hug.

"Be strong. Take notes. We'll form a war-court later and figure out their crimes and retribution."

He nodded sadly, caught my sleeve as I was leaving, and said, "Be careful. Don't let him bully you. You're perfect how you are."

I blinked, nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"And please – " He stopped me again, fingers tightening in the material. His large cerulean eyes gazed into my own, with a shadow of fear. "Don't tell him about last night. They wouldn't understand. It's already been dealt with – no one needs to know."

I unpicked his fingers from my shirt, frowning, and lowered myself so our faces were on par. "Sora?"

"I don't want anyone to take you away."

My eyebrows rose slowly. I shook my head. "I won't tell."

He smiled hesitantly, then stepped back to break the tension. As he rejoined the others, and I went over to the mayor, I saw him put some spring into his step. They all greeted him like he'd never left. Only I could see the stiffness in his shoulders lingering still.

------

He asked me about my hand. I considered blaming it on a shaving disaster, but it occurred to me he might think I was cutting, so instead told him a winding version of the truth.

"Sora took me to explore an old house on the Island, and I ended up getting hurt. It was my old stupid fault," I shrugged. I didn't want him blaming Sora.

"It seems you've developed quite a strong friendship with Sora."

"Yeah. He's…" How to trivialise myself for this man? "He's a good guy. We get on well."

Penumbra nodded. "It's important, at this point in time, for you to have strong relationships, I feel. I'm pleased that you are so open to other people. In many cases similar to yours, patients have felt the need to shut themselves off to allow their memories to ripen without interference from external sources." He scribbled something on his notepad. "Speaking of memories, how are yours?"

"They're starting to come back, a little. I don't remember anything useful, but I've started having dreams."

"Tell me about them," he commanded, folding his legs and leaning forward, paying me his full attention.

Ah, fuck. A dream, a dream… "I think," I said softly, "I had a dream about my home… I was with my best friend, and we were fighting…"

"Fighting with your best friend?" His eyebrows rose. He started to write something.

"No!" He paused, looking at me blandly. "I mean…" I recovered. "Not proper fighting. Play fighting. We were… on the sand. And we had wooden swords. And my friend, he…" I fought back a smile. "He was really determined to beat me, but I was too strong for him. He got faster, though," I admitted with a chuckle. Penumbra was interested, the old leech.

"What was the boy's name?"

"Um… I don't remember."

"About how old were you in the dream?"

"About… fifteen. And my friend, he would have been fourteen. Uh, I think," I tack on.

"That's good. I like that, it's very good…" We talked for a while longer, Penumbra making notes all the while, unnervingly. The appointment was scheduled for an hour and a half again, thirty minutes longer than what was usual, because of the 'severity' of my 'condition'… Woe is me.

"And how do you feel about the thought of school, Riku?"

I tilted my head back, to hide my disquiet. "It seems like a good idea. After all, I can't just stop my education. Who knows, maybe the new environment will trigger something…"

He chuckled. "That's my line," he reminded me. "You sound like you're reading from a textbook, Riku." He leaned towards me, suddenly predatory. "Tell me how you feel about school."

"It's… school," I replied, hedging. "I feel what every normal kid feels about school."

"You're not every normal kid, though. You are a young man who has very few memories, none so far as you've told me about school itself, which makes tomorrow a very new experience for you."

"My friends will take care of me," I said, an edge lacing my words.

"How do you feel about school? How do you feel about going to Twilight Town?"

"Are all psychologists as aggressive as you?" I demanded.

"I am persistent, Riku, now tell me how you feel."

"I'm not going to tell you how I feel simply because you demand it," I snapped, then closed my eyes and bit my tongue. "I mean…"

"Finally."

"Huh?" My eyes flashed open.

He had a smug expression. "I was wondering where you were, underneath that cool exterior."

Oh, you arrogant son-of-a-bitch. "There's no exterior," I said, suddenly tranquil. "I'm a cool sort of person. You just… irritated me now." I'm pretty sure I just got duped. I don't know why I couldn't just make something up, render some 'feelings' out of thin air, but about the subject of Twilight Academy, I was uneasy. And the last thing I wanted was for him poke and prod and try to find out why.

"Tomorrow," he said, "you are going to be saying good-bye to the mayor, your benefactor and, dare I say it, father-figure, and will not be seeing him for four months. How does that make you feel?"

"Like I should encourage him to visit."

He smirked. He liked my new game. The freak.

"How do you feel about being part of a household with an attractive young woman who is also your peer?"

"Dude, no." I held up a hand, stopping him right there. "Kairi and I have already had this discussion. She has a boyfriend, and I'm not interested. We have very firmly labelled that scenario of events as technically illegal."

"How very mature of you both. What sparked that particular discussion?"

"The realisation that we'd be, in the worst case scenario, living together until we're twenty-one," I said testily.

"But you'll both be going to college next year, and I doubt you'll find yourselves rooming together even if you choose the same institution. I'm curious as to why you would have a discussion over a subject that doesn't hold any immediate concern."

"You thought of it, didn't you?" I pointed out coolly. He smiled, condescending bastard.

"I am a professional, Riku, it is my job to cover every aspect of such situations."

"We're a pretty mature couple of people, Doctor Penumbra, and we wanted to make sure we knew where we stood," I said smoothly. "We've been living together so far without having wild sex every other night, and figured we might as well make that a permanent state of affairs."

"Riku…"

"Besides, even if we did end up romantically involved, I really don't see how that would be of any interest to you anyway."

"Riku."

"It's no mar on my sanity or reputation to fall for someone I happen to be living with, and even the mayor would be understanding if we went about it in a sensible manner, which I assure you, in the highly unlikely chance of that ever occurring, we would be – "

"Riku, your nose is bleeding."

I stopped, mouth open, poised to keep relentlessly telling him in the most polite tone I could muster to, in all effect, fuck the fuck off, when a dribble of blood slid straight onto my tongue. I choked, spluttered, pawed at my mouth to swipe it away, and came back with shining fingers. Penumbra tore some tissues from the box at his side and offered them to me. I snatched at them, wiping my upper lip clean of the pooling viscosity, which was showing no signs of slowing.

What was it about this man that ended up with me having a nose-bleed? If this was anime, it'd be because I found the guy crotch-burstingly hot, but ugh, no. Seriously, oh, my God, no. The guy was, like, fifty. And a child-psychologist. Wrong on so many convoluted levels. Just – ew. No.

I clutched the tissues to my nose, reaching my hand out for a second wad he pressed my way, as the red seeped steadily into the paper. He was frowning, concerned.

"Does this happen often?"

"No," I muttered, with a retarded inability to properly pronounce the 'n'.

"Has it happened before today?"

"No," I lied.

He studied me intently, hands clasped, elbows on knees. "Riku, if you're taking any illegal substances, now would be the time to tell me. You wouldn't be in trouble, I assure you, but you – "

"I'm not taking drugs," I half-shouted, muffled by the tissues. He narrowed his gaze, and I met it accordingly, not backing down until he nodded.

"All right. Has it stopped yet?"

I pulled the tissues away, and a dollop of blood landed on the arm of the chair. "Shit. Sorry." He waved the apology off.

"I tell you what, we'll stop the session here." He was still frowning. "Go to the bathroom and get cleaned up, knock on my door when you're ready to leave, and I'll escort you to the waiting room."

I nodded and got up, stumbling down the hall until I reached the harshly-lit bathroom. I looked a mess, blood had smeared thinly across one cheek, and around my upper lip and mouth. I got the water running, fast and hot, and methodically wiped the skin clean. I angled myself over the sink, wearily shutting my eyes, and waited until I couldn't feel the tickle in my nose denoting movement. I looked up at my reflection from under my bangs, which glinted in the fluorescence. I looked like shit. The ring around each nostril was bloody and raw-looking. I washed myself again, washed my hands vigorously with soap, and scraped the underside of my nails clean of the rust-coloured flakes, scowling all the while.

Once I was sure it wasn't going to resume, I returned to Penumbra's office, knocking with two knuckles on the closed door. He opened it almost immediately, and I saw him scrutinising me. Probably thought I'd used the alone time to whip out the needle, spoon and lighter strapped to the inside of my ankle and got hiiiiigh, baby. This was an unwelcome complication.

Looking almost naked without his ever-present notebook in hand, he walked me to where the mayor sat waiting, his reading glasses on and a look of concentration creasing his features as he looked through a file, pen in hand. He looked up at our entrance, smiling wearily. Penumbra placed a hand on my shoulder and steered me over.

"We're finishing early today. Riku got a bad blood nose, and it's probably wise for him to get plenty of rest before tomorrow. It's very possibly stress-related."

Huh. Thanks for telling me first.

The mayor looked startled, but promptly packed away his things and stood. He shook Penumbra's hand, saying, "Thanks, Jack, I owe you." It was only then that I remembered his part in setting up the temporary custody, and felt a mild stab of guilt for having been a shit-head. But, oh well. It was very short-lived.

Penumbra gave me one last, searching look before we shook hands and parted, and I got the feeling I'd be taking a three-hour train trip sometime during the semester, to see him yet again.

The mayor and I were picked up outside Penumbra's office building and, instead of going to dinner with the others, I was dropped off at the hotel, with no small measure of relief. It was nice, to be by myself for a while, and the mayor even gave me his queen-bed suite to sleep in, as opposed to the doubling-up everyone else would be doing. When I went to protest, he cut me off, saying he'd suffered sleeping in the same room with Sora before, he'd manage again. I mentally kicked myself for messing up my chances of sleeping near Sora, but then again, perhaps it was for the best. I was tired; I didn't know how well my resolve would hold, seeing him dripping after a shower. I was strong, but only human.

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I was dragged from sleep by a rapid tapping at the door. I unstuck my eyes, blinking stupidly at the ceiling, not knowing, for a second, where I was, or why, for God's sake, I was suddenly conscious.

The knocking continued. I clawed myself up and swung my legs out of bed, tottering to the door. I unlocked and opened it, to find myself face to face with Sora. He looked surprised to see me. "Why do you look surprised to see me?" I mumbled, too tired to work it up into a growl. "You're knocking on my door."

He grinned. "I wasn't expecting to see you for another ten minutes yet."

"You were prepared to spend ten minutes knocking on my door?"

"I have a surprise for you."

Yawning widely, I stepped back and waved him in, letting him be the one to close the door as I staggered back to the bed and flopped down sideways on it. I hadn't seen him since the shopping trip. I had ordered a burger from room-service, and slept the rest of the evening away. The mayor must have warned them all off, allowing me my rest. And yet, here he was.

My face pressed into the comforter, I asked, "Why do you have a surprise for me?"

"Don't you mean, what is the surprise?"

I grunted in affirmation, then pried myself up and wondered, "What's the time?"

"Ummm…" Sora glanced at the clock next to the large bed. "Twelve-fifteen."

"It's past midnight," I muttered. Then, after a few cog-grinding moments, I added, "Happy birthday."

His beam was beautiful, if not a little blinding for this time of night, but I found myself smiling in return. "Hello, mister is-now-the-same-age-as-me."

"Hello, yourself, mister is-now-the-same-age-as-me," he responded happily. "I brought you something."

I tilted my head to the side, scratched it. "Isn't it traditional for me to give you something on your birthday?"

"Do you have something for me?"

"Uh, I lovingly – "

"Hung decorations, yes, I remember. And the amount of love was even more than my mother has for me, apparently, because only you could make the paper-chain stick. I'm considering putting myself up for adoption."

"If you go near the mayor, I will shoot you. I'm not having you as my brother."

"What, would I not make a good brother?"

"I don't want a brother."

He looked momentarily put off. I decided to monopolise his feelings: "Sora, would you really want us to be siblings? Like me and Kairi?"

Come on, now, think it through… There you go.

His cheeks faintly stained with red. He refused to address the matter further, instead swinging up the cold bag he'd been toting since he entered and dropping onto the bed in front of me, legs tucked under himself. "So, I know things got kind of messy last night, and no – I'm not bringing it up again, so don't start glaring at me. I'm talking about something different now. Now, since you ran off before the party finished, it meant that you missed out on the most important bit!"

My chin dropped to my chest. In anguished tones, I said, "Please, So, don't make me sing that song to you. I can't. It's midnight."

"Well, I was considering forcing you to, but since you asked so nicely, we'll just skip ahead to the next bit."

I looked up, face scrunched in bafflement. "Next bit?"

He unzipped the cold bag with a flourish, and withdrew a large, perfectly preserved slice of cake. I stared at it, then looked up into his shining countenance. "So…"

"No birthday is complete without cake," he said proudly. He pulled two forks out of the bag, and held one out to me. "Go on. Take it."

I reached forward tentatively, eyebrows drawn. When I took hold of the fork, I clasped his fingers, too, very deliberately, making him stiffen. I met his eyes, which were now wide beyond comparison, the stain slightly darker. He swallowed. I removed the fork, gently sliding my skin against his as I withdrew, and murmured, "Thank you."

He took a moment to respond. His voice was strangled. "For what?"

"For thinking of me. For sharing this with me."

"Oh." He blinked quickly, to try and break the spell. "Y-you're welcome."

I focused on the cake, leaving him to gasp and flounder, digging the fork in and breaking off a piece. I speared it, held it up, and said, "Try it."

He full-out flushed. "Um… um…" He started to reach forward with his fork, but I stopped him with my other hand, gesturing with my own. His eyes lowered quickly, and I saw his breaths speed up in the quickening of his chest. The fork was trembling in my grasp.

"You're the birthday boy," I reminded him, lightly. "You have to be the first to taste it." Never mind the fact that he'd probably made himself sick on it the night before.

In a snap-decision, his blush intensifying, he closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and leaned blindly forward. I moved the fork to meet him, watching as his lips closed over the metal. My fingers tightened over his, which spasmed slightly under my grasp. He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, then drew back, sliding from the fork, chewing hurriedly and then swallowing. His eyes blinked open, owlishly, a look of almost confusion within their depths. I gently released my hold on him.

"Is it good?" I asked softly. He licked a crumb from his lower lip.

"Yes," he said, voice almost guttural. He cleared his throat. "It – it…" He glanced around desperately. "Your turn!" He stabbed a piece of cake from the mass. Looking at me fearfully, he hesitated, then held it up. I smiled, delicately taking hold of his wrist, and ate the cake. He sucked in another breath, shaking slightly. I used my thumb to make small circles on the soft inner flesh of his arm, and the fork slid from him fingers.

"I – I – "

My hand slid into his, twining our fingers together. I couldn't help myself; I leaned forward, kissing him sweetly on the lips. He didn't respond, but I didn't expect him to. I drew back, allowing an inch to come between us, and whispered, "You what?"

He inhaled sharply, eyes fixed on mine. It took him a while. "C-can I – s-stay in here, tonight?" I straightened a little. He scrambled to explain, half horrified. "I – I mean! N-not for – for any – particular reason, but – but the mayor snores, and… and I c-couldn't sleep at all with him in the, in the room, and…"

"You snore, too," I said quietly. He blinked rapidly.

"How do you know that?"

"I don't mind, though. You can stay, So." I took the cake, wrapped it back up, and placed it with the forks into the cold bag. I lowered it to the floor, and stood up. "We might as well get some sleep," I said softly. "I'll just quickly go to the bathroom. You get comfortable, okay?" He nodded, looking torn between emotions and desires I didn't even want to contemplate. I went into the small en-suite, closed the door, and leaned back. I lowered my head, struggling to control my breathing. My hands went to cover my face, as I slid down to the cold tiles.

"Jesus," I whispered, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes. My heart was thundering, I could feel the reverberation through every cell in my body.

I suppose I had a decision to make. That was all.

I sniffed, removing one hand to stare wildly down at the floor. I moved it up to take hold of a hank of hair, tugging hard. Sora would be in bed by now. He'd be under the blankets in the dark, because we'd never switched the light on in the first place, better to hide our thoughts with.

Sora was in my bed. And he let me kiss him. And he brought me cake. And he let me kiss him.

A decision.

A… decision.

I lowered my hands to the floor, used them to push myself up onto my feet, slowly in case I fell. I straightened bit by bit, and, when I finally lifted my chin, I found myself staring at another Riku. A never-Riku. He looked every bit as pale as I, every bit as conflicted. His eyes were wide and crazy and desperate. I could see the pulse jumping at his throat.

We approached each other, equally slow, equally skittish. There was a tormented, excited, dreading, happy look to him. We each of us rested our hands gingerly on the counter, and whispered, "What should I do?"

We each of us hoped the other had the answer.

I leaned forward, touching my forehead to the glass. We stayed that way for a moment, communicating solidarity.

Then I turned from my reflection, and exited the room without a backwards glance.

Sora was in bed, a small huddle made thicker by the comforter, turned away from me. I went to my side, and carefully peeled back the covers, watching him warily. He didn't move, didn't twitch. I slid in beside him, taking care not to bounce the mattress. His presence had already warmed it, I felt the heat radiate to meet me, and bit my lip.

I lay on my side, facing him, forcing my breaths to be calm and slow. "Are you – are you asleep?" I whispered hopelessly. For a long minute, he didn't react. I knew he was awake. Even on the most peaceful nights, it took him a while to fall into slumber. Sometimes, he asked me to rub his back to help it along. He had trouble fully relaxing.

"No."

I closed my eyes in gratitude. "Are you – okay?"

Another long pause. Then, "Yeah." He slowly rolled over, wriggling his body around until his cheek was flush against the pillow, where he could stare at me from two feet away. Neither of us said anything. My eyes roamed the planes and contours of his lovely face, drinking in the smoothness, the roughness, the pits and perfections. He seemed to study me with just as much absorption.

"Was it… really a lie?" His voice was small, and soft. I thought his words through circumspectly, taking care not to say anything that would spoil this unsure connection.

"I'm glad it was a lie."

"Yes," I answered truthfully.

His gaze ticked between each of my eyes. "…Why?"

My fingers tightened into my palms. I momentarily bit my lips together. "Because… I wanted you to."

He blinked, with understanding, with confusion, with wonder.

I had a decision to make. That was all.

He shifted closer, narrowing the chasm between us inch by inch. Cautiously, he extended an arm, and touched my waist. I closed my eyes, fought against the shudder that frantically wanted to break free. I held it in check. His hand slid past my side, around to the small of my back, and he pulled himself closer. I lowered my nose instinctively to his hair, inhaling deeply, my arms automatically curling around him. He was so close to my heart now, close enough to feel it pound. Minutes passed, and he settled into my body. I gently stroked the back of his neck, uncertain, frightened that at any moment he would realise his position and yank back. But he didn't. He stayed. He relaxed, and he drifted off to sleep.

And so, I made my decision. It was now, now was the critical moment, now was the turning point in which I would either ultimately reject or accept.

I made the choice.

This was reality. Home.