Chapter 10

Why was I sleeping on a futon?

I struggled out of the depths of sleep to try to answer that question. I was definitely not at home...

Oh yeah, I was at Mom's apartment. I had told Dad about her and Kouichi the day before, and Kouichi had suggested that I come over there for the night. Then Dad had called and Kouichi had agreed to meet him at the hospital. I sat up to look around the bedroom, but Mom and Kouichi weren't there. Getting up and leaving the bedroom, I found Kouichi, already fully dressed and curled up on the couch with a book in hand.

"Good morning," he said quietly.

"'Morning," I yawned. "Are you always up this early?"

"Do you always sleep this late?" He replied with the faintest smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"Where's Mom? Already at work?"

"Yeah..." Kouichi's eyes darkened. "I have a feeling she'll get a fever tonight."

We were both silent for a moment.

"You should probably take a nap or something, just in case," I sighed. "I wish I could stay here tonight, too."

"I know." Kouichi put his book down and stood up. "There's cereal for breakfast, and juice..."

"Thanks." I had been to my mother's apartment long enough to know where the bowls were, and took one out of the cabinet. Then I took the box of cereal Kouichi offered me.

"I'm going to the hospital as soon as visitor hours open," he said. "You're coming, too?"

I paused in the act of opening the refrigerator for some milk. "Is that a question or an order?"

He glared at me. "I'd appreciate it if you came with me."

"Nervous about meeting Dad?"

Kouichi's eyes sank to the floor. "Very." He slumped into the chair across from me.

"It's one thing for me to say that I should meet Dad one day, but for me to do it...I used to think he'd abandoned me and Mom. What am I supposed to say? I can't do this alone, Kouji. I know Grandma will be there, but...I want you to be there too." He suddenly laughed bitterly. "It's funny...I was jealous of you getting all the attention from Mom and Grandma, but now that it's my turn I can't do it myself."

"You aren't."

"I know..." He slumped over the table and put his head down on his arms. "The worst thing is, I really don't care about meeting Dad. I'm only doing this because it's the nice thing to do...It's just hard for me to talk to strangers. I mean, you're different. You aren't really a stranger anymore. But Dad...What do I say?"

"You don't have to say anything. You aren't much of a talker, anyway."

He didn't respond.

I sighed as I poured milk into my cereal. He really was nervous.

An hour later, Kouichi and I stood outside Grandma's room. He held his hat in one hand and a book in the other. His face was pale and he took deep breaths as if to prepare himself for the inevitable.

"You going to be okay, big brother?" I asked. "I'm sure Dad will understand if you aren't feeling up to this."

"No, I'm not okay" he said softly. "But I have to do this at some point. I might as well get it over with."

Kouichi put the hat on his head and pushed the door open, then he froze. I looked over his shoulder to see that Dad was already there, talking to Grandma.

"Kouichi!" Granda smiled broadly. "Come say 'hi' to your father."

Kouichi's body trembled slightly, and I placed a reassuring hand on his back. I couldn't say if it helped him or not, because the trembling didn't stop. He pulled the hat down over his face, in a subtle effort to hide no doubt, and walked into the room.

"It's nice to meet you," he mumbled in a barely audible voice.

"Hey, Kouichi!" Dad got to his feet. "It's good to see you again."

He wrapped his arms around Kouichi's suddenly stiff body an a warm embrace. I half expected my brother to pull away from him, like I had when Mom first hugged me, but he didn't. He didn't relax, either, even after Dad finally pulled back.

"It's been such a long time. The last time I saw you, you still had trouble walking up the stairs."

Kouichi was projecting his "I'm not here" aura as much as he could. He didn't say anything, but nodded.

"You're nervous, right?" Dad asked. "Believe it or not, I am too."

"You should be," I snapped irritably.

"Kouji!" Grandma glared at me. "Be nice!"

I glared right back at her. What did she know? She hadn't gone through life thinking her loved ones were dead.

"So, Kouchi, how's your mother doing?" Dad asked. Kouichi, who was in the process of quietly slipping off to the table with the newspapers on it, froze. Most likely he'd been hoping that he could use the excuse of job hunting for Mom to avoid any contact with Dad.

"S-she's working hard," he mumbled softly, pulling the brim of his hat over his face.

I snorted. "You have a tendency to understate things, big brother."

Kouichi glared at me, then picked up the nearest newspaper and buried himself in it.

"Tomoko's pushing herself too hard," Grandma said. "But then, she always did."

"She's still too stubborn to get any rest?" Dad asked.

I leaned back against the wall next to the door. "Not quite. We managed to get her to take a day off once a few weeks ago."

"Once," Dad repeated. "Kouichi, if you ever need any help, you call me."

The paper twitched slightly.

"Your grandmother was just telling me about that award you picked up last year,"

"It's nothing…Just something I do."

"Something you do better than any of the other kids in your school." Grandma grinned broadly. "He's so modest sometimes."

"He was like that before the divorce, too," Dad said. "He'd always stand back and let Kouji do the talking for him."

The realization that Kouichi and I had spent our first two or three years together was a strange one. I frowned as I thought about what might have been if Mom and Dad had stayed together. I wouldn't have had to worry about being alone, or dealing with a stepmother. Maybe we wouldn't have moved around as much…And if we had, I still would have had my mother and brother there at least. If they hadn't divorced…

…If Dad hadn't lied to me about Mom and Kouichi…

…This was all Dad's fault…

I felt white-hot anger coursing through me, and stifled it. Grandma wouldn't be happy with me if I blew up in front of him. I struggled to keep my mind off my father's lies and back on the ongoing conversation.

"…Not surprised you still like books," Dad was saying. "You used to love storytime every night. In fact, I still have one of your favorite books from when you were little."

"And yet, you didn't even look at the pictures of him that Grandma sent you every year." The words were out of my mouth before I could even think about them. "They were still in the envelopes, unopened."

The room instantly froze as if we had all been dipped in ice. For one instant, the only movement was the paper falling out of Kouichi's suddenly lifeless hands, revealing a suddenly pale face and wide eyes at the betrayal. I suddenly couldn't look at that face, my face, as a crushing guilt came over me.

"S-sorry, I didn't mean it…" But, I had. I'd just accused my father of abandoning my brother, in front of that brother. "I…I'm sorry."

"Kousei, is that true?" Grandma asked quietly.

"It's true." Dad's voice shook. "I didn't want to see Kouichi grow up. It hurt to lose Kouichi …And the divorce went badly enough that Tomoko and I were both so angry at each other in the end. The thought of Kouichi being with your mother instead of me hurt too much for me to bear, and in my mind seeing the pictures of him happy with her…Looking at those pictures was like admitting defeat."

Kouichi didn't say anything, but his eyes gained an edge of sympathy. I on the other hand was outraged.

"So you lied to me, and didn't even look at my brother's pictures because that was 'admitting defeat?!' You really are pathetic!"

"That's enough!" Grandma cut through my scathing response. "We aren't here to put the blame on anyone now."

I glared at Dad, then my gaze fell onto Kouichi again. He was once again hiding behind the newspaper, so I couldn't see his face. What was he thinking? Was he actually sympathetic to Dad?

"She's right," Dad said. "I'll say what I should have said years ago. I'm sorry your mother and I couldn't work it out, and I'm sorry you two got caught up in all of it. I'm sorry I lied to you and Satomi, Kouji, and I don't expect any of you to forgive me, but I want you to know that I never stopped loving you, Kouichi."

A blue eye peered curiously out from behind the paper.

"Why did you two get divorced?"

Dad sighed. "If anything, it was because your mother and I were both too strong and too stubborn to back down. Neither of us could just relax and let the other take care of things…We were both convinced that the other was pushing themselves too hard. Maybe both of us were right, maybe neither of us were. Things went downhill for our marriage, and by the end we were so bitter towards each other that neither of us wanted anything to do with the other."

Kouichi regarded him thoughtfully before disappearing behind the paper again.

"The other...Satomi," he corrected himself. "Kouji says you married her three years ago, right?"

"Almost. Four more months."

"Oh." There was a slight pause, then: "What's she like?"

"She's very sweet, loving…Did Kouji tell you she's a computer programmer?"

"No, what does she do?" Grandma asked.

"She designs websites, and occasionally teaches classes at different places. That's how I met her, actually. She was teaching a course on website design at my firm, and I had some questions afterwards. That led into a date, and we got married a year later."

"Congratulations," Grandma's smile, at least, was genuine.

"Thanks."

I stifled the urge to remark about Dad's attempts to make Satomi replace my mother, but I had already hurt my brother with my outbursts once, and Grandma would chew me out again if I did.

"How's the hospital treating you, Aoi?" Dad asked Grandma.

"The staff are nice enough, they make sure I'm comfortable and usually do what they ask me to…" She waved her hand irritably. "But they ought to fire whoever makes the meals for the patients. I swear, I've had army rations that tasted better than whatever they're making."

Dad laughed. "I swear; you could make boiled leather taste good. Too bad they couldn't hire you."

"Oh, no. I worked fifteen years in a sushi bar. I'd rather jump off a cliff than deal with some of those customers again."

"You haven't changed a bit, Aoi. So, Kouichi, how's school going?"

Kouichi's shoulders stiffened behind the paper.

"F-Fine," he mumbled.

"He's really working hard," Grandma added. "He was studying with Kouji every day until the finals."

"Really?" Dad looked at me. "You haven't been studying with others willingly since…What was it, third grade?"

I said nothing, but simply glared at him. My studying habits were none of his business.

"Why did you stop?" Grandma asked. "Studying with others is a good thing. Even Kouichi does it once in a while.

"Probably because we moved to a new place around then," Dad said. "He never got used to the kids at the new school long enough to study with them…"

"That's because you got promoted four months later," I snapped.

Grandma frowned. "I knew you two were moving around a lot, but only four months?"

"I know," Dad pushed a hand through his hair. "It's obvious I was being selfish now, burying myself in my job to forget Tomoko and Kouichi, but at the time all I could think of was to give Kouji the best life I could. When I married Satomi, she made me realize what I was putting him through, and we haven't moved since."

The frown swiftly turned back into a grin.

"Now that is a relief. I don't think any of us would have liked Kouji having to leave just when we were getting to know him."

I snorted. "Yeah, especially since I could have met them sooner if you'd told me about them."

"Kouji, that's enough!" Grandma started to cough again.

"You okay, Aoi?" Dad asked.

"Fine…I just need some water. Kouji, could you get me some more?"

I stepped forward to take her cup, but Kouichi beat me to it. We all watched as he slipped off to the bathroom, then came out a few seconds later with a full cup.

"Thank you, sweetie." Grandma took a big gulp in between coughs. Kouichi hovered by her side, his shoulders tensing every time she coughed.

"Aoi?" Dad frowned in concern.

"I'm okay," Grandma finished coughing. "It's not as bad as it used to be."

"I would have hated to hear you when it was that bad," I said dryly. "You sound terrible."

She laughed as my brother went back to the table. "True. The doctors say that the best they can do is antibiotics and rest…I'm just not as quick to recover as I used to be."

Kouichi flinched slightly, no doubt worried about our grandmother's health.

"Kouichi, I was wondering if you would like to come over and visit someday," Dad said. "Satomi and I talked it over last night…"

I snorted. More like he begged her for forgiveness.

"…And she'd like to meet you."

"That sounds nice," Kouichi mumbled as he pulled the brim of his hat over his eyes.

"Maybe you could make it a family outing," Grandma suggested.

"That sounds like a great idea, Aoi. Where would you like to go, Kouichi?"

"Anywhere is fine."

"Anywhere? What kind of places do you like?"

My brother turned a lovely shade of red. "Bookstores."

"Not exactly a fun place for the whole family," Grandma laughed. Kouichi grabbed the newspaper again.

"Well, at least he'd enjoy it." Dad said. "Any ideas, Kouji?"

I thought about it. Someplace we could all enjoy…Wait, didn't Dad have pictures of us at a zoo when we were little?

"How about going to the zoo?" I suggested. "Dad and I used to do that a lot when I was little."

"That's definitely something we could do," Dad agreed. "How does that sound for you, Kouichi?"

"Good." I think Kouichi was saying that so that Dad would stop talking to him, I don't think Dad knew that though.

"It'll have to wait until my next day off, on Saturday," Dad said. "But I think you'll enjoy it. I remember you liked seeing the birds at the zoo when you were little."

The paper Kouichi was hiding behind twitched a little.

"He hasn't changed all that much," Grandma remarked. "He used to spend hours watching my bird feeder!"

A sly grin crossed Dad's face.

"He got it from you, right?"

"Who do you think was watching with him all those hours?" Grandma smirked at him. Now it was Dad's turn to laugh.

"I should have known. Well, looks like we're going to the zoo. When we're done, would you like to come over to our place? I promise Kouji's dog won't bite."

Blue eyes stared over the top of the paper in shock.

"I…But, I don't want to get in the way."

"Kouichi, you'd never be 'in the way'," Dad said. "In fact. Satomi's wanted to meet you even before she knew you were my son."

"I stayed over at Mom's place last night," I shrugged. "It's only fair that you come over to ours. Besides, Satomi could teach you to make a pie while you're there."

The eyes ducked back down the paper.

"I don't know...Mom needs me."

"Kouichi, your mother is stronger than you think she is." Grandma said with a snort. "She can live without you for one day."

"Big brother, having you over would make me happy." There, I said it. "I haven't had anyone over for a very long time, and ever since I met you I've wanted to show you what my life is like."

"I'll have to ask Mom," he said softly. "But, if you want me there...if she says I can stay over there for the night, I will."

"That's great." Dad stood up. "Well, I should get going. I have to start work soon…I'll see you Saturday, Kouichi."

Kouichi's response was a gargled mumble, which might have been "Okay." Dad grinned, opened the door, and left. Kouichi sighed in relief and dropped the paper,

"That went pretty well," Grandma said. "What do you think of him?"

"He seemed all right…" He took off the hat.

"He's nice enough, when he's not lying to anyone." I stuffed my hands into my pockets.

"Kouji, you really must learn to respect your father." Grandma pointed at me. "He might not have made the best choices, but at least he's trying."

I glared at the wall beside me. "I'll try."

"Well, you'll have enough time to 'try' on the trip. Kouichi, you can take my camera."

"Your…But I can't, It's yours!"

"Yes, it's mine. And I can decide what I want to do with it. You can use it to take pictures of the birds you see. Who knows, maybe you'll be a good photographer when you grow up." She grinned as Kouichi blushed again.

Mom once again was home late that night, and while I couldn't tell for sure, I thought she had a fever. She seemed a bit more listless than usual, although part of it was probably how tired she was and her lack of appetite. She barely picked at her dinner.

"Mom, you really should eat something." Kouichi took a big bite of his own food as if to prove how delicious it was.

"Sorry, sweetie…I'm just not hungry. I'm worried about your grandmother."

"I am, too." Kouichi's eyes darkened a bit before he continued. "Um, I met Dad today."

"I know, you said you were going to this morning. How did it go?"

"I think he was happier to see me than I was to see him…We're going to the zoo Saturday."

Mom's smile was genuine, in spite of her tiredness. "Oh sweetie, that's wonderful. I hope you have fun there."

"Yeah…There's something else, too…" His eyes flicked to me, as if asking for support. I sighed.

"Dad invited him to sleep over at his place afterwards, if you give him permission," I told her.

"Well of course you can. When Kouji first found us, I started thinking about how wrong your father and I were to split you boys up. It was selfish of both of us to think that keeping you two from each other would help keep the pain of the divorce away. So I've decided that it's time to stop being so childish and let you see your father."

Kouichi stared at her, eyes wide.

"What, did you think I was going to say 'no?'"

"N-no! It's not that. It's…" He paused, trying to think of the right phrase. "I'm not used to him…I'm not used to having a father."

"Oh, sweetie." Mom wrapped her arms around him. "I know, these things take time. But you have to start somewhere with your father…And I think it's been far too long since you've had any fun trips. I want you to be happy, and I think the trip to the zoo is just what you need."

"I hope so, Mom." Kouichi hugged her back. "I really hope so…And maybe someday when Grandma's better, we can all go."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that given how sick Grandma was, that probably would never happen.

Author's Note: Whoo, double digits! I think this is the first fic I posted here that's over ten chapters!

I finished this chapter in a bit of a rush because, long story short, I'm taking summer classes and will be kinda busy for the next month or so. But the good news is that the commute means that I can write, at least.