Chapter 10 – "You've really Got It bad"

"You should try and ride on your own," said Sodapop suddenly. He stopped the mare, swung his leg over her neck, and jumped down.

"W-what?" Johnny spluttered. "I... I dunno how!" He looked down at Soda, who, to his relief, still had a hold on the reins.

"Don't worry," smiled Sodapop, seeing how scared the other boy looked. "I'll hold on to her all the time. And she's tired now, so she won't try anything."

He helped Johnny move forward into the saddle. Then he adjusted the stirrups so the length fit.

"Stroke her neck to tell her she's good and that you're a nice person."

Johnny reached out and carefully ran his hand down the silky skin.

"Now take the reins," Soda instructed and showed Johnny how to hold them. "You wanna keep a slight slack in 'em all the time except when you want her to slow down or turn. Most English riders keep 'em real tight all the time and force the horse's head down. Imagine how unpleasant that is for the horse.

"E-English?"

"Oh, I ain't talking about the British," laughed Sodapop. Johnny sure didn't know a thing about horses. "English is the riding style. There's Western and there's English. You can only ride English here at the school. I ain't sayin' Western riders ain't rough on the horses too, it's just in a different way. A lot of riders just don't think about how they treat their horses and that's a shame. They forget they're dealing with living creatures. It ain't very smart either, 'cause if ya treat a horse right she'll do anything for ya."

Johnny smiled shyly at Soda. "You sure know a lot about horses..." He carefully leaned a bit forward and stroked the mare's neck again. She seemed to like it. "I always wanted an animal. A dog or a cat. Never did think about horses, thought, 'cause we live in the city. Unless my dad would let it stay in the living room," he grinned.

Sodapop laughed. Then asked, "Why didn't your parents let you have a cat or a dog?"

"My parents..."

Johnny didn't know what to say. He had once asked if he could have a dog when one of their neighbors' dog had puppies, but that turned out to be a mistake. His father had laughed and told him he was no good for anything and wouldn't even be able to take care of a dumb dog, and his mom had slapped him and yelled at him for having no respect for her, wanting to bring a filthy animal into the house, chewing her shoes and ruining the furniture.

"They just don't like animals..."

"That's too bad..." said Sodapop. "Well, let's get going, shall we? I just gotta show ya how to sit right."

He placed a hand on Johnny's chest and another on the small of his back and molded him into the right position.

Johnny's breath hitched and he tensed up.

"The most important thing is to relax," instructed Sodapop and let his hand slide down Johnny's thigh to his lower leg. "Lower your heels a bit and then relax your legs. Your lower body belongs to the horse."

Johnny gulped and tried to focus on what Soda was saying and not on the hand running down his body. He closed his eyes for a second and took in a deep breath. "O-okay..." he stuttered and let Sodapop adjust his legs and feet.

Oh, God, he's touching me… Stay calm. Stay calm!

"You... you promise you won't let go... right?"

"Cross my heart," smiled Sodapop. "Now relax and try and find your point of balance. You stay on a horse by balance - not leg power."

Johnny moved a little to see if he could find what Soda called the balance as the horse started walking. Riding a horse didn't seem too hard now. Then of course, Sodapop was leading her, and if he let go, Johnny would probably jump off in fear.

"W-who taught ya to ride?" he asked, still focusing on keeping his balance.

"No one really," said Soda as he walked alongside the horse. "Trial and error. There's a lot of stables around Tulsa and I hung around them and jumped on a horse whenever I got the chance." He laughed. "I musta fallen off a thousand times before I got the hang of it!"

"So... you just taught yourself?" Johnny asked, gazing admiringly at the boy walking next to the horse. It seemed the more he looked at him, the more he wanted to be close to him. He wanted him to lift him down off the horse and kiss him. He wanted to lay in the grass with him and look at the sky, holding his hand, and -

Johnny shook his head briefly to snap out of it.

Don't think about it. You know it can never happen. You know he has girls swarming around him all the time.

"Yup! We couldn't afford lessons. We're real poor, you know. Well, it's better now 'cause Darry gets a decent salary, but back in Tulsa we had nothing. We lived in a real bad neighborhood, too. I never had my own horse."

A horse was the only thing Sodapop had ever really wanted for himself. He didn't mind not being able to afford material goods. He didn't care how worn his clothes and shoes were or if he didn't have a smartphone or laptop. But having his own horse had always been his dream.

"Misty here ain't mine either. She belongs to the school," he said and affectionately stroked the mare's neck. I wish she were mine, though. Pony once tried to save up to buy a horse for me – ain't that sweet?"

"Yeah... that's real sweet," Johnny said with a smile on his face. "But I guess… since you're real good with horses and all, you can easily get a job with horses. And then maybe get your own."

"Sure hope so!"

Sodapop looked up at Johnny, who seemed to have become comfortable with the horse and was enjoying the ride.

"Well, we should probably get back now, and it'll take forever if we just walk, so I'll get back up. You can sit in front this time."

Soda took a hold of the saddle for support and deftly jumped up behind Johnny.

"I'll take the reins and you can hold on to a wisp of mane," he said and reached around Johnny's waist to take the reins.

Johnny gulped, feeling his heart start to pound like mad in his chest. He was suddenly sweating profusely, and wondered how he could have thought it was too cold just a few minutes ago. He carefully weaved his clammy fingers into the mare's mane as Sodapop turned her to head home. He sat there stiff as a board, trying not to lean back into Soda.

"Lean back against me, or you won't be able to keep your balance," said Soda, almost resting his chin on Johnny's shoulder (Johnny sitting a bit higher than him because of the saddle). Johnny seemed very tense again and Soda suddenly got the thought that maybe he wasn't comfortable with sitting like this. Maybe he wasn't used to close physical contact. Or maybe it was because he was a boy. "Are you okay with sitting so close to me?" he asked.

"I... um… Yeah, it's okay..." Johnny said, trying not to sound like this was something he had dreamt about doing ever since he first laid eyes on Sodapop.

He gulped again and forced himself to relax as he leaned back into Sodapop. It felt like something out of a dream, riding back together in a slow canter, moving in sync with Soda and the horse. Feeling Soda's body flush against his back, his arms around him, and his breath close to his ear, made Johnny lightheaded and feel warm inside.

When they reached the stables Soda jumped off and helped Johnny down.

"You're probably gonna be real sore tomorrow and walk funny 'cause you ain't used to riding."

"More to be teased about," said Johnny with a silly grin on his face.

o0o0o

Sandy was walking down the path to the stables when she suddenly spotted Sodapop coming riding in on Misty. She stopped dead in her tracks, realizing that there was another rider as well and that it was Johnny.

"That... little... bastard!" she hissed, watching Soda lift Johnny down from the horse. "That was supposed to be me!" She narrowed her eyes. "Oh... Just you wait, you little brat!" She turned and headed back toward the school. "Just you wait..."

o0o0o

"Pony said something about you two studying together tonight, didn't he?" asked Sodapop and checked his watch. "You should probably get going, then, if ya want a shower first. I can't come with ya, 'cause I have to tend to a couple of horses."

There were no stable boys employed as it was the students' own responsibility to take care of their horses. Some of the more spoiled students, however, were very displeased with this arrangement; they found it below them to do such dirty work so they paid Sodapop to do some of it for them. Soda didn't mind at all and was glad he could help Darry out a bit with the finances

"Oh. Yeah. Right. I forgot… Um… Thank you for the ride... I mean… Yeah… The horse ride... Thank you." Johnny stuttered and hurried off.

I am… such… a dork.

o0o0o

Johnny met up with Ponyboy at the library half an hour later.

"S-sorry I'm late... I needed to take a shower first," he said and dropped down across from Pony, who was sitting with books and papers spread out all over the table.

"So… Was it good?" Ponyboy grinned.

"It was scary. But fun," Johnny smiled and took out his own books.

They both got busy reading. After a little while, without looking up from his book, Ponyboy asked, "So - how long have you known you were gay?"

Johnny's head snapped up and he dropped his pencil in surprise. "What?" he exclaimed.

Another student a few tables down shushed them and Johnny ducked his head behind his book. "W-what do you mean by that?" he asked in a low voice, peeping at Ponyboy over the edge.

Oh, God... How does he know? Is it really that obvious?

"Oh, come on," said Ponyboy and put his book down. "I've seen how you look at my brother."

"Um... I... I've known for a few years..." Johnny admitted. "Sorry… I just think your brother is very handsome. That's all…"

"Of course you do. Everybody does. But it's more than that, ainit? I mean, you've really got it bad, don't ya?" Ponyboy couldn't help chuckling at the expression on Johnny's face. "Relax, man. I ain't gonna kill you or nothing."

"Got... got it bad?" Johnny said in an almost whisper. "Just… Please don't tell anyone, okay? I ain't exactly out..." He put his book down and took a deep breath. "And I won't hit on your brother. Promise."

"Of course I won't tell. Don't worry 'bout it," said Ponyboy.

Ponyboy considered telling Johnny that Sodapop was bisexual, but decided against it. He didn't want him to get his hopes up in case Soda wasn't interested. There was no doubt Soda really liked Johnny, but in that way? Probably not.

"Thanks," Johnny said and went back to reading.

After a few minutes of silence, he looked up and Ponyboy again. "So… You gonna ask anyone to the party on Saturday?"

"No," said Ponyboy. "I don't know who that should be. I'm also kinda shy about that sort of thing, ya know. But it'll be fun anyways."

A/N: Remember to check out the illustration for the chapter (link on my profile).