Author's Notes: Hey everyone! So I got another update for y'all. I'm sorry about the lack of them lately, but I've been quite busy with RL and other things. However, I do have other fanfics and one-shots I'm working on as well, and I hope to get those posted in the near future. However, I hope y'all will like this update. Happy Reading ^.^
Hours had passed, and Donnie remained motionless. Wide-eyed, he stared up at his ceiling from the confines of his bed. All the warmth from earlier seeped away, and he ached all over. He wasn't sure how long he'd laid there, but to be honest, he didn't care.
He just didn't feel like moving…
Then again, he didn't want to be alone either.
His lips trembled, and every joint ached. But again, he couldn't bring himself to move. Donnie just wanted to lay there, contemplating everything that had happened. Everything that had happened because of him and his ill will.
It was funny for him to think about having an ill will. However, was he mentally ill? He remembered all of it–it burned and ached in the back of his skull. Right underneath the inner workings of his thoughts, things cluttered and began piling up.
Donnie sighed, allowing a thin stream of air to pass his dry, cracked lips. It was just too much for him, and he wished his brothers or April hadn't left him alone. After they'd put him to sleep, he woke up with no one by his side. All that was there was a small stream of light coming from his door.
Bitterness swelled upwards and he closed his eyes. As he squeezed them tight, flashes of blood came before him, and his ear piercing screams followed in pursuit. He whipped them back open, and felt the gears wanting to turn.
But no, he needed to stay level headed.
He needed to move.
Mustering up the little strength he had, he pushed himself up with the base of his arms. His biceps trembled, and his neck ached. Every muscle wanted to cramp with excruciating pain. Ugh, this hurts so much more than it did earlier.
Then as he managed to sit up straight, he felt pain radiate throughout his head. So much pain, and it continued to build up.
"What the hell have I done to myself?" Donnie whispered heavily.
Though, he knew the answer. He'd witnessed all of it, but yet, couldn't stop it. Just like everything else, he wasn't able to do anything. It was all his fault. All of it. He was just a useless freak within–
Stop it. You know that's not true.
He grit his teeth as he dispersed the thoughts. Now wasn't the time for that, and honestly, there was never a time for that. But as he twisted, allowing his legs to hang off the bed, he became more accustomed to the pain.
No, it wasn't nearly as bad as he thought. Though, that was a lie.
A soft chuckle passed his lips as he rolled his shoulders. Everything felt stiff, rigid, and soon enough, he felt the fibers in his muscles stretch as he worked with loosening them. However, he still didn't want to get up, but he couldn't stand being in his room anymore.
Hoisting himself to his feet, he staggered a bit and caught himself before falling into the mess that surrounded him. He looked at the piles of work that laid before him, and he twisted his lips in disgust. His room would need cleaning, but that would have to wait.
Then he looked towards the door. The light seeped inwards, and when he closed his eyes, he heard familiar voices. His family was close by, and perhaps he would go see them. He needed to see them and make things right.
As he turned and made his way across the cluttered room, his legs wobbled, knees threatening to give way. His body had been inactive for way too long, and he wasn't sure how long it would take to recover. But when he reached the door, he stumbled and grappled onto the handle.
Donnie pressed his weight up against it, clutching the door for dear life as he tried to regain his footing. The line shone on him clearly, and he looked down at his body. He saw himself for the first time, what he actually looked like.
He was so weak and frail. Thin limbs, scratches and scars, along with worn skin.
What had he done to himself?
Suddenly, there was a faint snicker, followed by joyus voices. Then another giggle. Then a burst of laughter.
His eyes grew wide as his mouth hung open. The throbbing within his temples grew violent, and the gears creaked within their locked positions. While he was struggling with pain, his family were off having fun.
Bitterness caught within his throat as he choked down the bile. He was alone, and they were having a good time. They didn't really care-
No! Focus.
As he fought with himself, he held firmly to the door for support. Should he go see them after all? Maybe I shouldn't…
He glanced back towards his bed, releasing his hold onto the door. His legs trembled as he tried to turn back. However, a surge of pain emitted from the back of his skull, and so, he fell to ground with a hard thump.
A jolt shot through his body, and a weak cry passed his lips. As he lay on the floor, he cupped his head, refusing to give in. But the gears, they pressed. Creaking, beginning to grind. His jaw clenched tightly and pressed his fingers into his skull.
"Donnie!" Mikey's panicked voice called. "Leo, I need your help in here!"
The next thing Donnie knew, two sets of strong hands were lifting him up. His weight was eased up, and he felt the floor beneath his toes.
"Are you okay? Did you hit anything?" Leo asked as he glanced over him.
"Ngh- I'm fine. Just, I don't want to be in here anymore," Donnie whined out.
"Alright. Mikey, let's take him into the living room."
Donnie shifted his weight between his brothers, and the throbbing refused to cease. His head felt so heavy; his pain was nearly suffocating. As they made their way down the hall, his feet were scraping against the cold, harsh stone.
He recalled the laughter, but as he looked up and saw Raph and April, their faces were solemn, heavy even.
Had he imagined it all?
No, he couldn't have. He clearly heard it…but no one looked happy. What was the matter with him? As he struggled to reason with himself, the gears creaked and rattled. Then finally, their locks came undone and they began to rotate. His thoughts piled up, cluttering over them.
He couldn't take it.
He just wanted out…
His breathing became labored as they sat him down on the couch. He sunk within the cushions, and looked up at them pleading eyes. What had he done to deserve this?
Oh right, he was the root of it all.
A soft hand rested upon his, causing him to jump. They were tender fingers, and they gripped his index. He looked to his left and saw April's watery eyes staring at him. To be honest, he couldn't feel his skin against hers, since the bandages were in the way, but he wanted to.
But no, he couldn't break her too.
He remained silent, and his own eyes began to water. The gears slowly turned, and the thoughts kept building and building. Though, he couldn't make sense of it all.
Why was she even here? He didn't deserve her presence.
"Donnie?" Leo asked, his voice weary.
In response, he snapped his head forward and looked up at him. He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore, or why he wanted to be out in the open. The space made him feel uncomfortable, and he couldn't take the constant staring.
"Donnie?" he asked again.
He didn't want to answer. The pressure was too much as the gears kept turning. All he wanted was to be left alone–no, he didn't want to be alone. That was the last thing he wanted, and yet…
April scooted closer to him, tightening her grip. As she leaned in, he felt his heart race. A sudden thought caught in a gear, causing him to cringe. However she didn't back off, and only proceeded further.
She brought both her hands up towards his face. They stopped in the air for a moment as she hesitated. Her eyes watered even more, and she bit into her lower lip. Then she rested her hands against his temples, and Donnie's breath caught in his lungs.
He didn't want to go through that again. No, he didn't want to face it, but he couldn't bring himself to move.
I don't want to be alone…
At that thought, warmth seeped into him. It washed over the gears, and swept away the clutter. His eyes went wide, and her floral scent seeped into his nose. As he allowed her presence in, his own eyes welled up with water.
This time, it didn't hurt. No pain, no suffering, only the truth.
His brothers loved him, and he wasn't truly alone.
No, only he really was. His mind–the gears, they're all out of order. And he didn't know how to solve the problem. Then again, was there a problem? There was, but he could fix it. Right?
Another wave coursed through, and finally, the gears came to a halt. His breathing slowed, becoming a smooth cadence. The throbbing seeped away. All that was left were his thoughts, and the clarity that came with it.
She withdrew her hands and gave him a good look before looking towards Leo. He met her gaze, and Donnie watched as the two of them had an unspoken conversation. His other two brothers stood by as well, and Raph eyed him with caution.
What is going on? What are they planning?
Then it was as if Leo read his thoughts. He looked Donnie in the eyes and sat down next to him. His face was set with an authoritative look, showing a decision had been made. A decision Donnie knew nothing about. And frankly, he was scared to find out what it was.
However, Leo sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Look Donnie, you're really sick. We can keep you down here in the lair anymore, and we need to get you help. April can only do so much–"
"I'm fine. I can figure this out–"
"No, you can't Donnie. Not this time," his voice became increasingly desperate, "Please, rely on us for once. Let us help you."
"Yeah bro, we want to help you," Raph added, his face sincere.
Donnie looked around, shocked and fearful. He didn't want to leave. This was his home. This was where all his work was. And to leave that all behind, and…
No, he couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep wallowing in the past.
Water streaked down his cheeks as tears broke free. April leaned in and wiped them from his cheeks. "Donnie, I'm so sorry for leaving when you needed us the most. It's just I-"
"Don't apologize. There's no reason for you too," he said, cutting her off. Guilt stabbed at him, and so, he looked back towards Leo and his brothers. "Actually, it's me that should be sorry. I-I can't even…"
"It's okay. Honestly, I blame myself for not paying more attention to you. I'm sorry we made you feel like…that," Leo replied in a heavy breath. His face became more sullen, and Donnie wasn't sure what he'd meant.
"That?" Donnie asked as he cocked a brow.
In response, Leo pulled the wad of paper from his belt. Donnie's eyes widened in horror, since he was all too familiar with it. When he couldn't make sense of his thoughts, he tried to scribble them down, and now, his brother had found them.
"So the truth is out?" he asked, gulping down some air.
Leo nodded and put the paper back. "It's okay, Donnie. We are just going to go back to Northampton. Mr. O' Neil will have a look at you, since he refuses to come back to the city. Besides, the fresh air and sunlight will do you some good."
"Yeah, we could have a party and go swimming! We'll make sure that you'll have a good time!" Mikey added in, his excitement welling up.
Donnie mustered up a weak smile. He glanced back towards April, and honestly, he was so thankful to her. He felt her and her entirety. So now, he felt ashamed for how he acted. He felt ashamed for thinking the way he did about her.
She cared about him, and now, he knew that.
And hopefully, he could make things right with her–with everyone.
He looked back towards Leo and dipped his head. The gears stayed where they were, and he knew it wouldn't stay that way. He knew his mind was in a state of chaos, and that turmoil had only been put to sleep. It was only a matter of time before it rose back up, and he knew that.
So he needed to do this for them and himself.
"Alright Leo, I'm in…I just don't want to be alone anymore."
A/N: Well, that happened. ^.^ I hope you guys liked this chapter. The truth is out, and things are coming to a close. It's funny to think that I'm close to completing this. There's only one more installment left, just so that there's closure. Honestly, I can't thank everyone enough for the support y'all have given me. The comments mean a lot, and I can only continue to grow. Anyways, I'll try to get the last chapter out as soon as I can. ^.^ Thanks again!