A/N: Hello to all my readers, and I hope you are having a fabulous day. I would have posted this yesterday, only my computer was failing me at the time, so I couldn't.
I just want to say thanks to those who reviewed (you know who you are!) and thanks to everyone who put this on their alerts or favorites! It makes me happy to know that there are people who enjoy reading my writing enough to be told when I'm updating my story.
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Sirius's POV
It's been two weeks since the murdering of the McAverys and Lily seems to be recovering from the shock. I wish I could say that James's and my friendship is recovering as well, but it's not. It makes most of the entire population of Hogwarts uneasy, I can tell. I don't want to sound big headed or anything (well, I really am, so whatever) but with James and me not talking to each other, it makes class awkward. Normally we sit next to each other in class and don't shut up the entire lesson. Now we sit as far away as possible and the only time we look at each other is to cast the other a furious glare. Although, I have to say that the loss of my best friend is hurting me way more than I'm letting on. I've been laughing it off, but inside I'm torn apart every time I see him walk past me without a second glance in my direction. James was my first real friend. And now he won't even talk to me. Lupin has been great – he doesn't support my betrayal of James, but he puts up with me, and he's civil to my Lily. Peter – he flits between James and myself, never knowing which one to try and please, it's a bit pathetic, really.
It's Potions and Lily and I are sitting together. For the past two weeks we've been studying the theory of a particularly difficult potion, but today we are finally going to get a shot at actually brewing it. Professor Slughorn moves between us, pairing us up. I move instinctive towards Lily. Of course Slughorn doesn't notice this, instead, he booms:
"Black and Potter, you both have been very well behaved for a while in my class, so I'll actually let you work together this lesson!" He looks at us as though he is giving us a great gift. Usually, I would agree with him. Most of the teachers try as hard as possible to never let the two of us work on a project together. James shoots a very nasty look my way and says:
"Professor, if you don't mind, I'd rather work with anyone," he stresses the word, "besides Black."
"Very funny joke, Mr. Potter," Slughorn merely smiles at him and moves on. James is clearly fuming and I see Lily and Remus cast me apologetic glances. I get up, almost timidly, and move towards James, who doesn't acknowledge me at all, but simply starts setting up the potion ingredients.
"Um, James?" I say quietly so that the rest of the class, who I'm pretty sure is doing their best to listen, can't hear me.
"You can stir, Black," James snaps, without keeping his voice down. "Now just let me do the work." I frown, but I know that it's my fault that James isn't talking to me. But the continued use of my last name, and the bitterness in which he says it stings. I pick up the stirring stick and begin to slowly stir the orange liquid within.
"You know," James says after a very awkward ten minutes of silence between us, "You really are a good actor. You know, you had me convinced that you were different, that you cared, that you had a heart. But that just goes to show that you can never trust a Black."
"None of my family would ever go out with a Muggle-born," I say automatically, but I instantly regret my words.
'That's not exactly the point, now is it, Black?" James hisses.
"James, please, listen to me," I say, but James looks at me so ferociously that I stop talking and start paying attention to my stirring.
Finally I decide that we've got to talk, and I don't care what comes out of my mouth, but I have to tell him that I'm sorry. He's never even given me the chance to say that.
"James, I'm sorry. I really am," I say before he can interrupt me.
"I can see," James says scathingly and sarcastically.
"What do I have to say to get you to believe me?" I demand. I know I'm the one that wronged him, but I am getting tired of this attitude he's giving me. I know I'm being a prick, but I really think that he should forgive me.
"There's nothing you can say, Black," he snaps.
"Would you please stop calling me Black?" I ask testily. James doesn't reply.
Screw Potions. I hate this.
Lily's POV
I noticed that Sirius was attempting to talk to Potter during Potions. I also noticed that the conversation didn't go exactly well. My insides are eating me alive. If it weren't for me, the two of them would still be friends. It's all my fault. It's as easy as that. I know what I have to do – I have to talk to Potter. Even though talking to Potter is really the last thing I'd like to do, I know I have to talk to him. Maybe I could help sort some things out.
When we go to lunch, I lean over to Lupin and ask quietly, "Do you know where Potter is?" He looks up at me questioningly. I grimace and shrug.
"He's on the Quidditch pitch," he says quietly back to me. I sit down momentarily next to Sirius.
"I've got to go do something," I tell him, and he smiles and kisses me on the cheek.
"See you later, then?" I say, and he nods, his mouth full of steak.
I jump up and hurry out of the Great Hall and down the stone steps of the castle. Wrapping my cloak tight around me (it's October and really quite brisk) and scurry off towards the Quidditch Pitch. When I get there, I look up in the sky and see a solitary figure high above me, soaring through the crisp air.
"Potter!" I call loudly. I see his pale face look down at me briefly, but I can't see his expression. He doesn't come down to the ground.
"James!" I try again, thinking that he might respond more friendly if I use his first name. I see his pale face again, and I see it for a little longer this time. He seems to be considering me.
"Please, James, I need to talk to you!" I cry. Slowly he leans forward and tips the broom down until he lands softly on cold grass.
"I'm only talking to you because it's you," he says, as though he has to clear this up. I fight not to roll my eyes – my boyfriend's friendship is on the line, I can't ruin it by getting mad at Potter.
"OK," I say.
"Are you OK?" He asks. This doesn't make sense, and I think my face shows my confusion because Potter explains:
"About those murders. I know that it was a big shock to you. I mean, it was a big shock to us all."
"Oh," I say. I didn't want to talk about this. I'm still upset about it, but I know I can't dwell on it. "Well, I guess I'm alright," I say. "I mean, it was pretty horrible."
"It was," Potter agrees. We stand there in the cold, me beginning to shake with the cold.
"We ought to get inside," Potter says, noticing me shivering.
"I wanted to talk to you," I say.
"I know," Potter says.
"Sirius really is sorry," I say. I feel so stupid. I've never had a civilized conversation with Potter, and it's kind of awkward trying to.
"I know," is his unexpected reply.
"You do?" I ask, surprised.
"Yeah, I do. I know he never meant to hurt me like that. It just sort of happened. I understand, it's hard not to like you, you know?" Potter says. Now this conversation is quite sufficiently awkward.
"Anyway," he continues, "I have to make him hurt. Do you know what I mean?"
I look at him, astonished. "You want to make him hurt?"
"Well, yeah," he says, looking ashamed of himself. "Look, I know it's not very mature, but I can't help it. I've always thought that you would be mine eventually. So I'm hurt that it was him that got you instead of me, and I want to make him hurt like I'm hurt." Why does he insist on making this conversation quite so awkward?
"Well," I say slowly. "I guess I kind of do understand, but don't you think you've made him hurt enough?" I ask cautiously.
"That's something I'm going to have to ask you," he says simply. "Do you think he's hurt enough?"
I look right into his eyes. "Yes, I do."
"And you're not just saying this because you're his girlfriend?" Potter asks quickly.
"No, I know he's really hurting. He hasn't told me, but I know he's hurting. You're his best mate, James," I say. It feels weird to say James, but I figure I have to keep him on my good side right now. He has the grace to look slightly ashamed of himself.
"Look, I already said myself that it's incredibly immature," he says quickly, as though defending himself.
"And I already said that I understand," I say, slightly testily.
"I know he's hurting," he says under his breath, but I catch it.
"Look – " I start, but he interrupts me.
"I can't give it up just yet. It's just that I can't bear to see the two of you two together," he says. "It hurts so much."
I nod, shivering violently.
"We should get inside," he says and with his broom over his shoulder, begins to make his way across the frozen grass towards the castle and I follow.
"I'm sorry, too," I say as we walk across the grounds. Potter looks at me.
"What are you sorry for?" He asks.
"I feel terrible that I ruined your' friendship," I say.
"Lily," he says, stopping. I stop and he puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me to face him. "It's not your fault." I don't look at him.
"It is. If it wasn't for me, you two would still be friends," I mutter. He places a hand under my chin and raises it so that I look him in the eyes.
"I repeat, this is not your fault," he says sternly. "Don't for one second believe that this is your fault."
I grimace. "I'm still sorry," I say.
"I know you are, and I don't want you to be," he says.
"Well, do you think you can forgive Sirius?" I ask hesitantly. Potter looks at me for a long time. He finally nods.
"Thank you," I say quietly, and I hug him. He stands stiff at first, but then wraps his arms around my shoulders and hugs me too.
"But maybe just not yet," he says quietly. I look at him, frowning slightly. "Look, Lily," he says, "You're hard to get over, you know? I mean, you're just so perfect, it's hard to let you go."
"I'm not perfect," I say automatically. I look at him, but I know this is the best I'm going to get, so I nod. Merlin, I wish this could be easier.
Sirius's POV
In Care of Magical Creatures (Lily isn't in this class) I momentarily forgot that James isn't talking to me and secured myself a detention by pissing off a Dryad (a nymph that lives in an Oak tree) that had agreed to talk to our class about nymphs by asking her why she didn't live in an aspen tree because I thought aspen trees are prettier. Who know she would take offense to that? I thought I was flattering her. Anyway, after throwing some choice insulting words at me (one about me being a dull human who didn't understand the immense complexity of nature and its true inhabitants) she stormed away from my class and Professor Kettleburn thought that I deserved a detention. What's wrong with what I asked her? Search me.
Anyway, the point of this is that whenever James or I get a detention, the other one always secures themselves a detention as well. But I forgot that James isn't talking to me, so now I have to spend the detention alone.
That is why it is eight thirty and I am making my way by myself to the top of the Astronomy Tower (I don't think I've been alone up here in years) to scrub off the dragon dung that Peeves had smeared all over the lenses of the biggest telescope that the school possesses. Normally when I go up to the Astronomy Tower I have much different things on my mind. But not now. Now all I have to do is scrub at dragon dung. Not exactly romantic. Oh well, it's not too bad, I suppose. Lily's on duty tonight, patrolling the corridors and when I'm done maybe I can catch up to her and sneak off somewhere.
"Good evening, Mr. Black," says a voice as soon as I climb out on the Astronomy Tower. I turn to see Professor Sinistra, the Astronomy teacher. I flash my charming smile at her, and see the corners of her mouth twitch upwards.
"Good evening, Professor," I say.
She hands me a scrub brush and some sort of magical mess remover crap. Whatever. I just want to get this done and over with as soon as I can. So I smile widely at the Professor again. She graduated two years before I came to Hogwarts, so she's young for a teacher at twenty five – and very susceptible to my delightful (if I may say so myself) smile. This time I think I see her blush (it's pretty dark up here) and I brush her hand as I take the cleaning materials from her.
"Is that a new hat, Professor?" I ask. This time I definitely see her blush.
"Why, yes, Mr. Black," she giggles. I almost feel sorry for the woman. I should stop flirting with her. I guess Lily wouldn't approve. But honestly, I'm doing it out of my best intentions – so I can see Lily faster!
And my flirtations definitely get me somewhere. Half an hour later and after a quick scrub of the lens and a hasty oiling of all the moving parts of the telescope (focusing on not smearing the recently cleaned lens) she tells me that I can go. I beam at her before whisking myself away and down the tightly spiraling staircase down the tower.
As soon as I reach the bottom, I reach into my pocket and pull out a plain piece of parchment.
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I whisper, tapping the map and lines snake out and trace a map of Hogwarts. I quickly glance around the map until I see Lily's dot wandering around on the fourth floor and I promptly set off in that direction. I occasionally take out the map so I can make sure to find Lily as quickly as soon as I can. Soon I see her dot around the corner.
"Mischief managed," I whisper, tapping the map again and the lines of the castle vanish. I hastily replace the map in my pocket and walk jauntily around the corner.
"Oh, hi, Lily," I say casually, as though I just happened to run into her by chance.
"Sirius! How did you find me? And it's after hours, I should take points from Gryffindor!" Is her immediate reaction.
I walk casually up to her and place my hands around her waist (I feel her quiver as I touch her), forcing her to look up at me.
"From your own house, Evans? You wouldn't!" I say, grinning down at her. "And how I found you is a little secret I'm afraid I can't let you in on. Let's just say it's a little piece of mischief."
"Sirius Black!" She says, but she is grinning, so I know that she isn't mad at me. "You are impossible!"
I lean down and kiss her lightly. Barely moving away from her so that my lips still brush against hers as I speak, I say, "Am I still impossible?"
"Oh, just – " But she is cut short as I close the distance between us and begin to kiss her in earnest.
There is a sound of something smashing and Lily and I break apart, looking around, Lily with a guilty look on her face. And there stands the very last person I would want to find me snogging Lily Evans in a corridor after hours, a glass shattered on the floor where it had been dropped.
"I," says James, and he looks like he's going to punch me again. I want to step away from Lily, but I know she wouldn't be impressed by that. But James merely stares angrily at me for another second and then he turns on his heal and storms away from the two of us. My heart sinks. I can't stand that he hasn't forgiven me yet. It's been weeks since Lily and I started dating and James still isn't showing any sign of forgiving me. Not that I should be, I just thought, maybe, our friendship meant more to him than a girl. Wait, that makes me a hypocrite. Damn.
I face Lily and drop my head down onto her shoulder. "I can't take much more of this, Lils," I mutter. Lily's hands appear on either side of my face and she lifts my head so that I'm looking her in the eyes.
"I talked to him today," she says quietly, "and I think that he's close to forgiving you. It's just going to take some time."
"I wish that time was over so that we could be friends again," I groan. "He is – was – my best mate. And I want my best mate back."
"I understand," Lily says, and I know she really does. Lily is just perfect in that way. I lean my head back down on her shoulder and she runs her fingers lightly through my hair. I'm going to sound like a total sap, but I feel safe here with Lily.
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A/N: I'm not sure how long I want to draw out James being mad at Sirius. What do you all think? It's been a few weeks so far. What do you all think?