Authors Note: This is my longer story about James Bond and Alec Trevelyan. Green Eyes, Golden Heart. The title is to reflect the name of the movie, but also how so many women seems to like Alec's green eyes. This is partially based on my one shots, or rather they provide a background for this, and so, many things that are just mentioned briefly here, is written in full in them.
Very big thanks goes to Earendil Eldar for beta work.
Disclaimer: I do not own James Bond, Alec Trevelyan or any other James Bond related item or person. I have only borrowed the characters and will return them. Not even making any serious attempt at kidnapping Alec, and as I have gotten some special glue form Q, he shall appear utterly unharmed.
Green Eyes and Golden Heart
Chapter 10
"Are you sure about this James?" Alec asked a bit nervously.
"Yeah, of course I am." James stretched his limbs. He had dragged Alec with him for a work out. He needed to keep in shape, and it would do Alec good as well. He had missed someone to practise hand to hand combat with. No one else could keep up with him.
No one else could cut it so close, they always tried to hit for real when they spared, they were so evenly matched, knew each other so well, that they could land the punches full force, and only rarely would they do any damage at all.
Bruises did not count.
James could hit full force because he knew Alec would block. He knew that Alec could read his mind and knew where he would strike. He knew that should one of them miss, and actually hit, there was no hard feelings between them. It was not in their nature to hold back, in practice, or in a live situation. Sparing the way they did kept them sharp.
Now he might have to be more careful, Alec was not as stable as before, it was a long time since they had done this, and Alec was still a little weakened. He would go easy at first, but hopefully this would allow Alec to fall into routine.
The fight at the Janus base had been fierce, but that had been Alec fighting not only for his life but for anything that anchored him to something. Now they began slowly. James lounged and Alec blocked. James kicked and Alec dodged. James struck and Alec flinched.
Then slowly Alec begun not only to block, but to advance as well. He was not in his best shape, there was no way to deny that he was still a bit slow. His leg gave a twinge every now and again and he did not dare to press to much. Yet he allowed himself to smile as he ducked beneath a hard punch.
A clean strike against James face, easy to see. If someone saw them and got the stupid notion they were fighting for real Alec would be shot on the spot. In all likelihood M would not approve of this.
Partially because Alec was still healing, and partially because she did not trust him to be stable enough for it.
"Like old times, eh James?" Alec smiled softly. There was a familiar feeling about this, he had done this before. Not the fight for your life, but the challenge between two friends. How was it it went, the loser bought the winner a pint. Was that the rules for these training rounds? Or was it something else? No, it had to be a pint.
"Like old times Alec." James agreed as he threw himself into a rolling dive. "I've been out of shape not having you for exercise partner."
"Did we have a challenge for this, something about a pint?" Alec asked as he watched James circling him.
"We did." James nodded and kicked, Alec twisted out of the way. "The loser buys the first round." Inside he rejoiced over the fact that Alec knew that. "Thought we always did take into account if one of us were compromised, to make it fair."
"I like this." Sweat was soaking his hair, stinging in his eyes, but it felt good. Not many others of the agents had conversations during this, but it felt familiar as well. He was sure they had done it before.
They had, someone had been watching, a number of them off to the side. One of them had made a comment that Alec had overheard. He and James had been talking while they were fighting, and then as they paused over a round Alec had called out to them that they were wrong, that it was James who was the best and not him, or something like it. It had to do with the name they were called, but he was not quite sure what.
He tried to make the memory more clear and his concentration failed for a moment. James kick sent him railing since he did not block it, and he struck hard against the floor. Hard enough that he stars formed actual constellations.
"Alec." James knelt by him worriedly, afraid that he had hurt him. He had been trying to be careful, but then Alec had seemed to keep up so well he had been carried away. "Are you okay Alec? Did I hurt you."
Alec shook his head to clear it, and the remaining start dust danced around. "I'm okay." He said as he pushed himself of the floor. "I was just trying to remember something, I forgot to pay attention."
"Are you sure you are alright, I'm sorry Alec." James eyed him over worriedly.
"Yeah." Alec rubbed a sore spot but grinned. "Nothing like a light exercise to keep you in shape, eh?"
James just stared at him, blinking with surprise, and Alec started feeling uncomfortable under that look. Wondering if he had said something wrong.
"James?" He asked uncertainly.
"You said that the first mission we were on together." James mumbled. "You wound up fighting someone, and you said that. I thought the brute would kill you and I would have to explain why I brought you back a corpse, but you did it, and you said that. It was what made me think that you might actually be good enough for the job. That you held up during the fight."
"I was starting to recall some time when we were sparring, and someone said something about us." Alec said slowly. "I don't remember anything about the first mission."
James sighed. "I did not like partners back then, I thought that I was stronger and better alone, it was not until we had been together for some time that I realised I was wrong. I was a fool at first Alec, and even after the first mission I did not want to be your partner for a second one."
"I can understand that." Alec said softly. "Its all a matter of trust, is it not?" He looked at James, questioningly. "Trust someone else to be good enough. Trusting someone with your life is not easy."
"No, its not." James agreed. "And yet you did it then. I never understood how you could keep such fate in me, and yet you did."
"But you are the best James." Alec tilted his head to the side. "How could I not?"
James regarded him sadly, taking in his features once more. The scar that he hated, the face that he loved. The contrast between those two emotions.
"James." Alec sounded concerned, worried even as he regarded James in turn.
James noted how his voice was choked when he spoke. "Blind trust Alec, I admire how you can keep such blind trust. But I've always feared that it would get you hurt."
"I don't understand James." Concern still, but now also distress. "What are you talking about?"
About you my friend, about seeing you like that. Not hearing a reply and going around the pillar, only to see you on your knees, a gun to your head. Never been as afraid as that time. Seen you bleed, seen you hurt. Seen you with a gun pointed at you, we have both been threatened with guns.
We have been threatened with other things then guns, but there was something then, something about it that was worse. As if there was only one possible outcome. The one that happened. Ah, the way you were so defiant, no one can say that Alec Trevelyan ever rolled over and made it easy.
Shouting defiance, loyal to the mission to the end, and then a body that crumbles to the floor. How much that hurt, not then, was to numb for any pain at all.
Later, when there was no Alec at the home base.
When there was no Alec to share a pint with.
When there was no Alec to engage in a battle of wits.
When there was no Alec walking one step behind, no matter how often the space there one step behind was checked.
There was no Alec, would never more be.
Nothing is more than everything.
Alec is much, Alec is all.
No Alec is to much to comprehend.
James sighed. "Nothing Alec, just ignore me."
Alec frowned, as if he did not quite believe him, yet he did not question it. Just frowned.
"Do you want to continue?" James asked.
Alec shook his head slightly. "No, I don't think so." He was not sure about how James was acting now.
"I didn't hurt you, did I?" James asked concerned.
Alec shook his head again. "No."
James nodded then and lead the way to the showers. Shedding the sweat soaked training clothes and stepping into the shower. Alec hesitating slightly before doing the same. Glancing around as if he feared someone else would come. He had more scars now, many more scars James noted as he watched him out of the corner of his eye.
Alec was washing off hurriedly. In beneath the water flow, soap, rinse off and then out again. No time to enjoy it.
He was already dressed again when James got back. Sitting waiting on the bench by their lockers. It was something very common for the newer agents to act this way. Before they felt they belonged there. When they were still uncertain whatever they were really good enough. It was a sort of shyness.
He himself had displayed a little of it when he where new, not much, but the older ones had known it for what it was.
Alec had displayed another sort of confidence than James had. Where James had no problem with facing them down in the office, Alec was more uncertain there.
James had claimed he was to cocky by far, but he was just used to being on his own.
Now James hurried so that he would not keep him waiting. Trying to joke as they headed back to the office, Alec smiling a little at some of it.
Ah, but for a brief moment there he had been looking at his old Alec, and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
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Alec was fingering a pen, twirling it between his fingers absently. He had his attention on a paper in front of him, James had no idea what it was. He himself was reading a progress report, and he paid little attention to Alec. In fact he was barely aware of his surroundings.
The report was sickening, human suffering broken down into numbers and statistic. It was not about human life anymore, and James valued human life very much. Yet this was about suffering and pain, misery and lies, and all of it wrapped up in neat rows of numbers.
By a certain stimulant the desired result could be achieved. By exposing the 'test subject' to a certain thing, they could make the 'test subject' respond in a certain way. Then if they wanted it even more efficient, they would make the 'test subject' think it was all by choice.
They made him think that he was making the choices, it was a game of tug and jerk, they tugged and the loathed 'test subject' jerked, all the amusement of the ones holding the strings.
They wrote about success, a few minor set backs when it did not have the desirable effect on the 'subject' that they wanted.
It seemed that the 'subject' sometimes resisted what they were doing, and always the punishment was severe. It was after all for the greater good, and the end justifies the means.
The mere fact that the 'test subject' was a human man would have made M-I6 send out an agent there had they known about it, but for some reason they had missed it. Those cruel animals had been good enough that it had not been discovered. So no agent had been sent out to put a stop to it, and so the experiments had been allowed to go on for some time, for several years.
James found himself wondering who they would have sent, maybe himself, maybe not. It would not have been a large scale mission. Not when there was only one 'subject' there. Most likely it would have been one of the not so experienced agents.
What would they have done about it?
Killed the 'subject' to make certain it could never be set lose on the world. After what they had done to 'it' some would say it was an act of kindness. No one would hold them responsible for it. He had been commanded to do similar things during the years.
A choice between the lesser evil of shooting a man not at his own mercy, or letting what had once been a man, now a tool of evil lose. The bigger evil.
Yet it made him feel sick, the thought of a younger agent out to prove his worth, destroying the experiment, blowing up the lab, destroying the tests.
Aiming the gun and putting a bullet through Alec's head.
It was Alec who was the 'test subject.'
He did not look up at him, but he knew he was sitting across from him. Unaware of what James was reading, not really paying attention to anything at all.
James swallowed down a lump and a sour taste of bile at the thought. It could have happened. If they did not know who the 'test subject' was, they would most likely think that the best course of action was to put him out of his misery.
Maybe it would have been kinder, but it would also have been the worst possible fate for a former, very loyal agent.
'Click.'
He looked up at the sound, it was Alec who had clicked out the pen with his thumb, his hand resting against the paper.
Then he looked up, glancing at James, aware that he was suddenly watching him instead of reading his report.
It had reminded James of a certain Russian programmer who had been spinning and clicking a pen all the time while he worked. It was he who had used the armed pen James had brought with him. Clicking it, and arming it, and then James had struck him so that he dropped it, and some part of the base had been destroyed.
They had used computers and programmes to break Alec as well, according to the report, and suddenly he thought that he knew who had made the program for it. They had used so many ways, so many methods, all devoted to turning Alec.
What would they had done afterwards, when the Golden Eye had succeeded. Most likely they would have killed him. They would not have let him profit from it. He was a tool, shaped for one job and only one job, and once it was complete they would destroy the tool so that no one else could ever use it again.
That was the thing, they only needed him for one mission, one mission alone, and then they did not care what happened to him.
Now he looked worried beneath James gaze, wondering what he had read that made him look so focused. He wanted to ask, but did not know how to voice the question. He began fidgeting under those hard blue eyes, nervous, wondering what was to come, and suddenly James realised the he feared some sort of out lash. He sighed, and saw Alec shift again.
"Clean up duty is always the hardest job, Alec." He said softly. Clean up, putting everything to right again after they had been forced to destroy something. Making sure nothing remained to make things wrong once more.
Also when a mission had gone wrong, and they needed to clear up the mess afterwards. When other countries wondered what they were doing, demanded actions and answers.
Clean up duty when they had to tie up all lose ends, it was hard, it did not always work. It was one of the worst kind of mission.
Now Alec nodded, taking a deep breath. "There are two ways to do it, putting everything back in order, piece by piece. It takes time, and it is hard, not always worth it either. Or you can just throw the entire mess away."
James felt cold at his words, for he knew what Alec meant, that it would be so much easier to just get rid of Alec and not have to bother about it anymore.
Alec had understood what kind of clean up duty it was he was working with, and apparently he had been thinking of it as well.
"They don't throw away the pieces of a thousand year old vase just cause its broken, Alec." He said softly. "They keep all the shards because some things, even broken, are worth far to much to just throw them away."
Alec listened, laid down the accursed pen, and smiled.
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Alec was walking down the corridor, feeling comfortable with himself for the first time since he got back. Or maybe not comfortable, he felt like he knew who he was. He did not have any more memories, but he and James had reached an understanding about it.
Slowly, very slowly he was remembering more and more, and James had realised that it could not be hurried. That it would take time, but that it was happening.
James having realised that the physiatrist meetings did more harm than good had also made them cancel them. As long as nothing happened, he would not be forced to go there. It was one of the reasons he had made more progress lately, there was no pressure on him. No demand he had to meet, and it made it all easier.
He was also more independent, James was allowing him to be on his own more. He did not have a valid drivers license anymore thought, and if he got stopped without one, the M-I6 would be more than furious. So he did not dare to drive anywhere.
His normal way of driving had a tendency to make the police flag him down, the same problem as James had, then he would be in more trouble than it was worth.
It was odd, a very odd situation. No one quite knew how it should be handled, but they were working out solutions again. He thought that most likely he would be assigned to training new agents again. They had thought him good enough for it before and they most likely still did.
He was still down lending a hand to Q every now and then, and he seemed to be grateful for it. Even the others there had gotten used to seeing the former agent there. Not that all of them knew who he were. Some did, but not many of them had been there when Alec had been an agent, going down to be equipped. Not many on the base remembered him, a few of the agents, and they still avoided him. It angered James, it still angered him, even if he not so long ago had looked upon Alec with the same cold hatred as they did.
The strange thing was that he did not particularly care, there were a few of them that still knew him, that he knew. They made it bearable. He knew that when he came across her, Moneypenny would enjoy talking with him. It was enough at the moment.
The only thing that really worried him was those reports that James was always frowning over. He knew they had to do with him in some way. He was not sure how, but it were about him. For when he was reading eh would look up at Alec and frown, or mutter curses. Or he would look so angry, so angry that Alec wanted to leave the office.
He had never felt comfortable when James seemed so furious.
He wanted to know what those reports said, he wanted to know what they intended to do with him. Yet for the first time he was not worried sick about it.
He was doing better, he could remember more, it would be alright.
It was dark, a darkness that fell heavily over him, with an actual impact. Then he realised it was not the darkness that fell, the darkness came with the blow to his head.
He hated them for always striking from behind, what cowards where they when they could not face him as they attacked?
Sneaking up behind him, and striking.
He could not make out who they were, the blow to the back of his head had left him numb to all feelings except a wet trickle down his neck. Something warm streaming down his neck and soaking into his shirt, he felt that sticky warmness, and he felt nauseated. He knew the feeling.
It was the feeling of pain, his head was numb to it now, but he knew that more pain would come from it.
He was on the floor all of a sudden, even if he could not recall having fallen. He forced his eyes open, he needed to see what was happening. He forced his eyes open and he saw a black blur. The boot connected and he knew no more.
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It was not the same men this time, Alec thought wistfully. It was not the same ones that had attacked him the last time. They did not act the same way. These ones had not bound him up the same way, they had most likely thought he would not wake up for a long, long time.
Big mistake, James would have said, never leave the prisoner free to move.
He opened his eyes just so that he could see through his laces. They did not know he was awake yet, but he were. He could see them.
Four of them, standing there, discussing, and it was a heated discussion.
Most likely trying to decide what to do with him. He had seen two of them, they were from the base, and he knew James did not like them. He thought them insolent. They were the ones who were not good enough to be agents, and that hated the agents for it.
He did not like them either, they were the ones that allowed jealousy affect their work, and that got good agents killed.
There was blood in his mouth, his ribs burned whenever he breathed, and it felt as if his kidneys had taken a beating as well. That was bad, they could not take much more. He was not in top shape, and there was only so much punishment his internal organs would take.
He was angry, angry at them for being such cowards, angry at himself for being overpowered for the second time. He used to be better than this. They would never have caught him like this before. Also , before he would not have had any problems getting to his feet, and beat the living daylight out of them bastards. Now he hurt so much he did not really want to move.
Was it worth it anyway?
Was not this the punishment he had told himself he deserved, it might very well be. So they kicked him, and he groaned in pain, bit his lip so that the blood ran down his chin and pooled on the floor, was not this what he had told himself he deserved.
Ribs that burned whenever he breathed.
Maybe, but it was also what had made James angry at him for thinking. James wanted him to uncurl, to rise up, and to put a stop to it.
Q wanted him to come down to the workshop again, to give him a hand, to joke with him.
Then there was one he knew wanted him not to take it anymore, and the same was probably true for Moneypenny.
What did he himself want?
He wanted to repent himself, but this was maybe not the right way. It hurt, it was punishment, but not for what he had done. It was for having been better, for having been James' partner, and that was the truth they spat at him. So that their spittle mixed with the blood that ran from his mouth.
For having been one of the best, well, he would show them what the best could do. He and James had been dealing with the worst and the meanest, these were amateurs, and even now, he could handle it.
They did not like the small electrical charge in the key ring, they did not like the things he had learnt in training. They were not a real problem, but he was hurt, weary and he did not have the strength to get out of there with a flashing grin and a perfectly straight suit this time. Hell, he did not know if he could get out of it to start with. It had taken a lot more strength out of him than he wanted to admit.
He sat down on the floor, panting and pressing a hand to his ribs. He had been angry about it at first, had no wanted it, had wanted to prove that he did not need it, or had he been feeling that he was not worth it. He was not sure, but there was no way he was getting out of the place, wherever he were, without a hand, even if he hated to admit it.
Well, Q had made the functions in his watch, and that before he went missing. He pressed the button that would send an alarm to Q's receiver. He would send James out to follow the signal. All Alec had to do now was wait, and hope that if he just kept breathing slowly enough he would not throw up. The way his inside felt, he was not sure some organ or another would not try to escape if he did. He had been told that you needed them all, so it would probably be a bad thing.
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"Alec!"
James voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He was not even sure what he had been thinking about, just something.
"James." Even speaking hurt. How had he taken out them? Somehow adrenaline and his anger had allowed him to do it, but now he just sat there, even as James came into view.
"Gods Alec, what happened." James knelt beside him, looking very worried. "What did they do to you, I thought you'd be safe."
"Didn't like me." Alec breathed. "Never liked me before, cause I was good enough for you then. Guess they wanted revenge. Couldn't get back myself." He apologized.
"Don't worry Alec, I'll get you back safe. It'll be alright." James assured him.
"I thought about letting them do whatever they wanted." Alec said quietly. "But I didn't."
"That's good Alec." James braved a smile as he tried to wipe some of the blood from his chin without hurting him, he hated to see the blood there, but it was dried and would have to wait. He was not sure what Alec meant either, but it sounded as if Alec had finally decided to defend himself. That was good, he had wanted that, but he had not wanted for Alec to be hurt all over again.
"I thought you would not want that, so I did not let them." Alec said quietly.
"You're right, I did not want that." James nodded. "Can you walk Alec, if I help you?"
"Yeah, no problem." Alec nodded. James took his arm and pulled him to his feet, Alec not trying to resist it, but allowed James to pull him to his feet. God, but moving hurt, and he groaned as it jarred his ribs. He stood, wavering slightly, holding on to James and pressing one hand to his chest. He was not looking forward to walking, not at all.
James helped to ease him into the car, he hissed with pain, damn, but as stupid as those men had been, they had known how to make it hurt.
"What was it they wanted, Alec?" James asked slowly as he pulled out into the street. Some others would take care of the bastards, he wanted to get Alec back to the base. The way he looked he needed a good check over by the medics, and he suspected Alec would not be fond of the idea. He never were, he hated it as much as he himself did.
"I'm not sure." Alec groaned. "Didn't say anything about it, I just thought I recognized them, and I remembered what they said."
James gritted his teeth, he could not really imagine that anyone would harm Alec for a reason like that. Who would hurt anyone for a reason like that, it did not make any sense.
"Sorry for making the trouble." Alec murmured.
James looked up startled. "Not you Alec, that was not your fault." He shook his head. "Hell Alec, you didn't do anything wrong."
Alec looked up at him. "I know this sort of things has happened before, and I think I handled them better." Once more he struggled to remember. "Jokes, and were better. I could hardly keep my ground in there, and I know I've defeated worse."
"We have Alec." James said slowly, not much further back to the base now, which he was grateful. He did not like the way Alec looked. Pale, and his face was drawn with pain, but he also looked tiered, as if he had given up. "But it hardly is the same. It was different then."
Alec clenched his teeth and nodded, different? Oh, yes, they had been working together then. He had been fighting for James then. You always fought harder if you fought for someone else.
"You did well, Alec, really well." He tried to encourage him, to keep his spirit up. Q had alerted him when the signal came in, and James had been so very grateful for the signal. Was so very grateful. If not he would never had known that Alec was in trouble. He hated it, could not Alec walk alone without someone hurting him, trying to harm him. Why had they fought so hard, given up so much if Alec could not even walk on his own, without someone trying to harm him.
Alec closed his eyes, squeezed them shut and pressed a hand to his temple. His face turned towards the window, in pain most likely. James wished he could speed it up a bit, that he could drive faster, but if he did, they would have every police in the city on their tale, and he had to avoid that.
He had to avoid drawing any attention to Alec at the moment. It was a tricky situation since Alec had really been declared dead after that mission. Everyone had thought that he was dead, James had thought the shot was fatal, he had thought that he had seen him die.
When he got back there had been a notice about a car accident in the paper. A single accident. A sports car going over the safety railing and crashing. The driver, a young man by the name of Alec Trevelyan died instantly. The body had been destroyed beyond hope of saving when the wreck took fire. He had been there for the memorial service, Moneypenny, O'Moore and Q, not many others. M had been there to say a few short words, a recognition of Alec's worth and deeds, but it had not sounded right.
Not from an M who did not really care much for Alec or himself. After that there had only been the anonymous star on the memorial wall, just one more star, and no one really cared about who's star it was.
It had been the explanation, and I had not really been needed to start with. No one really cared about Alec, no one knew him enough to care, more than those few that worked there, and knew what had really happened.
You needed explanations when agents died thought. Even if no one really noticed, and Alec had died in a car accident. Now, the M-I6 would make up a new identity for him. Maybe they would make it so that he could keep his name, maybe he would be Alexander from that point on. It all depended on the amount of trouble they were willing to take for Alec. The easiest thing was to make it look like witness protection.
In that case it would be recorded as the new identity given to a witness in need of protection. Given how long it was since his recorded death, his name could be used as the new name. He hoped they would do it like that. M did not seem to have anything against Alec, seemed to quite care for him, and she would most likely do him that small curtsey.
"Just a few more minutes now Alec." He said softly, and Alec groaned in response. The adrenaline rush was debating, and so the pain he felt was increasing. Endorphin was really good in that regard, but there could not be a lot of either that or adrenalin in his system now.
It hurt a lot, and he would rather remain sitting in the car, than force himself to move again. Moving would hurt more than sitting still did. He knew that.
"No hurry." He muttered.
James pulled into the underground garage. O'Moore was already waiting there. He came over as soon as he saw the familiar car pull into a parking space. He looked worried James noted, very worried.
Alec did not move as the car stopped, and James reached out to touch his shoulder.
"Alec, we are back now. We'll have you cared off now." By now they would have taken the offenders into custody. They would be dealt with accordingly, and personally he did not think it would be harsh enough.
"Alec, lad. Are you alright?" O'Moore was sounding very worried, as worried as James felt.
Alec nodded, a small nod while he pressed both arms to his midsection. O'Moore reached out a hand to steady him as he got out of the car. He had wanted to go after Alec as well, but both of them could not leave at the same time, and they had both known that James was the better choice to go.
He had a feeling that M would restrict Alec to the base from now on, either that or restrict him from being on his own. They had thought he would be safe, but they had been wrong, oh, they had been so very wrong.
The bruises looked vivid and ugly on his flesh. Kicks aimed at kidneys, spleen and other internal organs had left large black bruises on his belly. Bruises that was also swollen, ribs that were cracked. It was little wonder Alec was still weak, he was not allowed to fully recover between the times.
He would be further weakened now, and if they harmed him again, then James would kill them.
"You should stay here over the night." James said softly to him as Alec leaned back against the pillows. The medics wanted to keep him over night at least, while Alec did not care much for the idea. "You need some rest now Alec."
"I know, I don't want to stay here." Alec shook his head, and then winced.
James had to smile in spite of the situation. They had always claimed that no one could get any rest in the infirmary. When they were not running around poking the with needles, the two men just never felt at ease there.
"There is no where else here Alec, and we can't leave the base at the moment." He explained.
"So I stay here for the night, and what then?" Alec asked tiredly. "What about the next time someone wants revenge? Can't always come to my rescue."
"Alec, we always looked out for each others, I'm not about to stop now." James said seriously.
"You're not gonna be here all the time." Alec groaned. "I never needed something like this, I know that, I stay here now, and then what? After this they won't want to have me around here."
"Alec, we're not gonna give up on you." James sighed. He couldn't face anything happening to Alec, but they would not give up on him. He could not believe that they would lock him up or something to get rid of him. Then he remembered the cell he had seen Alec in.
A small dim cell, and Alec had been hurt, left with neither food nor water. He had been shivering with cold, and he himself had left him like that. Little wonder Jack believed them capable of it, he had already done it to him once.
He took a deep breath. Alec was leaning back against the pillows tiredly. He wanted to sleep, but it was hard to relax. When he breathed it felt as if his lungs were catching fire. He could tell the medics about that particularly discomfort, and either they would either tell him that there was nothing to be done about it, or they would give him some sedative. That might sound like a good idea, but somehow those sedatives just made you feel all disoriented and everything, but they never took the pain away. He had no idea why it was like that, but it always were.
"Do you want me to go so that you can sleep?" James asked. He knew what he had always answered before.
"No." Alec looked up at him. "Its bad enough as it is." He braved a smile, and James smiled as well, mostly because he knew that routine so well.
"You think its bad now." He baited with a grin. "Just wait until the torture begins."
For a second worry crossed over his features, then Alec looked confused, and to James it felts as if a dagger had been thrust into his heart and twisted. He knew well how the thrust and twist of daggers felt, but it never used to be in his heart it stabbed. Never his friend who held the hilt, but Alec did not know what he meant anymore, one of their oldest jokes.
"The food Alec." He said softly.
"Oh, yeah." It made sense he supposed, for the food had been rather bleak the last time. It was more or less cold when he got it, and the taste was bland and not very good to say the least. So that was another joke between the two of them, he kept coming across those, jokes and bets. Competition for a pint, and always trying to out wit the other.
Was that all it had ever been between them as friends, jokes, petty competition about things that didn't really matter? Was trying to out wit each other the only thing they ever did?
What was so special about their friendship if there was never anything more to it than that? Jokes, pithy comebacks, glib remarks, maybe they were amusing, but was it enough?
If he was going to go through hell for that friendship, he wanted to know that it was worth it first. He did not want to put either himself or James through it if it was not worth it.
He opened his mouth to ask James if it was worth it, and gasped as a spasm of pain seared his chest. When it faded away he could barely recall what it was he had wanted to ask anymore.
"Try to get some rest Alec." James said softly, hoping he would feel better if he was able to rest. He himself intended to stay and make sure nothing happened to him. He would watch over him, at least for now, and then once more, they had to try and figure out a way to keep him from harm.
It seemed as if there was a lot of them that just waited for them to let their guard down.
Later the next day when he and O'Moore had another meeting with M he asked Moneypenny to watch over him. Alec had been quiet and apprehensive, not really saying very much. Thought that was most likely the sedative and the pain.
The meeting utterly drained him. M wanted to know what they had found out from the information, and it was not something that was easy to talk about. Not when all of it was things that had been done to a fellow agent and a friend.
Not to mention that M thought the best solution was to send Alec away momentarily. If he could not walk around the base, then maybe they should send him somewhere where he would be guarded and protected. The idea made James furious, and even O'Moore showed his anger for once. Saying that it was a ridiculous idea.
James countered with claiming that if their head quarters was not safe enough, then something was clearly wrong there. The problem was not that their head quarters was not secure in themselves, for their were nothing more secure. The problem was that so many there thought Alec was a traitor, and wanted him to suffer for it.
TBC
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