AN: Thanks to everyone for the reviews and for reading! I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 10
"Um Hi" Elena said awkwardly avoiding Stefan's eyes.
"Hi" Stefan said sipping off of a drink and standing up.
"We need to talk" Elena sighed.
"I know" Stefan said. "He should leave"
"No" Damon said crossing his arms "You look weird I'm not leaving you alone with her"
"I wont hurt her" Stefan said "But I will hurt you.. which in turn will hurt her and I don't want to do that so..leave Damon"
"Are you on human blood" Damon asked ignoring Stefan's request.
"No" Stefan said "Just whiskey.. lots and lots of whiskey" He stumbled a bit as he walked to the wet bar to refill his glass.
Damon watched him carefully and nodded seeming to believe his brother was just drunk. He looked to Elena who nodded at him to go and walked outside but stayed within earshot. Just in case he told himself.
"You don't get drunk very often" Elena commented.
"Yeah I know" He muttered "I.. I just got sick of myself so I started getting wasted"
Elena shot him a questioning look.
"You left, then Damon left and then Katherine..had to say all those words and then she left. With everyone gone. I had to face myself Elena. I didn't like who I saw"
"Care to elaborate?" Elena asked sitting back looking concerned.
"I.. I was always the good son. I always lived up and exceeded the expectations that were set for me. I was to marry a good woman from good stock raise a family and be a success just as my father wanted for me. Then I met Katherine and everything changed... I wanted her but I wasn't willing to give up my role either. She told me what she was but I convinced myself and her that we could still have the life I was expected to have. I got so caught up in being the good son that I ignored a part of who she was and forced her to seek my brother." He winced at the last part taking another sip of his drink.
"What Katherine did is on her not you" Elena protested.
"She owns her part in this. I'm the one who never has. That wasn't the worst part Elena. The worst part was after she was gone. I turned.. I turned and I did it with my father's blood. I had lost her and I decided to throw at all away. I blamed my father for her death. I killed him and forced Damon to turn. Then for many years I was a monster. I killed without feeling. I was worse then Damon has ever been. "
Elena's eyes widened slightly as she listened.
"Then one day.. I saw Damon draining a woman of her blood outside of a tavern. I realized what I had done to him and myself and I decided to change. I stopped drinking human blood and tried to change him. But he was so angry and hurt. I took the blame for him it was my fault. I made him become this thing. I felt that need.. that need to be the good one rise up again. I took pride in being as human as possible. But I still felt the guilt for his actions. Still blamed myself for making him turn. "
He paused and took another drink.
"Then Katherine came to me and told me she was alive. We made love and I was happy again. But I refused to let myself have her because I didn't deserve it. I shouldn't have even been alive. I had decided to take a responsibility for my older brother even though he didn't want me to. Because I wanted to be the good son again. To deny this monster in me. If I pushed it down far enough it didn't exist right? " He laughed softly.
"When she asked me to protect you. I did it because I felt like I owed her. I denied her too and I knew how bad it hurt her. But as long as I was doing the right thing that's all that mattered." He grimaced. "I didn't intend to fall in love with you. But dating you... being with you it was like I was rewriting history and Katherine and I were normal humans."
Elena's eyes grew wide and her lips curled up a bit in anger.
"I know that is sick and I'm really sorry. But I started to get to know you and I fell in love with you. But that also made me feel really guilty like I was betraying her. I was betraying her."
Elena sighed. "I know you loved me but not like you loved her"
"Love her" Stefan said looking down at the floor "I still love her"
Elena took a deep breath "I understand"
"I made love to her the night she killed John. I cheated on you."
"I understand" She said again.
"How can you understand that? I deserve your anger not your understanding" he snapped.
"I understand because love is really complicated Stefan. It doesn't always make sense. Look I loved you too. But not the same way I love him." She confessed slowly.
"Damon?" He asked knowing the answer.
"I am in love with him." She nodded.
"You slept with him?"
"Yes" She answered honestly. "I'm sorry. I should have ended things with you first"
"I felt the shift. I knew he had fallen in love with you and I could sense your feelings growing. It started after I messed up and started drinking human blood. I drove you into his arms too." Stefan said bitterly.
"No.. it's nothing you did. Damon and I went where we went. Our bond grew slowly at first and started getting deeper and deeper. It got to the point where the feelings couldn't be denied any longer. I'm not Katherine. I didn't turn to him because of something you did or didn't do. I just fell in love with him"
They both sat in silence avoiding direct eye contact absorbing each other's words.
"You said loved" Stefan said suddenly "You don't love me anymore?"
"Not the way I did.. no. I will always care about you" She sighed "You didn't correct me either. You said you still love Katherine but you didn't correct me when I said you loved me."
"I do still love you" he whimpered "I didn't think I had to explain that.."
"I'm sorry Stefan" Elena said standing up slowly. "It's over"
He just nodded and turned his head away from gave him one more remorseful glance and left him sitting their staring after her.
"You okay?" Damon asked putting his arm around her as they walked to his car.
"Yeah" She sighed "I hope he will be though. He's been brooding and drinking for days"
"I know I was listening"
"Damon!"
"I just needed to make sure he wasn't going to snap on you or anything." He said holding his hands up.
She gave him a pointed look as he pulled out of the driveway.
"I hate that he decided to feel my guilt." Damon muttered "I know he regrets his choices.. but he has no right to regret mine. That is on me."
"He hates himself" Elena said in quiet realization. "He hates what he is so much that he denied himself happinies for years. Now when he found it again it just walked away from him"
"No I took it away from him" Damon sighed. "But even though I may have wanted to hurt him when I first came here. I don't anymore."
"I know" She said staring out the window.
"He'll be okay" Damon sighed "he just needs to face who he is which it sounds like he's doing. Just give him some more wallowing time I guess"
"Damn reality" Elena muttered as he pulled into her driveway. The kitchen light was on.
"Jenna's up" He said "I'll meet you in your room"
"Okay" She said kissing him softly.
"I love you" He whispered into her ear making her forget all of the days problems with one simple phrase.
She hurried inside wanting to get this talk with Jenna done and get upstairs as fast as possible.
"Hold on a sec" Katherine's voice stopped Damon cold as he was about to climb up to Elena's window.
"What do you want?" he growled at her.
"I just wanted to let you know Isobel is handled. If she bothers you again let me know and I will take care of it." She said in a business like tone.
"What's you angle here?" Damon questioned crossing his arms.
"Nothing.. I just want Elena to be safe. That's it. No angle." She said in a serious tone.
"I don't buy it" He said."You always have a motive"
"She is the last link in my bloodline and she reminds me of someone who was very important to me once." Katherine replied. "I won't get more honest then that with you Damon."
"Why did you kill her father then and leave a mess for her to find?"
"I already explained that" Katherine said looking bored.
"Why did you kiss me pretending to be her?"
"I just needed to get in the house" Katherine groaned "I didn't expect to run into you. You thought I was her so I went with it. Then I was curious to see how much you loved her. So I played along and got my answer"
"It all worked out for the best anyway" Katherine snapped losing her patience "You are with Elena now right? "
"Yes" he said tersely "So stay away from her or I'll have to.."
"Damon come on" Katherine rolled her eyes "You can't kill me you idiot. I'm your maker and I am very strong. If Elena is ever in serious danger I will be there to help her."
"Since you have now taken the role of her protector I am telling you that if anything happens if you suspect there is a threat to her that you cannot handle yourself you will call me. You will not hesitate. Do you understand?"
"I will take care of her" he grunted.
"I know you will.. but.. if you need my help do not let your pride get her killed. Do you get it or not?" Katherine asked impatiently.
"Yeah I get it" he muttered and she handed him a cellphone.
"Speed dial one is me and two is Isobel though I doubt you would use that one" She smirked. "Emergency only"
He looked at her curiously "What is the danger you are worried about? I need to know what I should be watching for"
"I'm not going to get into that.. right now. I don't need anyone to go looking for trouble. Best to keep it off your mind. Just be aware" She said.
"No.. I don't accept that. If there is a danger to her I want to know what it is" he growled.
"I'm sorry.. I really need to get going. Things to do.. people to eat.. you know.." She flew off in vampire speed.
Damon felt that uneasy feeling he had earlier creep up again. He flew into Elena's bedroom needing her in his arms where he knew she was safe.
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