A/N: Let me know if Alec is hurt enough for you. If not, hang tight. I'm sure more pain will come to him. He just seems to attract pain like a magnet, doesn't he? Also, if the painting of Joshua's Alec painting seems off or vague, it's because I can't find a pic of it and I don't remember what it looks like exactly. Thanks for reviewing, all of you! Keep it up. And finally, if you want to check out the other stuff I've written, it's at www.geocities.com/kritsdarkangel, but I warn you now that I have a nasty habit of not finishing stories that I start. I'm working on it, so hopefully I won't leave you guys hanging with this one.
Joshua
I emerged from my prison rather joyfully, thinking only of the fact that I was no longer in heat. No longer was I the reason for stress and turmoil in Terminal City. No longer did I need a babysitter.
I followed Kira down the hall from my room. She opened a door and revealed that the room I had been held in was in a part of HQ. I waved cheerfully to Max, then froze when I saw Alec.
He was across the room from me, talking to Dix and Mole, but I could clearly see the purple bruises. He had one on his temple and one around his eye, both from the fight he had had with Max. Because of me. I also noticed the way he was standing, not his normal stance. I winced as I remembered the cause of this abnormality. That had to have hurt very badly.
I wanted to go to him and tell him I was sorry for all the trouble and hurt I'd caused him. I wanted to hear him reassure me and tell me it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't help what happened while I was in heat. But I couldn't bring myself to approach him. Not after what had almost happened between us. Not after the dream I had had. Not after the thoughts I had had about him.
"Aren't you going to go to him?" Kira asked, noticing where I was staring.
I shook my head mutely.
"Why not?" she asked, "You're not avoiding him because of what happened, are you?"
I made no move to either confirm or deny her suspicion. She took that as confirmation.
"Jess, you know that whatever happens while we are in heat doesn't count. It's just hormones, nothing more. Besides, it's not like you actually went through with it. Now, I know you like him so go talk to him." Kira urged.
I was surprised at her. Wasn't she the one who wanted me to stay away from Alec? I gave her a look of confusion. She smiled.
"I know I'm a big hypocrite, but I could tell yesterday that it meant a lot to him that I approve and leave you two in peace. I still don't think he's very good news, but maybe he's not so bad either. Maybe. And I know you. If you don't sort this out now, it'll just grow and grow inside of you until you do something stupid. So, go talk to him. It'll be fine." she promised.
I was a little offended by her assessment of my behavior, but I had to grudgingly admit that she was right. I did tend to let things build inside of me until I was about to burst. A habit from Manticore where we were taught to keep any emotions we felt buried inside.
And it was good that Kira had at least moved Alec up to probation. She was still willing to give him a chance.
So far things were taking a turn for the better. Maybe I should give it a shot, forget my embarrassment and awkwardness, and just try to sort some things out with Alec. At least, apologize for the pain I'd put him through.
I nodded determinedly to Kira and marched across the room to Alec. I stopped, barely keeping myself from standing at attention as I waited for him to notice me.
"So, I'm thinking maybe we just make a raid on a warehouse instead of sending one person out here and another out there. Get ourselves some supplies that will last a little while. Problem is my plan doesn't exactly follow Max's 'lay low' rule. You think we can convince her?" he asked the two transgenics, refusing to acknowledge my presence.
I cleared my throat pointedly. It was obvious that Mole and Dix were now more curious as to what was going on than they were focusing on Alec's plan.
"Look's like you've got some business to take care of." Dix smiled, looking from me to Alec, "We can talk about this later."
With that, he and Mole beat a retreat to another part of HQ, abandoning Alec. Slowly, reluctantly, he turned to face me.
"Hi, Jess!" he greeted me with a smile as if he hadn't just been avoiding me, as if there was absolutely nothing the slightest bit wrong.
"Alec, don't." I said, knowing he was putting up his walls against me.
"What?" he asked, as if he didn't know.
"Alec, please. I don't want to do this. I don't want you to treat me like...I don't know. Like a stranger. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't want for it to happen, but it did and I'm sorry." I said quickly.
For a second, I saw a hurt look appear on Alec's face, but then it was gone, replaced once again by his nonchalant smile. I frowned, confused. Why would he look hurt?
"It's alright, Jess. No big deal." he said, adding a casual shrug for emphasis.
With that, he turned and left, heading towards Dix and Mole. My frown deepened. I had really screwed things up this time and I wasn't even completely sure how.
Frustrated and angry, at myself and at Alec, I trooped back over to Kira. She didn't say anything to me, but simply walked with me out of HQ. As soon as the door closed, I vented.
"I can't believe he just did that! I didn't mean to do anything wrong! It's not like it was premeditated! How can he just blow me off like that when all I want to do is make things right again?" I would have said more, but words just wouldn't seem to form, so I left off with a low growl.
"I don't want to say I told you so, but I tried to warn you that 494's not good for you. You think that because of something that happened between you months and months ago, because he let you escape, that he's this great guy. The truth is, you have no idea why he said or did those things. He might have been planning to track you after you ran off so that he could capture us both. That would have made more tactical sense than 494 suddenly having some sort of epiphany. And even if all that was just following orders, he's still not the kind of guy you want to get involved with. Even back at Manticore he was manipulative. He hasn't changed. The only person he cares about is himself. You hurt him, so now you're not good enough for him. That's how he works." her voice softened, "Besides, you deserve someone better, Jess. You're a good person. You got me out of Manticore, gave me a life. You risked everything by doing that. It would have been so much easier for you to have just gone on the lam on your own. But you didn't and I owe you one for that."
I focused my gaze firmly on the pavement under my feet. I didn't want to hear what Kira was saying. Even though I was mad at Alec, I still couldn't forget all that we had been through in our short amount of time together. It would be very hard for me to turn my back on that and accept that Alec was still the same self-serving, uncaring person he had been at Manticore.
"I'm going for a walk. I have to think about some things." I said finally.
I didn't wait for a reply, but set off immediately, hoping Kira wouldn't try to follow. When I was about a block away from her, I relaxed a little. I stopped focusing so intently on where I was going and let my mind wander, not caring where my feet took me.
Kira was right about one thing. How I felt about 494 was pretty screwed up. I could hardly keep track of my feelings myself. It was like the roller coasters I had read about, going up and down and spiraling, all at high speed. If only things would slow down so I didn't feel so lost.
Excluding the first time I'd met him when he'd hurt me and our last encounter, Alec had always opened up to me and in return I'd developed feelings for him. I knew that. What I didn't know, and in truth was afraid to know, was the extent of those feelings. Did I really love him? Or was that just something my addled brains had cooked up, an exaggeration upon my true feelings?
I sighed. What I really wanted to know was if Alec had any feelings for me in return. Or was I just someone to do, like he'd been looking for when I'd found him in that bar? No, I couldn't believe that. He wouldn't have opened up to me if that were true.
I just wished there was someway to know the truth. What was up with Alec, how did he feel about me, why was he mad at me? If I could just somehow manage to ask him and have him answer me truthfully..., but who was I kidding? I could never flat-out ask him if he felt about me the way I felt about him.
But the second part, the part about why he was mad at me. That I could do. As long as he didn't blow me off again. It hurt too much when he did that.
I stopped and looked around. The first thing I noticed was that it was darker than it should be at mid-day. I looked up and noticed the dark, angry clouds that signaled coming rain. Then, I noticed where I was. I was in the middle of a bustling area of Terminal City. This area housed more of the less-human looking transgenics, but I wasn't the only X-series on the street and therefore did not call much attention to myself. I observed for a moment how life went on, even in Terminal City. A female transgenic who definitely had some cat DNA was carrying an armful of foodstuffs, an X-8 was following an arctic division, easily identifiable thanks to his snowy complexion, speaking to him rapidly, and coming towards me was a very tall man who was clearly part dog, carrying a can of paint. I recognized this last person as someone I'd been introduced to before when Kira and I had first reported to Max to go get our things. It was Joshua.
"Hey, Joshua!" I called.
He looked up and saw me. He smiled at me hesitantly.
"Hey, Jess." he replied.
"What are you doing, Joshua?" I asked, falling in next to him as he continued down the street.
"Got more paint. Paint more pictures. That's the plan." he replied.
I remembered that Alec had mentioned something about Joshua painting. I smiled slightly, amused that an artistic type had come out of Manticore.
"Do you mind if I look at some of your paintings?" I asked, curious to know what they looked like.
"Uh...no." he said, "This way."
Joshua led me to where he was staying. Immediately upon entering, I saw that the place was packed with paintings. The walls were covered with them, and more were leaning against the walls in the corners. Most were rather abstract, something I found difficult to understand, but a few were portraits. All of the portraits were of the same woman, however. I found that odd, but chose not to ask.
"Jess, look." Joshua called, setting down the paint can and hurrying over to a painting that I couldn't see from the angle I was at.
Joshua seemed excited as he pointed at the painting. I walked over to see what it was.
The painting was of a white dove. Behind it were three bands of color. The bottom one was black, the middle was red, and the top was white. I cocked my head, confused by its significance.
"What does it mean?" I asked him carefully, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
"Our flag." Joshua said shortly. Seeing that I still didn't understand, he continued, "See, this. Manticore. Darkness. Where we come from. This. Blood spilt today. This. Peace. Future."
I stared at the painting in shock, amazed by how much sense it made.
"It's perfect." I told him.
Joshua didn't respond, but hurried over to another painting, gesturing for me to come see it.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Alec." he said.
The painting was dark and swirled and confusing. I suddenly got the impression that Joshua knew about the inner turmoil that went on inside of Alec, too.
"It is Alec." I agreed, still staring at the painting.
I noted to myself that even if Joshua seemed a little slow in his speech, he was extremely perceptive.
"Alec done bad things. But Alec not bad."
Joshua surprised me with his sudden statement and the conviction that was in it.
"I know." I nodded softly.
"You like Alec." it wasn't a question.
"Yes." I answered it anyway.
"You and Alec get busy?"
My eyes widened. Woah! That was not a question I was prepared for.
"Uh...it's complicated." I replied, still reeling.
Joshua seemed to accept that answer because he turned away from me. I began to look for a way to exit quickly without being noticed. I did not want to answer any more questions like that one.
"Max and Logan like you. Complicated." Joshua said, "But look."
I stopped looking for a way to escape and looked where Joshua was standing. In front of him was a painting on the wall. It was red and blue, soft in some spots, intense in others. It reminded me somehow of the meeting of two raging rivers.
"Strong love." Joshua said.
I couldn't get into this.
"Look, Joshua. You're a terrific painter, really. But I have to go. I'll...uh...see you around." I said, backing hastily towards the door.
"You talk with Alec." Joshua called after me as I made it out the door.
I didn't reply, but continued to hurry out of the building. The building was two stories, probably an old apartment building or something. I'd made the stairs, thinking only of escaping into the fresh air. I could hear the rain pounding on the roof and welcomed the downpour. All I needed to do was get out the door.
I stopped abruptly, halfway down the stairs. Alec was at the bottom.
"Hey." he said.
I felt like I was suffocating.
Alec looked down and began to climb the stairs. He was almost past me when I unfroze.
"Alec!" I cried suddenly, grabbing his arm.
He stopped moving, but didn't look up.
"Alec, please." I pleaded again, "Please, talk to me. I'm sorry. Just tell me what I can do to fix whatever I did wrong. Tell me why you're mad at me."
Alec suddenly whipped around.
"I'm not mad at you." he said, then turned back and began to climb the stairs again.
"Then what?" I demanded.
"Nothing." he grumbled, heading down the hall.
I hurried back up the stairs after him.
"Alec!"
He continued on.
"Alec!" I yelled again, more pointedly.
"What the hell do you want from me?" Alec yelled back angrily.
"Stop shutting me out, God damn it! Just tell me what's wrong!"
"What's wrong?" he sounded incredulous, "You tell me you don't even want me and you want to know what's wrong? You admit that that kiss on the rooftop meant nothing to you and you want me to stop shutting you out? What the hell kind of game are you playing, anyway? Is this some kind of torture? See what you can get out of Alec. Use any means necessary. It's not like it matters how he feels."
"Alec..." I shook my head, feeling my eyes well up and my throat tighten.
He had it all wrong. How could he think that?
"No. I don't want to hear some half-assed explanation. It doesn't matter. It was my fault anyway." he turned and opened the door to an apartment.
I ran as fast as I could, arriving at the door before Alec could get through it.
"That's it! I can't take it anymore! I didn't mean that I don't want you, you idiot! I meant that I didn't mean for you to get hurt! You know, when Max wiped the floor with you because of me? That's what I was saying sorry for. I'm not playing some sort of game. I just...I like you, okay?"
"What?" he asked quietly.
"I never meant for you to take it that way. I'm sorry, Alec." I replied.
He ignored my reply and looked deep into my eyes.
"You like me?"
"So what if I do?" I looked away, feeling embarrassed.
I glanced up at him and saw he was smiling. I heard him move and looked up when he wrapped his arms around me. Relief washed over me and I fell into his hug, wrapping my own arms around him in return. After a long moment that I relished, he took a step back.
"You want to come in?" he asked.
"Sure." I nodded, feeling like finally everything was right in my world.
I was out of heat and Alec wasn't upset with me. I was happy.
Joshua
I emerged from my prison rather joyfully, thinking only of the fact that I was no longer in heat. No longer was I the reason for stress and turmoil in Terminal City. No longer did I need a babysitter.
I followed Kira down the hall from my room. She opened a door and revealed that the room I had been held in was in a part of HQ. I waved cheerfully to Max, then froze when I saw Alec.
He was across the room from me, talking to Dix and Mole, but I could clearly see the purple bruises. He had one on his temple and one around his eye, both from the fight he had had with Max. Because of me. I also noticed the way he was standing, not his normal stance. I winced as I remembered the cause of this abnormality. That had to have hurt very badly.
I wanted to go to him and tell him I was sorry for all the trouble and hurt I'd caused him. I wanted to hear him reassure me and tell me it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't help what happened while I was in heat. But I couldn't bring myself to approach him. Not after what had almost happened between us. Not after the dream I had had. Not after the thoughts I had had about him.
"Aren't you going to go to him?" Kira asked, noticing where I was staring.
I shook my head mutely.
"Why not?" she asked, "You're not avoiding him because of what happened, are you?"
I made no move to either confirm or deny her suspicion. She took that as confirmation.
"Jess, you know that whatever happens while we are in heat doesn't count. It's just hormones, nothing more. Besides, it's not like you actually went through with it. Now, I know you like him so go talk to him." Kira urged.
I was surprised at her. Wasn't she the one who wanted me to stay away from Alec? I gave her a look of confusion. She smiled.
"I know I'm a big hypocrite, but I could tell yesterday that it meant a lot to him that I approve and leave you two in peace. I still don't think he's very good news, but maybe he's not so bad either. Maybe. And I know you. If you don't sort this out now, it'll just grow and grow inside of you until you do something stupid. So, go talk to him. It'll be fine." she promised.
I was a little offended by her assessment of my behavior, but I had to grudgingly admit that she was right. I did tend to let things build inside of me until I was about to burst. A habit from Manticore where we were taught to keep any emotions we felt buried inside.
And it was good that Kira had at least moved Alec up to probation. She was still willing to give him a chance.
So far things were taking a turn for the better. Maybe I should give it a shot, forget my embarrassment and awkwardness, and just try to sort some things out with Alec. At least, apologize for the pain I'd put him through.
I nodded determinedly to Kira and marched across the room to Alec. I stopped, barely keeping myself from standing at attention as I waited for him to notice me.
"So, I'm thinking maybe we just make a raid on a warehouse instead of sending one person out here and another out there. Get ourselves some supplies that will last a little while. Problem is my plan doesn't exactly follow Max's 'lay low' rule. You think we can convince her?" he asked the two transgenics, refusing to acknowledge my presence.
I cleared my throat pointedly. It was obvious that Mole and Dix were now more curious as to what was going on than they were focusing on Alec's plan.
"Look's like you've got some business to take care of." Dix smiled, looking from me to Alec, "We can talk about this later."
With that, he and Mole beat a retreat to another part of HQ, abandoning Alec. Slowly, reluctantly, he turned to face me.
"Hi, Jess!" he greeted me with a smile as if he hadn't just been avoiding me, as if there was absolutely nothing the slightest bit wrong.
"Alec, don't." I said, knowing he was putting up his walls against me.
"What?" he asked, as if he didn't know.
"Alec, please. I don't want to do this. I don't want you to treat me like...I don't know. Like a stranger. I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't want for it to happen, but it did and I'm sorry." I said quickly.
For a second, I saw a hurt look appear on Alec's face, but then it was gone, replaced once again by his nonchalant smile. I frowned, confused. Why would he look hurt?
"It's alright, Jess. No big deal." he said, adding a casual shrug for emphasis.
With that, he turned and left, heading towards Dix and Mole. My frown deepened. I had really screwed things up this time and I wasn't even completely sure how.
Frustrated and angry, at myself and at Alec, I trooped back over to Kira. She didn't say anything to me, but simply walked with me out of HQ. As soon as the door closed, I vented.
"I can't believe he just did that! I didn't mean to do anything wrong! It's not like it was premeditated! How can he just blow me off like that when all I want to do is make things right again?" I would have said more, but words just wouldn't seem to form, so I left off with a low growl.
"I don't want to say I told you so, but I tried to warn you that 494's not good for you. You think that because of something that happened between you months and months ago, because he let you escape, that he's this great guy. The truth is, you have no idea why he said or did those things. He might have been planning to track you after you ran off so that he could capture us both. That would have made more tactical sense than 494 suddenly having some sort of epiphany. And even if all that was just following orders, he's still not the kind of guy you want to get involved with. Even back at Manticore he was manipulative. He hasn't changed. The only person he cares about is himself. You hurt him, so now you're not good enough for him. That's how he works." her voice softened, "Besides, you deserve someone better, Jess. You're a good person. You got me out of Manticore, gave me a life. You risked everything by doing that. It would have been so much easier for you to have just gone on the lam on your own. But you didn't and I owe you one for that."
I focused my gaze firmly on the pavement under my feet. I didn't want to hear what Kira was saying. Even though I was mad at Alec, I still couldn't forget all that we had been through in our short amount of time together. It would be very hard for me to turn my back on that and accept that Alec was still the same self-serving, uncaring person he had been at Manticore.
"I'm going for a walk. I have to think about some things." I said finally.
I didn't wait for a reply, but set off immediately, hoping Kira wouldn't try to follow. When I was about a block away from her, I relaxed a little. I stopped focusing so intently on where I was going and let my mind wander, not caring where my feet took me.
Kira was right about one thing. How I felt about 494 was pretty screwed up. I could hardly keep track of my feelings myself. It was like the roller coasters I had read about, going up and down and spiraling, all at high speed. If only things would slow down so I didn't feel so lost.
Excluding the first time I'd met him when he'd hurt me and our last encounter, Alec had always opened up to me and in return I'd developed feelings for him. I knew that. What I didn't know, and in truth was afraid to know, was the extent of those feelings. Did I really love him? Or was that just something my addled brains had cooked up, an exaggeration upon my true feelings?
I sighed. What I really wanted to know was if Alec had any feelings for me in return. Or was I just someone to do, like he'd been looking for when I'd found him in that bar? No, I couldn't believe that. He wouldn't have opened up to me if that were true.
I just wished there was someway to know the truth. What was up with Alec, how did he feel about me, why was he mad at me? If I could just somehow manage to ask him and have him answer me truthfully..., but who was I kidding? I could never flat-out ask him if he felt about me the way I felt about him.
But the second part, the part about why he was mad at me. That I could do. As long as he didn't blow me off again. It hurt too much when he did that.
I stopped and looked around. The first thing I noticed was that it was darker than it should be at mid-day. I looked up and noticed the dark, angry clouds that signaled coming rain. Then, I noticed where I was. I was in the middle of a bustling area of Terminal City. This area housed more of the less-human looking transgenics, but I wasn't the only X-series on the street and therefore did not call much attention to myself. I observed for a moment how life went on, even in Terminal City. A female transgenic who definitely had some cat DNA was carrying an armful of foodstuffs, an X-8 was following an arctic division, easily identifiable thanks to his snowy complexion, speaking to him rapidly, and coming towards me was a very tall man who was clearly part dog, carrying a can of paint. I recognized this last person as someone I'd been introduced to before when Kira and I had first reported to Max to go get our things. It was Joshua.
"Hey, Joshua!" I called.
He looked up and saw me. He smiled at me hesitantly.
"Hey, Jess." he replied.
"What are you doing, Joshua?" I asked, falling in next to him as he continued down the street.
"Got more paint. Paint more pictures. That's the plan." he replied.
I remembered that Alec had mentioned something about Joshua painting. I smiled slightly, amused that an artistic type had come out of Manticore.
"Do you mind if I look at some of your paintings?" I asked, curious to know what they looked like.
"Uh...no." he said, "This way."
Joshua led me to where he was staying. Immediately upon entering, I saw that the place was packed with paintings. The walls were covered with them, and more were leaning against the walls in the corners. Most were rather abstract, something I found difficult to understand, but a few were portraits. All of the portraits were of the same woman, however. I found that odd, but chose not to ask.
"Jess, look." Joshua called, setting down the paint can and hurrying over to a painting that I couldn't see from the angle I was at.
Joshua seemed excited as he pointed at the painting. I walked over to see what it was.
The painting was of a white dove. Behind it were three bands of color. The bottom one was black, the middle was red, and the top was white. I cocked my head, confused by its significance.
"What does it mean?" I asked him carefully, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
"Our flag." Joshua said shortly. Seeing that I still didn't understand, he continued, "See, this. Manticore. Darkness. Where we come from. This. Blood spilt today. This. Peace. Future."
I stared at the painting in shock, amazed by how much sense it made.
"It's perfect." I told him.
Joshua didn't respond, but hurried over to another painting, gesturing for me to come see it.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Alec." he said.
The painting was dark and swirled and confusing. I suddenly got the impression that Joshua knew about the inner turmoil that went on inside of Alec, too.
"It is Alec." I agreed, still staring at the painting.
I noted to myself that even if Joshua seemed a little slow in his speech, he was extremely perceptive.
"Alec done bad things. But Alec not bad."
Joshua surprised me with his sudden statement and the conviction that was in it.
"I know." I nodded softly.
"You like Alec." it wasn't a question.
"Yes." I answered it anyway.
"You and Alec get busy?"
My eyes widened. Woah! That was not a question I was prepared for.
"Uh...it's complicated." I replied, still reeling.
Joshua seemed to accept that answer because he turned away from me. I began to look for a way to exit quickly without being noticed. I did not want to answer any more questions like that one.
"Max and Logan like you. Complicated." Joshua said, "But look."
I stopped looking for a way to escape and looked where Joshua was standing. In front of him was a painting on the wall. It was red and blue, soft in some spots, intense in others. It reminded me somehow of the meeting of two raging rivers.
"Strong love." Joshua said.
I couldn't get into this.
"Look, Joshua. You're a terrific painter, really. But I have to go. I'll...uh...see you around." I said, backing hastily towards the door.
"You talk with Alec." Joshua called after me as I made it out the door.
I didn't reply, but continued to hurry out of the building. The building was two stories, probably an old apartment building or something. I'd made the stairs, thinking only of escaping into the fresh air. I could hear the rain pounding on the roof and welcomed the downpour. All I needed to do was get out the door.
I stopped abruptly, halfway down the stairs. Alec was at the bottom.
"Hey." he said.
I felt like I was suffocating.
Alec looked down and began to climb the stairs. He was almost past me when I unfroze.
"Alec!" I cried suddenly, grabbing his arm.
He stopped moving, but didn't look up.
"Alec, please." I pleaded again, "Please, talk to me. I'm sorry. Just tell me what I can do to fix whatever I did wrong. Tell me why you're mad at me."
Alec suddenly whipped around.
"I'm not mad at you." he said, then turned back and began to climb the stairs again.
"Then what?" I demanded.
"Nothing." he grumbled, heading down the hall.
I hurried back up the stairs after him.
"Alec!"
He continued on.
"Alec!" I yelled again, more pointedly.
"What the hell do you want from me?" Alec yelled back angrily.
"Stop shutting me out, God damn it! Just tell me what's wrong!"
"What's wrong?" he sounded incredulous, "You tell me you don't even want me and you want to know what's wrong? You admit that that kiss on the rooftop meant nothing to you and you want me to stop shutting you out? What the hell kind of game are you playing, anyway? Is this some kind of torture? See what you can get out of Alec. Use any means necessary. It's not like it matters how he feels."
"Alec..." I shook my head, feeling my eyes well up and my throat tighten.
He had it all wrong. How could he think that?
"No. I don't want to hear some half-assed explanation. It doesn't matter. It was my fault anyway." he turned and opened the door to an apartment.
I ran as fast as I could, arriving at the door before Alec could get through it.
"That's it! I can't take it anymore! I didn't mean that I don't want you, you idiot! I meant that I didn't mean for you to get hurt! You know, when Max wiped the floor with you because of me? That's what I was saying sorry for. I'm not playing some sort of game. I just...I like you, okay?"
"What?" he asked quietly.
"I never meant for you to take it that way. I'm sorry, Alec." I replied.
He ignored my reply and looked deep into my eyes.
"You like me?"
"So what if I do?" I looked away, feeling embarrassed.
I glanced up at him and saw he was smiling. I heard him move and looked up when he wrapped his arms around me. Relief washed over me and I fell into his hug, wrapping my own arms around him in return. After a long moment that I relished, he took a step back.
"You want to come in?" he asked.
"Sure." I nodded, feeling like finally everything was right in my world.
I was out of heat and Alec wasn't upset with me. I was happy.