It was another hour before Kakashi dared to descend from his perch and rescue the poor Akatsuki members from their hideout in the van. Once he'd manage to convince the traumatized teens that he was not a fangirl intent on ripping them limb from limb, the silver-haired man was able to coax the youths out of the van and into the open air. "Not too shabby, un," Deidara commented while stretching his arms above his head. Cowering in fear for extended periods of time produced some of the worst muscle cramps one could imagine, and all the Akatsuki members were feeling the effect.
"Well now that we've sacrificed Hidan to your fangirls (and I'm pretty sure there's irony in that, somehow), would you mind telling us where we can stay?" Pein all but demanded as he regained the feeling in his legs.
"Of course," Kakashi replied in a manner far too happy for Pein's liking, considering he'd just seen another Jashinist get mauled by a horde of insane females. Then again, perhaps seeing a fellow zealot get dragged off to certain doom was normal in the Jashinist world.
The ginger was yanked out of his musings when Kakashi began introducing himself to the other Akatsuki members; or more specifically, the sight of Kakashi bowing to Konan and kissing the back of her hand. With far more self-restraint than most people would give him credit for, Pein resisted the urge to backhand the silver-haired male into next week and walked up to the two, merely clearing his throat as he stepped between the duo and shot Kakashi a look that quite clearly threatened castration. "I'm assuming you have time to show us to wherever it is we'll be staying?"
"There's no need to be so damn hasty; surely you'd like a tour of the camp first?" And although he was facing Pein, the silver-haired man's eyes never left Konan. Clearly it would take more than subtle hints to get this one to back down.
"That sounds lovely," the woman admitted with a gentle smile, leaning around Pein to answer Kakashi. "No point in wandering around aimlessly if we can help it."
Even hidden beneath his mask, one could see Kakashi's smile widen at Konan's acceptance. "Excellent. We'll start with the main building and work our wait out from there." Bowing slightly, the male motioned to the central compound behind him. "After you, miss Konan." The woman blushed ever so slightly and began walking in the direction Kakashi had indicated, while the Jashinist strode beside her in a rather friendly manner. Pein followed close behind them, radiating an aura that promised death and all his friends on Kakashi if the local didn't watch his step. It wasn't too long before the others fell in step behind their leader.
"Hey, Zetsu," Kakuzu whispered to the other teen.
"Yeah?"
"Five bucks says Pein kills that poor bastard in his sleep."
"Make it ten and you're on."
-n-
Aside from occasional flirting from Kakashi, which very nearly prompted Pein to commit a rather heinous and gruesome murder in one of the few locations in the world that probably looked on such actions as a good thing, the tour was rather calm and straightforward. There was a mess tent for meals, two dozen cabins to house the zealots, a larger, more permanent building to house their instructors, an armory, a reeducation facility ("the pride of our facility," as Kakashi put it), a public area that served as a recreation ground, a general store, and a mini-golf course. Their tour was very nearly at an end, and it was at this point in time that Kakashi led them into the large, white fortress that stood as the JRCH's centerpiece. "And here we have the temple," he introduced while pushing open the door to the building.
The best way to describe the Akatsuki's reaction was surprised by the sheer normalcy of the interior. There was a central aisle about ten feet wide that divided the room in two, with two rows of pews twenty benches deep on each side. The front of the holy building contained a plain stone altar with an open fire burning in the front of it, and five elongated poles standing behind it. Although electric lights could clearly be seen dangling from the ceiling, for some reason the temple was lit by several hundred candles held aloft by half a dozen chandeliers. All in all, the place looked more like a medieval church than a breeding ground for the unholy nightmares known as Jashinists. Well, minus the wall paintings that seemed to be a picture book on Torture 101. "Well?" Kakashi asked.
"It's…nice," Konan settled on while staring at what appeared to be a depiction of a man using another person's intestines for a jump rope.
"I was actually expecting more fire and brimstone," Sasori admitted, while the others murmured soft agreements in the background.
Kakashi sighed and muttered something about ignorant heathens. "Jashinists operate on organized chaos, not mindless destruction."
"Could've fooled me," Deidara muttered. His eyes soon focused on the poles behind the altar, which appeared to be arranged in roughly the shape of a pentagon. "Hey, I get that the altar and fire are for sacrifices, but what's with the poles, un?"
"Those are used for various ceremonies," Kakashi explained. "Initiating new priests, sacrificing others, even…marriage," he added as he gave Deidara a pointed look. The blond eyes widened as a fierce blush covered his face, but before he could make a retort the masked man's attention was back on Konan. "If you'd like, I could give you ladies an extended tour later tonight."
"Why that little-" Pein had to be restrained by Kakuzu and Kisame from committing what was sure to be a heinous and bloody murder. Sasori, for his part, wasn't exactly opposed to the idea of Kakashi getting what was coming to him after the not so subtle flirtations sent towards Deidara, and thus stood quietly on the sidelines.
Konan soon noticed her boyfriend struggling against their friends, and it didn't take much for her to put two and two together. Time to get them out of here, and fast. "Kakashi, I'm much too tired from our trip to hear much more today. Could you please show us where we'll be staying?" she asked softly while gently batting her eyes.
The prime example of manliness, Kakashi was immediately reduced to a blubbering puddle of mush at the sight. "Right this way," he beckoned in a far-off voice. Soon enough he was stumbling out of the church with Konan on his heels, while the lone female in the group prayed to every deity in existence that Pein wouldn't blow their cover by acting out one of the murders displayed on the nearby walls.
"Thank god for Konan," Kakuzu muttered as he and Kisame released the enraged ginger.
"Damn skirt-chaser," Pein hissed with enough malice to sour milk.
-n-
"Your group couldn't have arrived at a better time, actually."
"Oh? And why is that?"
Kakashi smiled slightly at the woman. "Because another pilgrim has recently arrived here."
"Really now," Konan pushed with fake interest. The group was being led to the newcomer's cabin, which was located on the backside of the temple, with each room built to comfortably accommodate four pilgrims at a time, each getting a twin bed. She could practically feel Pein's dislike for Kakashi radiating through the group, and past experience had taught her that if someone was encroaching on her personal space when Pein was close at hand, it was a good idea to separate him from the encroacher as soon as possible. "Think we could meet them?"
"Oi, the pervert's back!" a loud voice called from the cabin ahead of the group.
A sort of annoyed look came across Kakashi's face at the call, as though something that smelled incredibly foul had just crawled under his nose and decided to sit there for a time. "It appears you'll be getting that chance quite soon in the near future."
Konan resisted the urge to press matters further until they were inside the cabin. There, the Akatsuki came upon three new faces; one was a tall man with vibrant blue hair, the second a woman with skin tanned a deep brown from hours in the sun, and finally a pale boy/girl with long and silky black hair that could easily rival Itachi's. The pale kid was sitting quietly on the bed, and had apparently been in conversation with the other two standing nearby before the Akatsuki's entrance had interrupted things. "Hakushi, Amaifuyu. What a pleasure to see you again," Kakashi greeted, although his tone indicated that pleasure hadn't been the word he wanted to use.
"Kakashi!" Hakushi called out with obvious delight. He sounded like the person who'd addressed Kakashi as a pervert earlier, and if he noticed the other Jashinist's dislike of his presence, he chose to complete ignore it. "How've you been?!" he demanded while wrapping the silver-haired man in a bear hug.
"Hakushi, you might want to put him down," Amaifuyu cautioned with a concerned look. "Our friend seems to be having problems breathing." Amaifuyu's attention was suddenly pulled away from her asphyxiating friend and fell to the Akatsuki. "Whoa, how the hell did you get this many pilgrims?! Oh for Jashin's sake, put him down right now, dumbass!"
Kakashi took a few moments to gasp for oxygen and massage his crushed sides. "Sorry man," Hakushi sheepishly apologized.
"It's fine," the other Jashinist spat out. "I'm sure the cracked ribs and crushed spleen will no doubt please Jashin."
"Ok, we're all square then."
"And much as I would like to take credit for this impressive catch, Hidan's the one who-"
"HIDAN?!" Hakushi practically screeched. "The Hidan Neko?!"
"Yes, you lumbering-"
The entire group was thrown off-balance when Hakushi let out a shriek not unlike the fangirls' earlier war cries and began leaping up and down in a circle. "He's here he's here he's here! Oh my Jashin, my autograph book!" With that epiphany driving him, the man bolted out of the room, his only farewell a cry of, "See ya later dumbasses!"
"Sometimes I wonder who's the dumbass around here," Kakashi growled.
"Forgive him," Amaifuyu begged. At least this Jashinist had the decency to blush and look embarrassed at Hakushi's actions. "He's somewhat of a fan of Hidan's work."
"His work?" Kakuzu repeated.
"You know, converting, subverting, diverting-"
"We get it," Sasori interjected.
Amaifuyu stopped the description and instead began to give the newcomers a brief once-over. "Not too damn shabby. I take it I'm helping you settle in?"
"Actually, I was planning on-"
"Leave now," Pein hissed with such malice one could practically feel a dark cloud of death and misery descend over the group.
Kakashi obviously wasn't happy to leave the group in the hands of someone other than himself, but decided that this was a battle best fought at a later time and date. He bade the group farewell, kissed the back of Konan's hand once more, and took off like a shot. "Why that son of a-" the rest of Pein's rant was lost as Kisame, Sasori, and Kakuzu worked to restrain the man, although even the miser had to admit the language coming from Pein's mouth was more colorful than a jumbo box of crayons and could give Hidan a run for his money.
Meanwhile, Amaifuyu was watching from the sidelines with Itachi and Deidara, a curious look on her face. "Is he often like this?" the Jashinist inquired as Pein attempted to flip over Kisame while simultaneously snapping Kakuzu's wrist.
"Only when Konan's involved, un. We don't know the specifics, but he's kind of protective."
The Jashinist frowned. "What a shame. He'd be a damn good convert if he could just channel that violence properly." Opinion given, the dark-haired local refocused on Itachi and Deidara. "Anyway, let me just be the first to say that I'm hella glad to have a few more drag queens around here!"
"…?!"
"You can tell, un?!"
"Oh dears, I'm sorry!" Amaifuyu exclaimed, distress clearly showing on her tan face. "You two must be new to this whole cross-dressing thing, aren't you?"
"Erm, yeah, actually. But most people don't figure it out that fast, un. How did you…?"
"Tch, duh! I'm a transvestite too!"
Both Akatsuki members stood there in complete shock, until finally Itachi managed to choke out a "Hn?"
"Aw, for a couple of heathen bastards, you two are sweet!" Amaifuyu chuckled. "I've had years of practice, so I'm pretty good at hiding it. Here's a hint though," she added, dropping her voice low as though she were about to share some dark secret with the duo. "Start wearing chokers. They're hella great for hiding your Adam's apples. Also, you need to try more flow-y skirts. Gives the illusion you've got a small waist and hides the Jashin-damn extra parts, if you get my drift."
"Thank you," Itachi responded in somewhat of a daze.
"No problem! And hang around Hakushi if you can. He's really good about not mixing up pronouns and doesn't blink twice if you go in the girls' room. Not like that damn asswipe Kakashi," she growled out.
Clearly there was some sort of animosity between the pair, but before the issue could be pressed, the boy-girl on the bed cleared their throat. "Excuse me? Miss Amai?"
"Huh? Oh yeah!" Amaifuyu raised her fingers to her lips and let out such a loud whistle that Itachi and Deidara were forced to cover their ears. Once the rest of the Akatsuki was focused on the Jashinist, Amaifuyu yanked the teen off the bed by their arm and shoved them towards the group. "Everyone, meet Haku! Haku, meet everyone!"
Haku looked like a deer caught in the headlights; of all the ways of getting acquainted with the members of Akatsuki, this definitely wasn't the route he'd taken. He hadn't had time to plan out what he was going to say, how he was going to gain their trust, or even how he could convince them to separate into ones or twos so that he and Zabuza could take them down. What was he supposed to do now?
Like an angel sent from on high, Tobi leapt forward and grabbed Haku's hand, rapidly pumping it up and down in greeting. "Hi Haku! My name is Tobi! When did you get here? Tobi and the others just got here but we've been trying to get here for forever and we were about to give up and start hitchhiking back home (at least that's what Zetsu said, but Tobi thinks he might have been kidding) and now that we're here it's nice to know we're not the only new ones-"
"Tobi, hush," Zetsu ordered from the back of the group. He was watching Haku from a safe distance, and frowned as he continued his observations. Something about this boy rubbed him the wrong way, and both halves of him agreed this teen couldn't be trusted as easily as those idiot Jashinists. There was a calm and calculating look in his eyes that definitely didn't match up with a thirteen or fourteen-year-old's demeanor, and he only appeared slightly surprised by Tobi's actions before regaining his composure. Something was not right with Haku.
"Sorry Zetsu," Tobi apologized as he released the younger male.
"It's all right," Haku replied in breathy voice that was barely more than a whisper. A light smile adorned his face, and even Zetsu couldn't tell whether it was fake or not. "You just startled me, that's all."
"Right right, now that that's out of the way, room assignments!" Amaifuyu hummed to herself as she looked the group over, trying to decide who should room with such a look of concentration it was as though the fate of the world depended on her decision. "Let's see…ok, big blue guy can go with emo tranny, and you two will be with scar face over there. Then blond tranny and fire crotch can stay with other fire crotch and the lady…so that leaves ADHD and two-face with Haku!"
The Akatsuki stared in complete shock at Amaifuyu, who was smiling widely at his own personal achievement. "Why did…how did…" Pein shook his head, realizing that he probably didn't want to know the reasoning behind the nicknames bestowed on them by the Jashinist, or why Haku was allowed to keep his name. "You left out Hidan."
"Oh yeah!" Amaifuyu snapped her fingers. "Shit, knew I was forgetting someone! Although he might be dead by now, if the fangirls got hold of him-"
WHAM
Amaifuyu's musings were abruptly cut short by Hidan bursting in to the room, and then slamming and bolting the door shut behind him. His hair was a mess and short and patchy in several spots, what few clothes remained on his body had been ripped to shreds, and he was covered in a fine layer of what appeared to be lip-gloss. "Dear Jashin," he gasped out, sinking down against the door and muttering what could only be prayers of thanksgiving for his escape.
"So, you're Hidan. Wow, you look like crap."
"Well excuse me!" Hidan snapped as a look of pure rage crossed his face. "I just got mauled by thousands of rabid bitches who apparently worship the Jashin-damned ground I walk on and had to flee for my fucking life! Next time that happens, I'll make sure I'm presentable before seeing you!"
"Touchy too," Amaifuyu murmured with a tone of amusement. "Anyway, you missed the room assignment, so suck it up and deal if you don't like being stuck with scar face et all."
By this point, Hidan had noticed the others were in the room, and suddenly became very aware of his disheveled appearance. "Kuzu!" he wailed before glomping the banker. "Everyone here is fucking crazy!"
"Welcome to my world," Pein muttered with the barest hint of sympathy in his voice.