Pregnant Pause

Mariana had been wondering what was really happening between Jhuleem and her. Since he had returned from Cardassia, she barely saw him. He was always busy with work or studying for his exams that he was soon to return to Cardassia to take from his continuing education course. So she went to his wing of the hospital when she knew his lab partner wouldn't be there.

The minute she saw him, she didn't mince any words. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

"Going on?" he asked, obviously playing at ignorance.

"You haven't been in this relationship since you got back here. You think I don't notice you're avoiding me like some sort of plague?"

He sighed. "Mariana, I've just been busy, that's all."

"Yeah, sure. How about you tell me what's really going on so we can both go on with our lives?"

He looked at her as he sat there. He then stood as he said, "Let's talk about this tonight when-"

"No, I want to talk about it now," she said, holding onto her temper. "My life has been on hold since I've been waiting for you to make up your mind about- something. I don't know what that something is, but it isn't fair for you to ask someone to wait around for you until you decide whatever that something is."

He admitted, "You're right. It isn't fair for you not to know. My family, when I went home to Cardassia, they-" he shrugged. "They gave me an ultimatum. I've been told to marry a Cardassian woman of their choice or I'll be disowned."

"Oh, I see." She was trying to cram that piece of information into her mind, but it didn't compute. "So you're trying to decide if-"

"If I care to live my life in exile." And he was just standing there, holding her gaze and he seemed to be…unapologetic?

She turned, about to leave, but she turned back around and shot out, "You know what? Go home. I wouldn't want you to live a life out of favor with your family. I'm living it now and it really hurts. So go and marry—what's-her-face—whatever her name is, and have a nice long life."

"Mariana, that isn't fair," he said. "If I remember correctly you left me because your family didn't want us together-"

"I left you because it was illegal back then and you would have been subject to execution on Terra Prime! And it hurt to go, but I would rather you have been alive than with me and then dead within days."

"Then why can't you be happy for me now that my family won't disown me?"

"Oh forget this," she said. "If that's what you want, fine, then go on and take it. I hope you're happy with what's-her-face," she finished angrily as she went to leave the lab.

"Don't go!" he said. "I only have three days left here before I have to go home. Let's spend those last days together."

She looked back at him and gave him the nastiest smile he'd ever seen. "Spend them alone, you jerk! I'd rather get used to being on my own again sooner rather than later."

And he watched her walk away from him for good.

####

"What about what you want?" Amanda was asking.

Maya frowned. "What about what I want?"

"Everything is about Sokam and what he wants. He's in school to be a Healer, so your bond is shut most of the time. And you can't have sex because it will compromise his studies. And oh, no kids yet, he wants to wait ten years. What about what you want?"

This whole thing had started because Maya made the mistake of mentioning, offhand, to Amanda that she might have to return to Terra Prime for a year to continue her studies but that she didn't think Sokam would like that. And Amanda had turned to her and asked, "What about what you want?"

Maya hadn't expected the conversation to take this turn. "Well it's not really about that right now. Things are just kind of up in the air for us-"

"For him you mean," said Amanda. "If you need to go to Terra Prime for a year to fulfill the obligations for the next step in your studies, why would he have a problem with that?"

Maya shrugged. "Ah, you know how it is. He'll probably not want me to go at first and then he'll come around. He understands about my education. It'll be fine."

She leaned forward and asked, "Aren't you tired of him doing this to you, Maya?"

"What?"

"He's ignoring you again, I can tell!"

"Yeah, Amanda, it's different this time. It's not like he can help it."

"A husband can always help it. Don't believe he can't."

Before allowing herself to become angry, Maya dropped her mental shields and saw that Amanda was under a large amount of stress. What had happened to cause this? "Amanda, what's going on?"

She swallowed back tears. "It doesn't matter. I don't trust Vulcans anymore. And I'm married to one," she laughed while trying not to cry, "and I'm pregnant with one."

Her heart hurt for her friend. "Is Sarek still…you know?"

"Acting like a weirdo? Oh yeah. We can be in the same room and it's like being alone." She didn't tell Maya about the conversation they had had just the day before.

####

"You want us to what?" said Amanda, trying to keep her voice level. She could barely breathe. She was ten months into her pregnancy and her body was groaning under the pressure. She was being pumped full of drugs and hormones in order to keep her child in for as long as possible. And now Sarek had just said…what?

"Amanda, it is only logical," he answered. He had become overly focused on logic and less focused on the two of them since that day he had gone to see T'Pau. "Since the child will need more than what either you or I could give him in this environment, it is only proper that he be handed over to someone more qualified to teach him in The Vulcan Way."

"And you think T'Pau, of all people, is that person?"

"Yes, logically."

She couldn't believe her ears. Here she was, stuck in bed for the last leg of her pregnancy. Her body and will were being stretched beyond belief. She had been going through the most terrible of health circumstances since becoming pregnant and now here she was carrying a child past what any Terran should ever have to endure. "I'm forty-eight weeks along and this is what I have to deal with right now," she mumbled disgustedly to herself as she lay on her side and covered her stomach protectively with one arm.

Sarek merely stood there, waiting for her answer.

"This conversation is over, Sarek," she said, coolly. "Leave me alone."

"I would have your answer now," he said a little too patiently as he stood in front of her.

She knew it was a low blow, but she decided to say it anyway. "How many children do you need to have taken from you by the women of this forsaken world before you wake the hell up?"

He was so taken off guard by the question, he was unable to answer.

####

Maya only looked at her friend and wondered what she was thinking about. "Where did you go?" she asked.

"Memories, that's all," she said as she shrugged. She leaned forward and whispered, "Let's leave our husbands and go back to Terra Prime!"

Maya wanted to laugh since she knew Amanda was mostly joking. But part of her knew her friend was contemplating that very move and it was precisely why she wasn't laughing. She was more than very worried about her. And she decided to bury the words said about her husband since she knew they came from a place of desperation for Amanda. Instead, she found herself saying, "Anytime, day or night, you call me Amanda. You understand?"

She swallowed back tears. "I understand."