So I need a huge favor, I need someone from Ireland who is willing to let me interview you for a school project. It's a major grade and I'm just not finding the info I need. I'm willing to send you an outtake, and or, a future-shot; as I call them of your choosing. Please PM me if you can.

Chapter 10

When Bella woke up again Bianca was crying, Bella was slightly disoriented wondering how she got home, let alone in her bed. Shaking it off Bella decided she didn't care, right now life hardly had any meaning for her. She was drifting deeper into the dark abyss and only Bianca was keeping her alive.

Edward watched as Bella got from under her covers and started preparing a bottle for her baby. He couldn't help but be amazed at how great Bella was with her child. Most teenage mothers hate giving up their childhoods to take care of a child. After Bella fed her baby she changed her diaper then rocked her to sleep. Taking the time to make sure Bianca was comfortable and fully asleep before trying for sleep herself.

When Bella woke up again she was relieved it was Saturday. That meant she could sleep all day in between taking care of Bianca and doing chores. Before she decided to sleep some more Bella grabbed both of her journals unaware of the prying eyes just outside her window and the flashy sports car that would be pulling into her driveway soon. She wrote in the green one first.

I'm feeling so numb right now. I guess I prefer the numb to the constant pain. When I'm feeling like this there is no nightmares and waking up at all times in the night becomes bearable, but I know I'm not living, I need help I just don't know how to ask for it.

Bella closed the green book and opened the blue one next. Edward was perplexed as she stared at one specific page, almost like she was willing the words to change to lose it's meaning. Finally Bella took a deep breath and flipped the page then picked up her pencil.

I saw Phil yesterday in school. It was the first time he had ever hit me, it wasn't the fact that he hit me that made me into the state that I'm now. It was his words that I hadn't processed until later. He said he should have fucked my mouth that night; instead of my pussy. It hurts so much knowing he was completely in control when it happened. I never would have though Phil to be that, vicious. Another problem, what do I possibly make of Edward Cullen? Maybe when I first met him he had a bad day? I want to believe that so bad but there is this little niggling sensation in the back of my head telling me that would be a lie. Maybe I should give him a second chance, after all he did come to me when I need someone the most and for that I will forever be in his debt. I need to write something though something I wish wasn't true but I'm hoping if I can get this out on paper one day I can in words.

IT HAPPENED, IT WASN'T A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE; I…WAS...RAPED.

I'm hoping that the more I can admit it on paper that it will make it easier for me to believe. I don't want to though, I wish it could be just that, a nightmare. Maybe when I can admit it to myself I can admit it to others. Dr. Cullen didn't count, he guessed it; the words never spilled from my lips.

Bella closed the notebook and wiped away a tear as a car pulled into her drive way. Her step father walked out and slammed his door shut looking around warily. Edward smirked in satisfaction as he saw Phil with a plastered covered arm, his visible body littered in bruises. He still didn't like that he was within breathing range of Bella.

Phil knocked on the door, three quick raps. Bella answered almost immediately, she knew that knock all to well. Phil still shuttered as he looked into Bella's still dead eyes.

"Can I come in?" He asked. she moved aside silently. he walked in and took a seat on the couch. Bella didn't like this, who was he to come into her home, get comfortable within her safe haven? This was her house not his. Bella bit back her anger though she knew what could happen if she let her mouth run wild and she could not, would not, live through that again.

"What happened?" Bella questioned stoically gesturing at Phil's injured body. Phil blushed and an angry scowl filled his face making her back away in fear.

"A couple of fucking high school punks jumped me last night on my way to the hotel as I left a bar. They were wearing fucking masks couldn't get a good ID on wither of them, but they were large and fucking cold." Edward would have to get his brothers a special gift when he finally returned home. Bella smirked in satisfaction; not nearly as bad as he deserved but it was a start.

"Listen Isabella the money is in your bank account. I won't ever bother you again as per our agreement." Bella wanted to scoff, it was never apart of the agreement that he would steal her innocence before she left forever. But he did and Phil didn't have to live with the guilt and pure agony that Bella currently was. Bella never believed in sex for just sex; it was supposed to mean something. Something was stolen from her that night something she was saving for the love of her life. Anger engulfed Bella then, she had never felt so much anger in her entire life. How dare he come here and bribe her into keep his dirty little secret, force her into her broken form unknowing if she could ever be the same again.

"Get out." I sneered at the man before me. He looked at me in utter shock. Before I was just drifting not really letting anything past this little membrane I had around me protecting my fragile soul; preventing anything from entering but letting me stretch out and grasp at reality when I needed too.

"What?" He demanded.

"I said get the fuck out of my house. This is MY HOUSE, MY safe haven, YOU have NO right to be in MY home FUCKING RELAXING. I don't want your fucking blood money, I don't want you to have the satisfaction of paying off your guilt. IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK THAT WAY! I want you out Phil forever, don't you dare ever come back here again. Bianca is mine, and if you ever come close to MY baby or MY family. I. WILL. KILL. YOU." My hands were in fists my knuckles white. My nails were digging into the skin of my palms. I relished in the pain, being in the numbness made me feel so cold. I was now burning in a hazy flare of red anger and pain, every pent up emotion I had was coming out now.

"DON'T YOU DARE THREATEN ME LITTLE GIRL!" Phil yelled right back raising his hand like he was going to slap me. I snapped. I flung forward and pulled my left fist back then shot it forward. It connected with Phil's face. I felt the impact as his nose crumbled under my power. A ripple of satisfaction shot through my spine. Hearing him howl in pain as blood dribbled from his nose made me smile in joy. Phil got up and walked out.

"You'll regret this you fucking bitch you fucked with the wrong man." Phil warned as he walked to his car holding his rapidly bleeding nose.

"I'm not scared of you anymore, you've already broken me so thoroughly before, but I refuse to ever let that happen again." and then I slammed the door in his face, locking it for good measure. I would never let this show but his threat did frighten me some and I wouldn't hand him the opportunity to follow through. I ran to the bathroom and threw up, the stress was becoming to much. I stood up to Phil but I still had these demons lingering, taunting me into giving up. I flushed the toilet and washed my teeth then looked at my haggard reflection. My chin trembled and I licked my lips.

"I was raped." I whispered to myself looking at the slightly dirty tiled floor.

"I was raped." I said a little louder slowly looking up, feeling stronger.

"I. Was. Raped." I said confidently tears leaking from my eyes. I stood tall and walked to my room grabbing my green book and opened it. I paced my room trying to find the guts to say what I needed to. Wondering if, when this came up in conversation I could talk about this. I wasn't sure but I knew that I could never have another break down like I did before. I finally grabbed a pen and wrote.

I was raped; and I need help.

I put the pen down as my hands shook. I heard Bianca starting to whimper honestly surprised she slept through all that yelling, but glad she did. I picked her up and smiled at the squirming infant. I was going to get better for her. I was going to get rid of all this guilt, hatred and pain. Bianca deserved a whole mother, not a broken teenager. I felt liberated as I went to go prepare Bianca's bottle but I knew I had only just started the battle and since I couldn't be totally honest it was going to be all that harder for me to get over. Some things would be left out, and others omitted but I would do it to keep Bianca safe and in my arms because I truly loved her. For right now that was all I had to offer her, my love and I only hoped that it would be enough.

Please review