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A reason to trust
"Rhianaye, stop eating!" Thrárin snapped.
Rhianaye looked at him acutely. "Are you serious? I am hungry!"
Thrárin stood up and removed her plate.
"Hey!" Rhianaye followed him and tried to take it back, resulting in the remaining porridge to end up on the floor.
Thrárin pulled the empty plate away. "Let me go! See what you did now? You ruined daddy's porridge!"
Rhianaye pushed him and Thrárin landed on the messy floor. "OW!" He howled.
Rhianaye stuck her tongue out. "That's what you get from trying to interfere with my food, midget!"
Thrárin crossed his arms and sniffled. "I am going to tell daddy!"
Rhianaye marched back to the table and sat down proudly. "Tell him whatever you wish. Dad will be mad that you tried to interfere with my second helpings. You know how much he wants me to eat better."
Lis walked over and picked Thrárin up. "You okay, little Lord?"
Thrárin looked at her through teary eyes. "I am okay." –Then he turned angrily to his sister- "I wanted that porridge! Now look what you did!" He pointed to the floor.
Rhianaye crossed her arms. "I didn't do that. You did it! Now you clean it up!"
Lis rolled her eyes and tried to clean Thrárin's breaches. "You need to change and I need to wipe the floor before your mother sees it and gets pissed off with all of us."
Durin chuckled and took another spoonful of his food. "They deserve some punishment."
Rhianaye eyed him. "Oh, get off your high horse."
"Stop acting like a brat. Thrárin is right. You shouldn't have eaten so much and you made him drop the plate." Durin rejoined indifferently.
"Are you siding with the midget now?" Rhianaye sounded incredulous.
Thrárin stomped his foot. "I am not a midget."
Rhianaye lifted her eyebrow and sniggered. "Oh, yeah you are…."
Thrárin crossed his arms and his mouth curled down. "Brat…" He rebuked.
Rhianaye made to have another go at him, but Durin's heavy voice stopped her.
"Leave him alone…"
"What's up with you today?" Rhianaye scowled. She wasn't used of her twin siding with their baby brother.
"He didn't do anything to you. Lay off his case." Durin rejoined austerely.
Rhianaye lips pouted. "He took my food away before I had the chance to finish it!"
"You ate a full plate already." Durin dismissed her truly bothered.
Thrárin crossed his arms. "Yeah you did!" He pointed at her.
Rhianaye glowered at both of them. "What's your issue? Dad made enough porridge to feed an army! It's not as if I ate your servings!"
Thrárin took a chair and brought it next to the stone stove that had coals burning under it in order to keep the soup warm. "Daddy made all this for me and I want it all!"
Rhianaye pressed her lips. "Whatever for? It's not as if you are going to eat it all by yourself."
Thrárin peeped inside the large pot eagerly. "It's not only for me stupid."
Rhianaye glowered. "I am not stupid. You are!"
Durin snorted. "You both are at this moment."
Rhianaye tried to silence her twin with her ferocious glare, which he reciprocated apathetically.
"I want to take food to mister Nameless and he is very hungry and big. He will want to eat all of it so don't go around spilling it to the floor." Thrárin admonished.
The soup took the wrong turn and ended up chocking Durin.
Lis freaked out and rushed over to him. She began thwarting his back ferociously. "Come on Lord Durin, breathe…have some water…."
It took Durin several moments to stop coughing like mad and when he looked up his eyes were teary and his face pale. "What the hell Thrárin…" he hissed.
Thrárin was looking at him with wide innocent eyes. "You okay?" he flashed a toothless grin at his brother.
Rhianaye leaned back and crossed her arms with a sudden flare in her beautiful green eyes. "Who's Nameless?" She asked.
Durin coughed and turned to her crossly. "You pretend like you didn't hear anything" –He warned her. Then he turned to Thrárin and pointed at him- "And you shut your mouth!"
Thrárin frowned. "What did I do? I just said that I want to take the food to mister Nameless."
Rhianaye's face lit up with a cunning smile. "Oh, do tell brother dear who is mister Nameless…?"
Durin pushed Lis away. "Leave me."
Lis pulled back with a deep frown. "Are you okay?"
Durin nodded and rushed to get to his baby brother. He grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down from the chair. "I think that is enough…don't you?" His eyes thinned on Thrárin.
The young Prince looked bewildered. "I didn't say anything bad."
Rhianaye knelt down in front of Thrárin and caressed his red curls away from his eyes. "You said something about Nameless. Who is he?"
Thrárin looked at her and began poking his nose. "Just a Dwarf we met in the woods."
Durin's face blanched. "Can you stop talking, please?" He jerked his little brother hard.
Thrárin howled. "Hey, stop it!"
Rhianaye pulled Thrárin away from Durin's grip. "Will you stop mishandling our baby brother before I tell mom about it?"
Durin's face was unable to hide his resentment at what she was trying to do. "You were calling him a bloody midget a few moments ago. Why do you come to his defense now?"
"Why not? Are you the only one allowed to come to his defense then?" Rhianaye rebuked.
"You are only doing this so he can tell you more." Durin crossed his arms feeling irksome.
Rhianaye embraced Thrárin who settled in her arms. "Of course I am. I need to know who my baby brother saw in the forest in order to be able to protect him."
"Protect him from what? He is not in any danger now and when he needed protection I was there for him." Durin hurled back at her.
"Oh, did you?" Rhianaye spat.
Thrárin pushed his sister away and went to Durin. He wrapped his arms around his waist. "He did protect me a lot, but mister Nameless wasn't mean to us. Well, he was a little bit at first and he scared us, but then he was nice."
Durin embraced his brother. "Still he gave me the creeps."
Thrárin sniffled and leaned his head on Durin's stomach. "He protected us from that black hill, didn't he? He told us to get away from it."
Durin pressed his lips. "He told us to get the hell away in general. There's a difference." –Then he turned to Lis- "As for you…you didn't hear anything. If you tell dad I am going to ask for another bodyguard, I swear."
Lis paled. "I won't say anything Sir, but isn't keeping such a secret dangerous for you?"
Durin looked absolutely fed up with all of them. "Dangerous how? Do you think a Petty Dwarf is going to storm Erebor in order to do us in? He had his chance when we were alone at his mercy in the forest and he didn't do anything to us. He was just a beggar in the middle of nowhere. His clothes were torn apart, he was filthy, starving and positively disheveled. I don't think he had the strength to lift his bow in order to hunt down his own food never mind be a threat to us, even though at first he fooled me."
"No, he was not bad to us." Thrárin agreed.
Rhianaye sat down and leaned her forearms on her knees. "So why didn't you tell dad?" She lost all her need to irritate her siblings the moment she saw how truthful Durin's answer was.
Durin sighed. "Because snotty here didn't want dad to arrest Nameless. He grew fond of him apparently."
Rhianaye pressed her lips. "Did he tell you that was his name?"
"No, Durin gave it to him." Thrárin chimed in.
Rhianaye shrugged. "So what was he doing there, did he tell you?"
"He said he was on his way out. He didn't seem to mean any harm, though." Durin replied warily.
Lis crossed her arms. "Still, the King must learn of this encounter Prince Durin."
He send her such an aggressive glare the girl instantly shrunk away from him. "Do you want to remain as my bodyguard?"
Lis blanched. "I want nothing more than that."
Durin raised his brow. "Then you must also become my confidant and that means you must learn how to keep my secrets."
Lis gave him a fearful nod. "Your confidant?" She whispered. That was an exceptional honor for her.
Durin continued. "You think uncle Dwalin never kept dad's secrets safe from granddad Thrain?"
Lis was looking at him bug-eyed.
"He kept dad's secrets safe from the whole world, so that is what you must also do for me if you want to be my defender!" Durin said sternly.
Lis bowed her head and touched her heart. "As you command Sir."
Durin tilted his head feeling partially satisfied and then looked at his sister. "So now you all know about Nameless. Big secret, which wasn't so big to begin with, is out."
Rhianaye frowned towards Thrárin. "That's why you asked dad to make so much food? You wanted to take it to Nameless?"
Thrárin sniffled and wiped his nose with the edge of his oversized tunic. "Yeah, he was really hungry. He said he was farnished."
"Famished." Durin corrected.
Thrárin nodded. "Yeah that! So when are we going to take the food to him?"
Durin glowered. "What do you mean take him the food? This pot isn't going anywhere."
Thrárin stomped his foot down and tried to imitate Durin's ferocious glare. "I told dad to make all this so we can feed mister Nameless!"
Rhianaye snorted and cupped her mouth. "I am sure you didn't say these exact words snotty or he'd have us all under house arrest by now. Oh, dad is going to be pissed off if he finds out you made him labor for a Petty Dwarf."
Thrárin looked at her angrily. "He was hungry!"
Rhianaye crossed her arms. "So am I, but I don't see you making such a big fuss about it."
Thrárin marched up to the pot and tried to take it off the stove. "Fine, I will take it myself!" He sounded determined.
Lis stopped him. "Careful young Prince, this is too heavy for you."
"Look at the midget trying to act like a hero…." Rhianaye snickered.
Durin gave her a rather commanding glance. "Don't put him down."
Rhianaye flayed her arms. "I am getting tired of you sticking up for him honestly. What happened to our twin pledge? You know…always have each other's back?"
Durin came over to Thrárin and knelt in front of him. "Not against snotty here. Get your head together Rhianaye" –he admonished and then tucked Thrárin's hair away from his forehead- "Besides his heart is in the right place. He just wants to feed the homeless, which I don't find all that bad."
Rhianaye pointed at them. "Well fine, whatever. Just beware...If you boys ever try to do that, count me in. I am not staying behind and if you try to try to do it secretly I am going to tell dad."
Durin glared at her. "You are a holy terror."
Rhianaye crossed her arms. "I am tired of always staying home, that is what I am. If you go in Mirkwood I am coming along to see this Petty Dwarf."
"I hope you aren't going to do such a thing Prince Durin." Lis murmured fearfully.
He gazed at her firmly. "Or else?"
Lis lowered her eyes. "Or else nothing. I pledged myself to you already, what more do you want? I will keep silent, but I will follow you. You are not going alone in Mirkwood without me."
Durin pressed his lips and turned to Thrárin. "Don't worry, no one is going to search for Nameless. Okay snotty?"
Thrárin red well-formed brows met above his beautiful azure eyes. "I want to feed the mister! Mom says that we must always offer help to those who need it."
Durin shook his head and looked at him with his equally dazzling eyes. "Snotty, that man didn't need any food from us. What he needed was to pick up his things and get out of Mirkwood. If dad finds out he is there he is going to arrest him. You want that to happen?"
Thrárin's lip pouted and he shook his head. "No."
"Now if dad finds out I let you go in there to feed him, he is going to kill me. Do you want that?" Durin continued.
Rhianaye sighed and watched them carefully.
"No…" Thrárin's eyes filled with tears.
Durin grasped his shoulders. " I am your big brother and I must protect you. You are not going again in that forest without me and that goes out for all of you" –he gave a warning glance to Rhianaye who scrounged her nose at him- "You know I hate rules, but last time I really got scared for you. So much that I don't intend to repeat that mistake again."
Thrárin sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. "So what about Nameless? Is he going to stay hungry?"
Durin raffled his hair playfully and stood up. "He is already long gone and I am sure he is already hunting around Beorn's forest by now. Didn't you see how beautiful his bow was? He must be quite an archer in order to have such an impressive weapon. Therefore he is more than capable to get his own food."
Rhianaye tilted her head. "Yeah, you are probably right."
Thrárin didn't look convinced, but he remained silent.
Durin looked around at all of them. "So today's conversation never took place. You" –He pointed at Lis- "And you" –he turned to Rhianaye- "Didn't hear anything about Nameless. You both keep it a secret, get it? If dad finds him and arrests him, snotty over there is going to go into a meltdown."
Thrárin's eyes grew wide. "I don't want Nameless in the dungeons!"
Durin waved him off. "Don't worry they won't say anything, right?" He looked insistently both at his sister and at Lis.
Rhianaye rolled her eyes looking absolutely bored. "Yeah whatever, but if you guys decide to go find him, I am in."
Durin shook his head with a cringe. "No one is going. Period." –Then he turned to Lis- "How about you?"
Lis bowed her head and touched her chest. "Your secrets are mine to protect my Lord."
Durin smiled at her pleased. "There is hope for you yet…" -He said and then turned to Thrárin- "As for you snotty, you forget all about Nameless and any plans to go find him in the woods, especially alone. Deal?"
Thrárin crossed his arms and remained silent.
Durin's eyes thinned on him. "Is that a deal?"
Thrárin nodded. "Yeah I guess…" he murmured, but his heart was not in it.
Durin looked at him suspiciously, trying to decide if he was indeed truthful. That is when the door opened up and the solemn face of their father made its appearance. Thrárin and Rhianaye abandoned their places and flogged him.
"Daddy!" Thrárin yelled.
"Did you come to eat with us?" Rhianaye smiled up at him as he gave a soft kiss on her forehead.
"No, I just came to check on you before I go to mom. Did you eat anything?" Thorin looked at the large pot.
Thrárin squeezed his little arms around his dad's waist lovingly. "I got two servings daddy!"
Thorin lifted him up and cupped his cheek. "Did you like it big guy?"
Thrárin snuggled under his chin. "I loved it! Thank you for making so much!"
Thorin smiled and tightened his arm around Rhianaye's shoulder. His eyes looked searchingly at his oldest son who didn't make any attempt to approach or greet him. Durin's face seemed way too preoccupied for his usually rebellious disposition. Thorin's honest smile faded away into something much more forced, mildly worried and far less genuine. "How about you? Did you like the food?" He addressed his son.
Durin looked up briefly and a fleeting smile formed on his lips. "It was okay dad."
Thorin's eyes remained on Durin troubled for several silent moments. "So what are your plans for today?"
Rhianaye drew back with a huge grin on her beautiful face. "We'd like to go swimming and maybe have a picnic."
Thorin planted another kiss on Thrárin's forehead, before putting him down. "With mom and auntie Dis?"
Rhianaye pressed her lips. "Nah, with you…"
Thorin seemed to be taken aback. "I have a lot of work petal. I cannot join you."
Durin twisted his spoon around his food. "As usual." He murmured.
Thorin's eyes fell on him carefully, but he remained silent on that reproach.
Rhianaye clasped Thorin's hand. She pressed it on her soft cheek. "Can't you take the day off dad, just for today? The weather is amazing. Up here the nice days are few. Come with us, please…please….please…."
Thrárin joined in, clapping his hands enthusiastically. "Yes, please …..please….please….We can go get mommy too and we can all go together!"
Durin humphed. "Leave him alone snotty. He's got things on his mind, he is not in a mood for a swim. He is also still probably mad with mom."
Thorin pulled Rhianaye close to him and looked sadly at Durin. "You know the North cannot be ruled by itself son." His voice was relatively calm, but his heart was pounding hard when he realized that Durin understood far more about the troubles of his parents than they had realized.
Durin waved him off. "I know dad. Go to work and we will go swimming with Lis. It's fine."
Thorin looked at the girl long and hard. Then he cleared his throat. "Lis, take Rhianaye and Thrárin down by the river please."
Lis animated and bowed her head. "Right now Sir?"
Thorin nodded. "Yes."
Rhianaye pulled Thorin down so she could give a firm kiss on his cheek. "Are you sure you cannot come dad? It'd be nice…."
Thorin caressed her jawline lovingly. "Go with Lis gem. Give me some time."
Rhianaye rolled her eyes. "Fine dad, come on Thrárin…." She offered her hand.
The young Prince clasped it and followed, quite oblivious of the tension between Thorin and his oldest son. Durin stood up and got ready to follow when Thorin's hand fell on his shoulder detaining him. "Not you."
Rhianaye looked back confused.
Thorin gave her a curt nod. "I need to talk with your brother. Go."
Lis smiled and turned to the kids. "Come on, whoever reaches the shore last is a rotten egg…." She teased.
Thrárin screeched and dashed up the stairs faster than the wind and Rhianaye followed with the same fervor. When the door closed behind them Thorin and Durin remained frozen for several moments.
"Did you hear our argument the other night?" Thorin asked quietly.
Durin pulled away bothered and went to the table. He sat down and crossed his arms. A soft nod was the only answer he gave.
Thorin followed and took a seat across him. "I am sorry you had to listen to this. It was never our intention to wake you up."
"It is never your intention, but it happens often dad." Durin's azure eyes were almost accusing.
Thorin sighed and looked sadly at his crossed hands. "I know my boy."
Durin's lips tilted sideways and his brows arched. "So what did you fight about?"
Thorin exhaled heavily. "That is something between me and your mom."
Durin humphed. "Was it about grandad Othin? I know it was, don't lie to me."
Thorin raised his brow. "Our arguments have many reasons and it is not your place to ask about them."
Durin's jawline flexed. "You mean I am too young to know, right? Well, apparently I am not too young to be awoken by your arguments! That's kind of twofaced isn't it?"
Thorin faltered. "You feel the need to lash out and I am not going to stop you. Get angry with me, but also try to be more understanding. Adult life is not easy. Marriage is even more difficult that you can imagine."
Durin raised his hand. "I don't need a lecture on adulthood."
Thorin reached up and clasped his hand. Durin tried to pull it away, but Thorin secured it. "Then allow me to justify myself to you…"
Durin's eyes watered.
Thorin clutched his hand tightly. "Because you deserve it. You and your siblings."
Durin looked away.
It took Thorin several moments to reflect about how to express his feelings to his highly perceptive son. When he spoke his voice was composed. "Your mom and I are going through some rough times. I cannot overburden your mind with our troubles, but know that I love her more than my life…as I love you children. You hear anger in our voices, but the same anger doesn't reside in our hearts. There is only sadness there and sometimes bitterness, but you know what? Life can get unexpectedly hard sometimes and even the happiest families go through some dark moments. That shouldn't scare you though, because both your mom and I are dedicated to love and shelter all of you, no matter the difficulties between us."
Durin spoke over him and the distress rung clear in his voice. "Are you and mom going to break up?"
Thorin's brow creased. "Dwarves don't break up their marriages son…I thought you knew that."
Durin wiped away a few tears that cascaded down his nose and sniffled. "Uncle Balin and I were reading some Elder books that mentioned famous broken marriages."
Thorin licked his lips. "Probably they were speaking of the rarest cases of infidelity, murder or theft. We are not impeccable to errors of judgement and there are sporadic circumstances that would excuse the breaking of a marriage, but in the thousands of years since our forefathers first woke up, I doubt the cases you read amounted to more than a few." –He pressed Durin's hand and smiled uncomfortably- "Right?"
Durin smirked and nodded quickly. "Yeah…I suppose."
"So what does that say to you?"
Durin looked up and sniffed. "That you and mom are not going to break up?"
Thorin smiled and cupped his cheek affectionately. "Of course we won't. Your mother is my other half. No matter how frustrated we might become with one another, we always have each other's backs. We love each other and we will never draw apart. That doesn't mean that we won't argue though. We are not much different from you and Rhianaye. You constantly bicker, but you love each other, right?"
Durin's mouth formed a sad smile. "Yes."
Thorin tilted his head. "Well that's me and your mom…"
Durin exhaled hard and closed his eyes. "Rhianaye is worried …she heard you also."
Thorin caressed Durin's hand. "Then you must settle down her worries like the protective big brother that you are…"
Durin's faded smile became wider. "Thanks dad."
Thorin frowned. "For what?"
Durin shrugged and wiped his nose. "For making me feel better."
Thorin pulled him in and Durin didn't resist. "I'll do anything to make you feel better….and I must ask your forgiveness for making you feel insecure and anxious."
Durin leaned his head on Thorin's wide shoulder. "I wish I could stop time. I don't want to grow up."
"Why is that?" Thorin whispered and caressed his back gently.
"The more I grow up the more I understand. The more I understand the less I like what I see. Thrárin is so lucky."
Thorin exhaled quietly. "Truth is the more we grow the more disappointed we get at life and people, but you mustn't allow your heart to forsaken hope and trust in others. Especially your parents and your siblings."
Durin nodded and started twisting one of Thorin's warrior braids between his fingers. "I won't…I promise."
Thorin closed his eyes. "Forgive us for worrying you so. We will try better next time. As childhood is a learning experience for you and your siblings, so is marriage and parenthood a learning experience for me and your mom."
Durin nodded. "Is it?"
Thorin smiled and kissed his forehead. "Are children born knowing everything?"
Durin shook his head.
"Parents don't know anything before having children either. They learn as they go along and that means they make mistakes and try to improve from them. Same goes for marriages my boy." Thorin rejoined gently.
"I understand dad…I am sorry I was angry at you." Durin murmured.
Thorin gifted his temple with another kiss. "Be as angry with me as you want, just give me a chance to settle your fears."
Durin nodded. "Alright…"
It took Thorin several moments to calm down and he rested his chin on Durin's head. "Your mom told me you heard whispers the other day you were in the forest." He threw the question out without any hopes that Durin would answer, but he was surprised.
Durin's shoulders undulated with his sigh. "Yeah, I did."
"Can you describe them?" Thorin frowned.
Durin's eyes looked searchingly at Thorin's golden embroidered lapels. "I don't remember them all that well."
"Can you tell me exactly what happened and above all where?" Thorin rejoined.
"We were at the borders of Mirkwood searching for squirrels and as we were playing I started hearing a buzz, which became clearer and clearer until I could hear a distant whisper that seemed to be coming from all over the forest. I asked mom and Rhianaye and they said they couldn't hear anything. I asked Thrárin, he didn't either. Do you think the whispers were coming from the forest or from my mind?" Durin pulled back and looked at him seriously.
Thorin cupped his cheek and grimaced. "I am not sure."
Alarm toyed in Durin's eyes. "Do you think I am going mad? No one else heard them."
Thorin's brows wrinkled and his eyes clouded. "Then we are both mad."
Durin's lips parted. "You can hear them too?"
Thorin nodded gently. "Yes, after visiting Dol Guldur. Did you notice if the whispers started after you saw the Bald Hill?"
Durin's eyes gleamed suddenly. "I don't know dad…I think they did."
Thorin gritted his teeth and looked at him attentively. "Listen son I want you to do me a favor. Don't approach the Bald Hill ever again, not even with escort."
Durin frowned confused. "So am I to stay out of Mirkwood forever?"
"No, just stay away from Dol Guldur. Don't allow your siblings close to it either. That place is not good for us. Can you do that for me please?" Thorin's voice was full of bottled-up emotion.
Durin nodded eagerly. "I won't go near it dad. I hate it!"
Thorin closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on Durin's. "I don't want you to feel imprisoned. You are free to roam our lands and venture in Mirkwood and I don't want the guards to follow you around and impose at your games with your siblings, but promise me that you will always take Lis with you. She is close to entering adulthood and she has been trained by the best. If anything goes wrong she will raise hell for you."
Durin smiled. "Okay dad…"
Thorin embraced him and closed his eyes. "Please be careful out there …I beg you."
Durin nodded readily. "I will, I promise. On my word of honor. I will be careful for me and for my siblings.
Thorin pulled back and smiled at him fondly. "There's my powerful warrior. Now…how about that swim in the river…the weather being so great and what have you? Are you going to let this beautiful day go to waste?"
Durin shook his head and stood up happily. "No, I'll go find Rhianaye and Thrárin now!"
Thorin clasped his hand and stopped him. "I'll come join you soon."
Durin's eyes grew wide. "What about your work?"
Thorin's lips tilted up. "It can wait. I will go fetch mom and we shall meet you by the river."
Durin's face beamed with a most dazzling smile. He fell on Thorin with enthusiasm and kissed him hard. "Thanks dad! I owe you one!"
Thorin patted his back and smiled. "I'll hold you to that. Now go."
Durin gave him another happy smile and then rushed out of the kitchens. Thorin leaned his face on his palm, closed his eyes and exhaled hard.
The King leaned his body against the wall and closed his eyes. "Is she in there?"
Dis did the same. "Yeah. You do know you keep messing up with her, don't you?"
Thorin didn't open his eyes. "I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Is she mad at me?"
Dis pressed her lips. "I'd say she's rather annoyed that you didn't sleep in your bed at night. What the hell got into you Thorin? Falling asleep in the kitchens!" She sounded accusing.
Thorin's eyes opened. "Rhiannon told her…"
"Of course she did! That girl is Eilin's sister. She will tell her everything that she notices about you, bare that in mind!" Dis snapped and then observed him quietly for several moments.
Thorin humphed. "So I have a spy on my tail."
Dis frowned. "A spy? More like a devoted friend of your wife. People who fear spies have things to hide."
Thorin pursed his lips. "I have nothing to hide." He rejoined strictly.
Dis looked at him doubtfully for a few moments. "So what happened? Why did you sleep down there?"
Thorin rubbed his forehead. "I didn't do it on purpose. I was simply exhausted."
"No one said you did it on purpose, but if you were so tired why didn't you remain in your rooms to sleep. That's what confuses me." Dis rejoined.
Thorin visibly dawdled.
Dis pressed her lips. "Did you have another fight?"
Thorin looked away."Yes and after that I was not in the mood to sleep. I went down to cook Thrárin the food he asked me. As I waited for the chicken to boil I feel asleep upright. After that I remember little else."
Dis' eyes filled with sadness. "You must have been truly spent."
A gentle nod came from the King. "I was."
Her hand landed on his forearm. "What is going on with you two?"
His eyes looked drained. "Nothing you don't already know."
"She needed when she saw that nasty nightmare. I think that is why she snapped at you." Dis' voice mellowed up when she saw how shattered her brother looked.
"I know." Came the quiet reply.
"Did she tell you what it was about?" Her eyes were unyielding.
"No, but I presume it was the cottage…" He shook his head.
Dis nodded. "She heard her father warning her about the state of your marriage."
Thorin looked up sharply at that.
Dis pursed her lips. "It seems that she feels she is messing up too."
Thorin crossed his arms and looked at the floor.
"You both know this is wearing you. Talk with all the love you both feel in your hearts and you will find a solution, I promise." Dis smiled and caressed his forearm.
"I tried to talk about it before and we ended up in another fight." His voice sounded defeated.
Dis' finger pressed him tightly. "Then try again, again and again. Try as many times as you need and allow her to try also. Couples have ups and downs. This is a new low for both of you, but that is what a marriage is all about wolf. To discuss and solve problems…together."
Thorin looked at her solemnly. "I know."
Her smiled was sweet. "Honey moon is over for you. You have been sharing your life with this woman eleven years now and you have three kids. All these obligations can create tension, which is understandable and expected. You guys must push your wounded egos aside, sit down, look at each other lovingly and discuss. Say exactly how you feel and tell her exactly what you need from her."
Thorin blew a whole bout of annoyance. "Did you gave the same advice to her or is your solicitude only chocking me?"
Dis shrugged. "Of course I did."
A ghostly smile broke the sadness of his lips. "Thanks gerbil."
Dis pulled him in a hug that he reciprocated. "Remember, I am always here for you darling."
Thorin pressed his arms around her as she planted a firm kiss on his cheek. Then he pulled back. "I am going in…"
She opened the door for him. "Good luck."
When he entered he saw lady Valdis, Rhiannon and a couple of other ladies in waiting brushing the Queen's lush curly hair that were reaching low below her waistline. Thorin's heart skirted. Everyone turned to look at him and he gestured silently to the door. They curtsied and scattered out of the room.
Eilin didn't open her eyes. She just assumed it was the Princess who had send everyone away. "If you did this so we can discuss about Thorin again, there is no point. I understand everything you told me…" She said quietly.
Thorin walked over to her and reached out to touch her hair. He didn't speak.
"Dis come on….don't use the silent treatment with me. I am still angry at him, but I had my part to play in all this. I was not without fault. I went searching for trouble ….." Eilin exhaled roughly through her nose.
Thorin's hands picked up her hair and split it into three parts. Then he began braiding them gently.
"Fine, I will try not to get in another fight with him, are you pleased now? Even though I need explanations, I will try to approach him gently as you suggested. Although I am not sure it is going to work all that well. I tried to do so yesterday and he pushed me away."
Thorin leaned down and his lips touched her shoulder line gently. "Maybe you should try again men gehyith." His rich whisper filled the room with its vibrato.
Eilin inhaled sharply and turned around. "Thorin…" She exhaled.
His face was mere inches from hers. "Did I scare you?" He spoke in a hushed tone.
Eilin's hand came up to cup his cheek and a soft smile appeared on her lips. "Was I talking to you all this time?"
He nodded gently and placed the half made braid above her shoulder. Then his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her in. "Are you mad at me?"
She looked at his mouth and frowned. "I cannot be truly mad at you now that you are holding me this way."
Thorin swallowed heavily and felt his stomach twisting around in sweet expectancy. Did Eilin really think he had no more passion for her? How mistaken she was. Was it even wise of him to share the wet dream that woke him up that morning or was it too embarrassing to admit that he missed her intimacy so much that he was dreaming about it? He closed the distance between them until his mouth could imprison hers gently.
She gasped and her fingers tensed on his bearded cheek. A broken exhalation was the only thing that came out of her mouth as his tongue came out to tease a deeper kiss out of her. He didn't truly hope that she would reciprocate his touch after what happened the last few days, but when she did his whole body erupted with a sensual buzz he wasn't expecting. As his tongue twirled around hers greedily, his arms held her tightly, wishing to keep her locked there forever.
His profound and rather unexpected probing left Eilin breathless in his arms. For several moments he twisted her around to his will, delighting in his ability to still wake up the want in her, after all these years, after three kids and despite all these arguments. Was it enough though? She didn't seem unwilling to follow him where his mouth and hands were leading them, but still was it what they needed? Hadn't he perchance stopped her advances the other night in order to talk with her? Was it proper for him to allow the residues of that wet dream take over his logic and push him to act physically towards her now, when he should have been asking for her forgiveness? Was making love to her possibly a better –I am sorry- than anything else?
He gave a gentle peck on her lips and his tongue retreated from her hot cavity with a regretful sigh. Eilin's looked up at him. "Why are you stopping again?" She whispered.
"Because however much I long for you, even though you don't believe me" –His fingers stippled through hers and he pressed her hand on his lips making her gasp- "It is not what will help us right now. Told you the same thing the other night."
Eilin gave him a quiet nod. "I know, but can I enjoy the fact that there are traces of passion left in you for me? I wouldn't deny you to do whatever you wished right now…know that."
He butted his nose on hers softly. "Eilin these aren't our finest moments and I don't think that lifting your dress and taking you right here will help our current misunderstandings, even though I am wildly tempted to do so."
Eilin closed her eyes and pecked his smooth lips tenderly. "You are right, it won't."
"Besides you are still mad for our argument that night, right? Did that go away?" Thorin whispered.
She shuddered when his breath caressed her face. "Not yet…"
"You also got mad at me for sleeping in the kitchens, correct?" he continued with the same gentleness and his hand came up to hold her face like a prize.
She gave him a quiet nod.
His lips curled down. "Alright then allow me to convince you of my remorse and try to fix all this for you…"
When she opened her eyes they had a sorrowful shade in them that made his stomach drop. "How are you going to do all that?"
His brow creased. "I will find a way…I will try to learn new ways if that is what you need from me."
"Alright. Let's try fresh then. Where have you been yesterday?" She whispered.
"To the forest…" He frowned.
"With whom?" She continued with the same tone.
"The Ranger…" -He rejoined- "We were sweeping Mirkwood."
Eilin swallowed heavily and bit both lips. "Was the Ranger the only one you saw?"
Thorin frowned feeling slightly uneasy. "No, I saw many people."
"And many people saw you…" -Eilin added dryly- "Can you tell me exactly who you saw and talked to?"
Thorin felt a seed of misgiving blossoming in him. "Very well, do you want them listed alphabetically?" He threw a shot at humor that she didn't care for.
Eilin squeezed her eyes tight, felt her stomach twisting and pressed his forearm possessively. "Just be truthful."
Thorin's lips caressed her earlobe. "I am always truthful."
Eilin nodded softly and a cold wave of anxiety gripped her heart as she waited expectedly for his words even though he had no idea how important they were at that moment. "Can you tell me then?"
Thorin sighed. "Of course. Rhiannon, Balin, Dwalin, Aragorn, Lady Íth and then I had a long meeting with the Seven. Exactly in that order." -He felt her body shudder and kept her tightly - "Hey are you alright?"
Eilin felt her eyes burning hot and her hands wrapped behind his back firmly. "Alright….?"
Thorin frowned, but remained silent.
Eilin felt her mouth dry and her throat tight. "How come you saw Lady Íth since Thrárin had been with me all day Thorin? I thought you only saw her when you took our son there to play or to pick him up…"
It took Thorin several moments to speak as there was an insinuation in her words that he couldn't quite grasp. "I was returning from the forest with Aragorn. She was at the training grounds playing around with a sword. We exchanged a few words, mostly about the kids…"
Another long exhalation left Eilin's chest.
Thorin kissed her exposed shoulder gently. "Why are you interrogating me about this? Is there a problem?"
Eilin's demeanor clouded. "I am just interested in her since her son seems to be our sons' new best friend. I wish to know the quality of her character and you seem to have talked to her more times than me."
Thorin exhaled and drew her until his chin could rest on the hollow of her neck. "She seems to be a kind woman with a soft heart and a lot of skeletons in her closet."
Eilin's brows wavered and her fingers clutched him hard. "How come you know about those skeletons?"
"Some of them came up because we were talking about our children…Actually you should engage her in a conversation one day. You might be able to find out more about her and put your mind at ease. It will be much easier for her to confide in a woman, than a man." Thorin didn't hesitate in his answer.
Eilin closed her eyes in relief and leaned her forehead on his temple. His words aligned with what Rhiannon told her when she returned from the forest even though her best friend didn't hear what was spoken between Lady Íth and her husband. Nevertheless the tight uneasiness at the pit of Eilin's stomach still lingered. "You said she was sword training?"
He nodded. "Well it appeared so…"
Eilin licked her bottom lip. "Was she any good?"
Thorin smiled and pecked her neck softly. "Does her skills have to do with Thrárin and Brunar's friendship?"
Eilin tried to sound less interrogating. "That's just curiosity from me."
Thorin shrugged. "Well, she could use some improvement."
"Or a tutor…" She rejoined quickly.
"That would truly benefit her." He added calmly.
Eilin frowned. "So does she have one?"
"Not currently, but she has Commander Durar by her side. No one better to train her and he is her family, so I don't think she will have any problems." Thorin continued with the same unfazed tone.
Eilin's fingers caressed his wide shoulder. "Why did she go to such an isolated place to train though…" She threw another bait.
"Because she was embarrassed. She hadn't tried her hand with a sword for many years and she wanted to be alone in order to do it." Came the unhindered answer.
"Why did she decide to start training now after all these years?" Eilin didn't relent.
Thorin lifted up his head and frowned at her. "Really what is all this interest in her Eilin? Haven't seen you so taken in with a lady of honor ever before."
Eilin kissed his chin and smiled. "Her son is our son's best friend. Told you that is enough for me to want to know everything about her."
It took several moments for Thorin to reply. "She wished to remember her sword skills in order to start teaching her son. Actually it would be a good idea for you to join her and you can both train Thrain and Brunar in swordsmanship and archery together." He offered.
Eilin's stomach dropped at the idea. "We shall see…" She murmured musingly.
Thorin held her close and exhaled between her curls. "Do as you wish my love, but you shall know more about her conduct towards our son if you approach her personally. I know few things about her."
I am not so sure about that…her mind teased and she gritted her teeth against its games. She heard the silence from him way too loud and thought it wouldn't be wise to question him more about this now. She got ready to change the subject when he took her by surprise, apparently in need of some answers too.
"I cannot help but notice a pattern towards me lately, but correct me if I am mistaken …" He let the thought linger.
Eilin frowned. "What pattern?"
"First Rhiannon questions me on why I slept in the kitchens and then you question me about yesterday …" He said calmly.
Eilin cringed regretfully. "I didn't mean to come down so strong on you. It isn't as if I have never asked about your day before."
Thorin shook his head softly. "Not with so many details."
Eilin rubbed her forehead. "If this is about Íth…"
Thorin clasped her hand and drew it up to his lips again. "This is about the trust between us."
Eilin's brows wavered and her stomach clenched. "Was trust ever questioned my love?" She whispered.
Thorin's eyes felt penetrative on hers. "I was wondering the same thing."
Eilin's gaze was intense. After several moments she averted her eyes with a deep exhalation of defeat. "I am sorry I made you feel bad."
Thorin's hand pressed hers tightly. "I need to know that you trust me. It is very important for me."
Eilin's eyes lost their previous resolution and she drew him in for a firm hug that he reciprocated promptly. "I trust you with my life." She whispered.
He exhaled hard and his brows creased.
She drew a deep breath and forced a smile on her lips. "Please forgive me for questioning you today and for acting so erratically the other night. My nightmare was truly awful."
Thorin kissed the top of her head protectively. "Dis told me. I am so sorry you had to go through all that."
Eilin's fingers began forming small circles of uncertainty on his bicep. "Tell me please why did you sleep in the kitchens? Was it because you were bitter with me?" She whispered.
His lips ghosted on her forehead gently. "I was not bitter, my love, just tired. I am sorry I didn't come home to sleep. I am sorry for our argument. I am sorry I pushed you away. I am sorry I didn't ask about your nightmare. I am sorry for everything…" His voice was diminished.
Eilin snuggled in his arms. "I am sorry too."
He closed his eyes and gave her a quiet nod. "I know you are."
"It was a really bad dream Thorin. A dream that warned me about us. That is why I was so upset." She whispered.
He leaned his forehead upon hers and tried to expel the heaviness that swarmed around his heart. "Tell me about it now."
"It matters not anymore, but the feeling it left me with does matter. More than anything."
Thorin looked at her mouth dotingly. "What feeling was it?"
"Fear for us." Her finger reached up to caress his bottom lip softly.
He pulled her in and cradled her head under his chin and his heart was left full of dry bitterness. "This is killing both of us…" He murmured.
Eilin closed her eyes and burrowed in his arms. "I know. I don't want to antagonize you anymore."
Thorin kissed her forehead. "Me neither."
Eilin pressed her arms around him fervently. "I don't want to fight with you and I don't even want to have a different opinion from you. That is how scared I am."
Thorin exhaled hard and chuckled. "That's practically impossible. You are more stubborn than I am and I love you for that."
Eilin squeezed her eyes tight not wanting to allow his teases to lighten up the mood at that moment. "I will do everything…anything to keep us from falling apart."
Thorin drew her in possessively and his half open lips skimmed her temple. "We will never fall apart my beloved. You are constantly in my mind. You are my One. Even during the bleakest of days, through the nastiest disagreements, always remember you are my One. We will find a way to get over this, okay?"
Eilin nodded readily. "I know we will never agree on what the kids need. You see things one way and I see them in a different one, but that doesn't mean I don't respect your opinion. You mean to me more than life. Never forget that." She said quickly, needing to make him understand how much he meant to her.
Thorin pulled back and looked in her eyes with a deep frown. "We can agree to respect each other's opinion and try to come to an understanding at what is best for the kids without wounding each other in the process. Can we do that?"
Eilin's beautiful green eyes looked at him with devotion. "We can try…but it won't be easy."
Thorin's fingers touched her chin softly and tilted her head up. "I know…what about your father and all this menagerie?"
Her eyes welled. "I've made you suffer, I know…still I cannot help myself. Forgive me."
Thorin's brows creased with worry. "I understand how much this affects you, but remember I am on your side."
Eilin's nails clawed his shoulder blades. "I will try to keep it together Thorin…I promise. You are not worth the worse of me."
He smiled. "Neither are you worth the worse of me, but that's bound to happen, isn't it? We share our lives. We cannot always be the best. We will fail, we will fall, but we must be willing to pick each other up and continue even though our image of what is perfect may be smudged again and again. I know I am not perfect anymore in your eyes and forgive me if I am not trying hard enough. I know I am obstinate and sometimes a downright jerk. I am insistent and dictatorial when I am pissed, but I do love you with every morsel of my poor heart. Try to remember that when you get angry with me. I love you and I fear I am not ….."
Enough for you….tell her! His mind yelled, but his mouth locked up tight. He was too proud to admit something so feeble to her.
Eilin frowned. "You are not what?"
Thorin smiled down at her and kissed her nose gently. "Not exactly what you need at times."
Eilin frowned. "You are everything I need and even more. Never doubt that, okay?"
He didn't answer.
"Okay?" She repeated.
He gave her a quiet nod.
She smiled. "Now it's my turn….I am too possessive, too envious, too stubborn and too bitter with my father, which is unfairly taken out on you. Sometimes I cannot comprehend my own cruel ways. When I become like that please remember that I adore you and I need your help to get out of the darkness that keeps pulling me down."
"I will do the best I can to help you…." His voice broke as he was obviously very affected by all this.
Even though that may not be enough to you …..his mind screamed and he gritted his teeth against its offensiveness.
Eilin cupped his cheek. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Voices in my head are becoming too loud…
He smiled down at her. "I am alright. So how about a fresh start at least for this day…or whatever is left of it…."
Eilin's lips curled up in a bright smile. "I would like nothing more than that."
Thorin swallowed heavily and forced a smile on his lips. "Tell me, how you are doing today. Did you sleep well? Did you have any more nightmares?"
Eilin drew back and looked at him with a sweet smile of realization. "Is this your try to mend things? Asking me how I slept…"
He nodded and shrugged. "…taking time off my heavy schedule to seek you out. Give you a kiss…Am I doing well today?"
Eilin raised her brow. "Despite the fact that you made a mess the last few days and I did too I'd say right now you are doing a very good job and I will try to follow you."
He sighed. "…thank heavens."
Eilin kissed his brow. "You said you did a sweep of Mirkwood. Why?"
"Searching for vagabond Dwarves…."
"Did you find anyone?" She frowned.
He kissed her collarbone softly. "Only murmurs of the void."
Eilin smiled and her fingers interwove through his mane. "That sounded romantic."
A ghostly smile appeared on his lips. "Or the precursors of a nightmare…" He whispered.
Eilin's brow shadowed. "What do you mean?"
Thorin pulled her in and gave her neck a possessive kiss that woke up her skin. "So what are the plans for today?" He ignored her question.
"Boring social interactions with Erebor's nobility?" Eilin smirked.
"Maybe we can both change our plans. What do you think?" He raised his brow.
Eilin's eyes grew wide. "Are you suggesting we both have the day off?" She grinned.
His mouth formed a stunning smile. "Day off just for you."
Her smile was bright enough to blind the son. "When did you decide that?"
He grinned. "A little while back."
Eilin grasped his hand tightly. "How about a picnic with the kids in the enchanted lake?"
Thorin pulled her in fervently and lifted her off the ground. "They are already down by the river waiting for us. We go wherever you please."
Eilin frowned and kissed his cheek fiercely. "You know I love you, right?" She whispered.
He pulled back and looked at her lips affectionately. "I know…"
After several days of darkness, just seeing her so relieved was enough to blow all the clouds that lingered above his head to kingdom come. He wouldn't let what remained of that day go to waste. He was going to pass it with his family and allow Eilin to feel happy and untroubled…..if only for today…or for as long as it lasted. Then if the clouds returned he'd do the best he could to keep them away from her….forever….
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