How to Torture Mello 10.
Holy crapinskis, it's number 10 already. I'm very proud of myself for writing a non-completely-random story that's longer than what, seven chapters? Woo.
The reviews I got for the last chapter bowled me over and made me have to go buy some chocolate to calm myself down. The compliments…all reviewers, if I ever meet you at some animecon, be prepared to be tackleglomped. I'll be cosplaying as Matt, Mello, Near, or L… and I won't be wearing a wig. Hair dye is a gift of the gods.
So is Sigur Rós. Listening to Gobbledeegook over and over and over helped me write this chapter. I love Icelandic babbling.
Anyway, drabblings over, here's the moment you've all been waiting for…
RAITO'S REVENGE. Muahahahahahhaahah. He's going to attempt to beat the crap out of his smaller annoyances. I'm going to watch.
--
If this was how Mello's days were going to start from now on, he was going to go and become a hermit in some faraway forest where fairies fluttered and small children frolicked in very cute manners.
The alarm clock continued to blare crazily, and the bucket of water that had just upended over the blonde's tanned face kept dripping. "MAAAAAAAAAATTT!!" he yelled, sitting up and beginning to swing his feet over the side of the bed.
He stopped just in time.
A huge vat of melted cheese (one of Mello's largest pet peeves) was lying happily on the floor in place of his slippers.
He muttered several R-rated obscenities, crawled off of the end of the bed, and found his slippers.
Matt was nowhere in sight, probably off doing something random, thought Mello with a sigh. Obviously it wasn't the gamer's fault, as Matt had no idea that Mello disliked cheese so much. He sighed, running his hands through his hair and letting it fall crazily back onto his face.
He walked over to Near's room, grumbling all the while, knocked on the door, and was answered by a yawning sheep. "G'mornin', Mello." he said, rubbing his eyes and beckoning the chocoholic inside.
Mello couldn't help admiring himself in the mirror by Near's bed. I like this vest on me…I should get more…WHAT THE HELL?!
The exclamation was directed to a newly-observed Sharpie mustache that proudly curled upon Mello's upper lip.
He whirled around. "NEAR! DID YOU DO THIS!?"
"…No, I don't think so." was the startled sheep's reply- he hadn't even noticed the moustache, but that was probably because he was busy rubbing his eyes.
Mello stormed out of the room. "It's Raito. I know it."
--
Raito cackled as he watched the irate blonde fly out of Near's room in a huff. He'd placed cameras in most of the orphan's rooms, as a precaution, and now this was his payback.
Torturing the chocoholic was the most fun Raito had ever had.
He laughed again as Misa tiptoed in. "Raito…what are you watching?"
He jumped. "Er…Teletubbies."
"Really? Those don't really look like Tinky-Winky, La-La, or Po…"
"Errr…uh…NEVERMIND!" he yelled, pushing the loudly protesting Misa out of the camera room.
He didn't notice that the camera stationed in Matt and Mello's room had gone black.
--
Matt eyed the duct-tape covered camera appreciatively. No light was getting into this thing, not after he'd used his "bug tracer" (given to him, incidentally, by the same people who got him the hydraulic engine. Matt has connections.) and found that the feed led straight to Raito's laptop.
"MELLO!" he called, putting his goggles back over his eyes. "It's clean."
The blonde warily stuck his (moustache-less) face around the bathroom door, then one leg, then another. He managed to make his way over to his bed before turning and asking Matt, "Did you check this?"
"Nope. Gimme a minute," replied the gamer, reaching into the closet and fishing out what looked like a souped-up metal detector.
Mello stared at it bug-eyed. "What is that thing?"
"It's a combination metal detector, pH concentration finder, microscope, um…Geiger counter, electromagnet, electric circuit finder, thermometer, and…oh yeah, it has a spray paint head on it for graffiti." came the answer from the goggled boy, who was waving the device over the bedspread. "Aha!"
"What?!"
"Mousetraps. Six of 'em." He pressed a button on the machine and the bedspread lifted in the shape of a mousetrap. He dragged it out from under the blanket, un-pressed the button, then repeated the process five more times. "Gotcha, Raito." he said triumphantly, looking at the smallish pile of mousetraps at his feet.
"Anything else?" asked Mello anxiously.
"Eh…no, except that the pH of your bedspread is pretty close to the pH of sem-"
"SHUT UP."
--
That night at dinner, Raito wasn't surprised to see Mello give him a dirty look that would have at least bowled over lesser folk. He smiled back angelically in response.
And what made him happy was the small book under the table that he was currently scribbling his chicken scratches into. Just as planned…he thought, making L turn to him, alarmed at the insane Kira-like face he was making.
--
Up by three percent… thought L with a shiver.
--
Mello had Matt try the food before he dug in.
"Do I really have to?" he asked, begging and pleading.
"Yes. You have the strongest stomach I know. You can drink an entire Red Bull in three seconds. You eat spaghetti with ketchup and cucumbers. You can do this."
Matt puffed out his chest, proud, and bravely took a bite.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"OH GAWD THIS IS SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!" he yelled suddenly, running out of the room and catapulting himself towards the bathroom.
Mello ran after him anxiously.
--
"You okay?" asked the blonde, patting Matt on the back.
"I'm fine, it wasn't even spicy."
"What?!"
"I was acting. Raito's probably expecting that you got the spicy plate."
"How'd you know which one was spicy?!"
Matt rolled his eyes. "Mah detector thingy."
"Well then, who got it?"
Matt smiled. "Strype."
--
Strype, ranked number 8, real name Sana Miyonku, took a bite of his oh-so-delicious-looking brownie.
He chewed, chewed, and was about to swallow when…
"GYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
--
Not as planned, thought Raito with a sigh, crossing out the appropriate line on the book.
--
Mello sighed in relief. "Alright. So now we know that Raito is trying to either murder me or try to drive me crazy with that book. Which is why you're here, Near."
The sheep in question looked up from his Legos. They were currently bunkered in Mello's room, which Matt had triple-deadlocked, set up security cameras on all windows and air vents, and booby-trapped the hell out of. "I only wrote about fifteen different pranks in there, you know," he said, snapping a yellow piece onto his newest creation. "The rest is all blab."
"Alright," answered Mello, sitting (carefully) onto his bed, followed by Matt and his strange detector thingy. "Anything we should be really careful about?"
Near was silent for a moment. "Your chocolate."
"…"
"He might try to steal it or…something."
Mello laughed. "He doesn't know what I'm like without my chocolate, does he?"
The gamer next to him shivered. "Don't remind me."
--
Three days later, Raito skipped happily up to his room clutching a bag containing every single chocolate bar in Mello's room. He'd spent a good three hours digging them all out, and when he was satisfied that there was no other place to stash something as big as a chocolate bar, he'd considered himself done.
So he plopped the bag onto one of the sofas in his room, shut the door, and settled in to watch the fun.
--
Matt had undone the duct tape on the CCT camera the night before, knowing Raito would be suspicious if suddenly there was no feed.
"Ready?" he signed to Mello silently. They'd learned sign language a few years back, knowing that it was the sort of thing that could get them out of trouble in a tight situation.
Mello signed back "Yes. But I'm really craving chocolate…"
"I know."
And so their charade began.
Matt "woke up" first, made a big show out of waking Mello up and retreated to the bathroom while Mello got ready.
He sat up, yawned, and reached over to his bedside table for his daily chocolate. He grabbed thin air, looked over to see that yes, there was indeed no chocolate (as he already knew, but…) and yelled over, "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT! WHERE'S MAH CHOCOLATE?!"
Matt stuck his soggy head around the corner and replied, "I don't know. Find it yourself, dumbass."
Mello sighed, as per the script, then proceeded to check every single spot he'd hidden chocolate, except for the three places that Raito hadn't gotten to- he wasn't going to let Raito think he'd failed.
Yet.
They both got dressed, then Roger rapped on their door with his cane and yelled his old adage. "GET UP!! SEIZE THE DAY OR THE DAY WILL SEIZE YOU!"
And with a simple slam of the door, they were out of Raito's scrutiny.
--
Raito got up and did a little happy dance.
"Light-kun, it's breakfast time," called L, sticking his hedgehog-y mop around the doorframe.
"I'm coming."
--
"Here he comes," said Mello to his goggled compadre as their antagonist appeared through the double doors.
They sat with Near at the same table that Raito had seen them at, eating normally and acting like nothing was wrong.
Nothing was wrong, in fact everything was just hunky-dory, seeing as Mello had had at least six bars of chocolate in the time it took to get to the dining hall. He had more than one trick up his sleeves, but that was something that Raito could puzzle over. It was time for the plan to begin.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" yelled Mello, jumping up onto the table and scattering plates everywhere.
"W-what's wrong?!" asked some poor unfortunate orphan, quivering so hard that his socks looked like they might just about fall off of his tiny feet.
Mello grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him up. "I NEED MAH CHOCOLATE!!"
Of course, neither L nor Raito saw the tiny grin and wink he gave the kid before throwing him down.
And so began Mello's mad rampage.
--
By the time that Roger, Watari, and L managed to corral the chocoholic, he'd pretty much bulldozed through the entire House and wreaked havoc on basically anything within his reach.
"Does anyone have a chocolate bar?!" called L, eyes wide and struggling with Mello.
A few timid hands went up, but Raito was quicker- he'd gone up to his room and gotten out the bag. "Here. I have some."
The first three were gone faster than Raito thought was possible. Good gosh, he thought, trembling somewhat. This was NOT a good idea. I'd better put his chocolate back...
--
And so, once Mello had calmed down and after he got the sternest lecture Roger had ever had the pleasure of giving, he returned to his room.
"So?" asked Matt, lying on his bed, DS in hand. "Success?"
Mello checked under his bed for the telltale golden wrappers. "Yup."
They replaced the duct tape on the camera and staged a makeout session right there.
A few girls brought in some popcorn and watched.
--
Raito threw the book out of the window, disgusted at the less-than-awesome results it had given him.
It hit a certain sheepy someone on the head.
--
"You got it back?!"
"Yes."
"AWESOME, NEAR! CHEST-BUMP!!"
"…"
"…"
"…I'll take that as a no."
--
Ah! Yes! That was fun. Heck yes, that was fun. I'm very happy about this chapter…
I want one of those combination metal detector thingies. And Near. As my pants.
Still laughing about that…
This chapter was written with the help of Gobbledigook by Sigur Rós.
Thank you, Iceland.
And thank you, reviewers. –gives lots of Pocky and Ichigo plushies- Plot bunnies make me happy…please send them, particularly ones that chew on your brain for a while until you write them. I'm like Shigure. I needs mah takoyaki to write…but instead of the octopus treat, I'm a English muffin monster. Wait…
-blakemckenzie-黒川-black river-