Author's Notes: Again, this chapter backs up in time to right after Doug accuses Saddler of causing the wreck that killed his wife and kids. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: The show Flashpoint and its characters were created by Mark Ellis and Stephanie Morgenstern and belong to them and the networks who air the episodes. Since the show has ended, our only way of getting new Flashpoint is through fan fiction. This story is my attempt to help fill the void, and the only profit I make is the warm fuzzy feeling reviews give me. Anything that does not come directly from the show is my own creation and should not be used without my permission.

My World Torn Apart

Chapter 9

"I did no such thing." Saddler growled in the face of Doug's accusation.

The loud voice seemed to almost reverberate in the small space. Sadie's lower lip started to quiver and her eyes filled with tears. Sensing her daughter was about to melt down Jules reached out to rub Sadie's back. The seven month old turned on the blanket and crawled straight to Jules, burying her face in her mother's shoulder. At any other time, Jules's focus might have been on the escalating argument but not now. Her sole attention was on her daughter as she whispered soothing words in Sadie's ear.

Greg, however, still had a good grasp on Doug, preventing him from lunging back at Saddler. "Doug, that's a pretty serious accusation. You got something to back that up?"

"Hell no, he doesn't because it didn't happen."

"How about that dent you had repaired? You thought you were being clever, waiting over a month to take it in to be fixed. I guess you thought no one would connect you with LeeAnn's wreck after so long. If you'd taken it to any other body shop, it probably wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. But luckily for me you went to Barlow's and that's the place I always take our cars. Carl Barlow almost bought your story about hitting a tree while trying to avoid an animal that had darted in front of you. Almost until he found the paint on the dent."

"You're reaching. Are you so desperate to have someone else to blame for the deaths of your family that you have to grasp at straws? So what if there was paint on my fender? What does that prove? I could have scraped someone's car at any point."

"My wife's car was a custom paint job. She hated losing her car in a parking lot so for our last anniversary, I let her choose her color so she wouldn't lose it again. Carl did the paint job and therefore he was able to compare the paint from your dent to her car. It was a perfect match."

Greg frowned. That seemed like pretty damning proof. Why hadn't his claims been taken seriously? If - no when, he told himself resolutely- they were rescued, he was going to personally find out where the breakdown in proper procedure had happened. "You told the police this?"

Doug looked at him, his eyes red and full of pain. "They wouldn't listen. Every time I broached the idea that he was responsible for the wreck they quit listening. I left them the report Carl wrote up on the matching paint types but I don't think they ever read it. If they did, they never took it seriously. Do you have any idea how painful it was? Knowing my family had been killed and no one would do anything to hold their murderer accountable? I tried to do things the right way, tried to get justice through proper channels but it's been nine months and he's still walking around free. I was desperate."

"So you thought killing me would bring them back?" Saddler asked but he no longer sounded antagonistic.

Doug shook his head. "Nothing could bring them back. My wife, my kids meant everything to me and without them my world didn't seem worth living anymore. I've already said, I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I wasn't even going to kill you. When I finally realized that no one was taking me seriously I knew it was up to me to make you pay. I learned everything I could about you. No wife, no kids, only this business. I knew if I wanted you to hurt even a fraction of what I'd felt, I would have to take this place away from you. That's all it was supposed to be. I don't know why those people were shot; that wasn't part of the plan. I didn't want that to happen."

"And you think I wanted your family to die?" Saddler argued. He sighed and slumped down the wall. "I didn't run the car off the road. Your wife was driving recklessly and she hit me. There was no way I could avoid the accident and I certainly didn't cause it."

"Then why not tell the responding officers the truth? Why pretend to just be a witness?" Jules asked as she shifted slightly. Sadie's fussing wasn't getting better and she knew it was only about to get worse. Jules couldn't see her watch but her daughter didn't need a clock to know when she was hungry.

"I'd been drinking. I wasn't drunk but I probably shouldn't have been behind the wheel of a car. I didn't want to take a chance on getting a DUI because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I didn't even realize how serious the accident was. I knew the other driver went off the embankment but I didn't realize it was as bad as it was."

"You didn't even stop to check on them. I read the coroner's report so many times in the days that followed that I had it memorized. I just couldn't change what it said no matter how much I wanted to. He estimated the wreck happened about thirty minutes after LeeAnn left the house. You didn't call in the accident until a couple of hours later."

"I didn't mean for it to be that long. I went home intending to switch vehicles and go right back. I don't know if it was the booze or if I hit my head but I must have blacked out. By the time I got back to the scene it was too late to do anything."

Doug continued as if he hadn't heard anything. Greg wasn't sure this was the time for such an emotional reveal but didn't think he could contain it if he tried. After nine months of being hidden the truth was fighting to come out. "The autopsy showed that LeeAnn died instantly. She wasn't wearing her seat belt. I don't know why; she always did. She had it on when she left; she must have taken it off to do something for the kids."

"So what good would it have done me to stop and check? I didn't cause the wreck and I couldn't have saved your wife. You can't blame me." He looked from Greg to Jules as if trying to pull them to his side. "I should have made the call right then but I was scared. What harm did it do?"

The only memory Jules had of the wreck she and Sam had been in back in October was seeing the semi jackknife in front of them and hearing the screech of brakes as Sam tried to avoid the inevitable collision. She knew however that Sam remembered every moment as if it had been recorded and played back for him on a continuous loop until she'd regained consciousness and with regular intervals until they knew that Sadie was okay. She knew he'd questioned every move he'd made and wondered if things would have been different if he'd done just one thing differently. Did Saddler live with those same sort of memories?

"For LeeAnn, God rest her soul, nothing." Doug also sank to the floor, the very image of a broken man. "But my kids, everything. The coroner said he could find no sign of life threatening injuries from the accident itself in either Amberlyn or Dougie. Their child seats saved them from harm. If you had bothered to check on them, you would have seen they were probably scared but okay. But you didn't. You left and because you did, they were trapped in the car when it caught on fire. They didn't have a chance once it was engulfed in flames. LeeAnn's death might have been quick but not my babies. It was bad enough those first two months knowing they'd suffered horribly because no one was around to help but then I found out you were there and you could have saved them."

Saddler's face turned ashen at the realization of what Doug was telling him. "Oh God. No, it can't be. I didn't. I wouldn't."

Jules tightened her hold on Sadie, drawing her even closer to her body as if protecting her from the same kind of fate. She couldn't imagine; as bad as the current situation was, how much worse had it been for Doug's two children, old enough to really understand what was happening them. Empathetic tears ran down her cheeks. From the beginning of her career as a police officer, the death of a child had always been the hardest for her to take but after becoming a mother herself, even during the pregnancy, the horribleness of it had bothered her even more.

The fight was completely out of both men at least for the time being. Each was slumped in a huddle, lost in their own thoughts and demons. Greg knew nothing he could say would help either one of them so he turned to Jules instead. He eased down beside them and gently wiped away the tears from Jules's face. "Sounds like she's hungry."

Jules nodded. "Yeah, I'm a little surprised she hasn't fussed before now. Usually she wakes up from her nap acting like she's starving and hasn't eaten for days."

"What do you need me to do? I let the diaper duty scare me earlier but I'm pretty sure I can handle this end of things."

"Grab one of the little plastic containers of food from her bag. One of the fruits or vegetables would be best. Her spoon is in the side pocket. If you can open it for me, I can handle feeding her."

Greg rummaged through the bag and pulled out the square plastic container, wondering when baby food had ceased to come in little glass jars. So much he had to relearn before Marina had the baby. He hoped he lived to get the chance. They had survived the explosion but would they be discovered before dehydration and starvation killed them? He pushed the morbid thoughts away. They had to remain positive. It might take the rescue team longer to find them but at least they had the time to give them. He grabbed a bib and a spoon from the bag as well and returned to Jules and Sadie.

He shifted Sadie's position so she was sitting on the blanket in front of Jules and quickly fastened the bib around her neck. As if she recognized that the bib meant food, Sadie began kicking her feet excitedly and smacking her lips together. He grinned and kissed the top of her head before looking at Jules. "Are you sure you can handle this? Seems like I don't remember Dean being easy to feed with both hands free let alone just the one.

Jules nodded, trying to keep the tears from welling up again as she read the bib proudly declaring Sadie to be "Daddy's Girl." Truer words had never been declared. She wrinkled her nose at Sadie who was bouncing in place in anticipation. It always amused Jules how excited her daughter got about eating, almost like every time was the first time. "I'm sure. I appreciate the offer and I know you could do it; I just need to be able to do this. I can't explain it…"

"You don't have to Jules. I get it." He tilted the container so she could see the label. "This one okay?"

"Yummy Mangoes. That's your favorite isn't, Sades?" Sadie started to bounce even more excitedly at Jules's words. Greg opened the container and put the spoon in it before setting it on the blanket within Jules's easy reach. For a few minutes Jules was silent as she concentrated solely on feeding her daughter. After about five or six spoonfuls of the gold colored puree, Jules glanced over at Greg, almost studying him carefully. "Things aren't looking good for us, are they? You might as well spit on out whatever it is you've been avoiding telling me." Almost immediately, Sadie obediently opened her mouth pushing her latest bite out of her mouth with her tongue. Jules caught it with the spoon and presented it again to Sadie. "Not you Sades. Food goes down the throat not back out your mouth." She cut her eyes back towards Greg. "Sarge?"

Greg frowned, forgetting that beyond being such a great profiler Jules seemed to almost intuitively know what he was thinking. "Sometimes I think you are too good at your job, Kiddo."

Jules pursed her lips. "Ooh, delay tactic covered by a compliment. Must be bad. Out with it Sarge. You know you don't have to sugarcoat things with me. I've known something was up because we should have seen or heard some effort to rescue us by now and it's been too silent. How bad is it?"

"Saddler didn't go through proper channels when he had the safe room put in. He was worried he'd get over run by others if he ever needed it. So there's no record that it exists. It's not on any building plans Spike or John or anyone else might look at; they aren't going to find it listed."

"And because it's designed to withstand explosions and radiation, it wouldn't matter how much we screamed in here because the sound wouldn't penetrate the walls. Nice. Our air seems good though so there must be a ventilation system."

Greg nodded. He hadn't delayed telling Jules the seriousness of the situation because he was worried she would panic; he'd known she could handle the information, but he'd wanted to spare her any additional worry for as long as he could. "Yeah, if I had to guess I'd say it's a recirculation system. It's the only way to keep out radiation in case of a dirty bomb. It might get a little stale but we shouldn't have a problem there."

Jules nodded. Her hand was shaking as she dipped it once more into the container of pureed mangoes. Greg couldn't tell if it was worry over the situation or the awkward position she was in but he didn't call her on it. He noticed that her gaze seemed to be fixed more on Sadie's bib than anything. He read what it had to say and he had a feeling he knew what was on her mind. He reached out and once again squeezed her shoulder. "Hang tough, Jules. Sam's going to move heaven and earth to find us. You can bet that no matter what's happening up there, he's insisting that we're alive and need to be found. He's not going to give up on us so you can't give up on him either."

"I'm not. I know Sam's not going to give up hope or give up looking until we're found. I'm just thinking about how tough this must be for him. I wish there were a way to get some sort of signal to him that we're okay, that he's not searching in vain."

"We'll figure out something."

Jules nodded. "So, I know my position isn't the most comfortable in the world but at least we're okay down here. We might have to wait but it could be worse. We've got shelter, food, water…" She trailed off catching something in his expression. She frowned. "Sarge, something else you haven't shared?"

"Look at her, she's just about finished that whole thing of fruit."

Jules smiled at Sadie. "She really loves her fruit. She's not that crazy about the dinners but she'll tolerate them because she has to and she does pretty well with the veggies but she'd eat two of these fruits if I'd let her. However that dodge isn't going to work any better than your last one. What else don't I know? We do have food and water don't we? I mean it's stupid enough not to have a safe room added to the building plans but surely he wouldn't…" She trailed off as Greg started shaking his head. She started to curse but bit it off, not wanting to say something she'd regret in front of Sadie even if she wasn't old enough to start parroting things back at them. "Anything?"

Greg shook his head. "Said he thought he'd have time to grab what he needed before he came down. Which we both know is ridiculous but nothing we can do about it now. What about Sadie? I saw a bunch of stuff in that bag but I don't know how quickly she goes through it."

The container was empty. Jules set the spoon back in it. "You think you could mix a bottle for me? That purple divided container in her bag has the formula already measured out. Dump one section in an empty bottle and then filled it the rest of the way with water. Put the nipple on it, shake and it's all ready."

Greg followed her directions and was soon handing her the bottle. Jules shifted Sadie so that the back of her head was resting on Jules's shoulder and then teased her lips with the bottle. Sadie latched on contentedly and brought her hands up to hold it. Greg looked at her. "Now who's trying to avoid the question?"

She shook her head. "Not avoiding anything but a meltdown from Sadie if she didn't get the rest of her lunch. Contraire to Sam's believe that I take a two week supply wherever we go, she's not quite set for that long. She's used to eating baby food three times a day and taking a bottle four times with juice in between. I can substitute increased formula for at least one of those food feedings and make what I have last for several days without her getting to cranky."

"Hopefully it won't be that long." Greg murmured. He didn't add that dehydration would get the better of the rest of them if it took that long. Almost as if she understood the situation, Sadie pulled her bottle from her mouth and waved it at him before returning it to her lips. He smiled at her and reached over to tickle her bare foot. "I'm sorry this wasn't quite the normal coffee date we usually have."

Jules shrugged, wincing as the move caused the plank beneath her to poke her painfully. "Think of the story we'll have to tell Sadie and mini-Sarge in a few years."

Despite the seriousness of the situation Greg laughed out loud. Both Doug and Saddler looked up sharply at the sound before returning to their introspection. "Mini-Sarge? Are you referring to my future son or daughter as Mini-Sarge?"

"It's better than the name Spike saddled this one with while I was carrying her. I swear if Jam-lite had stuck after she was born, I would have had to go Scorpio on his butt. Although if he burst through that wall over there and called her that right now, I wouldn't complain at all."

"So," Greg continued, trying to distract her from what he knew had to be tortuous thoughts of Sadie's safety. He kept his voice low so it wouldn't carry across the room. He nodded toward Doug and Saddler. "What do you think?

Sadie tossed the bottle aside and sat up, returning to the toys on her blanket. Greg picked up the bottle and used some of the precious water supply to clean it out. He didn't want to waste water but knew Sadie would need the bottle again later and that it would need to be clean when she did. He put the empty bottle back in the diaper bag.

Jules sighed. "I want to feel sorry for Doug. Losing your wife and kids like that? I can't even imagine. It's hard though."

Greg nodded, "'Cause his actions have put Sadie in danger. I know."

She shook her head, breathing out through her mouth, in an attempt to keep from groaning in pain from the plank jabbing her sharply. "Revenge is never good. There was a saying Dad always used to tell my brothers and me when he thought we might be planning something in retaliation to something that happened. It was something along the lines of 'if you are planning revenge, better dig two graves, one for your enemy and one for yourself.' I don't think I really understood exactly what he meant until now."

"It's a Confucius quote, 'before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.' Only in this case, it seems like a lot more than two graves are going to be necessary." Greg commented.

Apparently his voice carried more than he thought because Doug looked up. "I told you, that wasn't supposed to happen."

"I didn't mean for your family to die either. What? Your actions aren't supposed to matter because you didn't mean for it to happen but you're ready to crucify me for the same thing? How fair is that?" Saddler accused, his voice raw with emotion.

Doug bowed his head. "I just needed you to understand what it's like to lose everything that's important to you. It's a pain you can't imagine unless you've been through it. You don't understand. None of you understand. Maybe no one does."

Jules ran her hand along Sadie's back. "That's where you're wrong, Doug. Right now I know someone who understand exactly how horrible it is. My husband is up there and right now he has no way of knowing that Sadie and I are alive. He's up there thinking that he's lost what's important to him just like you did. He's afraid he'll never again get to give Sadie another bath or put her to bed or just stand over her crib and watch her sleep. Whether you meant to or not, you're making him feel exactly what you've felt for the past nine months." Then she fixed her eyes on Saddler. "And you, don't think you're innocent in all this. Nine months ago you were so caught up in what your actions might cost you that you left two children to die a horrible death. I get that you didn't mean for it to happen but it doesn't change the fact that by leaving the scene of the accident, you committed a crime. To add to that, ignored the what the law says about reporting renovations and building improvements. You put in this safe room thinking it might one day save your life but because you were so scared to let someone else know it existed, so scared that someone else might ask you to save them, you might cost another man the family he loves. Maybe with my job I should be more understanding, more empathetic. If it were just me involved, maybe I could be but I'm sorry, I can't. Not when my baby is affected. Not when my husband is going through all that torment and I can't even let him know we're okay. So please, both of you, save the 'it wasn't supposed to happen that way' for after we're rescued cause it doesn't mean much of anything here."

Greg watched her in concern. Her brand of 'tough love" wasn't what was bothering him. He applauded everything she had to say and thought both Doug and Saddler needed to hear it. What was worrying him was the wheezing he was hearing in her voice and the way her breathing seemed to be becoming increasingly labored. "Jules? You okay? Sounds like you're having trouble breathing there."

"Yeah…fine." There was definitely a breathiness in her voice that sounded more like she'd been running the obstacle course at work for the last few hours rather than lying pinned on the ground. "Just short of breath. No worries."

Greg frowned. No worries? Was she serious? They were trapped unable to do anything to free her or treat any injuries, she was admitting having difficulties breathing and she was telling him not to worry. "Let me be the judge of that. What's going on? Can you tell."

Jules nodded, resting her head on the blanket. "Plank or something …pressing… diaphragm Just…gotta… catch… my… breath."

She used her arms to leverage her body up as much as she could, trying to find a spot that gave her more room to breathe. She hadn't realized that her attempts during her confinement to find a more comfortable position had managed to move the ladder rung more firmly under her rib cage until now. Being up slightly helped but she knew she couldn't stay that way long. Her arms were already shaking with the exertion and this position made the piece of metal at her hip bone rub even more.

"Jules?" She could hear the concern in Greg's voice and she hated that she was worrying him. She shouldn't be adding to the stress of them being trapped.

"Better. Don't worry, it sounds worse than it is. I kind of got used to this during my last two months of pregnancy. I'd get out of breath just walking up the stairs or taking a shower because someone seemed to like doing push-ups on my diaphragm but from a different angle." She cut her eyes affectionately towards Sadie.

Greg leaned down to try to get a better look at what was pressing into her. He could see it but he couldn't see a good way to move it so that it wasn't hurting her. He was afraid that any major moves would cause the rubble piled on top of her to shift precariously. Glancing back up at her, he tried to gauge exactly how she was really feeling. Over the years, they'd all learned that Jules could downplay serious injuries to make them seem like nothing more than a paper cut. She was pale and her upper body was shaking but when she glanced back at him, her eyes seemed clear. She was hurting but she wasn't in any serious pain.

"Somehow I doubt you ever sounded that short of breath while you were pregnant. If you had Sam would have probably confined you to bed or something. Maybe I can find something to pad the area a little. Would that help?"

"Being able to turn on my side would help the most but I guess that's not going to happen. So yeah, maybe."

Greg looked around; he couldn't remember seeing anything in the diaper bag that would work, at least nothing he thought Jules would let him get away with using on her for fear that Sadie would need it. His eyes fell on Saddler. He nodded. "Aaron, take your apron off and bring it here. We'll use it as a cushion."

The manager did as Greg requested. The retired SRU sergeant carefully folded it; it wouldn't provide a very thick padding but hopefully it would be enough to ease the pressure. It wasn't easy to maneuver it into place but soon he had it where he thought it would do the most good. Jules lowered herself down so that she wasn't supporting her weight on her arms.

"Better?" Greg asked, watching her carefully. She nodded; the apron did take some of the pressure off her diaphragm making it easier to breathe but the new position did nothing to ease the discomfort of the piece of metal on her hip bone. The skin felt rubbed raw and she wouldn't be surprised if the skin was broken by the constant friction. There was nothing Greg could do about it though so she saw no point in mentioning it. He patted her back. "Good. Do us both a favor and take it easy. Getting yourself riled up won't help anything.

"Yeah, I know." Jules breathed out. For a moment she was transported back to those final months before giving birth and how helpless and useless she'd felt at times. Outside of the worry that Sadie could have been injured in the accident, the worst part of her pregnancy had been those last couple of months when she'd had to limit everything she did. Greg hadn't been far off the mark about Sam confining her to bed. She'd wanted to bristle at his urging for her to stay in bed on her left side, wanted to protest that there was too much that needed to be done to get ready for Sadie's arrival for her to be laying around all day. She'd given in, however, when he'd curled up beside her on their bed, with his hand seeking out whatever limp Sadie currently had protruding from her abdomen, and kissed her. He'd told her that the most important work she could possible have at the moment was carrying their daughter. He'd also reminded her that she'd better rest while she could because if Sadie took after either of her parents, it would be the last real rest she'd get for awhile - years if she took after them both. The fact that he lazed around with her as much as possible helped. She'd lost track of the number of hours they'd spent during her last couple of months just enjoying being in each other's arms and making plans for the baby they'd soon be welcoming. She wished she were back there right then with Sadie cuddled between them on the bed instead of in her womb.

Just like when she'd been pregnant, the difficulty breathing tired her easily making her body crave a nap. She resisted the urge though, knowing she needed to stay awake, needed to keep an eye on Sadie even though her ability to really care for her was limited. While the infant had been content to stay on the blanket near her so far, she knew it was only a matter of time before her active daughter tried to explore her surroundings. She trusted Greg but would he remember how quickly babies could move and get into things?

Any thought of sleep faded however when she saw Aaron Saddler start to rummage through Sadie's diaper bag and pull out one of the bottles of water she kept there. Fire flashed in her eyes and she lunged forward as much as was possible even though it wasn't much. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"