Second part of a double chapter post. Don't forget to read the other chapter too! :)
Shaken, Future Honoka stared down at her bloody hands. She was covered in the sticky substance. It was in her hair, smeared on her face, hands and clothes. Her gaze shifted slowly toward her past self and Umi. Honoka was clinging to her tightly, her arms wrapped around the pale girl's neck as if afraid to let go. Kotori was sitting closeby, her hand gripping Umi's tightly. The sight of them together sent a stab of pain through Future Honoka's chest. She would never sit like that with her Kotori and Umi again, she would never have the chance to make amends with Umi. Her Umi had died with the knowledge that Honoka and everyone else she loved hated her.
"You can take a shower if you want." Nozomi offered, noticing Honoka's bloody state. Umi was almost as bad, having been the one who was bleeding in the first place. "The bathroom is…"
"I'll find it." Future Honoka stood up sharply. She couldn't look at her past self with Kotori and Umi any more. She just felt sickeningly jealous. She left the room, leaving the others sitting in tense silence.
Honoka gripped Umi tighter, her fingers digging slightly into her friend's skin. After what had happened at Umi's house she wasn't willing to let go, even for a second. She could feel her usually composed best friend trembling against her. She wished she could say something to comfort her but if she was honest, she was just as shaken.
Umi almost flinched when gentle lips found her temple but she reminded herself that it was just Honoka and stayed still, her eyes closing as she focused on the warmth the comforting kiss brought. She couldn't help but remember the way Future Honoka had embraced her so protectively earlier, strong arms encasing her body. It had been a brief change from the hatred she usually felt directed toward her by the young woman.
"Are you okay?" Eli whispered, leaning a little bit closer to Nozomi. Her girlfriend had seemed pained ever since they'd arrived at Umi's house. She couldn't help but feel concerned, aware of Nozomi's inability to block so much pain out.
Nozomi hummed softly in response and flashed Eli a small smile.
"Are you su…?" Eli was cut off as Nozomi's eyes widened quite suddenly, her hand flying to her chest. At the same time, Maki cried out in pain and clutched her head. Suddenly there was a commotion from the bathroom, the sound of thumps and choked screams.
"Honoka-chan?!" Kotori shot to her feet, her eyes wide with panic. She felt hands grab either of her own and glanced down at Umi and Honoka, who'd both grabbed onto her to keep her still.
Nozomi clenched her shirt tightly over her chest, her vision blurred with tears. Feeling what future Honoka was feeling was the most painful thing she had ever felt. It was as though she'd been stabbed in the chest.
Maki whimpered as unwelcome images filled her mind. Future Honoka being embraced by a tall blonde, obviously the future version of Eli. Future Eli sitting at Future Honoka's hospital bedside, holding her hand. Future Eli bandaging Future Honoka's wounds, the two of them laughing and drinking together, her Future self with Eli and Honoka in her office, talking about how Maki was going to cause a fire one day with her smoking habit. Future Eli throwing herself in front of Future Honoka to protect her…Future Honoka feeling something tucked into her hand. A cross.
Something smashed in the bathroom, followed immediately by the sound of loud, heartbroken sobs. The sensation almost had Nozomi keeling over.
Kotori tore her hands from her friend's and hurriedly started for the door. Even Umi, who was still trembling after her encounter with her mother, stood, her heart hammering against her chest. No matter what, that was still Honoka and she obviously needed someone.
Eli quickly stepped in the way of Kotori, keeping her back with a hand held out in front of her. "You can't." She said hurriedly. She didn't know what Kotori and Umi would find if they entered the bathroom. "I'll go."
"N-No, Honoka-chan's my…" Kotori cut herself off, her eyes flitting toward the bathroom. She couldn't just tell them that Honoka was her girlfriend in the future. It would upset Umi, not to mention confuse the rest of them. "She's my best friend, Eli-chan!"
Eli swallowed thickly. They really didn't have time to argue, not when Honoka was still so audibly distraught. The thumps and smashes hadn't stopped despite being masked by sobs now and Eli had a rough idea of what it was.
"We don't have time for this! We all know the two of you…have a thing for each other. Honoka is…if she tries to make a move, you won't stop her." She watched as Kotori's cheeks flushed bright crimson. She had thought as much. Considering how much Future Honoka had seemed to open up to Kotori, it didn't feel right to keep the two of them apart but she was just trying to protect Kotori. Her gaze shifted to Maki who was sitting down but leaning heavily against Nico. She was surprised to find tears shimmering on Maki's cheeks. "Shit…" She turned to Nozomi, finding her in a similar state.
"Go and help her, Elichi." Nozomi tearfully met Eli's eyes, her shirt still clenched in her fist. "She's hurting so much. Just do whatever you can…" Her voice was full of emotion, and it made Eli worry. What did Nozomi mean by that?
"Eli, be careful. Don't get lost in the moment." The thought came suddenly. Startled, Eli met Maki's eyes. "Honoka isn't well. She has memories that affect her way of thinking. When she says something that sounds weird, you need to know she's talking to her Eli, not you."
Eli raised her eyebrow at the warning but turned around, missing the exchange between Nozomi and Maki. She walked into the hallway and made her way to the closed door that led to the bathroom. She could hear hysterical sobs and the sound of banging. With one more deep breath to calm her nerves the teenager placed her hand on the knob and turned it gently.
What she was met with was fog, the scorching hot water steaming the area and making it difficult for Eli to see properly. She stepped in and almost tripped over the clothing on the floor. She ducked down, spotting blood. There was so much blood on them, especially on the jacket with the unfamiliar stitches on the front. She bit her lip and heard a loud crash came from behind the shower glass.
Eli pushed herself to her feet and walked closer, the cries and yelling becoming clearer with every step. She caught sight of blood smeared on the shower screen and feared the worst. She grabbed on quickly to the handle and pushed the glass door open. She was met with bright blue hues, shimmering with grief and tears. She reached up a hand and opened her mouth to gently tell Honoka she needed to get out of the shower. The water was too hot, the steam too thick and Honoka's hands were bleeding from where she'd hit the now crumbling tiles.
She carefully stepped into the shower, a moment later finding her back slammed into the wall. Eli gasped sharply at the shove and the feeling of Honoka's fingers pressing into her skin. She opened her eyes and felt her heart skip a beat, her face flushing all the way to her ears and neck. She'd forgotten about the state of dress Future Honoka was in and it came with unwanted images. Her gaze followed every curve and tone muscle until landing on the gash on Honoka's shoulder. She lifted her head meeting tearful eyes.
"Neck…lace" Future Honoka uttered, her features pained. It wasn't something Eli nor the other members of Muse had seen before. Her breathing was heavy and the tears weren't stopping. Eli was pushed further against the wall and gasped as the water struck against her skin like needles piercing her. She wasn't as sensitive as she once had been but it still hurt.
"H-Honoka, stop! Ah, what are you doing?!" She managed to choke out in surprise.
Future Honoka wasn't in the right state mind to answer. She could only cry harder against the warm body under her own. She wanted to forget, she wanted to die. Just like everyone else she just wanted to plunge into the darkness and let herself finally rest.
When fingers brushed against the upper part of her back Honoka's breath hitched. A distant memory came to her but she shook her head and pushed herself further against the younger girl. It was too painful, to remember things like that.
"I..just want it to stop.." She sobbed into Eli's shoulder. "I don't want to be the only one left. I can't do this any more, I just can't! I already used Nico's blood and now I've lost my only connection to you.." She wasn't speaking about the teenager. She was talking about the other one. Her tall, brave, stupid and selfless partner in crime. Her best friend, her Eli.
Eli was frozen for a moment, taking in Honoka's words. A lump formed in her throat and she reached up, clutching Honoka tightly instead of trying to push her away like she had been. Underneath all of the defensive layers Future Honoka had built up over the years, she was still Honoka. Still the same girl who cared too much. Eli clutched her tightly, choked up by the thought of what Honoka had been through. It wasn't fair. None of it was.
Suddenly, Honoka was trying to pull away from her and Eli's eyes widened. She'd seen the blood smeared on the shower screen. Honoka's bloody knuckles made it obvious that she'd been out of control. She held on tighter. "Don't." She said, her voice slightly sharper than she intended. "I've got you, Honoka."
The water pounding down on her hurt terribly but she wasn't about to let go. Especially not when Honoka only began to cry harder at her words. Her fingers dug into Honoka's back and she once again felt a slightly rougher area beneath her hand. She didn't have the presence of mind to think about that though, not when her clothes were soaked through, making them seem oddly heavy. Her hair was wet too, her bangs clinging to her forehead as water dripped down her face. It would have been uncomfortable for anyone, but to her it was beyond painful. It made her remember when Nozomi had tossed her into the sea, having been unaware of her ability and her weakness against water.
She inhaled sharply through her teeth as the water seemed to get colder and gripped Future Honoka tighter, both as a reaction to the pain and an attempt to comfort her. She could hear Kotori from the other side of the door, obviously adamant about getting to Honoka. Nico and Maki were trying to hold her back but they were obviously struggling. It wouldn't be long before Kotori got past them, probably by turning invisible. They couldn't really stop her if they couldn't see her.
She gently shushed the broken girl in her arms, fingers gently running through soft ginger hair. "Get us out of here, Honoka." She whispered, hoping Honoka would have the presence of mind to do so before Kotori burst into the room.
A few seconds ticked by before Eli felt the familiar tugging sensation of Honoka's power. She felt as if she were standing on air, as if the two of them were surrounded by nothingness. It was as though the only thing keeping her anchored was Future Honoka's grip on her. She closed her eyes tightly, only opening them when she felt like her feet were planted solidly on the floor again. Honoka was silent now, only shuddering occasionally against her and Eli realized with a blush that the older girl was still very much naked. It seemed that Honoka realized the same thing as she pulled away quickly and moved off to change.
Eli couldn't quite manage to avert her eyes from Future Honoka's bare back as she walked away from her. Her gaze sought out the rougher patch of skin she'd felt earlier, expecting to see scars. She didn't and she frowned thoughtfully. The skin on display was slowly covered up, though not by much.
She took a moment to look around the hotel room. It wasn't an especially nice room. It was more of a mess than anything else, empty bottles, food cartons and clothes lying around. It looked to be fine for what Honoka needed it for though. Eli supposed she mustn't do anything but sleep in the room.
A few minutes passed before she felt something soft being pressed into her hand. Startled, she turned her attention forward and found Honoka standing there. Her eyes were clouded with tears but she seemed to be holding herself together. For the moment. She reached out to take the article of clothing that was being offered but her eyes traveled elsewhere, her cheeks reddening at the amount of skin being displayed.
Future Honoka was clad in just a pair of fitting black jeans and a plain black sports bra. She could see the blood trickling down from the strap that was over her shoulder. Eli completely forgot about the clothes given to her and hurried to the older woman.
"We need to wrap this! Who knows how much blood you've already lost? God, you really are still an idiot aren't you?"
Honoka stared at Eli in surprise, having not expected the outburst. Numbly, she pointed to the first aid kit she had on her bedside table. It seemed she needed it just as much now as she had in the future. She pressed the clothes into Eli's hands though, silently insisting that she put them on first.
She watched as Eli walked over to get it but eventually tore her eyes away and moved to sit on the bed instead, not watching Eli change into the fresh clothes. She was silent as the blonde walked back over to her and began to bandaged her shoulder for her. She winced slightly as the wound was accidentally prodded. Eli had never been the best at first aid. Most of the time when Eli bandaged her up, Maki had to redo it.
Eli tried to ignore the way Honoka was shaking beneath her hands as she applied the bandages. There was little else she could do in terms of first aid. She was no Maki, that was for certain. Even now, Maki seemed to have a knack for treating wounds. Honoka could almost hear her, tutting about how Eli had just slapped a bandage on for the sake of it, that she hadn't even bothered to disinfect the wound.
"Damn pyro thinks she can cover it up and it's fixed. I swear I'm going to force her to take a first aid course…"
Honoka clenched her hands into fists, her eyes watering again.
"Honoka, I have to take this off." Eli said softly, her hand sliding around Honoka's back to the clasp of her bra. She waited for some kind of agreement from Honoka but it didn't even seem as though she was listening to her. Sighing, she unclasped the clothing and gently tugged it off Honoka. Her fingers brushed against the slightly rougher skin again and she frowned in confusion. Struggling to keep her eyes away from Honoka's chest, she finished wrapping the wound as best she could.
Future Honoka was lost in her own thoughts but she tensed suddenly when Eli's fingers moved over her back, skimming gently over the area she'd only allowed one person to touch. Not even Kotori was allowed to touch her there. "What…?"
"What is this?" Eli's gaze was innocently curious as Honoka looked up in confusion. "It feels…different. Not like the rest of your skin."
Honoka had to swallow thickly to continue speaking. "A tattoo."
Eli raised an eyebrow, her fingers continuing to roam gently over the rougher skin. "I can't imagine you having a tattoo."
"Yeah…it wasn't by choice, trust me."
Eli frowned at Honoka's words and shifted to look over the young woman's upper back. There was nothing there, no visible sign of the tattoo. "Why is it invisible?"
"It just is." Honoka slid off the bed and as she stood, Eli noticed that her knuckles were still bloody. Before she could suggest that she wrap them too, Honoka was limping to the bathroom. Eli stayed where she was, uncertain about what else to do. She took a moment to look around the room, noticing the notes pinned to the far wall. From where she was sitting, it looked like a timeline. She was about to get up to inspect it when Honoka returned with something in her hand.
"I'll have to turn the lights down for this." Future Honoka said softly as she wandered over to the light. She paused with her hand on the switch. It was hard not to remember how her Eli had reacted when she'd first seen the tattoo. "Are you sure?"
Eli nodded even as her heart thudded urgently against her chest. The lights turned off and after a few moments, Honoka returned to the bed, sitting down in front of her like she had been before.
Numbly, Eli took the small torch offered to her and switched it on. She carefully brushed Honoka's hair out of the way and shone the blue light onto her upper back. AU017TM. She blinked in confusion. She had expected music notes, lyrics, some kind of quote…not a seemingly random combination of letters and numbers. "What does it mean?"
"Ability User 017. Time Manipulator." Honoka answered, her voice soft. She didn't stutter like she used to but there was a quiver in her voice. "It's just a tag. I told you, I didn't want it to be put there."
"A tag…" Eli echoed, her fingers skirting carefully over the letters. Honoka was tense beneath her fingers but she couldn't help her curiosity. "What do you mean? What for?"
"I was in a camp. A world government restraint camp. I was…in the future, ability users aren't thought of as human. We're evil. We're savages, according to them, and we need to be stopped." Honoka sounded far away suddenly, her voice hoarse. "I was in one for a few months, I think. I was experimented on and…this was just my tag. So they could keep track of me, I suppose."
Eli wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she needed to ask. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad but she had to know either way. Her heart in her throat, she managed to speak. "Experimented on…how?"
"Blood tests, injections, physical tests, IQ and intelligence tests. They liked to push us to our limits, to see how much we could take from them." Honoka shuddered at the memory of her time in the camp. "Ability tests mainly. I was almost always under heavy drugs so I couldn't do much but they would push my abilities to the brink. The officers there liked to beat us too. I don't think that was part of the tests." She let out a bitter bark of laughter, even as her eyes misted over.
Eli let out a shuddering breath as her fingers continued to gently dance over the 'tag'. It was more horrible than she could have imagined. "Oh god…" The more she thought about it and pictured that happening to Honoka, the worse it got. She'd been tagged, like some kind of animal and tortured. 'Experiments', Honoka had said, but Eli knew what that meant. "Bastards! I'll…I'll…" She couldn't finish that sentence. There was nothing she could do.
Honoka felt Eli's fingers on her back start to get hot and she jolted in surprise, whipping around to face the blonde. Eli's eyes were damp with tears but her cheeks were flushed, her jaw clenched. There was no mistaking the fury in her expression.
"Remind me why we're doing this." Eli was knelt on the bed behind Honoka who was sitting cross legged, her back bared. She glanced contemplatively at the torch in her hand, her brow furrowing.
"I don't want to lie to you any more." Honoka answered simply. Eli had asked her so many times about what the officers and doctors had done to her but she'd never told the truth. "Just shine it on my back, Eli-senpai. You'll see."
Eli sighed at the vague answer but flicked the torch on and shone the light onto Honoka's back. When a tattoo showed up, she almost dropped the torch in surprise. "Wh-What the hell is that? You got a tattoo?!"
"The doctors gave me one. When I was at the camp. Ability User 017. Time Manipulator. I thought you might want to know." Honoka answered without looking over her shoulder.
Eli gripped the torch tighter, her gaze fixed to the tattoo. Anger flared in her chest, taking her breath away. She had heard of these identification tags from other camp survivors but she never thought they would be this horrifying to witness at first hand. Tears gathered in her eyes and the hand that was holding the torch was suddenly ignited, burning it to ash.
"Fucking bastards! Why the hell are they treating us like dogs!? We're human too! We're not some science project!" She could only picture how much torture Honoka had gone through. With no questions she sank down onto the ruddy bed and wrapped her arms around the younger woman. She didn't care about the bare skin that was obviously being displayed. It didn't matter.
A hitch was heard from Honoka, the trembling of her body only causing Eli to tighten her hold. She rested her forehead against the slightly rough patch of skin. "You didn't deserve any of this..I swear to you, no one will hurt you again, Honoka. I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you."
Honoka only sobbed harder in response to Eli's heartfelt announcement. She couldn't take the haunting images of the officers hurting innocents and the doctors prodding her. She turned around and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck. The material of Eli's black tank top scratched against her bare chest.
"I was so scared. I thought I was going to die, I really thought I was going to never get out of there. It was like a prison. I-I felt like I deserved it because of my ability. Eli-Senpai, I…I wished I would hurry up and die. That the guards would hit me hard enough to kill me."
"Don't say that!" Eli barked out, pulling back slightly. She gripped the back of Honoka's neck, their tear filled eyes meeting intently. It infuriated her, that Honoka had gone through that. She was angry at the government for doing it, at Umi for taking an active role in it and at herself for not stopping it. She should have been there. She should have made sure that Honoka was safe. "I'm never going to let them take you again, Honoka. They'll never touch you as long as I'm alive!"
Honoka nodded shakily and leaned in, her forehead gently meeting Eli's between them.
—
Honoka felt normal for a change as she laughed at the two girls in front her. They were arguing, or more like shouting, Eli holding Nico in a rather painful headlock.
"You think it's funny to switch Honoka's drink with mine!? God damn it you know what she's like with vodka!" Eli yelled as she continued to try and fail to choke the immortal.
"You do remember this won't hurt me, right?" Nico smirked at the pathetic attempt. She waited a couple of moments for the blonde to calm down before she slipped her way out of her grip. She pushed the swaying Honoka toward her. "Get her to her room or yours, I don't care. I need to do something."
"Don't you mean someone?" Eli countered as she lifted Honoka to her feet. She turned her head to the time manipulator and smiled at the peaceful features adoring her face. "Come on, we need to get some sleep."
Nico rolled her eyes at Eli and waved goodbye before heading out the door, leaving them on their own.
Honoka lay her head on Eli's shoulder and groaned as the room span. "My head hurts…I'm not too drunk am I?"
"Well you haven't asked me to light you up yet so I'd say no. Seems like you're getting better at holding vodka huh?" Eli teased gently as she wrapped her arm around Honoka's waist and began to lead her toward the doors. " You okay?"
Honoka noticed that Eli had her hair up at the moment. She hadn't worn the style for a long time. "You look young." She whispered.
"What do you mean by that?! I'm 21 years old Honoka!" Eli spoke, alarmed and irritated. She was just about to drop the other girl when suddenly she heard a fit of giggles burst out of Honoka.
"No I didn't mean like that, I meant that you look like you did when you were seventeen…I always thought you looked really cute with your hair up like that!"
Eli felt her cheeks redden and rolled her eyes. Honoka was always way too carefree when she was drunk. It was something she wished Honoka was when she was sober. Most of the time Honoka was very cautious around people. She certainly wasn't as social as she was when she was younger so it was always a rare pleasure to see her acting like her old self again. The person she had been before Umi's betrayal and the camp.
"Shut up and let's get you to bed."
"Love you too, my dear onee-sama!"
"Don't call me that! I prefer senpai over that honorific. Ugh, you're such a pain in the ass when you're drunk." Eli's cheeks flushed again and Honoka could only laugh before leaning in and patting Eli's head.
Life was good when she had her best friend with her.
—
Honoka ignored the greetings of her fellow rebels, too focused on getting to Eli to pay them much attention. She had checked the medical wing and Nozomi had been there, sleeping peacefully, but Maki had told her that Eli had left a while ago. It wasn't something Honoka had expected to hear. That Eli hadn't been right at Nozomi's bedside was surprising enough.
She didn't slow down as she approached Eli's bedroom, bursting in unannounced instead. She found Eli sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands engulfed in flames. "Eli-senpai!" She hurried forward to Eli, reaching out for her only for Eli to quickly move out of her grasp. She blinked at the space Eli had previously occupied in confusion, noting the packed bag just behind where she'd been sitting. "Huh?"
"Stay away from me."
Honoka gaped at Eli in shock. "What?" She shook her head and took a couple of steps forward. Eli had never spoken to her like that before and it hurt more than she cared to admit. "What are you saying, Eli-senpai? It's me. We…" They would never tell the other to stay away. Other people, they would, but never each other. "It's just me."
Eli bowed her head, a choked sob rising from her throat. "I know that, Honoka. I know." She clenched her flaming fists at her sides. She didn't trust them. "Just get out."
"NO!" Honoka's voice rose, both in desperation and anger. She gestured wildly to the bag on the bed. "What the fuck is this?!"
Eli turned around and clenched her jaw, tears slipping free from her eyes at the slight movement. "I'm leaving. Kotori is right, I'm reckless and I'm going to get someone hurt. I…" She trailed off as Honoka surged forward and grabbed her collar, shoving her back against the wall behind her. It took every ounce of willpower she had to push down the instinct to go up in flames. "H-Honoka…"
"What's wrong with you?!" Honoka growled, her eyes misty with tears. "What about Nozomi-chan? What about me?"
"I'm doing this for you!" Eli insisted, her voice slightly choked because of Honoka's grip. "You and Nozomi, you'd be better off without me…"
"I'd be dead without you!" Honoka's sharp voice cut Eli off completely. "You think you're not essential here?! Do you know what would happen to Nozomi if you left? What would happen to me? You've made yourself essential to me! You've given me the strength I need to live! How am I supposed to do that if you leave me?"
Eli's hands, now flame free reached up to grip Honoka's. "I hurt her, Honoka. I hurt her with my own hands."
"You didn't mean to." Honoka spoke with conviction. She knew Eli didn't mean it. She would never willingly hurt Nozomi.
"How do you know that?!"
"Because I know you." Honoka slowly released Eli's collar and gripped one of her wrists instead, lifting it slightly instead. "Show me your fire."
Eli took a shuddering breath and tentatively lit her hand up, blue flames licking at her skin. When she noticed Honoka inching her hand forward she instinctively tried to tug hers away only to be stopped by Honoka's tight grip on her wrist.
"Honoka, stop!" She spoke urgently, her eyes wide with fear. "Don't. Please, I couldn't stand hurting you too. Please…" Honoka had already been hurt too much. More than anyone should be hurt. "Please, Honoka…"
Eli's desperate pleading broke Honoka's heart but she knew there was nothing to be done about it. "It's fine, Eli-senpai." Her hand trembled as she inched it closer to Eli's. She didn't take her eyes off Eli's, nor did she miss the fact that they were full of tears again. "I trust you with my life." With that said, she pressed her palm firmly against Eli's , her fingers sliding between the other woman's. It didn't burn. It didn't even feel uncomfortable. Her hand was just enveloped by warmth. "See? I-I told you."
Eli's lower lip trembled as she stared at their joined hands. She threw her free arm around Honoka's neck and pulled her close. "Do you think Nozomi will hate me?"
Honoka scoffed and shook her head. "She could never hate you. Neither could I. We both love you too much for that so…don't ever leave us, alright?"
Eli couldn't speak so she merely nodded and tightened her grip on Honoka.
—
Future Honoka wasn't sure when the tears had begun, too lost in her memories to have paid attention. All she knew was that now they had started they wouldn't seem to stop.
Eli opened and closed her mouth, surprised by Honoka's sudden change of mood. She didn't know what she had said or done to cause it and she didn't know what to do to fix it. All she could do was watch, her stomach in knots. The cries started off quiet at first, but after a couple of minutes Honoka seemed to collapse in on herself, the defenses she'd meticulously built up falling away with her tears.
"Honoka…" Eli ducked down slightly, meeting Honoka's eyes with some difficulty. She felt her breath catch in her throat at the pure devastation on Honoka's face. She noticed Honoka was grasping for something around her neck, but was only met with air. Her necklace was gone, she realized with a sharp inhalation. It was gone and yet Honoka was still reaching for it.
She couldn't take just watching anymore and she reached up to unclasp her necklace, taking it off quickly. Before she could think further into it, she'd put it around Honoka's neck, allowing her to clasp the small cross.
"Eli-senpai…" Honoka's eyes focused on Eli's and she slowly reached up with both hands, shakily pulling Eli's hair from the ponytail it was in. It fell neatly around her shoulders and Eli found herself holding her breath. As soon as their gazes met Honoka's expression crumbled once again. Eli kicked herself for being the cause of it and quickly wrapped her arms around the weeping woman, pulling her close to her chest.
"I'm sorry." Future Honoka clenched the shirt Eli was wearing tightly in her fists. "I never asked you to die for me! I wouldn't have….you shouldn't have…I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I…"
"I forgive you, Honoka." Eli felt her eyes sting with tears as she pressed her hand gently to the back of Honoka's head to hold her closer. "It's okay. I forgive you."
"I just want to forget everything. I just want this to be a nightmare…I just want to wake up next to Kotori-chan or with you and Maki-chan. I just want to wake up with everyone and know everything's okay." She choked and buried her head further against the teenager. "Please. I just want to go home, Senpai. You said…you promise you'd never leave me! Why did you…?"
It wasn't easy, to hold back her own tears. She'd always found it sweet but a little bit odd that Honoka insisted upon calling her that. Hearing it from the older version of her friend was achingly sad. "I'm sorry, Honoka. I'm so sorry…"
Honoka slowly lifted her head to meet Eli's watery stare. "Just let me die." She pleaded weakly. She was tired of fighting. She was just tired. It wasn't fair that she was the only one left. "Please."
"I can't." Eli lifted her hand to brush Honoka's tears from her cheeks with shaky fingers. "I just can't, Honoka."
Honoka's gaze was hurt and confused but Eli knew she wasn't really looking at her like that. She was looking at her Eli. "But…" She trailed off into a whimper, her lower lip trembling again. "It hurts. It hurts so much without you." Her hands clasped Eli's upper arms desperately, hard enough to leave a mark. "Why would you just leave me? I thought you loved me!"
Eli swallowed thickly against the lump in her throat. She would never be able to let her version of Honoka die. She could only assume that feeling was much stronger in the future. "I do love you. Why do you think I wouldn't let anything happen to you?"
Already pressed against Eli, it didn't take much effort to lean in and press her lips against the blonde's, the need for contact overwhelming her. Eli was warm against her, proof that she was there with her. Not dead. She was alive and breathing.
Eli's eyes widened briefly before closing. She was powerless to do anything but melt into the kiss. Maybe it was just what Future Honoka needed. Nozomi would have done the same thing, wouldn't she? She would be much more useful in the situation.
"She's hurting so much. Just do whatever you can…"
Eli freed her arms from Honoka's light grip and wrapped them around her neck instead, drawing her closer still. Kissing Honoka was different to kissing Nozomi. Not in a good way or a bad way, it was just different. Even during moments of passion, there was more of a gentleness to Nozomi's kisses. Eli assumed Honoka was being a bit rough because of the sheer desperation she felt to be close to her. Her fingers drifted gently over the invisible tattoo on Honoka's back as she kissed her. As much as she hated what it had been put there for, she was fascinated by it.
Honoka released a soft sound of approval at the touch. Eli was acting exactly like her Eli would by touching the tattoo. She scooted back on the bed and pulled the pyro down with her as she lay down. The kiss broke for a moment and they found themselves staring intently at each other, their heavy breaths mixing between them.
"I love you." Honoka whispered, reaching up to brush a strand of Eli's hair from her face. She meant it like she always had, even given the situation they were in. She loved Eli as her friend, as her protector, as someone she knew she wouldn't be able to carry on without.
It seemed that Honoka was calming down but the emotional admission of love caused Eli's stomach to twist with guilt. She didn't know if it was the right thing to do to step in for the future version of herself but she knew that was who Honoka needed her to be for the moment.
"I know." She murmured, leaning in to gently rest her forehead against Honoka's. She didn't need to be an empath to feel the same ache Honoka felt. She could easily see how much the older woman was hurting. When Honoka kissed her again she didn't hesitate to return it even as her thoughts drifted to Nozomi. Her girlfriend would understand, better than anyone why Eli was allowing this to happen. She could feel what Honoka could feel, and what Eli felt. She would know why. More importantly there couldn't be any doubt that Eli loved Nozomi. She would always be able to feel that.
Honoka pulled away after a moment and carefully rolled them over so that she was on top. For a few seconds, Eli forgot to breathe as she took in the sight of Honoka straddling her. The time manipulator was still naked from the waist up and Eli could see every subtle movement of muscles as she shifted. Finally, Honoka leaned back down but instead of kissing the blonde again, she tucked her face into her neck and held on tightly.
"Don't leave me." Honoka whispered pleadingly against Eli's neck. She felt arms come up to wrap around her back and immediately felt safer. She couldn't help it, it was just the effect Eli seemed to have on her.
"I'm not going anywhere." Eli whispered into the darkness. She stayed like that long after Honoka had fallen asleep, wondering what Nozomi would say about what happened and about how much longer Honoka would last given the state she was in.
—
Umi stirred from her light sleep at the sound of movement in the next room. Warm bodies pressed against her from each side and a small smile tugged at her lips as she remembered Honoka and Kotori refusing to let her sleep alone. It was the furthest thing from what she'd wanted anyway. She nestled further into Honoka's arms, her eyes flitting closed again. Lying with the two of them like this she felt safer than she had in months.
Not wanting to move, she focused on the feeling of Kotori's even breathing brushing against the back of her neck. She shifted slightly, feeling both pairs of arms instinctively tighten around her. She sighed contentedly. This was how it was supposed to be, the three of them together. It had always been like that. Unwittingly she found herself trying to think further back to when they had met for the first time. It was a memory she often thought back to with great fondness. Now though, she couldn't remember anything about it. Her eyes shot open in surprise and she frantically scoured her memories. She couldn't have just forgotten something so important. It wasn't possible.
"Oh no…" She bit down hard on her lower lip. There was really only one explanation. Her mother had taken her memories. Hurriedly, she tried to think of another memory. One she had only recently been reminiscing about with Honoka. She knew there had been a time when she had kissed her friend's knee better after an especially rough fall but she couldn't recall that either. "Oh god…"
Suddenly feeling unbearably hot, she pushed Honoka and Kotori's arms off of her and quickly stood up from the bed. Her hand went to her chest where her heart was beating almost as quickly as it had been when she was at her house earlier. She watched as Kotori and Honoka gravitated toward one another, filling the gap she had left.
Quickly, she turned and left the room, closing the door carefully behind her. Nozomi had elected to give Umi her bed while she pulled out a futon for herself, Nico and Maki. Wary of disturbing them, Umi made her way to the kitchen. She was surprised to find Nozomi already in there, brewing some tea.
"N-Nozomi…" She stuttered, surprised to see the older girl was awake. "What are you doing up?"
"I could ask you the same thing." Nozomi countered as she turned around. It hadn't escaped her notice when Umi had woken up of course, nor had she failed to recognize the other girl's sudden flare of panic. She decided not to question that just yet. "Do you want some tea?"
"Um…sure." Umi answered quietly, casting a look back into the other room. She could just about make out Nico and Maki under the futon.
Nozomi went back to what she was doing, pouring another cup of tea for Umi. She hadn't been able to sleep, too distracted by everything she could feel from Eli. Even with the blonde so far away she could feel everything she was feeling with startling clarity. The brush of fingers against slightly rougher skin, the play of muscles beneath her hands and the thrill of kissing someone for the first time.
She shuddered, her eyes half closing as she focused inadvertently on what Eli was feeling. A sudden thrum of arousal washed over her, leaving her wondering exactly what Honoka had done to elicit such a response. "Damn…"
"Are you okay?" Umi asked in concern, noticing the way Nozomi's cheeks had flushed.
"Of course." Nozomi answered, broken from her thoughts. She turned around and handed Umi one of the cups she'd poured tea into. "I was just thinking…Honoka's future self is pretty attractive, huh?"
"Um…" Umi blushed at the question. She couldn't say she hadn't noticed it. "Yeah, I guess. A bit. W-Why do you ask?"
"No reason…" Nozomi shrugged her shoulders in response. She had to bite her lip as she suddenly remembered the feeling of Honoka's future self wrapping her strong arms around Eli's body.
Umi sipped at her tea, unable to press the issue of what was bothering Nozomi. She could barely even think past her own problems. "Um…" The silence grew awkward after a moment though she wasn't sure what to say. "Honoka told me you slapped her future self."
"Oh?" Nozomi raised an eyebrow in amusement. "How does she know that?"
"Maki." Umi explained simply. She didn't need to give any more of an explanation than that. She watched as understanding seemed to dawn on Nozomi. "So um…you really did that for me?"
"Yeah. Why do you look so surprised?" Nozomi couldn't help but grin at the puzzled look on Umi's face. "You're my friend and I care about you. Besides, she needed a slap. She's so damn stubborn…"
Umi raised a brow at the answer, a slight uneasy thought coming to her mind. "You seem quite fond of her…"
Nozomi let out a short huff in response though it was just as hushed as the words that followed were. "Not really. I think she's fascinating, that's all. She's so different from our Honoka. She's less social than her for a start…"
"That's not really a good thing." Umi said quietly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Honoka had always been confident and outgoing. At least as far as Umi could remember, she had been. Her brow furrowed slightly in concentration. "Honoka's future self is colder than she used to be. My Honoka is…" She faltered, struggling to call upon her memories. It was like she could almost reach them, like words that were on the tip of her tongue. "She's not cold at all. She's never been like that." If she had anything to say about it, Honoka would never turn out to be that way. She would do whatever it took to keep that from happening. "She's always been warm and kind and…and…"
"Umi-chan?" Nozomi straightened up suddenly at the sight of tears flooding Umi's eyes. Quickly, she set her tea aside. "Hey, hey…what's wrong?"
"I can't remember…" Umi concentrated intently, trying to recall her childhood memories with Honoka and Kotori. They were childhood friends, they had plenty of memories together from that time. But she couldn't remember anything. "Meeting Honoka and Kotori, everything we did together…I can't…I can't remember. S-She must have taken my memories away…"
Nozomi quickly made her way over to Umi, taking the cup from her before it could fall from her shaking hands. "What do you mean, Umi-chan?"
"My mother. She…She took them…my childhood memories." Umi covered her mouth with her hand, a sharp sob tearing it's way from her throat. Those memories with Kotori and Honoka were some of the most precious she had.
Nozomi's eyes widened suddenly and as she watched tears slip down Umi's cheeks she stepped forward and embraced her tightly.
"I need to remember." Umi said through tears as she clutched at the back of Nozomi's shirt. She'd never thought she would lose those memories. She had taken them for granted. She focused intently, her head aching as she tried to force herself to remember.
"It's okay, Umi-chan…" Nozomi focused, trying to take away Umi's pain only to feel herself being pushed away.
"Please, don't!" Umi whimpered, keeping Nozomi at arms length. "I don't want you to suffer on my behalf." She was weak from the emotional draining of her distress. She felt the older girl hesitate before pulling her against her soft body, holding her just as tightly as before.
"I'm not going to let you suffer through this alone, Umi-chan." Nozomi said solemnly, refusing to release her grip even as Umi squirmed in her hold. "Do you think that's what Honoka-chan and Kotori-chan would want? You've pushed us away for long enough."
Umi stilled as the truth in Nozomi's words sank in. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know what else to do, Nozomi…"
"Just let us help you." Nozomi spoke in a whisper, gently rubbing Umi's back. "We all love you, Umi-chan. Especially Honoka-chan and Kotori-chan. You're not alone, I promise."
Finally, Umi nodded and relaxed into Nozomi's embrace.
TBC.