A/N - A lot of you had expressed your disappointment about Jon/Deirdre. I'm sorry but I promise, Jon WILL be back and will play a major part of the story again when it gets very AU in later chapters. So have faith!

Thanks to Willow and Kim for the beta!

Chapter 10

Deirdre brought her mother's letter upstairs to read, and thought of throwing it in the fire without opening it. Part of her knew that it would be much easier that way, but also that it would be a craven thing to do. Robb had her things, including the chests of coins, brought up to her chambers, so she sat on the bed staring at them all. After a moment she lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. This had been Theon's room before with dark furniture and heavy drapes. But she'd changed it with some furniture Robb's mother had brought from the Riverlands, making it more light and airy. It was smaller than Robb's and Jon's chambers, but she couldn't have imagined moving into Jon's chambers, even though she had never slept in here anyway. She spent all her nights with Robb and didn't imagine that would change. But it was nice to have a place that was hers.

Opening the letter at last, she prepared herself for her mother's rantings after Tywin's letter was so harsh. Obviously, Tywin had responded based on Cersei's raven to him as Deirdre hadn't had time to even send a letter, not that she had rushed to do so. She had underestimated how cruel her mother would be in the letter, however. According to her mother, it should have been her that died at birth, not her brothers. Tears slid down Deirdre's face when her mother called her the northern whore of a lord of a barren wasteland and wildlings. Her mother went on to say that Tywin had sold Deirdre to Ser Thomas for too little, but they had assumed her mother would be able to sell her again before her beauty faded and men no longer wanted her. According to her mother, her marriage to Robb ensured that, no matter what happened to him, her mother would never find another man willing to take her- certainly not Renly Baratheon or one of the Tyrells, as Tywin had planned when he sent her to King's Landing. Any child she and Robb had did not exist to her mother. Neither did Deirdre, from that day forward.

Finishing the letter, Deirdre threw it down on the bed, trying to rein in her tears. Tyrion had told her many times that they continued to hurt her because she continued to let them but unlike him, she didn't seem to be able to harden her shell to avoid her mother's crushing words. She didn't know why her mother hated her so much, or the Starks, other than the fact that they ruined her mother's plans of whoring her out to a richer family to bring under Tywin's control. She assumed it was because Ned had never been intimidated by the Lannisters and that was something Tywin wouldn't abide by.

Deciding she needed a distraction to avoid thinking about her mother's words, she opened some of the trunks. Most of the clothing wasn't suitable for the cold here, but she thought maybe she should keep them for Sansa or Arya. Then she realized that Cersei would make sure Sansa was dressed in the finest if she were to appear with Joffrey anywhere, and wouldn't want hand-me-down gowns for her. Deirdre would give them to the servants. Perhaps they could use the fabric for dresses for their children. She already had a couple of seamstresses making her some warmer clothing so surely the servants could find a use for these dresses. When she opened the final chest, Deirdre stared at the contents with disgust. Her mother had sent her the dress she had been wedded in the first time, ripped from the bedding ceremony, folded neatly on top like it was of importance to Deirdre, instead of a reminder of a terrible day.

Robb came into the room after watching her for a moment from the doorway. Deirdre tried to smile at him and act as if nothing was wrong, but couldn't force the pretense. He came to wrap his arms around her and she let him envelop her in his caress.

"Was it horrible?" he asked of the letter and she nodded. Pulling back from her, he raised his hands to her face. "You're free of them, Deirdre. You'll never be treated like that again." Glancing at the trunks, he asked, "Is there anything you wish to keep? If not, I will have it removed from here so you don't have to be reminded of those people. Besides, I have a surprise for you."

She nodded again and picked the letter up from the bed again. Instead of setting it aside to keep, she threw it in the fire and threw the wedding dress away. She grabbed a few small things from the chests, including a jewelry box from her father that was full of jewelry he gave her as a child, and some small gifts she had been given over her life. But the rest was just a reminder of her mother and her past.

Robb had men remove the trunks of clothing. He then smiled brightly and said, "You'll need to dress warmly. We're going to go riding." Gathering her in his arms again, he whispered in her ear, "Do you need help dressing, my lady?"

Deirdre smiled. Robb had proven to be practically insatiable since their wedding night, but she enjoyed every moment. Sometimes when they were in a room full of people, he'd give her a look that set her aflame and once they were alone again, they would tear at each other's clothes, if they bothered to undress completely. They learned quickly to bolt doors after an incident involving Rickon, his direwolf and two servants chasing the boy down.

Now Robb slowly undressed her, his hands smoothing over her skin. Goose bumps rose in their path, that he trailed after with his lips. He carried her to the bed, laying her naked body down and bending to trace his mouth along the swells of her breasts. Her fingers tangled in his hair with a sigh. She had never known such happiness and contentment in her life. At times, she was terrified of losing it. Whatever her feelings had been for Jon, she was falling in love with Robb.

Robb's mouth moved lower, across her stomach, his tongue swirling in circles against her skin. Her body jolted when he moved his mouth lower still. Their gazes met, his hands moving under her thighs and spreading her legs. When he lowered his mouth to her ridge of sensitive flesh, she clutched the bedding beneath her with a low moan. He alternated between licking and sucking, repeatedly finding new ways to increase her pleasure. Before long Deirdre was whimpering his name, but he persisted until he had driven her over the edge, and she lay gasping for breath.

He remained standing as he removed his breeches, watching her. "You're beautiful," he said.

Deirdre sat up on her knees to help him undress. Robb dipped his head to kiss her throat, then her shoulder, and finally her mouth. She could taste herself, which was strangely arousing to her.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you again," he said cupping her face. "That is my vow to you now."

Deirdre wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded. "Robb," she whispered, struggling with her emotions. "I'm happy for the first time in my life."

Robb smiled, trailing his fingers up her back. "It brings me joy to see you smile."

"And I want to make you happy as well," she answered. "I don't know what I can do to repay you for all that you've given me."

"I'm happy just having you as my wife, my lover, and my friend," he said with a kiss so passionate that it that led to her pulling him into bed and making love to him.

Afterwards, Robb took her to the stables where they had brought a few new horses for her to chose from, his wedding present to her. She ended up choosing a huge red destrier with black mane and tail. Deirdre was an excellent rider who had spent most of her childhood on horseback, the only place she felt truly free. Her new mount warmed to her instantly. She had never felt a horse more fiery and powerful than this one, so she named him Flame Dancer.

After reassuring himself that the Lannister men had already began their return journey west rather than staying in Wintertown, Robb took her for a long ride in the Wolfswood. Robb sat Rickon before him on his horse, as Shaggy Dog and Grey Wind ran free beside them.

Rickon had become increasingly wild and volatile since the others had left. Yesterday, when Deirdre had forbidden him to bring Shaggy Dog with him to dining hall, Rickon had bitten her hard enough to draw blood. Frequently, he would run tearing through the castle with men and maids chasing after him. Even Theon could not seem to contain the youngest Stark without growing frustrated. Rickon would only truly behave for his brother, so Robb spent as much time with him as he could.

"I'm going to speak to my mother tomorrow," Robb said that night as she lay in his arms. "She cannot continue to stay by Bran's bedside at the expense of Rickon's care. He needs his mother."

Deirdre sighed, running her hand down his chest. "He does, but do not judge her so harshly. I can only imagine waiting all these weeks for any sign of her son coming back to her. I'll keep him with me tomorrow. I think it's easier than trying to get him to behave for Maester Luwin."

"She's convinced Bran will wake up any moment. I don't know if I still have faith that he will wake," Robb admitted.

Deirdre was torn. She too had her doubts so she didn't want to encourage him with false hope, nor she didn't want to make him feel he couldn't admit his true feelings without judgment from her. "Robb, only the gods know, but, as hard as it is to say, your mother must go on living for her other children. Maester Luwin is also concerned with the fact she gives little attention to Winterfell. He feels stuck between an absent lord, an inattentive lady, and a son that has not yet been given the all of the responsibilities." He was silent, so after a moment, she turned to see him in profile. "Rickon knows I'm not his mother and you're not his father. At least you're of his blood, which is why he is demanding you. I'll help all I can but I don't want to offend your mother by assuming too much of his care."

Robb nodded and said, "I'll talk to her tomorrow, I promise. Rickon needs you, so don't worry about offending my mother." Turning to look at her, he wrapped his arm across her waist. "I need you, too. I'll talk to Maester Luwin tomorrow about the household issues after I've listened to the men that have come for aid for their houses. If mother cannot do her duties, then it falls to me to do it. But I can't do this alone."

"You don't have to," she replied with a smile, reaching out to caress his face. He had started growing a mustache and beard. He looked older with it, but she thought it made him even more handsome. Since his father had left, he'd been torn between being the lord of the house, a new husband, a brother, and a son. She would do what she could to make it easier for him.

Robb watched her silently for a few moments. Then in a soft voice, he asked, "Do you miss him?"

At first confused, Deirdre said nothing, furrowing her brow at him. 'Him' could mean many men. Then she realized he wouldn't care much about her missing other men, except Jon. "No," she answered quietly.

"You don't have to lie to me…"

"I know. I'm being honest," she replied, then curled her hand around his neck and pulled him closer. "I don't miss him when I'm with you. How could I? You make me happier than I thought it was possible to be."

Robb sat up, crossing his arms and leaning against his knees, staring into the fire. She settled behind him, resting her head on his shoulder, wondering what had prompted this question.

"I feel guilty," he said, his voice so quiet she barely heard him. "I think about him at the Wall and I think of all that I have that he doesn't, what I took from him, and what was never given to him because of me. I feel guilty because I'm happy. He didn't have a lot of happiness, but you gave him that and I took you away."

Deirdre moved so she was facing him. "No, you didn't, Robb. Jon and I… it shouldn't have happened, and it wouldn't have if either one of us had any sense. Before your father saw me that night, Jon had ended it. You didn't take me away from him, because I wasn't his to take. And Jon and I could never have been together. Nor would it have lasted. We're too…we're both missing something inside of us, a sense of belonging, a sense of being wanted. At first it drew us together, but it was also the reason why we could never have stayed together. Because we've never had it, we didn't know how to give it to each other except in…ways we shouldn't have."

Robb studied her for a moment then nodded. "Ways like passion and love…all the things from you that I want to be only mine. I wish I were a better man not to feel jealous of the fact he had both of those from you before I did. I know that something made you choose him before me…" he turned away again. "And I wonder how long before you miss it."

She didn't know what to say to him. He had a right to feel the way he did, but she couldn't change the past. The silence grew tense and eventually Robb got out of bed, opening the top shutters to look outside. Deirdre gave him a few moments, but eventually joined him at the window, wrapping her arms around his naked body. He looked down at her, and his sadness hurt her.

"I cannot change what happened, but I can assure you that I chose Jon rashly. As I said, we were drawn by the need to feel loved, but that's not enough to last. You saw beyond our similarities and came to know me. You saw into my heart in a way that no other has. And as soon as I knew your feelings for me, I doubted my feelings for Jon. Jon loved who I was to him, but never saw who I was to anyone else. You do. Each night when I fall asleep in your arms, sated from your lovemaking, I thank the gods that you're my husband. And you're the only one I want to be there when I wake each morning."

Robb smiled, running his fingers through her hair and lowering his head to kiss her softly, lingering just a moment before murmuring apologies against her lips. She stood on tiptoes to move her arms around his neck. "Robb Stark, I am exactly where I want to be."

"It's hard," he muttered. "I want to share my happiness with everyone, including my brother, and I miss him terribly. But there is so much guilt."

She kissed his shoulder and nodded. "I love the way you're so open with me. I always know how you're feeling. After growing up a Lannister, it's so refreshing. I don't want you to remain silent and grow bitter. Over time, we'll move past this hard part, I hope. What we have is real and honest—the kind of feelings that can last a lifetime, not a few moments of bad judgment. And one day, Jon will visit and he'll see how happy we are and he'll be happy for you because he loves you. But you cannot fill that hole in Jon's heart caused by his childhood. He's got to find his own way for that."

"Can I fill the hole in your heart?" he asked, in a voice so hopeful and unsure that it made her ache.

"You already are," she answered. Her eyes met his, and she smiled gently.

xOxOx

Robb had been meeting with his people all day while Deirdre spent time with Rickon. She had him help her learn her way around Winterfell better, and he insisted on taking her to the crypts.

"Rickon, aren't you scared down here?" she asked him, feeling a chill creeping down her back.

"No. I like it. Why would I be afraid?"

'Because I'm afraid and I'm not a child,' Deirdre thought to herself as she followed him further. He knew the names of each statue, even if he didn't remember their relation to him. Deirdre stopped before Lyanna Stark for a few moments. This was the woman whose beauty was so great that she brought one kingdom down and raised up another. The statue was not as impressive as Deirdre thought it should be, but then how did one immortalize beauty. She couldn't help thinking that Cersei had always been in competition with Lyanna- how could anyone replace a woman whose beauty started a war? Perhaps that was part of the reason her family hated the Starks so much.

"Will Bran come down here soon?" Rickon asked, startling her out her thoughts.

Deirdre studied him for a moment and asked, "Why would you think that, Rickon?"

"I don't. I overheard the men talking in the stables and they said he would die. But I don't think he will." Rickon turned large blue eyes toward her.

She nodded. "I don't think so either. Well, not any time soon. Someday he'll wake up and you'll have to tell him everything he missed while he was sleeping."

"Come see where Robb will be," Rickon grabbed her hand and pulled her further into the crypts. She didn't have the heart to tell him no, but she didn't want to see Robb's tomb. She smiled weakly when Rickon pointed out where the graves of the Stark children would be. Rickon's casual acceptance of death was unnerving and she hoped it was only because he didn't understand it. As soon as she was able, she picked him up and carried him out of the crypts.

"When will you and Robb have a baby?" Rickon asked innocently. "I'm tired of being the youngest."

Deirdre laughed aloud. "Even if Robb and I have a baby, you'll still be the youngest brother and youngest son of Ned Stark. Your mother and father would have to have another baby for you to be the older brother."

"But they won't. He's gone away with Arya and Sansa so Sansa can be a princess and Mother stays only with Bran. Now it's just me, you, and Robb. Even Jon left."

"Rickon," Deirdre began, then sighed. "It's hard to explain, but sometimes families are apart. But it doesn't mean they aren't a family anymore. And your mother is still here. Besides, you and I are already family. When I married Robb, I became your sister. Sometimes family is related by blood, other times by marriage. But that doesn't mean the love is any less. You love many people who are not your family by blood."

"Jon and Robb taught Bran to fight and shoot arrows. Father taught them. Who will teach me if Bran dies?"

Deirdre was relieved to see Robb standing close by the entrance with Theon. He raised his eyebrows at Rickon's question. "Bran isn't going to die, Rickon. And I'll teach you. What are you two doing down there?" he asked, as Deirdre placed Rickon back on the ground. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he launched himself at Robb, who deflected him easily before snatching him up into his arms.

"Your brother was telling me all about the crypts. And teasing me about being scared." She didn't tell him about their conversation, feeling that if Rickon wanted to ask Robb he'd have asked Robb instead of her. Besides, nothing said down there was anything to worry her husband over.

Deirdre watched the boy playing with Robb for a few moments before she left to arrange supper. She felt like she hadn't seen Robb at all that day, which was strange, but knew she needed to get used to him being away from her more; she needed to do her part to help out, too. She'd planned to make up for their time apart at night, though. So she put Rickon to bed personally to make sure he was asleep so he didn't try to creep down the hall to their room, like he did so many nights. She was surprised to hear Catelyn and Robb's voices loudly from Bran's room and worried that they were arguing. Then Robb came bolting through the door after a moment, startling her.

"There's a fire in the library tower. Get Theon and send him outside. Find Hodor and Maester Luwin as well," he yelled over his shoulder, as he ran down the steps two at a time.