YO GUYS! It is I who has a new chappie! And we have got to ten chappies people! TEN CHAPPIES! But my other fic does have 64…BUT WHO CARES RIGHT NOW! Actually, I do care but that is not the point! Shout outs~!
Yuki-shi-chan: Thanks! Wait, your review, it seems familiar…*strokes chin whilst wearing glasses and then remembers I don't need glasses* :)
Soul Vrazy: Awww, compliments for my other fic whilst reading this one! Hurray for random praise XD And the tea we shall battle with ALL THE TEAS OF THE WORLD! MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, this is why you should never give me caffeine in the morning. Or let me have coloring pencils when drawing. Seriously, you don't even want to know what happened *shudder* OMG! COOOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIEEEEESSSSS S! GIMME! GIMME! I want BLOOD flavored ones :3 Just kidding, I want white chocolate ones. It's Bel who wants the blood. Oh and our beloved Tsuna (hearts :3) will eventually show and Elizabeth is not stupid just mentally damaged. I'll explain that later.
ShinigamiinPeru: Purely awesome? Uh, HEL YEAH! *pumps fists in air* Yeah, I would feel sorry for Squalo too being surrounded by all these insane people but…I don't. I mean, who could pity somebody who is in the same group as tons of other sexy guys? *shakes fist at sky* WHY NOT ME? TTATT Yeah and he did break down before along with completely just going crazy himself.
LoStInIlLuSiOn: Yes, Eliza Jr is a very, very, very creepy child. *shudder* Anyhow, CONGRATS FROM COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD! And on a sadder not: NOO! NOT STUPID COMPUTERS! Spanner, do something dammit!*As Spanner walks off* Do you think I'm abusing my power as author? Space princes are cool…sorry, I just imagined Fran and Bel in space and Fran saying 'In space, nobody can hear you LAUGH XD. Yeah, I think that all of them need anger management too. And Levi is just LOL when it comes to him and Xanxus…I just made them sound like they were in a relationship didn't I? Silver long hair wigs FTW indeed! And Fran the frog ninja? XD Yes, Bel, you go faceplam! NOW! Haha, Author privileges…Eliza was bound to be scammed one day and I also dub Fran the 'lying sensitive frog ninja'! Xanxus is just…lol. Elizabeth: what are you talking about? Lupo IS a dog! Me: *shakes head* Hiba-chan…I love you even if you have to gave anger management classes. XD.
Mistress of Madness: NOOOOO! NOT MY ICE CREAM! *snatches away and then sees it had melted and cries but then remembers Soul Vrazy gave me a cookie and eats that instead* Xanxus and anger management ROCKS XD. Hiba-chan is epic too :) And Eliza jr is just creepy. Don't judge her. SO PUT DOWN THE RIFLE DAMMIT BEFORE YOU SHOOT HER INSTEAD OF LEVI! And thank you for pointing out me writing Heleanor. I've been thinking about Strawberries and Cream too much…PARTY? PIZZA? EEEAAAAAATTTTT! Levi isn't immortal? NOOOOO- wait? I don't care! Why am I worried for him? Oh dear reviewer, Squ-chan's always traumatized XD. I sudden have the urge to give you tea because you have an awesome name…wait…OMG, NOT MIND CONTROL! NOOOO! Now Bel, take off another piece of clothing! They sent in a review and you promised you would do it! MUWHAHAHAHA! I really abuse my power as author….
AwSomEnesS: Gah, your story had me giggling for a while and my bro jut looked at me and said 'I think you need help'. He's so nice to me isn't he? XD
Guest: Indeed.
Tenshi–Oujosama: So I have acquired another minion cough I mean, reader. I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD USING BUNNIES AND READERS! You heard nothing…Eliza-chan will meet Tsuna and the others eventually and it SHALL be funny. I demand it so!
Gah! So many reviews! O.o Now, tell me the truth, it was for the stripping Bel wasn't it? WASN'T IT?
Chapter 10: Blood and Monthly's
"DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
Elizabeth didn't even bat and eyelid as slightly charred Levi, once again, was thrown across the dining room table, being careful to lift her mug of tea as he did so, her captain saving his coffee instead. "So I guess the anger management class didn't work," she remarked casually as Xanxus entered the room, fuming. "Oh, good morning boss!"
The man said nothing in response, a normal occurrence, as he moved over to sit on his chair, Levi bleeding to death slowly at the other end of the table. Lussuria then danced in before letting out a shriek of horror. "LEVI! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO BLEED ON THE CARPET! IT MAKES AN AWFUL STAIN!" he picked up the almost dead man and threw him out the window that had just been fixed yesterday (see last Chappie) but (un) luckily, the water fountain was below and he survived the fall. As per usual. "No! He got blood on the carpet!" Lussuria knelt down on the floor. "What have I done to have such disobedient children? WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
"Ushi shi shi~ the perverted freak has finally snapped~!" Bel sang as he leant back in his chair, grinning to himself.
"Don't call Luss-nee a perverted freak! He is our MOTHER!" Elizabeth snapped, smacking his arm lightly. Why lightly? He was her source of income. She did NOT want to be on his bad side. Period.
"He is NOT my mother!" the blonde hissed angrily and hit the girl back. Elizabeth looked at him, her eyes dark.
"Did you just hit me?" she asked in a hushed, dangerous voice.
"You just hit a girl? That's not very chivalrous for a prince. But that doesn't apply to you does it, fake prince-sempai?" Fran said in a completely monotone voice. Cue knives flying through the air.
"Bel-chan! You shouldn't hit girls!" Lussuria took a break to tut at Bel before going back to mourn over his stained carpet. "Especially your sister!"
"She is not my siste-" as Bel moved his hand to point at Elizabeth he accidently knocked over her mug of tea.
Silence.
"MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!" Elizabeth screamed and jumped on Bel, trying to strangle him as the two rolled over underneath the table making the objects that had survived Levi being thrown over them crash onto the floor. "I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU EVEN IF YOU ARE MY SOURCE OF INCOME!" she shrieked in anger. "CRIMES AGAINST TEA ARE FUCKING SERIOUS!"
"ELIZA-CHAN! BEL-CHAN! STOOOOP!" Lussuria screeched. "SQU-CHAN DO SOMETHING!"
"VOOOOII! Why the fuck should I do anything?" Squalo yelled back, secretly hoping the Elizabeth might use her Sei Spade Arte again and, if he was really lucky, kill Bel. The blonde bastard was always dumping paperwork on him! "If you want them to stop then do it yourself!"
"But the carpet needs my immediate attention!" Lussuria pointed to the red stain on the floor. "I'm having friends over later! If they saw this they would think I was a complete SLOB!"
"Go Cute-sempai," Fran, who now had a red flag saying 'Fight' in his hand, cheered in his usual bored voice. Bel rolled over again and tried to pin Elizabeth down so that she would stop trying to tear his hair out. In response, she kicked him in the 'place'. He rolled off her in pain and Elizabeth jumped on him again, her eyes filled with fury as she tried to now break his neck.
"Ushi shi shi!" Bel laughed through gritted teeth. Now was probably the worst time ever to find out that Elizabeth was extremely competent at fighting without weapons as well. The blonde tugged on his lieutenant's long hair violently making her let out a yelp of pain and raise her head quickly, hitting it on the hard wood of the table as she did so. But she did not let go off him and continued her now promising plan of killing her captain. "This seems familiar…" Bel thought, thinking back to when Gokudera and him had fought for the storm ring. And he had won. SUCK ON THAT BITCH!
"Fucking…tea…murderer!" Elizabeth managed to say as she gave up on breaking his neck and instead focused on knocking him out by hitting a pressure point on the back of his neck. Which was extremely hard considering how much goddamn adorable blonde hair he had on his head! Yes, she just called his hair that. As she leant her head forwards past his face, Bel did the only thing he could do in the situation when the girl's body was holding down both his hands and legs. Make use of his beautiful white teeth. "KYAAAAH!" Elizabeth screamed and sprang back from her captain and out from under the table, holding her hand to her neck. "Y-you BIT ME!"
Bel crawled out from underneath the table, glaring at her. "You attacked me peasant."
"I LEVELED UP!"
"You attacked me."
"YOU BIT ME!"
"…Touché."
"DON'T TOUCHÉ ME!"
"So fake prince-sempai is a vampire…(along with Hiba-chan)!" Fran wrote down notes in a notebook he certainly didn't have before.
"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S FUCKING DRACULA, HE KILLED MY TEA!" Elizabeth shrieked and prepared to lung at the blonde again after wincing at the pain in her neck, blood dripping down onto her Varia uniform.
"I don't think that tea can die Cute-sempai…"
"BLASPHEMY!" Elizabeth shrieked and pointed at Fran accusingly. "You dare oppose me? ME? I SHALL KILL YOU TOO IN THE NAME OF THE TEA GOD!"
"There is a tea god?" the boy blinked.
"DO NOT QUESTION ME MERE MORTAL FOR I AM BEING CHANNELED THROUGH THIS GIRL'S BODY! DIE!" she pounced on Fran and punched his frog head numerous times. Of course, Fran invulnerable to pain and thus felt nothing. It didn't stop him from complaining though.
"Cute-sempai, would you stop punching me with the same hand that is covered in your blood? It's staining my clothes…" he muttered in an almost annoyed tone. Almost. Whilst this was going on, Bel had managed to run into the kitchen, heat a kettle, put the hot water in a teapot with teabags, wait for the solution to be completely mixed together, pour it into a mug, put the correct amount of milk in and race back into the dining room without anybody else realizing he was gone. Why had he done this? Although he did admit that he beating Fran to a pulp would be entertaining to watch, Elizabeth trying to kill him very five seconds and shouting tea at the top of her voice was quite frankly ANNOYING. So thus he had downgraded himself to do the simple chore of making tea, SHOCK HORROR, in order to calm down his lieutenant. Simple really.
"Peasant-"
"I LEVELED UP!"
"Servant," Bel forced the tea down her throat and the girl instantly stopped punching Fran.
"Huh? What happened?" Elizabeth blinked and looked at Bel who had blood all over his face from biting her. "Err, captain, you have a little something there…" she indicated to his whole head. She then took another sip of her tea. "Woah this is amazing! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO MADE IT!"
"Ushi shi shi~ The prince did," Bel told her, ignoring Squalo as he burst out laughing.
"You made TEA?" the man asked between chuckles.
"Ushi shi shi~ Got a problem with that?" the blonde faced him, pulling out some knives.
"Captain."
"What? I'm busy?" Bel hissed and turned to Elizabeth who had a serious expression on her face.
"I love you."
Bel fell down comically or was that his lieutenant glomping him? Meh, I dunno…"VOOOOIIIII? What the fuck are you on? (Tea OBVIOUSLY)" Squalo shouted as the blonde tried to get Elizabeth off him again but this time because she was hugging him.
"Marry me! Make me this tea everyday! I have never tasted something so DELICIOUS! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" the brunette yelled, love hearts emitting from her.
"So there are going to be little fake prince-sempai's and Cute-sempai's after all…" Fran remarked in a bored fashion, looking down at his uniform. "Ah, there is blood everywhere. Lussuria-sempai won't be happy…"
"CALL ME LUSS-NEE!" Lussuria shrieked before turning and letting out a scream. "ELIZA-CHAN! WHO GAVE YOU THAT HICKEY?"
"I have a hickey? No wonder my neck hurt so much!" Elizabeth got off Bel calmly and walked up to a mirror in the room the was on a mantelpiece (Lussuria always wanted to see his beeeeeautiful face at all times). "Holy shit! This isn't a hickey it's…it's…A VAMPIRE BITE!"
"I told you he was Dracula…" Fran shook his head at Bel. "To think you were after her blood all this time."
Cue knives flying through air.
"Captain is DRACULA?" Elizabeth looked at the blonde and shrugged. "Somehow it makes sense…maybe its all that tomato ketchup on your face?"
Bel, for the first time in a while, actually face palmed. ACTUALLY face palmed. "Servant, this isn't tomato ketchup," he sighed irritably.
"Yeah, I thought that too. But why do you have strawberry jam all over your face?"
"It's not strawberry jam."
Elizabeth stared at him for a few moments, blankly. "Ah! I got it!" she shouted, clapping her hands together. "Cranberry sauce!"
Silence.
"She's an idiot. A real idiot," Squalo muttered, everyone apart from Lussuria and Xanxus nodding in agreement. Cause Xanxus is cool like that and Lussuria is…Lussuria.
"Oi trash," Xanxus glared at his subordinates. "Where is my fucking steak and booze?"
That breakfast time the Varia guardians and Elizabeth learnt a very valuable lesson: Do NOT under any circumstances forget that Xanxus had needs AND THEY WOULD BE FUCKING FUFILLED!
Bel, whose 'cranberry sauce' had been finally washed off his face, and Elizabeth, whose 'vampire bite' had finally been treated by putting a huge plaster on it courtesy of Lussuria i.e. it was bright pink, stood in the training room, scrutinizing the new storm squad members, the blonde doing an infinitely better intimidating expression than the girl though the fact that she was currently fawning over Cowee di Tempest/ Mary as well. "Ushi shi shi~! So these are the new recruits," Bel said in his singsong voice that alerted Elizabeth to the fact that he was probably going to slit all of their throats open. To tell the truth, she sometimes wondered why he didn't just kill her like he had done to all of his lieutenants so far but Elizabeth being Elizabeth did not dwell on it for too long. Meh, she was insane so why should she think so deep? "I said," Bel glared at the recruits from under his bangs, annoyed they had not made any reaction at all by his last sentence. "So these are the new recruits."
"Sir yes sir!" all of the recruits saluted him making Elizabeth roll her eyes.
"What are we, the army?" she asked sarcastically.
"No ma'am!" the recruits saluted her.
"…Captain, they scare me," Elizabeth hid behind Mary. "Why are they all so in SYNC?"
Bel resisted the urge to hit her again, since we all know how well that went last time, and tell her to at least TRY and make herself sound a little intimidating. She was an assassin for crying out loud and he didn't want his squad mutinying against him because they thought he would be weak from his lieutenant's weird tendencies. Come to think of it, he STILL didn't know why and how she became an assassin. Sure, she had the fighting skills but if Bel walked down a street and saw her he wouldn't think she was an accomplished killer like he had the first time he had seen Xanxus. And, even though he would be able to take down his squad easily if need be, him killing them would result in paperwork. There was only so much Elizabeth would do for him until she stressed out and started shooting her guns everywhere. Amusing, yes. Paperwork, no.
"Did you guys all spend hours perfecting your words so that they were all in unison?" Elizabeth's voice brought him out of his thoughts and he saw through his bangs that she was now riding Mary like a horse around the room to inspect the recruits. "TELL ME THE TRUTH!"
"No ma'am, no!" the recruits replied in sync again.
"I SAID THE TRUTH! THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!"
"Yes ma'am!"
"THEN TELL ME THE TRUTH!"
"Yes ma'am!"
"You know…I think you are a lost cause," Elizabeth sighed and rode back to Bel, Mary mooing with disapproval. Honestly, her box weapon was sometimes too much like her… "Now, YOU OVER THERE!" she pointed at a man who looked skinnier and weaker than the others.
"Yes ma'am!" he shouted, taking a step forwards though it was obvious he was nervous from how much he was shaking.
"Tell me why you want to join the Varia!"
Bel had the urge to knock his lieutenant off her noble steed, notice the sarcasm, and tell her that it was NOT FUCKING TWENTY QUESTIONS TIME before killing her. Well, he mused, maybe not the last since she was rather entertaining to be around and was one of the only people who worked below him that were not scared half to death by the blonde. Maybe he would just set her more of HIS paperwork instead. "Um…to tell the truth I always fancied myself being a crazed gunman," the recruit Elizabeth had questioned answered, a sheepish grin on his face. This statement seemed innocent enough, if not a little silly, so everyone in the room couldn't have been more surprised when Elizabeth suddenly jumped off Mary, charged at the new recruit and knocked him over before straddling on top of him, her guns nobody had seen her get out pointing at the now terrified man's face.
"I will tell you once and ONLY ONCE," she hissed making the recruit gulp from fear, Bel watching on with an interested smile on his face. "An assassin is NOT a crazed gun man. One is a profession and the other is a mental illness. Us real assassins take those who are crazed gun men to dinner. AKA…" the girl leaned closer to the recruit so that her head was right beside his ear, her voice soft and dangerous. "We blow their fucking brains out. Got it?" she looked at the recruit who simply whimpered, not the response she was looking for. Elizabeth raised her head and one of her guns before shooting at the ceiling, the bullet sticking into the wall. "I said GOT IT?"
"Y-yes ma'am!" he nodded furiously and the young woman's usual smile reappeared along with her happy aura.
"Goody good!" she patted his head as she stood up before looking around her, the dangerous atmosphere appearing again for a moment. "Anybody else who wants to become a 'crazed gun man'?"
"No ma'am!" they all replied instantly causing her to put her safety catch on again.
"Hmm, that's good but sort of a shame too," Elizabeth skipped back to Bel as she spun her guns around before putting them back underneath her skirt. "I was looking forward to having some moving target practice."
Her blonde captain grinned widely at her. "So she can intimidate people if she puts her mind to it…interesting," he thought to himself. Suddenly the training room was flung open and Lussuria ran in.
"Eliza-chan! Bel-chan! I heard a gunshot! Are you okay?" he asked them worriedly before spotting the recruit Elizabeth had now permanently traumatized and stopped in his tracks. "Why heeeelllooooo handsome!" he winked at them making the recruit stare, dumbfounded.
"Luss-nee! Don't be unfaithful to Squ-chan!" Elizabeth chided him, Mary mooing in agreement. "Especially now when he is on his monthly's !"
"VOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT ON MY MONTHLY'S!" Squalo roared as he ran into the room, seriously pissed off.
"In that case I sincerely sorry," the girl drawled making the longhaired man blink.
"You are?"
"Yeah, I am!" she smirked at him. "It's starting tomorrow isn't it?"
"VOOOOOIIIIIIII!"
Bel sighed irritably as he and the recruits watched Squalo and Elizabeth bicker, Lussuria now using horrible pick up lines on the recruit.
"Baby, did you just fart 'cause you blew me away!"
Like he said, horrible. The blonde couldn't believe it! (No, not the horribleness of the pick up lines. Well, he couldn't believe that either but ANYWAY!) Just after Elizabeth had completely made the new recruits terrified of her those two IDIOTS had to walk in and completely ruin the whole thing. Sure, they were probably still scared shitless by the girl (wow, so many swear words today O.o) since she had just shown interest in actually killing them all but Bel was all about atmosphere and wanted it to be tense so that the recruits would always feel on edge, the feeling they would get when fighting against a strong opponent with death almost seeming unavoidable. He wanted them to know that he could kill them at any given time if he felt like it. He DIDN'T want them to be influenced by Elizabeth's crazy upbeat insanity . "Servant," he hissed making is lieutenant instantly stop shouting at Squalo and turn to face him, surprised he had suddenly called to her in such a way.
"Yes Captain?"
He walked towards her and placed a knife to her throat, pissed off. "Stop acting like an idiot," he whispered angrily at her before returning to his position in front of the recruits. Elizabeth then stood completely still, concentrating very hard on not being an idiot. After a minute or so, she passed out on the floor due to the fact she had been trying so hard not to be idiotic, she had forgotten to breath. Bel sighed again. Why was his peasant such an idiot even when she tried not to be?
Later
"KYAAAAAAAH!" Elizabeth screamed as she woke up in the infirmary and clung to the nearest thing to her, which happened to be Fran's frog hat that was still situated on the boy's head, squeezing it so tight that the illusionist wondered whether she would make his head explode. Part of him considered doing such a thing to freak the girl out but he decided against it as blood was probably the last thing the nearby Lussuria wanted to see.
"Ah, Eliza-chan! What's wrong?" the flamboyant man asked the girl whose eyes were wide open.
"I dreamt that I was in a world where there was…" she sniffed, her eyes teary. "NO TEA!"
"Tch, you are crying over tea? Pathetic," Squalo muttered.
"Ushi shi shi~ you are insulting the prince's servant again?" Bel asked, getting out some knives. He supposed he should feel slightly guilty for inadvertently making his lieutenant faint from being oxygen deprived but…he didn't. The blonde hadn't asked her to hold her breath after all! But, being the nice prince he was, he supposed he could kill Squalo in her honor. Since random killing made EVERYTHING better. Unfortunately for him, Elizabeth was more than offended at Squalo's comment and threw a mug at him, missing the man by inches. How she got the mug? She keeps a lot of things on her person, including an orange. VITAMIN C FOR THE WIN!
"VOOOOIIIII! What the fuck was that for?" the man hollered as she (no, not Squ-chan) got out of the bed she had been laid down in, her eyes dark.
"You dare suggest tea isn't worth my tears?" she asked angrily and upon seeing Squalo's "well NAH' expression, narrowed her eyes. "Right, that's IT!" she stormed got out a mug from her Varia jacket's magic pocket, Lussuria gasping.
"Eliza-chan! Don't do it!" he shrieked. "DOOOOONNNNNN'TTTTTTTTT!"
"Ushi shi shi~ do it servant!" Bel laughed even though he didn't know exactly what she was going to do. Ah, wasn't he just the most supportive person ever?
"DON'T ENCOURAGE YOUR SISTER BELPHEGOR!" Lussuria yelled, wagging his finger at the blonde.
"Get your finger out of the prince's face or he will bite it off!" he hissed, showing off his brilliant white teeth.
"You better do as he says Lussuria-sempai," Fran warned the man. "He's bitten someone before."
Cue knives being thrown through the air.
"THIS IS THE END!" Elizabeth shouted as she smashed the mug against the bedside table making it jagged and sharp.
"VOOOOOOIIIII! What the hell is wrong with you?" Squalo bellowed as she pointed it at him threateningly. Just then the rest of the mug broke leaving Elizabeth with only the handle in her fingers.
"Meh, I guess guns are good too," she shrugged and threw the handle behind her hitting the waking up Levi who was lying on another infirmary bed, for obvious reasons, and knocking the man out before taking out her guns and charging at the longhaired man…only to retrace he footsteps and look at the bedside table that upon it had a mug of tea which she promptly drank. "The drink of gods!" she then exclaimed as she threw the mug behind her, hitting the unconscious Levi again, blood pouring out onto her face. "RIGHT! NOW TO BATTLE!" she charged at Squalo only to pause again. "I forget, why am I annoyed at you Squ-chan?"
"VOOOOIIIII! YOU IDIOT!" the man yelled but Elizabeth took no notice of his insult and instead looked at Levi, mildly interested with what she saw.
"Who brought him in?" she asked curiously. "I mean, I thought we were waiting for him to die so that his slightly more competent lieutenant could take his place."
"But if boss doesn't take out his anger on him then we will get affected," Lussuria reminded her gently, not the slightest bit concerned for Levi's health. After all, he BLED on his carpet, the ungrateful brat! Honestly, next time Lussuria wasn't going to tell him about which hair products Xanxus used! Because Levi was obviously interested in that stuff. What? HE IS!
"Hmm, good point," Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "After all, why else would we keep somebody who nearly lost to a five year old even if he used a ten year bazooka twice?" she laughed.
"Ara? You know about the ring battles?" Lussuria looked at her, intrigued.
"Well, there's are a file yay big in boss's office and what can I say? Curiosity is my besetting sin," she shrugged before giving Bel the thumbs up. "Since I don't acknowledge Levi as an actual win, you were the only one to beat their opponent. Badass captain, B-A-D-A-S-S. Not that your ass is bad. Sexy," she gave him the thumbs up, Bel laughing at her comment insanely as usual.
"NO INCEST!" Lussuria shrieked as Fran sighed.
"Little Cute-sempai's and fake prince-sempai's…" he muttered. "Annoying."
"So…what happened to the recruits?" Elizabeth asked innocently as she slipped on her conversers that Lussuria had taken off her when he had put her down on the infirmary bed. "Did 'crazed gun man' die a horribly cruel death?"
"Ushi shi shi~ who knows?" Bel grinned widely. "But boss is in there right now~!"
"Oh goody!" Elizabeth clapped her hands excitedly as Squalo stared at Bel with wide eyes.
"You left the shitty boss with the NEW RECRUITS?" he asked the blonde who stopped smiling and cocked his head to the side.
"Yes, why?"
"YOU IDIOT! HE WILL ACTUALLY KILL THEM!" the longhaired man fled from the room. A few minutes later they all heard an explosion and a couple more 'Voi's'.
"What's up with him?" Elizabeth asked Lussuria who shook his head sadly.
"He's on his monthly's."
Extra: Snow White and the Arcobaleno
Once upon a time in a magical land there lived a wicked Queen with beautiful long flowing hair (Squalo: VOOOOIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!). Every day she would walk up to her castle's highest tower in which there was a magical mirror that had knew everything there was to know in the universe along with having a fascination with men (Lussuria: I'm a magic mirror? *girlish squeals*). And everyday the wicked Queen would ask the same sing-song question again and again. "VOOOOIIIII! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
The mirror would then reply. "Oh my lovely Queen, it is you who is the fairest of them all! Apart from me of course! Ohohohoho!"
And so the now satisfied Queen (Squalo: I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!) would make her way back down the tower and spend the rest of her day doing other wicked deeds like trying to kill her husband's manservant (Levi: A fitting role for his right hand man! Xanxus: ...*shoots him*) even though it wasn't really wicked since everyone detested him (Levi: OI!). However one day when the Queen went up into her tower something changed… "VOOOOOIIIIIII! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" the Queen asked the magic object haughtily, flicking her beautiful hair behind her shoulder dramatically.
"Oh my lovely Queen, alas it is no longer you who takes the top spot! A pretty young maiden called Snow White even though she had long brown hair and, oh I say, a tan to DIE FOR! Ohohohoho!"
The wicked Queen, now mad with jealously, called upon her trusty huntsman (Fran: Author-san, are you sure you are mentally stable?) at once and set him a task. "VOOOOOIIII! I want you to take the brat Snow White into the forest and to cut her heart out before bringing it to me! Now off with you huntsman!"
The huntsman, although skeptical about killing the said beautiful maiden (Fran: Do I have to longhaired-sempai? Killing people is such a pain…), agreed upon being offered a vast amount of gold if he completed his task (Fran: Ah, so I am my mist guardian predecessor now?) and set off at once to find the girl named Snow White. Meanwhile the said Snow White was happily singing to birds with her angelic voice as she had her afternoon tea (Elizabeth: TEA? HELL YEAH!). Her singing soon attracted the eye of a handsome prince (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince is trying to sleep servant. Stop that awful racket) and he watched her from afar, captivated by her beauty and voice (Bel: … Elizabeth: Oh, so you think I'm sexy captain do you? XD). He was about to walk over to her and ask her name when another man appeared with a huge axe on his back. It was none other than the HUNTSMAN! The huntsman chatted with the beautiful Snow White for a while before eventually persuading her to take a walk with him in the woods (Fran: I heard there were fairies in the wood who made the most delicious tea in the world. Elizabeth: I'M GOING.), walking deeper and deeper until the path disappeared altogether. The young woman began to feel frightened and was about to flee (Elizabeth: You lied to me huntsman! THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS FAIRIES! Fran: Ah, you just killed one Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: NOOO! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!) when the huntsman grabbed her arm, threw her onto the floor and raised his axe. But before he could complete the deed he saw Snow White's terrified face and could not bring himself to let the axe fall (Fran: I can't be bothered to kill you. Killing people is such a pain…). Instead he placed his axe back behind his back and let the woman run away, not even trying to give chase. Then, as he returned to the wicked Queen's castle he killed a cow (Elizabeth: MARY NOOO!) and removed their heart before continuing on his way. "I have returned your majesty," he told the Queen upon arriving at the castle, offering up the cow heart to her.
"VOOOIIII! Took your time!" the Queen snatched the heart away from him before eating it whole like a snake might have done (Xanxus: Trash that is fucking disgusting. Levi: Boss is right.). The Queen then licked her lips. "Delicious." (Squalo: …No comment.)
In the dark woods, Snow White was still running, terrified of being left alone in the forest at night (Elizabeth: Really? REALLY?). She then came across a beautiful little cottage and, not knowing what else to do, crept inside. Upon entering she gasped. Everything was so much smaller than usual! She had to bend down her head to stop herself from hitting the ceiling as she looked around a little more, going into the quaint little kitchen and dining room before finally finding what must have been the bedroom and, after all the stress of the day finally caught up to her (Elizabeth: Why can't I find you…tea fairies…*faints*), fell asleep on the biggest of the beds. A little while later she heard whispering and a bright light suddenly filled her eyes, waking her up. It was then she saw seven little dwarves, one marginally bigger than the others (Yuni: Ah, so I'm the biggest one! *smiles* Reborn: She's an intruder. We should kill her *points gun at Elizabeth* Fon: Ah, why don't we calm down a little Reborn? Verde: She doesn't look like an interesting test subject…*disappointed* Colonnello: What is she doing here kora? Skull: Ha! A lackey for me? Don't worry, I'll take good care of you! Mammon: I'd better be being paid a lot to do this stupid role… Elizabeth: These guys are…weird…).
"I-I'm sorry for coming inside without permission!" Snow White got off the bed instantly, apologizing hastily. "You see…" the woman told the group her sad story at how the huntsman had tried to kill her and how she had ran into the forest out of fright, not forgetting to mention how she suspected the wicked Queen had a part in the whole thing (Elizabeth: That damn Squ-chan, it was him! I KNOW IT!). The seven dwarves were touched by her sad tale and as Snow White began to cry they told her that they were welcome to live in their home with them as long as she (Reborn: Tutored No-good Tsuna for me. Colonnello: Taught Lal Mirch to be a proper girl kora. Skull: Became my lackey! Mammon: Paid rent.) kept the house clean for them and cooked them meals too (Reborn, Colonnello, Skull & Mammon: DAMN!). Snow White agreed to their terms along with promising not to open the door to anybody. (Elizabeth: …Even the tea fairies? Everyone: Especially them. Elizabeth: NOOOOOOOO!)
So Snow White lived in the small cottage happily and although she was not allowed to open the door to anybody, she often sung to birds through the window, daydreaming about the handsome prince (Elizabeth: … Bel: Ushi shi shi~ so you think the prince is sexy do you? Elizabeth: They are right, bay back IS a bitch!) who ruled a nearby kingdom. But in the wicked Queen's castle, things weren't going as nearly as well as she had hoped. "VOOOOIIIIII! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is NOW the fairest of them all?" the Queen laughed at her mirror, the taste of Snow White's heart still lingering in their mouth.
"Oh my lovely Queen, I told you the answer before didn't I? It is the beautiful Snow White who now lives with those charming seven dwarves! Have you seen that Fon one? He looks EXACTLY like Prince Hibari from a few kingdoms over! OMFG HAWT! Ohohohoho!" the mirror told her making the Queen scream with rage.
"VOOOIIIII! That huntsman tricked me! Honestly, do I HAVE to do everything myself?" the Queen roared before disguising herself as an old woman (Elizabeth: not much of a difference… Squalo: VOOOIII! I AM NOT AN OLD WOMAN! Elizabeth: Denial…) and grabbing a basket filled with apples, one of them having half poisoned. She then went off in search of the dwarves cottage in the woods and soon found it by following the sound of Snow White's sweet singing voice. "My, what a charming voice you have!" she shot a sickly sweet smile at Snow White through the window they were singing through. "That aside, would you like to buy an apple?"
"I'm sorry but I have promised to not open the door to anybody but my friends," the young woman told her softly, nearly making the disguised Queen screech with rage again.
"Oh what an obedient girl you are!" she said instead, still smiling. "Here, have this apple for free my dear, you deserve it!"
Snow White moved to the door and opened it ajar slightly hesitant to take a bite. "If you don't mind me saying, it doesn't look very ripe," she told the disguised Queen quietly (Elizabeth: YEAH! SIXTH SENSE FOR THE WIN!).
"Ah, looks can be deceiving my dear!" the Queen laughed and cut the apple in half and ate one of the halves. "See? It is perfectly fine!"
Snow White, encouraged by this, opened the door fully and took the other half before opening her mouth and taking a bite (Elizabeth: NOOOOOOO! YOU SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOUR SIXTH SENSE!). After a moment she began to cough violently before crumpling down onto the floor, her heart ceasing to beat, her eyelids shut. The Queen laughed evilly before fleeing the scene just before the dwarfs returned. The poor little people were heartbroken upon seeing Snow White's pitiful state for they had become extremely fond of the beautiful woman and her captivating voice. They placed her in a glass coffin with her slender hands clasping a small bouquet of flowers and carried her into the middle of the forest where all the animals who had grown to love her singing mourned for her. The dwarves replaced her bouquet everyday but, much to their surprise, the woman's body stayed perfectly intact, and her rosy cheeks still visible. They were puzzled by this but were simply so happy that her beauty would be eternal they did not question it any further (Elizabeth: I feel unloved somehow…). One day, after the dwarves had replaced her flowers once again, the handsome prince came riding through the woods on his horse and, as if by fate, came across the glass coffin and Snow White. He recognized her instantly and felt pain stab through his heart for it looked as if she must be dead (Elizabeth: You think I'm dead? I'm hurt… Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what else would you be? Sleeping in a coffin? Elizabeth: YEAH! Wait, what?). He dismounted his noble steed before walking over to the glass coffin and pushing off the lid, letting his fingers then caress her cheek, surprised when he found it warm. The prince let his hands trail down to her chest and tried to feel her pulse for if she was still warm then she must be alive (Elizabeth: Captain…you don't grope me whilst I'm asleep do you? Bel: Believe it or not, the prince has BETTER things to do servant *irritated*) but he felt no heart beat, confusing him. He withdrew his hand and looked upon her face again, his gaze lingering upon her pretty pink lips (Elizabeth: I don't like where this is going… Bel: I agree…). Unable to hold himself back any longer, he crashed his mouth against hers, one of his hands entwined in her beautiful long brown hair. After he reluctantly pulled away her, Snow White's bright green eyes flickered upon and took in her surroundings before finally landing on the now flushed prince.
"I-it's you!" she stammered before touching her lips that were now moist and blushing, realizing what must have happened.
"Ushi shi shi~!" the prince the smiled at her and picked her up from her glass coffin in bridal style. It was then there dwarves stumbled in on the two of them and they all rejoiced for their beloved Snow White was alive! (Reborn:*in monotone voice* yay.) It was a miracle! But the handsome prince and beautiful young woman did not stay long for the man soon swung her up onto his horse, promising her a future in his kingdom before asking her to marry him. Snow White, delighted with his proposal, accepted and the two rode off, the dwarves waving their tearful goodbyes. And what became of the wicked Queen? Her husband, the kind, realized what evil she was committing and condemned her to have red hot iron shoes placed on her feet and dance until she is dead whilst wearing them (Xanxus: *smirks* Squalo: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I'M NOT EVEN A GIRL!). Who said that fairy tales weren't gruesome?
Squalo: …Agreed to forget all of this?
Everyone apart from Elizabeth and Bel: Agreed.
Bel: …
Elizabeth: …
Fran: Ah, I think they are broken.
Lussuria: Shame, they were really cute together even if it was incest…
Squalo: VOOOIIII! THEY AREN'T RELATED!
Lussuria: Squ-chan! How could you say that about your children? APOLOGIZE NOW!
Discoabc: Forgive him Luss-nee, he's on his monthly's remember?
Squalo: VOOOIIIII! I AM NOT ON MY FUCKING MONTHLY'S!
Discoabc: Oh yeah…it's tomorrow isn't it?
Squalo: Ugh, I GIVE UP!
Discoabc: Please review and tell me whether I should continue putting extras like Snow White in! And any suggestions for another story would be cool too ^-^
Squalo: Hell no. HELL NO. We are NOT doing that again!
Fran: I thought it was pretty fun…
Discoabc: HIGH FIVE ME BRO!
Elizabeth: Where am I? The last thing I remember was that the tea fairies were after me…
Bel: All I remember is being forced into a stupid fairy tale costume…
Everybody: I think they are happier not knowing…