"You don't have to sing," I whispered to Blaine as he took a deep breath, the Warblers were assembled behind him in their black suits and sombre expressions.
"Yes I do, she loved when I sung to her," he squeezed my hand tightly to say that this wasn't as easy as he was making it seem; he stood in front of everyone and their watery eyes turned to him. "Holly loved music, she loved when Kurt and I sung and I know this is too hard for him but I want to do this for her…"
Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye -
It could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home I'll find you...
He paused and glanced up at me, I had never heard him sing this before.
Dead - Like a candle you burned out;
Spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
Throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.
Sing me to sleep,
I'll see you in my dreams
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Forever's never seemed so long;
As when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you,
But what's left now?
Don't you realize you showed this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending & we let go?
He was so caught up in the song, everyone could see the pain, everyone could see the tears on his face but we were also mesmerized by the power. He had been a rock the week with everything, yes he cried, yes he shook when people asked about him about her but he still went home and told his parents, he still told all his friends and he didn't fall to pieces like I had.
Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
(Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep,
Sing me to sleep...
Sing me to sleep,)
I'll see you in my dreams
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),
Waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
It was raining finely when Blaine finished and my Dad said that everyone could go back to ours if they wanted while Blaine and I took a moment. Holly was buried next to my Mom with a white marble slab, I thought it was just too weird having a headstone that was bigger than the- you know.
"Hey," Santana made me jump slightly as she appeared at my side; she stood silently staring at the stone with us for a few moments before speaking again. "I'm sorry I was so unsupportive, it wasn't my place to judge you guys…" Blaine glanced at me quizzically not knowing where this was going. "I just didn't believe it you know? I just didn't believe that you guys were perfect for each other, I mean little miss uniform over there doesn't even know how to take the subway and the ghost of musicals past here, urgh, just don't get me started." She flashed us a playful smile, God this girl was truly beautiful, even when she was crying. "I've seen so many people have kids when they're still kids because they think that they'll cope, that they're 'in love' and it will be perfect forever and ever and she's barely pushed the fucker out when he skips in bed with another girl. I care about you Kurt, I know I don't show it but you have a bright future y tienes tanto amor," she wiped the flurry of tears with her manicured hand and sighed. "I'm gay," I almost missed it and I wanted her to say it again but this was not the moment. Blaine left my side and went to hers in a flash, I took her hand we hugged tightly.
"You love Brit don't you?" I internally applauded myself for knowing that something was definitely going on with these two girls, she nodded into my shoulder and my heart sunk slightly.
"You're so beautiful Santana, it doesn't matter what you are, someone will love you and your friends will always be there for you, you can't think that we wouldn't accept you?"
"Urgh! I don't wanna talk about, you guys are such queens!" She giggled and hugged us again, then we heard someone approach us, "I'll see you back at your place and… I'm sorry again." She left as my Dad came up to us and glanced down at the two graves, the pain in his eyes nearly made sick.
"You guys can take however much time you need, I just wanted to say that…" He was holding a honey coloured envelope, "I just wanted to give you this; it's from your Mom, she said to give it to you when the time was right… When you needed her most…" He coughed awkwardly and thumbed away some tears as he handed it over, we hugged tightly and he did the same with Blaine, which was a first in front of me. "I'll get going, don't get too down on yourselves OK?"
"What is that?" Blaine asked as my Dad hurried away through the heaving rain.
"I don't know… I think I remember… The night my Mom died, I was too tired to notice what she was saying but this must be it right?" My Mom's cursive writing said my name on the front of the envelope, I carefully peeled it open; my Dad hadn't even tried to open it, the seal was in perfect tact. I began to read out loud:
Dear Kurt,
When you read this I doubt your Dad will have explained anything, he never really was one with words – He told me I smelt like his grandmother on our first date and then spilt a drink over me, can you believe I married him? He's a good man and a perfect father and I hope you see that, I hope that you never grow up and grow away from him because you are his whole world. Make sure he doesn't get lonely, make sure he keeps himself going, he'll make excuses but it's because he's afraid and he needn't be.
Oh Kurt you're so young and I feel so guilty for leaving you behind to face the world by yourself, yes you have Dad but I know it will be hard for you. You probably know by now what I meant when I used to tell your father you were different, I hope you found peace with yourself and that you have beautiful people around you who love you. No man will ever be good enough for you baby boy, I don't care how much his eyes smoulder or how warm you feel when he holds you or how he gives you butterflies. I don't doubt you will find true love, I don't doubt that you will break some poor boy's heart and I hope you never grow out of your perfect naivety when it comes to the way that you steal hearts. I can only hope that you learnt to judge others with compassion and a stern eye, a broken heart is a pain I wish I could keep you from forever but I know that you won't give yourself away. I know that you will respect yourself even when you feel like you shouldn't. Keep singing. Keep smiling. Keep being Kurt.
I hope you don't miss me too much because I miss you more than the world and I know we'll never truly be apart but it's so hard to think that I'll miss so much. That you'll wish I was there, that you'll be so angry at me for leaving you behind and sorry just doesn't seem like enough, I'll send you a sign. I'll guide you through the darkest parts I promise, I can't stop the rain and for that I'll forever be sorry. When you read this I hope that you see that pain isn't something to fear, that it makes you stronger and you shouldn't be afraid to takes the risks that could be the best thing you've ever done.
I love you Kurtsy, I loved you since the moment I knew about you and I will love you until the end of time. You're a star.
Mommy.
Then rain started to pour down harder and harder but neither of us could move; the rain was refreshing like it was reminding us that every storm has to pass. Suddenly the sky flashed and thunder clapped loudly overhead, Blaine jumped into me but I loved it.
"Thunderstorms were my Mom's favourite," I smiled into Blaine's head, "this is her sign," but he didn't reply, he just fiddled with his pockets for a few seconds.
"Well I can't ignore Mrs. Hummel…" He fell to his knees in front of me and produced a black box; inside I saw a glint of silver and diamonds.
"Kurt we've been through, hopefully, the worst and one of the best things in our lives and we're still standing. We're still here, together, breathing and loving each other more and more… Kurt Elizabeth, in front of your Mom I'm giving you my heart and only asking for your hand in marriage." I fell to my knees as well, my legs just stopped working but he caught me and swept me into a kiss, my hands ran through the unruly curls that he had let grow out over the summer and the weight that had been in my chest started to lift.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I love you so much and I promise I'll make it up to you everyday for the rest of our lives," I was babbling now and Blaine just laughed.
"Shut up! You're so ruining the moment!" Our foreheads rested against each other, "this is going to be hard and there are going to be days when it feels like we just want to give up but then we're going to be there for each other and so is your Mom."
We stood up and I started to become aware of how soaked we were; we blew a kiss down to Holly, I read the slab for the billionth time but the dates made me physically hurt, she only had oneday with us, and Mom before turning away so we didn't end up get pneumonia or something. When we jumped into the car I admired the glittering ring and my hand went automatically to my stomach, which was still lightly bulged but that might have been just me, I knew the difference from before. The hot air blasted my frozen face and I shrugged off my wet clothes and Blaine did the same, we glanced at each other with big eyes and wondered; but it was too soon to have sex. I smiled, it was comforting to think about everyday things like that, I felt normal, I felt like I was going to be OK; my thoughts went to the wedding and…
"We can try again," Blaine glanced at me in surprise, "I mean not soon… Just… I want to."
"I want to too, maybe we should get high school out of the way first?" I laughed and tears sprouted forward, I didn't want to go back to school and act like a 17 year old again, it didn't feel right but I held onto my mother's letter and Blaine's hand and my heart started to calm again.
"It's going to be OK."
The end.
Lyrics: Lullabies - All Time Low. Amazing song about Alex's (the singer) brother and it's so beautiful. rip T.E.G.
I hope you're all crying :) I am going to do a sequel so check out of that (I'll post the name once it's up but author alert when you review *hint hint*)
Thanks for reading.