CH 10

She couldn't feel her fingers. She couldn't feel anything. All the color had drained from the world. Kagome stared vacantly at the letter, heart beating as quickly as a bird's.

Sister,

I write with shaky hand in a jail cell. I have been uncovered, and I am imprisoned in jail in the city whilst they rule my sentence. They say it is to take only a week. Only a week in which to make an attempt to escape; but alas, the security is excellent. From the jury, there will be no mercy, I hear. I fear this is the end of the road for me, dear sister, after everything we have faced together. You may never hear from me again, but kami willing, let it be so.

Thinking of you,

-S

Goddamn her brother. Thrice-bedamn him, the fool! He had dug himself into his grave, she knew that. As a spy, he risked his life even more than the average soldier. But she still couldn't leave him to die, not after— -

Kagome crumpled up the paper in her fist, her eyes stinging. Dammit, how could he do this, be so careless, after everything that they had gone through? Why, dammit? Why?

She was dimly aware of the soldiers watching her nervously, but she couldn't give a damn. What did it matter what they thought when her blood brother was on the other side of the border, his neck poised under the guillotine, perhaps literally right this moment? Or… Who knew how long ago this letter had been sent? Perhaps he rested under a sheet of soil even now.

No, she would not think about that. She had to keep hoping, praying, that her little brother would come back to her safe and sound. She had to stare eastward every day, wondering if breath still graced his lips, if blood still ran hot through his veins.

Or she could do something about it.

Kagome reached up and touched her fingers to the hilt of Taka. Maybe, just maybe, she could pull it off. She could go to the East and save her brother. Where was he? A city jail, not the palace dungeons. Perhaps there was still hope.

Souta…

Kagome tucked the letter inside her collar and whirled on her heel. There was no time to lose.

Hang in there, Souta!

-oOo-

Sesshomaru was having trouble with the cocky wolves of the North. How thick could one's skull get, he wondered. Why couldn't those idiots understand that they were better off allied to the West than the East?

Aw, I dunno, old chap, Kouga said in his latest letter. I'd much prefer not to risk the necks of my pack in a dogs' war. We wolves are above such things, see. Y'know, family spats. We actually value pack.

If he hadn't been in a war, Sesshomaru would have been tempted to travel to the East to personally see to the disposal of the mange-bag. And he still was, but he controlled himself. How dare the wolf accuse him of not valuing pack? He simply did not consider the half-breed as part of his family.

Sesshomaru pictured the smirking face of the Cardinal Lord, and annoyance rushed through him at the image. His claws itched to plunge through the fleabag's chest, paint his brown fur with blood. He raised his hand, brush poised, ready to send back a reply that could not possibly contain all of his scorn.

The ink-stained tip wavered as a knock, loud and hurried, reached his ears through the thick wood of his study doors. He took a deep breath. It was the General. What could she want? It had only been an hour or so since their battle; he did not think she would be so eager to see his face any time soon.

"Enter," he called.

Higurashi entered, jaw clenched, shoulders tense. He eyed her warily. What did she want?

"My lord," she said tightly. "I ask permission for emergency leave."

He was startled, but he did not show it. Was she so put off by her defeat that she wanted a leave? No, the General was not the type to sulk. She was like a thunder storm; in one big flash, all the worst was over. She did not brood and snivel like so many demonesses.

When he did not answer immediately, Kagome pursed her lips. She knew it would be hard getting him to let her leave, but then she was only a comrade, so he should be able to release her from duty temporarily. "I ask permission for emergency leave," she repeated.

Sesshomaru frowned. "Explain the circumstances," he said. Her eyes dropped to the floor.

"It's a family emergency."

The taiyoukai raised an eyebrow. "Elaborate."

Kagome could not see a way to avoid this any longer, but she had to try. "Please, my lord," she said, staring resolutely at the cream carpet. "Permission for emergency leave."

"Permission not granted till further information is disclosed," he replied. He could sense this was a topic she wanted to avoid, but he couldn't let his General traipse off to who knows where without knowing the where, why, who, what, and when of the situation.

Heart twisting, she reached into her collar and withdrew the letter. She tossed it on his desk. His eyebrow rose further at this show of disrespect, but he did not say anything on the matter. He picked up the slip of paper and unfolded it. Kagome watched his face, watched his golden irises dart back and forth along the paper as he read its contents.

After what seemed to be an eternity, he set down the letter and fixed her with a piercing stare. "General Higurashi, permission for emergency leave not granted."

She had known this would be coming. "My lord," she began, but he interrupted her.

"I cannot allow my General to take such a risk," he said. "There is no way to know exactly when this letter was sent. Therefore, you are taking a great risk to your safety of being, all for a single piece of paper, the reliability of which is not very stable."

"What are you trying to say? That this is a fake? Why won't you take me seriously?" she cried, snatching the paper from his desk. "This is Souta's writing. I am his sister. I would know such things!"

"What are the chances he would have managed to sneak out a letter? The information he had could have been false, fed to him so that he could report to you," Sesshomaru reasoned. "Or he could have been forced to write this letter. Or- -"

"Lord Sesshomaru," growled Kagome. "Listen to me…please. Whether this information is false or misguided or forced or what, I cannot sit back and allow my little brother to be executed. It is for our sakes that he risked his life, and we must return the favor by at least attempting to save him!"

"General," snapped Sesshomaru. "Listen to me. There is a very small chance that this information is true. Even if it was, we still have no idea whether he still lives or not. There is a miniscule chance that this information is correct, and he is still alive, and you manage to find him and accompany him to safety. And I will not stake the life of the General of my soldiers on such a tiny chance."

"Please, my lord," Kagome ground out. "I must do this. If there is even that small a chance to save my brother… I will take it."

"No, General. I cannot allow you to risk your life on such a venture."

Kagome's lips pulled back in a snarl. "Who are you to control my comings and goings so?"

Sesshomaru's eyes flashed like two disks of the sun. "I am your liege lord. You pledged your loyalty and service to me."

Her eyes narrowed. "Then," she said, frost edging her words with a deadly edge, "I will remove myself from my service to you. If that is what must happen, it will be so."

Sesshomaru couldn't believe what she was saying. "General, you are hysterical," he said firmly. "Retire to your chambers, and we will speak of this again in the morning, after you have rested."

"Souta doesn't have a day," she hissed. "There is no time to lose! I must leave immediately."

He glared at her; she returned the gesture. "I forbid you to leave the grounds."

"News flash," sneered Kagome. "You have no control over me anymore." Her hand reached up to touch the crescent moon emblem on her chest. Her fingers curled around the brooch, ready to tear it off.

Sesshomaru was on his feet in a flash, across the room in less than half a second. He grabbed her wrists, held them down at her sides. Their eyes met, ember-golden and frigid blue. So much passed through the connection; pain, grief, and anger. It seemed to be forever before either of them dared to partake of the air.

"Just let me go," muttered Kagome. She felt so lost in his eyes. She wanted to tear her eyes away from his, but he had her mesmerized.

He slowly released her wrists; she made no movement. Sesshomaru reached out and traced a finger down the curve of Kagome's jaw. She fought back a shiver, and it wasn't one of chill. "General," he murmured, and he stressed the word ever so slightly, as if to remind her that she still belonged to him. "Stay."

She felt like they were spinning in space, locked together by their gazes. The horror of her brother's situation faded away, leaving only a fog of want. "I'll never leave you," she promised, barely hearing herself through the haze of nothing that encompassed everything. "I'll be at your side, forever and ever." No sooner than had she finished speaking, pain lanced through her heart, and a spear of ice broke through the fog. The memories, they were coming back, crawling over her mind, trying to chain her down with their shackles of misery.

Kagome backed away, hand shielding her eyes, as if from a bright light. Nausea rose inside as she struggled to fight the demons of her past.

Sesshomaru was confused. Everything had been so right, so perfect, then everything had fallen away.

"What is it?" he asked as Higurashi backed into the corner, covering her face with her hands. She slid down the wall, her bottom making contact with the carpet. She shook her head.

Kagome managed to shove down the memories, push aside the pain. But the magic of the moment had evaporated, and it was too late to rekindle the spark. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Sesshomaru grasped her arms, pulled them down away from her face. He lifted up her chin, forcing her gaze to his. "There is nothing to apologize for."

"I'm…. so weak."

He shook his head. "No, you are not weak, General. You are the strongest human I have ever met, physically, mentally, and spiritually."

Kagome shifted her gaze to the side, wanting to look anywhere but those supernova-bright irises. "But I keep losing to myself. I keep succumbing to these memories."

"I can help you there." Sesshomaru slipped his hand into hers and pulled her up. "This one can help you with your past. I am here for you." His mouth twisted. "Be here for me."

Kagome shook her head. "No… Not yet, anyways. First, I have to help my brother." She searched his gaze, pleading with hers. "Please, Sesshomaru-sa— -"

"I understand," he said softly. "For you, blood runs so much thicker than water. He is the blood… and I, am I the water?"

Kagome shook her head. "No. You are so much than water. And I…" She lifted her chin, met his gaze squarely, forcing herself not to shake. This was a second chance. "For you… Am I the water, or the blood?"

He brought his face closer to hers, so much closer. Their noses brushed. Nothing in all the world could have caused either one of them to break eye contact at that moment. "Kagome…" he breathed softly. "You are so, so much more than either."

She stared at him. There was such gentleness on his face, tenderness. He looked… almost vulnerable. Kagome closed her eyes. This felt so right.

Sesshomaru knew what had to come next, and obliged very willingly. He bent his head down, cradling the back of her head with his hands. Their lips touched.

Kagome gasped against his lips. They were soft, yet so firm. And he tasted like pure sunlight, warmth seeping into her through the contact. Damn, it felt so good.

Nothing had ever felt so right for Sesshomaru. She tasted of starlight, lucid and clear, and so, so addicting. He explored every last of her mouth with his tongue, tracing each tooth. Her arms wound around his neck, pulling him closer.

Kagome was in a daze of bliss. This is long overdue, she thought hazily. She traced his fangs with her tongue. They were so sharp. It felt so strange, feeling what she had only seen for years; it was familiar, yet not. She lost herself in the ecstasy, running her fingers through Sesshomaru's long, silken locks. They were so soft. How did he keep it so tidy? Her hair was always getting tangled up. She opened her eyes a crack. His eyes were closed. She saw the magenta stripes on his eyelids. Were they markings or eyeliner? She had always wondered. Her eyes slid shut again. Was this how the sun tasted? Fiery hot, at the same time sweet?

The doors opened with a crash, and the perpetually-stuttering messenger stumbled in. His eyes bulged at the scene which awaited him.

Kagome and Sesshomaru broke apart and glared in unison at the intruder.

The poor messenger was quaking in his shoes. Both the General and the Lord were glaring at him…. And what in holy heavens had he walked in on?

"L-lord S-S-S-Sesshomaru," he squeaked. "A-and G-g-g-g-general— -" He got no further.

"Out," snarled Sesshomaru. "Lest you wish your head to be parted from your body. Painfully."

The messenger gulped. The message could wait, he supposed. He fled. He was a long way down the hallway by the time the doors closed on the couple, who had continued their activity with enthusiasm.