Author's Note: I wrote this to "Dynamite Acoustic version by Sigrid" on repeat.

By the time I'd reached the cabin dangling from the side of the snow covered mountain we'd known about since we were children, I was doubting every decision I'd ever made. I'd crumbled in flight, both wanting to turn back to my friends, my family, and to find my own cabin elsewhere so I could also be totally alone.

But to be alone would be to die, surely and slowly.

From the inside out.

And it would start in that deepest part of my broken heart, that part of me that died Under the Mountain. It was the part of me that had learned to participate in cruelty, to use my body for survival, and to lose all sense of conscience in favor of staying alive.

It was a brokenness I knew my brother felt deep down as well.

And that's why I stayed my course until I was face to face with the old wooden door that held my brother behind it. I didn't bother knocking, seeing as Rhys would already know I was coming from miles away. It gave into my touch and I stumbled inside, desperate to warm my tender wings.

Rhys was seated at the dining room table facing the stove. I joined the chair at his side and saw the large crystal bottle of amber liquid in the middle of the table. He didn't look over to me as I sat and summoned a glass cup to match his from the cabinets into my hand. He released a heavy sigh and poured us both a tumbler half full.

The glowing warmth of the whiskey filled my hollow chest and I was grateful for steep alcohol that wasn't faerie wine. I needed something stronger. Stronger than anything that happened Under the Mountain. Something stronger than the years of degradation. Stronger than my hours spent hung from the great hall or naked beneath those not of my choosing. Stronger than every tear I'd banished from my eyes while in that stark hell. Stronger than the endless ache I saw when I looked into my brother's eyes. Stronger than Eris's flame. And stronger than the tug in my gut that reminded me I had a mate in love with a human.

Rhysand poured me another glass. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. With two fingers, he rubbed his eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. "I feel like," he started, but paused to finish his glass. I idly wondered how many he had while finishing my own in heavy gulps. "I feel like I don't belong in Velaris anymore," he said finally, his voice cracking.

He was crumbling just like me.

I tried to think of what powerful, encouraging words Mor would give him in this moment. Or maybe the way Amren would kick his ass for saying that or the jokes Cassian would tell him to force him from his slump. But this was not just a slump.

"I hated the way my feet fell on the front steps of our townhouse. The second I saw the sun shining and heard laughter - real, actual laughter…" I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, suddenly needing to twist the long strands of my cold, damp hair. "I was glad to be flying in so much pain through the sleeting snow of the mountains to find you. I was more comfortable killing myself out here alone than to bear the openness… The warmth."

His face was twisting, rolling and roaring through emotions and I felt the weight of heavy on my chest. "I just want to be okay," he whispered.

I moved my chair over next to his, pulling my refilled glass along the way, and when we were side by side I put my head on his shoulder. "It will take time," I told him as he set his head on top of mine. "And I don't think we will ever be the same people we once were… But these wounds will heal. We will become something else."

"I've let them all down," he said, his voice a small tear in the silence.

"No," I said. "If there is one thing that I'm sure of it is that you've saved them all. Velaris stands because of you."

His hands reached for mine. "But I couldn't save you."

My eyes fell shut. "Maybe," I paused sucking in a breath. "Maybe I was meant for this fate."

I could feel his face twitch above mine. "You were never meant to be raped and tortured for decades."

"But I found my mate."

He scoffed a laugh. "You want me to believe that all the things we went through was just for a mate?"

"Do you still feel her?" I asked, threatening our closeness. I hoped I hadn't crossed a line.

He stiffened, but said nothing unwilling to give me information I did not already have.

"I know she's your mate. I know we both found our mates Under the Mountain and I know how it pains the males more than the females to be separated from their mate. You could have claimed her then, you know?"

He lifted his head. "I'm not going to force the bond on someone."

I gave him a questioning look.

"She's in love with him. I can't just rob her of that."

The quiet surrounded us again. I wasn't particularly excited to ponder what my mate might be doing right now with my brother's mate, but I couldn't ignore the tug in my chest, the need going unmet.

"What do you think Tamlin is going to do?" I asked finally.

He turned to meet my eyes. "I'm afraid he's going to hurt her beyond repair whether or not he claims you. And I am terrified he will claim you, break you, and take you away from me."

I put a hand on my brother's face. "Rhysand, I cannot be any more broken."

His forehead fell onto mine softly.

"They're here," he whispered so softly it was only a breath.

A gentle knock sounded against the old wooden door before it opened hesitantly to reveal our inner circle. Our friends. Our family. Amren shoved her way through the Illyrians until she was a few steps from me and for the first time I could think of in fifty years, a genuine broad smile stretched across my lips. I stood and approached her slowly, holding back the flood of emotions I'd surely suffocated the others with. She took the last few strides and engulfed me in the largest hug I'd ever seen her participate in.

"Amren," I sighed. "I missed you."

She said nothing back but squeezed me tighter before finally letting me go and taking a step back to give me some space.

I turned and looked to Rhys. "I want to tell them everything. They can help us."

I hadn't noticed how ruddy he looked, his eyes red and face splotchy. He looked to our friends and cast his eyes down before giving me a nod.

I looked to the others, but before I could launch into our story I noticed a roll of parchment in Mor's hands. She saw my attention and looked to Azriel before meeting my gaze. I didn't have to say anything before she approached me, the letter in her outstretched hand.

"This was delivered to the Court of Nightmares."

I took the letter in my hand as Rhysand stood behind me, coming to read over my shoulder.

High Lord of the Night Court,

I invite you and your sister to my home for a visit in your honor in hope of an alliance after all these years. If you wish to bring others, notify me before your arrival.

High Lord of the Spring Court