Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice.

Chapter 10- Atonement

Flashback 3 years ago

Snow. It makes me feel restless.

I was staring at the window, watching snow drop on the already snow-filled ground. I laid a bundle of paper in the desk just left of the window and yanked a blunt pencil that laid in the window sill. I didn't bother to get a sharpener it because I could already foresee that I wouldn't be able find one in my messy room. I haven't cleaned it since Natsume left, but I liked it better that way. More than anything, I hated change. Or more specifically, I hated anything that reminded me that he was gone. It had only been a fortnight since he had left, but I already missed him.

"Jii-chan, any messages?" I asked as I was drawing a picture of an enormously huge Christmas tree that had about a thousand tiny Christmas balls. It looked funny, but I liked it.

"Not today. There wasn't any this week either," he added, as I opened my mouth to ask another question. I bent my head down to concentrate on my drawing, but my mind wandered off in the memory of the brutal 2 weeks that had passed.

2 weeks before

We finished hanging out today, and we were going home. It was 9:00pm now. The teasing had died off. We were both very quiet. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. The pathway was rocky, but it was a shortcut home. We lived next to each other for as long as I could remember. We were practically neighbours and a step away from each other's house, although I was never really bothered about that fact. When I realized the crunching noise beside me was gone, I stopped to look back.

"If I'd leave, you'd understand, right?" Natsume suddenly asked.

I almost stumbled in shock.

"Where did that come from?" I nudged. The thought of Natsume leaving? it was unbearable enough hearing it happen.

We usually teased each other and he annoyed me, but the topic now had an air of seriousness in it.

"... If... Maybe I'd understand if you'd give me a good reason. If you'd write to me everyday," I said with a smile.

He was still quiet. I was expecting him to say something more, but he didn't.

"Are you really leaving?" I asked, already in the verge of tears.

"Look at you... smiling one moment and then crying the next. Women," he muttered.

"Hey, I was just trying to lighten thin- Wait- You didn't answer my question," I pointed out.

"It's nothing. Just… Forget it," he said briefly, looking away. It was clear he didn't like to talk about the topic.

"It's nothing," he said, continuing to walk on the rocky path.

"If I ask you to stay, would you?" I challenged. Another short pause.

"I'll do whatever's possible," came his reply. Short and sure, but not making any promises either.

"Don't leave," I whispered, low enough only for Natsume to hear.

Next morning

It was a bright and sunny morning. My eyes were still tired, having slept late trying to figure out a puzzle Natsume gave me before I went to bed. It was 11:50pm already when I decided to leave all the work to the computer. Who in the right mind would leave an anagram to someone before sleeping anyway? I quickly checked the site with the anagram solver, and I patiently waited for the page to load, already hungry. Ah.. Here it is:

Good-

stopped short, mouth wide open. No. No. He did not just ... In a form of an anagram? I was too sleepy last night to figure out what any of it meant, but now it was perfectly clear.

Goodbye.

I don't have anything else to say-

Don't have anything else to say? What does he mean he doesn't have anything else to say? He has a lot to explain! Angrily, I went back to reading.

– but I couldn't figure out a way to tell you and you wouldn't yell on the top of your lungs or stop me from leaving. A puzzle is the best way I figured would buy me more time- don't be offended, though. I hope you understand.

He did have a point, but.... he could've at least given a decent farewell...Then finally, there were the

last 3 words, which I could already decipher: In the door.

I skipped on breakfast today to check what exactly was on the door- whichever door it was.

It turned out to actually be the very main door. In the vase next to the door, was

a beautiful stone...

-,-,-,-,-,

I stayed there, feeling the growing fear and worry that he had left me. I checked on his house earlier, but the neighbors said they moved. I didn't understand how it could come so sudden.

"But he was here last night... He was just with me..." I wanted to yell out.

But everyone said the same thing. "You've got to accept that he's gone" or "Didn't you know? I'm so sorry", looking at me with pitiful expressions. From that day on, I prayed he would return.

Back to 3 years ago

My drawing was finished. I didn't speak another word after; it became a habit of mine. I began coloring it now, in pink, in purple and in every other color of the rainbow.

"What is that?" Jii-chan asked, admiring the blend of colors.

"This?" I smiled broadly. "This is hope," I said excitedly.

Within that moment, like an answered prayer or a blessing from God, an envelope was slipped under our door.

Back to Present

I was sitting down in a chair now, my head hurting, thinking of the past.

That envelope had a letter from Natsume, and I wasn't able to read it. That day was a blur in my memory. However, one thing remained engraved in my mind: The letter was burnt.

It was a big accident. My grand father had a habit or burning letters he didn't need, and because I tactlessly left it in the table, I almost died right when he told me: "I'm sorry Mikan, it's gone." Night and day I wondered about the content of the letter. What was in it? Did it have reason he was gone? Did he leave his contact address? Each day, like a child waiting for a birthday present, I waited for a letter. Each day, too, I'd feel disappointed, because none came. He never contacted me.

Ever. Just a one-time letter, never bothering to contact me again. Maybe that was what he intended to say in his letter- That he didn't care anymore. Aside from that one letter though, I didn't hear anything else from him. I mean, one letter was hardly anything.

Change was now something I enthusiastically let in my life. I sort of got sick of such a repetitive sight and routine that I decided to enter Alice Academy as well as re-arrange furniture my room, albeit 2 years late. However, it seemed that when I finally wanted change, that was when Natsume appeared.

Changes that filled the time gap. As if there were no changes at all.

Things were just happening so fast. Within a blink of an eye, suddenly, the world that used to be huge and unfamiliar to me, suddenly turned small. Like all this time, it had already had some extra space just for me. It just took me some time to adjust to that space that I wasn't used to.

I stood up, from my seat in my room, having enough of thinking of the past.

Dammit. This was the future, and I accused him of changing – for all I knew, maybe the letter was an apology or an explanation... I knew at once that I had to see Natsume. Class suddenly felt dull; boring. I didn't want to go back to class, especially in the class where I had the risk of getting zapped by Jinno-sensei.

"Sumire, did you see Natsume?" I asked, before getting to my seat.

"You're asking me? Who's the one who was friends with him 3 years ago? Wait a minute, didn't you two just fight?" Sumire asked.

"Never mind," I said irritably, finding another person to ask.

"Ruka-pyon. Did you see Natsume?"

"Didn't he tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked, puzzled.

"He left for his mission."

I sat down, frustrated.

"When is he coming back?"

"Don't worry, he'll be back soon," Ruka said gently.

"Can you tell me if he gets back?"

"Something you want to talk about, Mikan?" came Koko's voice.

Instantly, I blocked him using my Alice. Can't a person have a little privacy around here? It was bad enough he read my mind most of the time.

"Aw, Mikan, that's not fair. I almost got what you were thinking..." Koko said, clearly disappointed.

"Koko, forget it," I said firmly, annoyed.

"So that guy left, didn't he?"

The voice behind me was cold and familiar, although I couldn't remember exactly where I previously

heard it...

"Better for him to not even come back," he continued. Then, I saw him. He was seated right at the left hand side of the room, at the very back.

I gasped in recognition.

"You're that guy from class! The one who had a fight with Natsume!"

"Hey, that wasn't my fault. That guy attacked me. I'm the victim here," he said, smirking.

"And to think I'd get such a reaction, when all I did was say that he was the cause of making girls cry."

I frowned.

"Is that all?"

"I could tell you, but... What would I get in return?"

Hotaru cleared her throat, making her presence known. Almost out of thin air, she drew out a weird gun out and pointed it directly at him.

"Well, let's just say... your safety. Or maybe even your life," Hotaru said.

If I knew any better, that gun could take out 10 guys out in one blow. Hotaru's inventions that resembled any sort of weapon were always100% dangerous.

He gulped- which was wise of him, actually. Anyone who even tried to act confident would get dispatched.

"W-well, I also mentioned the fact that whoever the girl who had the special 'privilege," he said using his hands to show quotation marks, "to call him by his first name was an idiot for just not getting together with him and they can have a happy ending and all those girls wouldn't cry for absolutely nothing. Heavens knows who that girl might be," he chuckled.

If Koko was right, that idiot he was talking about would be me. I frowned.

"What else?" Hotaru asked sharply. Immediately, the amused expression he wore disappeared.

"I was just- uh- talking about... you... and, well, let's just say it was around the lines of... unpleasant," he told me, head bowed down.

"Exact wording, please," Hotaru said, glaring.

"Okay, okay! I said.. "Hey man, look at that chic there, I'll betcha I could let her become my girlfriend in less than week", and then they all made bets and then they said 'but what after, then?", and then let's see.. I uh... I said, 'I'll go dump her, who cares' and then lightning fast, that guy burned my hat like he was about to kill me. God, I was so pissed," he spoke all that so quickly, but I understood.

"You we're just going to... 'dump' her?" Hotaru inquired, eyebrows raised. He guy looked horrified, I even felt sorry. I could understand, of course. Hotaru's unreadable expression, I perceived was more than scary, if not threatening.

"It was just a jo-"

BOOM.

Through the thick smoke, I couldn't see much. I could hear the yelp and struggles of the poor guy. There wasn't much people in class; most people were running late. Others were confused and tried to see through the smoke.

"Hotaru, what are you-"

"Doing more than that Hyuuga did, obviously."

-And that was all it took for my focus to return back to the turn of events that had happened recently:

"...Can you just tell me why you attacked that guy?"

"You don't need to know," he said coldly.

"Why not? You used to tell me everything. You probably just attacked him for some pointless reason-"

"You don't have to know everything."

I assumed he attacked the guy for a pointless reason, which wasn't true. How irritatingly accusatory ofme lately. Actually, I thought it was kind of sweet of him to do all that for me. I didn't seem to be sure about anything lately. I know I'd have to wait for days until he gets back- if he gets back (although I try not to ponder too much about that one).

-Looks like I have a lot to apologize for. Guess I'll just stay guilty the whole week.

Probably the longest time I didn't update. I guess I could've done that sooner, but I was busy the past few days.

Hope you enjoy the chapter.