Project ID: Bottles of Summer
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X, or Final Fantasy X-2.
Commercials: I should just get rid of this section, huh…God, I hope I don't go into advertising.
Author Talk: Hi, reviewers? I just wanted to say that I like you guys. You're all so...grammatically correct. Wow, that's like the lamest compliment ever. Grammatically correct? What I meant to say is that you're all sexy.
Prompt Used: Sandman — #28

"Yuna, do you think Maester Seymour is sexy?"

Yuna made a little noise. Like she was attempting to cough up a hairball.

Rikku sighed dreamily, "Yeah, I think so too."

Yuna floundered. Rikku put her hands over her cheeks and did a little skip, popping up one heel and giggling.

Yuna responded by choking to death, her tragedy unnoticed by Rikku's vapid infatuation. And thus ended her pilgrimage.

"Oh my god!" Rikku yelped, and sat up so quickly upon awakening that she smacked her forehead into an icicle and fell back to the ground, curled up and wailing. Everyone else was far too used to this to particularly care.

"Nightmare?" Wakka asked. Rikku got to her feet and ploughed past him.

"Shut up, Wakka. I have to go find Lulu's fabulous knockers and relearn what sexiness is, because my current idea is wrong."

Wakka didn't ask.

But he did make fun of her.

And she was just about to make a totally killer retort when Seymour's creepy smile slid past her mind's eye, and then she just wanted to die. "I'm sorry, Tidus!" she wailed, and went to find Lulu.

What she ended up with was Yuna.

And that was just not cool at all. But it was okay! Because Rikku was stealthy.

"I had this dream where I thought Seymour was sexy and you died," Rikku blurted. It was an evasive maneuver. It really, really was.

"Oh." Yuna said after a pause. She nodded hesitantly, "Well, I'm not…dead. So that's…that's good, yes?"

"Of course!" Rikku hastened to agree, "And your breasts are lovely Yunie, but I feel like Tidus already checks you out enough, and if both of us do, then you might get all stressed out."

Yuna's mouth hung slightly open.

"Don't worry," Rikku said earnestly, and grasped her cousin's hand tightly, "The situation is under control. Where's Tidus?"

Yuna very obviously did not want to tell her. Rikku mentioned just how many abs the Maester had, and Yuna pointed.

It occurred to Rikku as she trotted away that Yuna was sort of potentially engaged to Seymour, and maybe she ought to have been more sensitive.

But.

Well.

Seymour was so old. It was like lusting after Auron. Only Auron with blue hair. Who was creepy.

And Auron was hotter anyways.

AND SHE DID NOT JUST THINK THAT.

"Rikku," Lulu stepped out of the surrounding blizzard, her arms folded, "Fiends eat girls who sit around disrupting the peace."

Rikku stopped screaming.

Yeah, she probably should have gone to Tidus.

"I humbly apologize for disrupting the peace," she said, as formally as she could manage, "I beg your forgiveness and permission to—to proceed with. Um. Line?"

Lulu calmly walked away.

Rikku thought this meant her life was spared.

Also, whoever had invented show deserved to be shot.

She made a tiny snow man as an apology, then hastened to find Tidus in all of his tanned glory. Tanned unattainable glory. Seriously, Yunie was just snarfing up the guys left and right—first Tidus, then Seymour—

AND THAT WAS PERFECTLY OKAY, BECAUSE IT WASN'T AS THOUGH RIKKU HAD ANY INTEREST WHATSOEVER IN THAT EXTREMELY CREEPY MAN.

Rikku hustled along, heartened by the blond tufts of hair poking out of a snowdrift. She stuck her hands in and tugged Tidus out, fingers wet and burning from the chill.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Wallowing," Tidus said. A bit of snow slid down his nose and dripped. Rikku was respectfully silent and understanding for about two seconds.

"So anyway, I had this dream wherein Seymour was sexy and Yuna died."

"I'm going back to the snow pile."

"It's okay, Tidus," Rikku patted his shoulder, "I'm rooting for you. We're bros, right?"

"Uh."

"Right." Rikku nodded firmly, and in true brotherly fashion, slung an arm over his neck and leered, "So how far have you gotten with Yunie, huh?"

Tidus looked petrified.

"Come on, you can tell me," Rikku beamed. Tidus shifted.

"Rikku."

"Yes?"

"Why are you acting like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like a deranged old man."

"I'm approaching you in a manner reminiscent of Wakka!" Rikku announced, and was so proud of herself for throwing the word reminiscent in there that she gave Tidus' broad shoulders a squeeze.

Tidus paused, "Wakka doesn't act like that."

"Auron?"

"Would never be discussing this with me."

"Kimhari?"

"Maybe Seymour."

Rikku joined him in the snow drift.