Chapter 10:
Riven and Irelia were largely left alone over the following days, waiting for LeBlanc's signal to go ahead. Katarina was far from interested in interacting with either of them and the pair were grateful for it. Irelia had mostly been flicking through some of the books left in the room, most likely just to store them somewhere out of sight since no one used the room typically. Eventually some of the books written in the native Noxian language piqued Irelia's interest, she was in Noxus after all, even if she couldn't go anywhere to actually look at anything she could still find out some new things about where Riven was from.
"Do you think you could read some of this to me?" She turned to Riven, book in hand. It looked like it was some sort of book of fairy tales to Riven but she couldn't be sure.
"I could barely read Noxian before now and I haven't had any practice with it since I left but I can try." Riven had never been taught the common tongue barring the most basic of military terms and had barely received teaching in Noxian for her reports to High Command before she left Noxus, she didn't think she would know enough to really understand the book herself let alone explain it to Irelia but the captain seemed interested in learning more about Noxus and where Riven was from and she wasn't going to say no to that.
Riven laid herself down on the bed and Irelia climbed in beside her, resting her head on Riven's chest as Riven began to flick through some of the pages. She squinted, concentrated and tried her best on trying to figure out what the story was about. All Riven could discern that it was a tale about a male who supposedly lived centuries ago and slayed a Demacian king.
"Sorry, I can't read it. I wish I could, it probably has some good stories in there. I wish you could hear them." Riven looked away, feeling disappointed with herself, she had let Irelia get excited about hearing something from Riven's culture.
"That's okay. I should have known before asking. Maybe we should bring that book and some others back to Ionia so when we're staying there after this we can keep working on your learning to read, if you're going to be Grand General, you're going to have to know how to read and write in Noxian." Riven let out a slight sigh, being grateful for Irelia's ability to solve problems and make Riven feel comfortable with herself even when she felt she hadn't lived up to expectations.
"You don't think Katarina would notice if we stole some?"
"Probably not, most of these books are covered in dust. I don't think she's the type who reads much anyway." Irelia chuckled to herself, happy with her small dig at the assassin before her demeanour changed, becoming more serious. "I know you haven't wanted to talk about it since the Institute and since you gave your testimony to help stop Noxus' invasion of Ionia but I want to know what happened to you in the war. Could you please talk to me about it? I do worry with all of the nightmares sometimes." Irelia ran her hand up and down Riven's upper arm affectionately, trying to show she was asking out of worry and not nosiness, trying to make Riven comfortable enough to finally share more detail with her.
"You already saw everything from my eyes when I gave my testimony, I don't think me retelling it to you would be more accurate or helpful in anyway." Riven rebuffed her, not wanting to speak about her feelings, she knew the Ionian had good intentions, she always did but Riven couldn't open herself up to talking about that without breaking down. She knew Irelia was asking because of where they were and what was about to happen, she wanted to know more about Riven in case anything happened, she wanted to understand the exile more.
"I know. Of course, I know what happened but it's not the same as understanding your perspective. Riven, I love you, and it makes me worry to know you're bottling it up inside and then not sleeping or having horrific nightmares."
"I don't think you could understand the guilt of murdering innocent people or letting innocent men who trust you to lead them die in front of you before you escape with your life. I may have been seriously injured by what happened, but I deserved to die." Irelia let out a small, anxious sigh at the sound of those words coming from Riven's mouth.
"You still believe that? That you deserve to die?"
"Karma and the other Elders should have chosen to execute me. The only thing keeping me together is you, Irelia." Riven said as she ran her fingers through Irelia's soft raven hair, curling it around her finger tips. "If you won't kill me, I won't take my own life, I'm too cowardly for that but I still think I deserve it, my nightmares remind me of that most nights."
"I hope we can change that, do you think fixing Noxus will help you move on? Do you think setting Noxus on the right path so the Ionian invasion can never happen again will solve the problem of your guilt?"
"I don't think it ever will, the only thing that eases my pain is you." Riven said, pressing her lips to the top of Irelia's head.
"I'm glad to hear that there's something, even if it's only a little and it's just me. I hope we can change that, I hope that you're wrong about yourself."
"Maybe I am, I hope so for you. I can't imagine you would want to be with someone so miserable for the rest of my life." Riven had wanted to say the rest of Irelia's life but she knew deep down that Irelia couldn't die from natural causes the way that Riven could, even if they had never really said anything about it out loud, they both knew that Irelia would out live Riven by a long time. She figured this moment of vulnerability was the best time to speak about it finally. "When I die, I want you to move on, okay? Don't spend your time being miserable over me. You're going to be young forever, there's no need for that." Irelia looked up at her and gave her a sour look, clearly disliking the idea of Riven ever dying (even if it were of natural causes) and her out living the exile.
"Never. I couldn't do it." Riven let out a light chuckle at that, knowing that she had angered the captain by suggesting that she wasn't worth spending time grieving over.
"I just won't die then."
"Good, I would be extremely angry if you did." She offered Riven a slight smile before resting her head back down on Riven's chest, the exile's hand returning to Irelia's hair.