~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~CHAPTER TEN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first I couldn't move, not with Jacob leaving things like this, not with him being so absolute about things, thinking this will make me change my mind. He's so determined with his hopes being set so high. That's what is really going to crush him and he's already hurting badly as it is. What is it going to do to him when things don't turn out like he expected? But did I make the right choice? Michael is who I'm with now… is it someone I want to actually stay with?

I steadied myself on the tree for a few minutes, ready to cry. I sucked it up. I put one foot in front of the other quickly making my way out of the forest, to go back to the bonfire.

I need to pretend like everything is okay while out there. I need to just have a good time or act like it that is.

The few minutes it took me to get out of the forest felt like forever. I slowed down when coming close to being visible and then walked human speed the rest of the way out, finding the fire set low. There was no one to be seen, but Michael who held a stick in his hand, poking at the fire.

I checked my watch, twelve-ten.

I felt nothing, only guilty.

The images of what had happened in the forest slid through my mind, playing over and over making me want to tell Michael everything. I was just afraid to hurt him. He would never be able to stand to be anywhere near Jacob if he knew what happened. It's bad enough Jacob acts the way he does towards Michael. Things would only be worse if Michael were to act the same way back. Would Michael even stay with me if he knew? I really don't know. So is it even fair for him not to know?

I put on a smile like planned, pretending everything's okay. He finally looked up to see me and then his whole face light up. "Renesmee, what happened?"

That is something that I couldn't answer with complete honesty. "Jacob and I talked..."

"So where is he?" He got up, tossing the stick in the low fire as he made his way over to me.

"He left." I decided to keep my answers simple.

"Is everything okay?" Michael wrapped both of his arms around me for comfort as I leaned my head against his collarbone. "We can talk about it if you want. You know I'm here for you."

I nodded. "Everything is fine... I'm just tired."

I stayed in his arms as he held me. He didn't know it, but being with him right now did help me… just a little. I felt completely selfish getting comfort from someone who I betrayed. How can I do this? I'm having doubts. Even if it were the other way around with me in Jacob's arms wouldn't I still be thinking the same thing with the: what ifs?

We stood here for about two more minutes, holding each other. I started to feel cold and then kept wishing Jacob would be here right now instead. I wouldn't be so cold or alone – no, how can I think that? Michael is the one for me... he is. Maybe Jacob is right, him and I need time apart. As much as I don't want to be apart from him maybe it will help him realize that we aren't meant to be.

Imprint or no imprint . . .

It was a silent ride to his house, both lost in our thoughts I guess. I pulled into Michael's long driveway, his house appearing with the light post shining brightly to greet us.

I pulled up to his house, the car coming to a complete stop.

"Do you want to come in for a little?" I heard him ask.

I turned to look at Michael who looked hopeful. As much as I really feel like being alone right now, I want Michael to be happy and after not spending time with him at all tonight, I owe him. I staying over for a little bit will obviously make him happy.

"Yeah, I could stay." I forced a smile as I unsnapped my seatbelt, us both climbing out of the car. My eyes started to sting from the tears that wanted free, though I continued to force them back as we walked up the porch steps and through the front door.

I could barely see anything. The inside was dark; the only light that shined in was the one from the front yard that shined through the windows. I almost stumbled over a rug making my way over to the doublewide doors in the darkness. Michael grabbed hold of me, helping me balance.

"You okay?" he asked as I felt him still hold me around the waist.

My cheeks warmed. "Yeah."

"My dog sometimes messes with the rugs." he explained.

"It's possible it was me." I mumbled. "But you have a dog?"

"Yeah Diamond – come on this way." he said, then led the way through the doublewide doors as he still didn't let go of me and then we instantly came to a stop.

"Now you can make it to the couch without killing yourself, right?" He joked.

I pushed him playfully on the shoulder, trying my hardest to not to be too rough. "I'll manage."

As soon as I sat on the couch the lights flickered on. I closed my eyes to the brightness, getting my eyes to adjust as Michael came to sit next to me, his hand wrapping around mine and then kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Where's your mom?" I asked curiously, glancing around for any sign of her.

"Probably out at a party or something."

"Oh..." I turned to look at him as a smile started to tug at the corners of his lips. "And your sister?"

"Have no idea. Do you feel uncomfortable being here?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No not at all. I'm fine, why?"

"I was just making sure." He said, lifting his hand up to my cheek as he began stroking it. "The most important thing is that you're comfortable."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lay back, pulling me on top of him, feeling my sandals slip off onto the tile. My hands slid away from his neck as I placed them on his chest, against his blue collar shirt. My lips overlapped his for a few moments and then pulled away, resting my head on his chest.

"Now I'm comfortable." I whispered.

He chuckled. "Good me too."

For some odd reason I felt really wrong. I felt as if this isn't right at all, as if I were cheating on Jacob. I'm cheating on no one right now, I reminded myself, just... why do I feel that way? Like this isn't supposed to be? However I did cheat on Michael earlier which didn't help me at all. That made me feel sick.

I pulled out my Blackberry from my pocket, thinking I should text my mom and tell her I'm at Michael's house so she don't send someone out to stalk me if she hasn't already – actually, that's my dad's job. I sighed.

Hey momma, at Michael's. I will be home soon.

xoxo – Ren

Then slipped my phone back into my pocket.

We lay here for a few minutes and then I felt my stinging eyes start to close from tiredness. I forced them open as I got up off of Michael and off the couch, feeling my bare feet press against the cold tile.

"Where's your bathroom?" I asked, thinking maybe splashing water in my face will help wake me.

He seemed to be thinking really hard.

"You don't know where your own bathroom is?" I asked playfully.

His lips twitched before a smile stretched. "I'm just deciding what bathroom for you to go to – the safest way for you I mean."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't think I can make it to the bathroom?"

"Upstairs." He finally answered.

"That's the safest? You saw the way I trip, my luck I will tumble down the stairs." I joked, heading over to the stairs, adding a laugh.

It felt wrong to laugh, knowing my best friend Jacob is in pain because of me.

I started to walk up the slightly curved stairway, my right hand sliding against the smooth wooden railing as I made my way up, hearing Michael give me directions to the bathroom, his voice distant.

By the time I was actually up the stairs, I realized I wasn't paying any attention to what he was saying.

The first thing I noticed was a couple nightlights plugged into some of the outlets and I snickered to myself thinking maybe that's why he chose the upstairs bathroom – more light for me to see.

There were a lot of doors up here. I noticed a huge bookcase sitting up against the wall in front of me with a door on each side. I decided to try one of them, quickly choosing a door – the left, thinking maybe the bathroom would be one of the two. When opening the door, I realized right away that it was not a bathroom.

A bedroom actually.

My curiosity took over making me take a couple steps into the room, noticing a nightlight plugged in over by the bed. I flipped the switch on the wall next to me, turning on the overhead light. It definitely isn't Michael's mom or his sister's room… it had to of been Michael's. His bedroom set was all a light wood with light green walls and white carpet, his bed queen sized, against the north side of the wall in the corner. The room was neat, with posters that were framed that didn't look familiar to me at all.

I wanted to take a couple more steps, to get a better look. I quickly decided that I better get out before Michael decides to check up on me. I flipped the switch, spinning around quickly, bumping smack into someone – Michael.

I felt my teeth stab through my bottom lip as a blush rose.

"I uh –"I tried to speak but Michael placed a finger on my lips.

"I'm sorry, did I disturb you from your snooping?" he asked, fighting a smile.

I looked down, my lips sliding away from his finger and then he placed his hand on my cheek.

"Sorry – I was looking for the bathroom and…" I tried to explain.

He took his other hand, his fingers placed under my chin as he lifted my face up to look at him. "It's okay Renesmee. Just admit it, you were snooping."

"No."

He smirked. "You were, but it's okay."

Dang it, he knows me to well.

"Okay, a little." I admitted.

"You shouldn't have to look around. My fault. I should have offered you a tour." He smiled. "How rude of me – this is my room."

"No really?" I spoke sarcastically. "I figured that out on my own."

"Don't talk to me like that." He demanded teasingly as he flashed a smile, his perfect teeth showing as he placed both hands on my sides. He pulled me closer before he kissed my forehead gently. His one hand pulled away, seeing him reach for the light switch. I abruptly stopped him, snatching him by the wrist and laced his fingers with mine in both hands.

"Looks like I just did." I whispered before reaching my head up, making my lips touch his.

He pulled away slowly. "Well, don't think you'll get away with it."

"Punish me." I replied on his lips before kissing him passionately.

I took a step backwards, watching every move I made; he swung his hand I guess attempting to close the door shut behind him but failed; the door left slightly cracked. I was being as gentle as possible as started lowering him into his room as we got closer and closer towards his bed, our lips never coming apart. A few long moments later I felt the bed against the back of my legs and turned us, his lips not leaving mine and then lightly pushed him backwards on his bed, getting on top of him being careful with each movement I made.

This felt risky. I was never one to make all the moves, I usually leave that all to Michael. I don't know what has gotten into me tonight.

I started to unbutton my blouse as I began to pull away from his lips and then onto his neck as I traced my tongue on his neck lightly, feeling him stiffen to my touch as he gripped my sides tightly – any human would probably get left some sort of mark from how tightly he gripped my sides, but the fact is, it's me he's with right now, no one else has ever gotten this close to him and it felt amazing.

I struggled to get the one button off and pulled my lips away as I started to get frustrated.

"Dang – screw it!" I just ripped it the rest of the way, now my blouse almost off; the last two buttons torn, revealing my pink bra and my flat stomach.

"Renesmee," Michael breathed as he realized what I did. "We shouldn't – w-we can't."

I didn't take my blouse off the rest of the way as I took a few moments to stare into his gorgeous green eyes, able to see them enough from the nightlight that shinned while he stared back into mine.

"Are you sure?" He asked cautiously.

I nodded and then placed my lips on top of his and that's when guilt washed over me raucously, trying my hardest to brush it off, not wanting it to ruin this moment.

Jacob kept coming into my mind. Part of me wanted this to be Jacob, it really did so I thought maybe pretending this was Jacob, like I was with him right now instead of Michael would help – I couldn't fool myself one bit. Jacob was warmer, so much warmer that the heat comforted me and I would never in a million years would have to be this gentle with Jacob.

My heart sunk, not being able to fool myself to thinking this was Jacob because this isn't Jacob and for some reason is killed me.

Michael's hands left my hips and placed them on both sides of my face, pulling away, looking directly into my eyes, shaking his head slowly as I felt his heart roughly thud in his chest, watching hsis lips part before he said, "I don't want to do this."

I didn't feel hurt he was rejecting me; relieved, but somewhat embarrassed as I shifted my eyes away from his, unable to look at him. I made a fool out of myself.

"That sounded wrong. Renesmee, it isn't that I don't want to." He explained. "I do, it just… isn't right, okay? At least not now."

Which reminded me all of a sudden.

"Michael?" I spoke his name, ready to ask a question.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking earlier?"

I didn't mean for the question to sound the way it did.

"Huh?" confusion flowed in his tone.

I cleared my throat before I spoke. "When Edward asked you about kids?"

"Oh, um…"

"It's okay." I said, actually afraid to know, I just couldn't help to be anything but curious, as I tried studying his face. "You can tell me anything."

"I found it weird actually that your brother was able to ask coincidental questions that related to my thoughts and that was one of them but uh – truth is, I was thinking how beautiful you looked and if we were to one day…" he trailed off.

"What?"

He picked up back where he left off. "If we were to one day – you know – have kids, I was hoping they would look more like you than anything..."

An awkward smile approached his lips.

I giggled to how adorable he looked right about now and he seemed very self conscious right when the giggle escaped my lips.

"Michael..."

"Why you laughing?" He asked, appearing even more self conscious.

"You're sweet." I whispered, knowing I don't deserve him.

I'm glad we didn't go through with this; he doesn't deserve someone like me. He's way too good for me and I know it. He doesn't seem to think so, only I know so.

"So," he said eager to change the subject. "Does your brother read minds, or what?"

"No."

I didn't mean to sound so defensive.

"Must be one of those weird things – sorry." He mumbled quickly as his hands still were placed on both sides of my face and then he pulled my lips to his, kissing me tenderly.

He pulled away for a moment. "You're too good for me and I don't deserve you."

His words made me feel horrible and suddenly angry… angry only at me.

"No that isn't true – don't ever think that." I also didn't mean to sound so defensive there either.

It's true though, I'm far from good. I'm horrible. He's the good one.

"Whoa, you okay?" he asked, surprised by my reaction.

I nodded.

He sat up as I slid off of him onto the bed. Then he got up, making his way over to the light switch, flipping it on and the brightness hit me as he walked back over to the bed, reaching both of his hands out. I grabbed them both, letting him pull me to my feet.

He pulled me closer, as he looked me up and down with a smirk. "You know, most guys would punch me for turning down such a goddess like I did."

I looked down, instantly remembering how exposed I am as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, making me start to button myself from the top. Michael chuckled as he got down on his knees to help me button up starting from the bottom as I still worked my way with the top.

"What a night." I breathed, feeling guilty for being so exposed, again feeling like I was cheating on Jacob as I let out a sigh, wanting to laugh at myself for thinking of it that way when it isn't like that at all, far from it.

How can I cheat on someone I'm not even with? Exactly.

We met in the middle, finishing up with the buttons and then he got up to his feet as his fingers traced the last two buttons. "You damaged this blouse – only the last two buttons at least. Just remind me to take off my own clothes if we ever get in that situation again."

I couldn't help to laugh along with him to his joke.

"Alice will kill me for sure." I giggled.

"Ah you Aunt, the one that loves fashion." He said as we laughed again.

I smiled; happy that he remembers. He paid attention – of course he paid attention, he always listens to each word I speak. He's amazing… just, he still isn't Jacob.

God, who do I want? Jacob or Michael?

Something caught my eye, a shadow, someone walking by his doorway. At least I think I saw someone walk by through the crack, didn't I?

My heart raced. Is it his mom?

"Michael," I whispered. "I think someone is here."

He turned to face his door, "Wait here."

He walked over, swinging his door open as he made a left disappearing around the corner.

I heard voices. Michael's and someone else's. I couldn't make out what they were saying. My heart raced, thinking maybe it was his mom. How embarrassing it would be if she were to walk in on us at any moment while Michael and I were in here in that situation…

About a minute later, feeling more like forever, Michael came walking in. "It was just Mellison. She just got home, nothing to worry about."

I sighed, still slightly embarrassed, even picturing Mellison walking in or anyone.

"I better get home." I said, running my fingers through my curls. "Before my family goes berserk."

"We have school tomorrow." He stated. "I will see you tomorrow, won't I?"

"Definitely." I answered smiling.

"I don't know about you driving home alone…" His voice sounded concerned. "I could follow you to your house if it makes you feel better."

"No, I'm fine." I assured.

"Really?"

"I have a fast car." I grinned. "I will make it home in no time."

He laughed before his face turned serious. "Please, please be careful."

"I will." I promised as we walked out of his room.

I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Mellison that would be rude. I was friends with her before her brother and I got together, so I couldn't forget about her.

Mellison's door was the other one on the other side of the huge book case that, the door she left open. I seen her sit on her bed and then I noticed Lexis Smith sitting beside her as an amused smile was placed on her face when setting eyes on me.

"Hi Nessie." Lex greeted, a smile never leaving her lips.

"Hi Mel, Lex…" I greeted back. "I'm leaving; I will see you guys at school tomorrow."

Mellison smiled big as she jumped off her bed to give me a hug, so pleased that I went out of my way to talk to her.

"Okay! For sure. Bye!" she exclaimed and then I pulled away.

I slipped on my sandals downstairs and then Michael led me out the door.

We then shared our last kiss for the night right before I got into my car and then pulled out of the driveway.

I forced myself to think of other things – school, bonfire and false things of what could have happened at Michael's keeping it rated PG, just to keep my father satisfied so he wouldn't try scooping deep into my thoughts. I was sure I would be able to pull it off.

I pulled into the garage and hopped out of the car, avoiding the thoughts that I couldn't let them to know.

When entering the house, I zoomed to my bedroom, taking off my blouse, absentmindedly kicking it under the bed as I quickly threw my soft sleeping pants on with my shirt to go with it. After spending a minute changing, I hurried down the stairs.

The first thing that came to my mind was Jacob, looking for any sign of him, finding Jasper and Emmett in the living room flipping through the channels on the television.

"Is Jacob here?" I asked a question for anyone to answer.

Jasper turned to look at me. "No, he hasn't been around all night."

I felt upset, unable to stop the tears from forming, I just didn't allow them to water over my sockets, forcing them back. Jasper immediately felt my sadness, it was stupid for me to hide tears. I just really didn't care that he knew. The only thing I care about is having Jacob here, here with me right now.

He's really gone; he really is staying over at Billy's like he said he would. It didn't hit me so hard before because then, they were just words. Now he not being here shows he meant them.

"What's the matter, Nessie?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing." I lied, but he knows I'm sad, he just doesn't know why. "Where's my dad?"

"He and your mom are out in the cottage." Emmett grimaced. "I wouldn't go there if I were you though…"

"Wow," I didn't let that thought go far. "no need to say anymore."

Instantly, I no longer felt sad. I now felt calm and I smiled at Jasper. Normally I would get frustrated, but I was glad he washed my sadness away. Maybe it will help me sleep better.

"Thanks."

Jasper nodded.

"I'm going to bed." I announced, heading back up the stairs and into my room.

The calmness helped me think clearer and within a few minutes I fell asleep, feeling more relaxed than I have ever as I was really grateful for Jasper's talent for once.