Paul and I watched as our daughter slept in her crib. My parents were letting us stay with them until we made our decision on living arrangements. Paul owned a house in California but we weren't too sure of going all the way back there, "Paul, I think we should just go to California, it's better than living here." I folded some baby clothes and put them in the dresser drawer.
"I don't like living out there. I want you to still be close to your parents just in case I accidentally hurt you again and you leave." He put some diapers into another drawer, "word got out that I'm a daddy."
I smiled, "well isn't that a good thing? Being a parent is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Isn't it the same thing for you?" I asked, beginning to watch the baby again, "we still haven't named her you know. We have only about a week left to turn the birth certificate in."
Paul slightly nodded, "Stephanie, I know I said I wouldn't leave you again but, what if I told you I didn't want to be a parent yet?" He dropped half the package of diapers on the floor, "I can't do it babe, I'm not ready to do it."
I watched him in disbelief, then tears began welling up in my eyes, "you promised me Paul, you promised that you wouldn't leave again. You can't do this to me, we have a baby together." I threw an unopened box of diapers at him, "I should've known you would do this, after all, what's a promise to you?" I picked up my crying baby and stomped out of the room.
Paul slowly followed me to the living room, "honey, I didn't want you to take it like I wouldn't be there. I'll pay child support and I'll visit you guys whenever I can. It's just that being home and doing what I do is hard. I wouldn't be home for you and her like I need to be."
"You fucked your knee up, why don't you quit? I'm sure that now you've done it once, it could happen again." I would've stood up, but I was breastfeeding the baby, "just go Paul, obviously you don't like me, and you never did. All you ever wanted was sex and now you got a family out of the whole deal. I think you'd better watch your back because you saw what my dad and brother could do to you."
He went into the room and grabbed his bag, "fine, how'd you know how I felt? I'll just go, but I highly doubt that your dad would do anything. He'll never know." He slammed the front door.
I heard the tires screech on the asphalt as his loud car drove off. I sat on the couch and cried, I knew him and I couldn't make the perfect couple because all we did was fight. We fought over anything and everything.
"Steph, I'm home, can you give me a hand with the groceries please?" My brother Shawn walked in on me, red-faced, about to burst into tears for the thousandth time, "nevermind, are you alright?" He put the bags on the kitchen counter, then came back to the living room, "did Paul do something?"
I nodded, "he left Shane, he said he felt he wasn't ready to be a daddy. He told me he'd pay child support and visit whenever he can, but, he's gone. We fought again and I told him just to leave, that he didn't like me and he just wanted sex. He told me I was right and walked out." I handed the baby to my brother, burying my face in my hands, "I seriously fucked up when I went to that bar, I should have just come home and nothing would have ever happened."
"Stephanie, if you want to go out and do something, you can. I'll watch the baby. I think it would be fun for her to hang out with her uncle." He rocked her in his arms, "I think its time for a nap first."
"Thank you so much Shane. How could I ever repay you?" I hugged him, taking the baby and walking her towards the nursery, "I told Paul to watch his back because I know what you and dad could do to him."
"I think you'd better start sticking up for yourself. I mean, you could beat him up, I think so." He followed her to the nursery, "I could teach you."