Chapter Summary: Change is difficult, but, often, inevitable.
*5+1 style
I.
The three of them were sitting across from each other, she on one side of the table, her bothers on the other. Jared had suggested the place. It had been a favorite of theirs for a long time. He thought the fond memories of the atmosphere would mend the tension. It had been a while since she and Matt had spoken. She wasn't upset anymore. He still felt how he felt, that much was clear.
But that's not why she's called them here.
"I'm pregnant." That was. To tell them that. She and Buck had agreed to start really telling people, since she's passed the 12 week milestone. Something wonderful was happening to her and she wanted, needed, two of the most important people in her life to be a part of it.
Her admission is met with elation from Jared, who gets up and congratulates her with a squeezing hug and a kiss to the check. "Maya is going to be thrilled." She can already picture her overzealous sister-in-law going overboard for the baby. She couldn't wait. He made sure that he had permission to tell her which he did.
Matt's reaction was much more subdued. He was happy for her and offered his congratulations. She knew the circumstances surrounding it were still not sitting well with him. That was fine with Abby, she knew he had his opinion of Buck and their whole thing, but he was putting all of that aside for her sake. "I do have one question, though: what about mom?"
She knew what he meant and she almost expected him to bring it up. He explained that he wasn't trying to detract from her news, but, with this happening, she needed to think about taking on less. Taking care of a baby and taking care of an ailing parent was so much for a
person to handle. No matter how strong or determined they are.
Jared reassured her they would continue to help and support her, no matter what she decided. Though, he did agree with Matt that it was something that she would need to think about.
It wasn't an option she wanted to consider at the moment. She liked the way things were and they were handling them just fine.
She kept their concerns in the back of her mind, though.
II.
Week 16. The reality of the situation is really starting to set in as she's really starting to show more now. She's annoyed that none of her clothing fits and just annoyed in general as her hormones have started to take over. Buck takes it all in stride.
She gets a package in the mail from Beth and Maya. It's a cute little orange newborn onesie with a giraffe on it. She shows it to Buck, who takes it from her and looks it over. "I can't believe we're going to have something small enough to wear this." She also finds a cute congratulations card and gift card to a maternity/baby clothing store inside it. They'd wrote a little note, saying that it was "just a little something to get started".
They'd decided a little small shopping wouldn't hurt, she needed some new clothes anyway. The big stuff they were saving for when they moved into their new place. After weeks of going back and forth on the decision they'd both decided that moving in together and into a bigger place was best. Which lead her back to discussion regarding her mother.
Her mother having to move in with them was a given, but she wanted to know how he felt about it, really felt about it. He'd told that he was fine with it. It'd be no different than it was now, as he spent more time at her place than he did his own. He knew how she felt about caring for her and he fully supported the decision. She knew he had his doubts, he was honest about them.
Her mother was getting worse. She hated to admit it and didn't want to, but she was. She was really starting to think that maybe she couldn't do it all. She's got more than ever happening now, a relationship, preparing for the arrival of her child, house hunting. A decision needed to be made.
If only she could shake the feeling of selfishness she felt. Was it selfish of her to just abandon her mother due to a few changes in her life or was it selfish of her to deny her mother more adequate care just because she felt like she had a point to prove? She didn't know.
III.
Over the last few months, she and Athena had formed a bit of a bond. The two of them ran in the same circle now. They shared mutual friends and they found similarities in the love and worry they shared over the heroes in their lives. They knew they could trust and call on each other when they needed to talk.
And Abby really needed to talk. So she called.
Athena knew the situation, so she wasn't completely impartial, but she was just disconnected enough that Abby knew she was going to get an honest answer out of her. Plus, it was Athena, of course she was going to be honest.
Abby told her of her fears of selfishness. She told her that she needed to stop putting so much fucking pressure on herself. Neither decision made her selfish. It was all about what she could handle and not stretching herself thin trying to do it all. She could see how much this was already wearing her down.
The stress of worrying about the results of the amniocentesis and this had already manifested itself to a hospital visit.
Finding a way to be as stress free as possible needed to be her only focus right now. "I know it's easier said than done." The baby was a major life change that required as much of her attention that she could spare and it would mean definitely rearranging her life and maybe giving up something, "with parenthood comes sacrifice."
With parenthood comes sacrifice.
IV.
The light pink hues of the dusky sky were quickly fading to the navy blues of night as looked out of the window in her mother's room. Buck was already asleep in her bedroom, most likely wiped from the day he'd had and the pain medication. He'd caught a bad bruise to the abdomen while attempting to rescue a woman who was trapped under the rubble of collapsed bridge.
That didn't cause Abby to freak out at all.
There were boxes surrounding the space as they prepared for the move that was happening at the end of the month. They'd found a place. A nice 3 bedroom house in a quiet neighborhood close to their jobs. Carla also lived close to where they were moving which was a huge plus.
Between work, packing, and what happened to Buck, she was exhausted, more than ready to curl up next to her boyfriend and sleep. Right after she finished tending to her mom.
Her mother wasn't combative today. She gave her the medicine and the water. When Abby went to put the water on the bedside table and pull the blankets up, her mother stopped her, saying that they needed to talk. Her mother started out with a story about Abby always having a habit of helping those that needed her even at the expense of herself. Abby, having no idea where this was going just listened to her mother. When she was finished that's when you said, "I think you'd be better off putting me in a home."
Abby wasn't sure where that came from and she didn't want to question it. She assured her mother that she was fine. She didn't mind caring for her and that wasn't necessary. Her mother told her to look around, she was getting ready to start a new chapter of her life. She had a family to care for now. "My mind may not be what it used to, abut I do know somethings. I know that you and that young man of yours have your own lives to live." She only had about five more months until her child was born. It was time for her to move on.
She was more than appreciative for all that Abby had done for her, but it was time for her start living for herself. "I couldn't be more proud of how grown up my little girl is."
"Mom, I'm 42 years old."
"Shut up, you'll always be my little girl. You'll understand when you become a parent."
"Okay, mom." She tucked her mother in. As she went to turn out the light she looked back her mother already dosing off. She closed her eyes in silent contemplation before turning off the light.
V.
She couldn't believe she was doing this. Honestly couldn't believe she was actually considering this, but here she was. Matt grabbed her hand and told her to, at least, here them out. He was right and besides this was her idea. She'd found the brochure for the memory care home that she had stuffed in a drawer when she was packing the last of their things. She'd called Matt and told him to set up an appointment.
She had to admit the facility looked as nice from the inside as it did from the outside. As they did a walk through, the place seemed great and some of her reservations were lifting. After the tour, she thanked the director for her time and told she needed a little more time to think about it. She really started to believe that maybe this was a worthwhile option and she told her brother as such. "You'll see Abbs, this is the best thing for mom and you."
Abby walked back into the door of her apartment to find Carla sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. She asks how her mother was, Carla tells her it was struggle gets her to eat and take a bath, but it was finally accomplished. Her mother was saying even less than she was yesterday. Abby sighed, it's not that she expected things to get better, but did they have to get worse so quickly?
"How did the tour go?" Abby tells her that it went fine and that she found herself actually like the place. There was a sadness in her voice as she said it. She wanted to find some sort of peace in this as she's found herself leaning more and more towards this decision, but she couldn't.
Carla saw that. She knew Abby's struggle with this better than anyone, she's had a front row seat for the better part of a year. "You know deciding to do this doesn't make you a bad daughter or a bad employer," she goes on to tell her her that their are other jobs out there, it's all about what she needs, what Patricia needs, and what her little girl needed. Yeah, they'd found out she was having a girl. Carla told her what she really thought. "You're going to drive yourself crazy trying to hold down a job, care for a baby, and take care of your mom, even with my help."
Carla was right. She told her as such. She'd found such a friend in Carla she didn't want to lose her. "Oh, please, I've gotten to know you and love you. You're not getting rid of me that easily." She squeezing Carla in a tight hug.
Abby had finally made a decision.
+I.
Abby looked around at the empty apartment. Most of her things had been moved to their new home. It was just a few odds and ends boxes left she needed to get out. Today was the day she gave back the keys and said goodbye to the place she's called home for almost 5 years.
Her mother had already been moved into the home. She's being well taken care of. Abby was sure. She visited daily, after all. It had been a couple of weeks since they'd gotten her settled. It was so weird having to visit her mother after living with her for so long. It still filled her with sadness, but she just kept reminding herself that her mother was getting better care than she was able to provide.
She went to lift a box and Buck stopped her, insisting that he do it instead. His overprotective nature that grew as her pregnancy did was annoying, but appreciated.
As the last box was taken down to the car, there was one last thing that needed to be done. There were men from the home healthcare company had come to retrieve the things she had for her mother. She watched as the quickly and quieted to took them out of the apartment, ultimately leaving turning it back into the dining room that it was before her mother moved in. Looking around the space, it finally got her that this was final. There was no going back and that broke something inside of her.
She cried. Buck held her. He offered no textbook words of comfort, just held her. Let her have her moment. Comforting, as always.