OK guys, I need to apologize for how late this chapter was! I wish I could say I got writer's block, but the truth is that I knew exactly what I wanted to write, but was too lazy to actually type it once I got back from my Campus Ministry Conference (Which was incredible, BTW). I just kept on procrastinating, and before you know it, it's been two months! I've decided not to respond to my reviews for this chapter, that way I can finish it sooner. But don't use that as an excuse to not review! I'll go back to writing responses to my reviews in the next chapter.

However, I do need to address one thing that a few reviewers brought up: Jerome actually doesn't have romantic feelings for Heather. He just highly respects her as a person and interprets all the attention that Heather gives him as a sign that they are really good friends (If you re-read chapter seven, note that while Heather says in a confessional she likes Jerome as more than just friends, immediately afterwards, Jerome states in his confessional that Heather is just a really good friend.) Anyways, with that out of the way, on to the long awaited chapter!

Episode Four: Total Drama Returns, Part 3

Pablo, Viktoriya, and Zoey were getting ready to shoot their commercial. Both Viktoriya and Zoey were dressed up like soldiers, and they had several paintball guns to use. However Pablo noticed they were missing something. "Wait! We don't have any protective goggles for either of you!"

"Why didn't you mention that sooner?!" Viktoriya snapped at Pablo. "We're running out of time! Guess I better go and grab some as quickly as possible." Viktoriya dashed off to find protective goggles.

Left alone with Zoey, Pablo decided to put his plan into motion. The Brazilian boy sighed deeply and put on a rather sad facial expression. This was all an act, but it was convincing enough to get Zoey to say "Pablo is something wrong?"

"Well…I just don't like it when Viktoriya is mean to me." Pablo responded sadly. "I like her a lot, and I wish deep down she would like me back…" Pablo then shed a few crocodile tears.

Zoey tried to cheer Pablo up. "Don't worry Pablo. Granted I'm not a huge fan of Viktoriya, but still, I have a feeling she has some feelings for you. After all, she agreed to go out with you last night, right?"

Pablo sighed. "Viktoriya told me that she only took me out on that date because she felt sorry for me." Pablo sighed once again. "She said that there was only one man for her….Mike."

"WHAT?!" Zoey yelled in shock.

"Whoops!" Pablo said. "I shouldn't tell you this, but Viktoriya said that she was madly in love with Mike last night." Pablo then sighed, before continuing "And she said that while she doesn't want our team to lose, if we do, she's planning on voting you out Zoey, so that she can have Mike all to herself!"

Of course this was a lie fabricated by Pablo, but Zoey bought every word that Pablo had said. Zoey was quite furious. So furious that once again, Zoey became Commando Zoey. She pulled out a headband out of her pocket and put it on. Instantly, Zoey picked up a pair of paintball guns. Pablo smirked and turned on the video camera they were given.

"Hey guys, I'm back." Viktoriya said as she arrived with two pairs of protective goggles. "Now let's start shooting-"

Zoey started firing paintballs at Viktoriya. The Russian quickly dodged her shots and yelled "What's wrong with you?!"

"Keep your filthy fingerless glove clad hands off my boyfriend!" Commando Zoey yelled over-dramatically as she continued to fire paintballs at Viktoriya.

"What are you implying? Just because your schizophrenic boyfriend can't keep his hands off me, that means I'm stealing him away? Get a reality check your moron!" Viktoriya yelled rather rudely. Zoey got so mad that she kicked Viktoriya to the ground. Zoey then smashed Viktoriya's glasses and tried to aim paintball bullets at Viktoriya's eyes. Luckily, Viktoriya rolled to the side to dodge. The Russian then quickly put on the protective goggles and grabbed two paintball guns for herself.

What ensued was an epic paintball fight between Commando Zoey and Viktoriya; a fight so epic, that I barely have words to describe it. And every minute of it was caught on camera thanks to Pablo.

Confessional:

Pablo: You know, at first I was disappointed when Viktoriya rejected my offer to date her, but now I'm glad. There are a number of strategies I can pull off if me and her aren't dating.

Meanwhile, Cody was trying to finish the commercial, but Courtney's perfectionism would not let him. "Come on Court!" Cody pleaded to the C.I.T. "You already have done this scene ten times! And all of your takes looked fine to me!"

Courtney responded "You don't understand Cody! My takes need to much more than 'fine', they need to be perfect! But no matter how hard I try, I can't do it!" Courtney sighed. "What if I'm not as good a competitor as I think?"

"What?!" Cody said. "Look Court, I know you're trying to be a better person by being less prideful, but humility isn't the same thing as being insecure about yourself. You have every right to be confident in your skills Courtney! You're smart, strong, and an all around great-"

Cody was cut off when Courtney hugged him. "Thanks Cody…" She said.

Cody blushed. "Heh, no problem."

Courtney continued to hug him. About ten seconds later Cody said "Uh Court, you can let go now…"

Courtney blushed. "Oh! Sure. Anyways, let's get to work on the challenge!"

Meanwhile, Jerome and Noah were filming their commercial. Jerome was standing next to a table with a plate of ten Buffalo wings. Five of them had Jerome's Honey BBQ sauce while the other five had Jerome's Fiery Hot BBQ Sauce.

Noah pointed the camera at Jerome as the BBQ sauce Gourmand started speaking "The two types of BBQ sauce you need in your kitchen parallel with the two types of moments you need in your life. In life, we need those tough moments; times to endure hardships, so that we can learn to preserve through the firey trials of the world. In the same way, your tongue will learn to endure other spicy flavors when you use my Firey Hot BBQ sauce."[1]

Noah couldn't help but ask out loud "Dude, don't you think you're taking this commercial a bit too seriously? It's just BBQ sauce."

Jerome frowned. "It's not about the BBQ sauce Noah, it's about what the BBQ sauce represents. Don't you understand how BBQ sauce can be used for metaphors about spiritual truths in life?"

"No, because to me, BBQ sauce is just BBQ sauce." Noah deadpanned.

Jerome sighed. "I didn't expect you to understand Noah. You're always thinking with your brain."

"Because it's totally possible to think without a brain." Noah said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"That's my point!" Jerome responded. "You never try thinking with your heart Noah. You always suppress your inner feelings, never allowing your emotions to guide you."

"Because being mislead by your emotions via impulsiveness is clearly such a better alternative." The cynic replied.

Jerome sighed. "Just film my BBQ sauce commercial, OK?"

"Did somebody say BBQ sauce?"

Noah turned around to see Owen approaching the duo. "Hey guys! I'm a lot better now! Can I help you finish your commercial?"

Noah frowned. "Actually Owen, we don't really need your help, so you can go away and do something else."

Owen frowned. "What? Do you think I'm gonna go nuts and devour those wings that Jerome made? I already ate that entire bowl of chili, and now that time has passed my stomach is full. What could go wrong?"

All of a sudden, Owen's stomach let out a rumble that was as loud as a jet engine.

"That entire bowl of chili coming back to kill us all, that's what." Noah said in a slightly deadpan, yet slightly seriously response to Owen's question.

Owen rolled his eyes. "Ha Ha, real funny Noah. So I'm a bit gassy, what's so bad about a far-"

Before Owen could finish his rhetorical question, his stomach started to rumble even more powerfully, which resulted in what could only be described as a mini-earthquake. The table with the wings on it started shaking like mad. Jerome gasped in horror, when he saw his bottle of Honey BBQ sauce fall off the table. Luckily Jerome managed to catch it before it hit the ground.

Noah frowned. "Look Owen, if you want to help us, then go away and bug somebody else."

"But..."

"BEAT IT! Before your farts kills us all and costs us the challenge!" Noah yelled uncharacteristically. Owen, shocked and saddened by his friend being so mad at him, ran off to bug someone else.

Noah sighed, feeling bad for losing his temper.

Confessional:

Noah: I really shouldn't have snapped at Owen like that. But between his even more out-of-control then usual appetite and him screwing up our chances at winning I couldn't help it! (Noah sighs.) It's a shame too, cause Owen isn't usually this obnoxious...well except for those times that he does something stupid or farts. (After a pause Noah continues) Exactly why am I friends with him?

Jerome patted him on the back and told him "You see? You expressing your bottled up feelings to Owen saved us all from death by farts!"

Noah looked surprised at Jerome's approval. "Are you saying that it's a good thing I lost my temper?" He then rolled his eyes and said in a voice dripping with sarcasm "What a wonderful philosophy you live your life with Jerome. There's no way it could possibly come back to bite you in the butt."

Jerome frowned. "Let's get back to filming the commercial."

Noah nodded, and continued to film Jerome's monologue on how life is like BBQ sauce.

Meanwhile, Duncan had just finished carving up wooden replicas of every competitors' head. The delinquent then turned to Cameron. "There we go. So what are we going to do for the commercial."

"Ummmm…..well...I couldn't come up with any ideas." Cameron said.

"WHAT?!" Duncan shouted. "In between the two months it took to update this story, you couldn't come up with an idea?!"

"Whoa, Calm down Duncan!" Mike said, trying to calm down Duncan. "We've still got time to come up with an idea for a commercial."

All of a sudden, Chef's voice emerged from the P.A. system on the film lot, announcing "All of ya'll better be putting the finishing touches on your ads, because you will be screening them in one hour. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"YES SIR!" Mike and Cameron yelled out in response to Chef's voice.

Duncan, in his frustration, yelled as he closed his eyes and threw a carving of Gwen's head at Cameron, hitting his face. "Ouch!"

"Oops, sorry bro." Duncan said to Cameron as he approached the bubble boy to make sure he was OK.

"Well…it's OK." Cameron said. "It didn't hurt me too bad."

A light bulb appeared over Duncan's head. Duncan smirked mischievously and pulled out some rope from his pocket. "I have an idea for the commercial!"

Meanwhile, at film set for a hockey movie, Jo was filming Tyler on the Hockey rink. Tyler's attempt to hit the puck into the goal backfired thanks to the jock's poor aim. Tyler swung his hockey stick with so much force, it slipped out of his hands, and flew right into the film camera. Jo managed to dodge it, but the camera was smashed into pieces, with only the DVD with all the footage remaining intact.

Jo sighed, this was the fourth sport that the two of them tried shooting a commercial for, but like every time, Jo would demonstrate how to properly do the sport, only for Tyler to fail every time. "Wow, I suck at being a coach."

Tyler frowned. "Don't talk like that Jo! I'm the one messing up here! You have demonstrated mad skills every time you gave me tips." Tyler snapped his fingers. "Wait a minute! That's it!" Tyler grabbed the DVD of footage, and put it in the lap-top to put some final touches on the commercial.

It was five o' clock sharp, and all the remaining contestants made their way to the theater for the last part of the challenge. When they got there, they saw that a giant screen had been set up on stage, not doubt to display the commercials for judging. Speaking of judges, they saw Scott, still in the modified Trauma chair, and a lap-top where Chris was once again video-chatting from prison. But Chef was nowhere to be found.

Fifteen minutes later, Chef showed up in the theater. "Sorry for running late. I was watching a marathon of Hannah Montan-uhhh...I mean a marathon of War movies, and I lost track of time."

Chef cleared his throat before continuing. "Now let's get this challenge started. If your commercial gets a thumbs up from at least two judges, your team gets a point. The team with the most points wins, the team with the least points loses, and the team in second gets nothing. Now then, first up for the Sue Crew is Gwen and Bridgette."

Bridgette walked up to Chef carrying a DVD with her commercial on it. With a nervous smile on her face, she told Chef "I call this: Bridgette's Surf Shop."

Chef put in the DVD. On the screen, Bridgette appeared, polishing a surfboard on the beach movie set. "Are you frustrated by those low quality surfboards that are easily worn out or broken? Well then come over to Bridgette's Surf Shop where you can buy a super durable..."

Bridgette's speech was interrupted when Fang the Mutated Shark popped out of the water and attacked her. Bridgette tried to slap away the Land-Shark, but Fang used this as an opportunity to bite her arm. Luckily, a flying object hit Fang with great force, sending him back several feet, which meant that Bridgette only recieved a medium sized cut on her arm.

The camera panned over, revealing that Gwen used the seagull-launching gun to shoot at Fang. Bridgette smiled at Gwen. "Thanks Gwen."

Gwen gasped and responded "Bridgette look out!"

Fang had recovered from being hit by the seagull and tried again to eat Bridgette. Bridgette grabbed her surfboard and used it to knock Fang back. After that she started pummeling Fang with her surfboard. After receiving twenty-one whacks from Bridgette's surfboard, Fang passed out unconscious.

Bridgette then noticed that the camera was still filming. "Ummm...my surfboards are so durable that they won't break when you use them to beat up Land-sharks." After a beat Bridgette's eyes widened and she quickly added "But don't ever do that because animal cruelty is wrong! So uhhh, shop at Bridgette's Surf Shop today."

The three judges were silent for eighteen seconds. Chef broke the silence by giving a thumb up and saying "Good job! I'd definitely buy a surfboard from you!"

Scott obviously enjoyed seeing Bridgette beat the crap out of Fang, so the TV screen on the trauma chair displayed two thumbs up.

Chris had a huge smile on his face. "That. Was. Aweeeesoooome! Seriously! Animal cruelty is always a plus as far as I'm concerned! You get a thumb up from me too!"

Chef then said "Well it's unanimous, Gwen and Bridgette earn a point for the Sue Crew."

All of the contestants in the audience were shocked at the content of Bridgette and Gwen's ad. "So that's why you have a bandage on your arm!" Courtney yelled. "Why didn't you tell us?!"

Bridgette sighed. "I didn't want anybody to worry about me. Plus, I feel super guilty for hurting that poor shark! Sure he tried to eat me, but I'm still against animal cruelty."

Courtney then turned to Chef, enraged at her friend nearly getting killed. "Why was Fang in the beach set?!"

Chef sighed. "Well, Fang is going to be part of a future challenge and I needed a place to put him, so I decided the beach set, since I didn't consider the possibility that anybody would go to the beach set because we ain't gonna visit it for a future challenge."

Courtney scowled. "Well find a place to put Fang so that all of us will be safe! You don't want me to sue the show, do ya Hatchet?"

Chef snapped his fingers. "B! Come here now!"

B quickly showed up. Chef gave him orders to make an indestructible cage to keep Fang in. B left immediately to carry out Chef's orders.

Chef then called up Courtney and Cody to present their commercial. Helmet 798 then skipped ahead to the part where the three judges gave their commercial a thumbs up, because hey, nobody complained when I did this in chapter three. Besides, I really want to get this chapter out.

"Once again, it's unanimous; Courtney and Cody earn a point for the Shipping Sailors."

"All right!" Cody and Courtney said simultaneously as they high-fived each other.

"Wow!" Justin said. "You guys are really in sync with one another!"

Courtney and Cody both blushed at Justin's statement.

"Now it's time for the Fanon Fixers to step up." Chef said. "Jerome, Noah, and Owen; let's see what you got."

Jerome stepped up onstage with pride in his eyes as he gave Chef the DVD. "This is my masterpiece: A Tale of Two BBQ Sauces."

Viktoriya snickered. "Wow, that's the best name for a commerical I've ever heard."

Jerome quickly picked up on the sarcasm in Viktoriya's tone. "So I like Charles Dickens' novels. Sue me."

Viktoriya smirked. "That's not a bad idea. I'll talk to Courtney about it."

Jerome narrowed his eyes. "You'd better keep your mouth shut before I do it for you!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Well I'd like to see you booted off this show in the most humiliating way possible!"

"AND I LIKE TO SEE YOU TWO MAGGOTS HUSH UP SO WE CAN GET THIS CHALLENGE OVER WITH!"

Viktoriya and Jerome, both shocked at Chef's sudden outburst, quickly hushed up.

Jerome's BBQ sauce commercial lasted exactly seven minutes and seven seconds. During that time frame, Jerome gave a long speech about his worldview/philosophy, all the way comparing it to his custom BBQ sauces. Jerome ended his commercial by singing "Lean on Me"; albeit with altered lyrics such as "Lean on my BBQ sauce" and "It'll help you endure when you have sorrows."

After the commercial finished, the judges gave their honest opinions on the commercial. "Well that sucked." Chef said bluntly. "That was incredibly boring, plus your obsession with BBQ sauce went from amusing to creepy. Two thumbs down from me."

Scott actually gave the commercial a thumbs up, mostly because he found Jerome's bizarre cover of "Lean on Me" hilarious. The screen on Scott's trauma chair displayed text saying "Looks like we found the next Weird Al."

Chris fell asleep half way through the commercial. But after he was done with his quick nap, Chris described his opinion on the commercial with a drawn out "BORRRRRINNNNNNNGG!"

"Well with two thumbs down, Jerome's commercial fails." Chef said. "Seriously boy, you need to tone down your BBQ sauce worshiping."

"Hey!" Jerome said, obviously offended. "I might make a lot of BBQ sauce metaphors, but it's not like I follow a BBQ sauce religion or anything!"

Viktoriya smirked. "Heh, could've fooled me." Duncan chuckled at Viktoriya's joke, much to the envy of his girlfriend.

Jerome narrowed his eyes at Viktoriya. "I hate you so much."

"Really? I never would have guessed!" Viktoriya retorted with extreme sarcasm.

Jerome smirked. "Not surprising, considering how dumb you are."

"I AM NOT IDIOTIC IN ANYWAY!" Viktoriya screamed, her face red with anger. "I happen to have an I.Q. of 171, thank you very much!"

"Really? Then why do you act like a witch and treat your teammates like Crap?" Jerome asked rhetorically. "That's pretty idiotic behavior if you ask me. Since everybody hates you, you're practically guaranteed to be voted off!"

Viktoriya narrowed her eyes. "How will anybody get the chance to vote me off? I will never lose a challenge; ergo, I will never be eliminated."

"Oh you will be booted off this show." Jerome said with utmost confidence. "I'll personally make sure it happens."

Viktoriya was not fazed by Jerome's threat. "Yeah right. In your dreams!"

"But of course!" Jerome said. "Every night I have wonderful dreams about personally eliminating every villain on this show! And my dream will become a reality."

"You're delusional Jerome!" Viktoriya yelled.

"Well you're a horrible person!" Jerome yelled in response.

"Sheesh guys." Jo said, interrupting their little fight. "You shouldn't be having this lover's quarrel in public!"

"LOVER'S QUARREL?!" Jerome, Viktoriya, and Heather yelled simultaneously.

"Are you demented?!" Viktoriya yelled at Jo. "I hate Jerome."

"And hate isn't a strong enough word to accurately describe how much I despise Viktoriya!" Jerome yelled.

"Hey, calm down!" Jo said, raising her arms defensively. "I was just joking!"

"Yeah, that's why I'm laughing so hard." Viktoriya and Jerome said simultaneously with sarcasm.

Noah quirked an eyebrow and deadpanned "Maybe Jo is on to something."

"The only thing Jo is on is my list of most despised Total Drama characters." Jerome responded.

"Wow, I expected a better insult from you Jerome." Jo responded.

Tyler stepped in between Jo and Jerome. "Look guys! Let's all calm down! We've got to get this chapter moving along so that we can finish this challenge!" Tyler quickly regretted his statement. "Let me guess..." Tyler looked down and saw my author notes.

"Me and my big fat mouth." Tyler said as he face-palmed. However this was a bad idea, because Tyler slapped himself with his strong fingers with such force that the clumsy jock gave himself a black eye as he fell to the ground. "OH COME ON!"

Author Note

[1] Jerome's BBQ sauce metaphors are partially inspired by Alejandro's burrito metaphors in Total Drama Returns. However it was also inspired by the fact that I find myself making elaborate metaphors for relatively mundane things. For example, fedoras. To an extant, they protect us from the sun's harmful rays. However, we can't prevent sunburn with fedoras alone. We need sunblock! In other words, the fedoras represent the fact that a person can change for the better, but he can never do that by himself, needing outside assistance from the sunblock provided by God, family, and friends.

Wow, it's been nearly three months guys! Once again, I apologize for not updating, especially since I already had practically everything in this chapter in my head all this time. Now onto some good and bad news. The good news is that with all that time, I managed to do a lot more planning in my head for episode five, which will make it easier to write. The bad news is that I started my latest semester of college about a month ago, which was one of the main factors delaying this chapter. And I have tons of schoolwork to do. So updates aren't going to be as frequent as I'd like. Still, I'm gonna try to update at least once a month, perhaps more depending on my work load.

Anyways, originally I was planning on finishing up all of episode four in this chapter. However, that would take a lot of time to write, and I really wanted to give you guys a chapter as soon as I could. So it looks like episode four will be split into four parts. Normally I would try to avoid that, but hey! This episode is an homage to Total Drama Returns, so it makes since to make this particular episode crazy long.

My favorite part of this chapter is Courtney overcoming her perfectionism. I had that planned out for quite some time, but only when I typed it out did I realize that I was subconsciously writing about my own perfectionist tenancies. Often times I'm overly critical of my own work, sometimes feeling unsatisfied with a few chapters. However you guys often surprise me with how much you enjoy certain chapters. (For example, when I first wrote chapters four and nine respectively, I felt that they were rather weak, but several reviewers loved them!) Anyways, now I have more confidence in my writing skills!

I also have several references to Total Drama Returns in this chapter, but I decided not to point all of them out in the author's notes, since I think it's more interesting to see how many of them my reviewers will pick up on. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, because I have many other references to Total Drama Returns planned. See ya'll next time.

Next Time on Total Drama Fan-Fiction Theater: Episode Four will finally conclude. With six commercials left, it's still anybody's game! Will the Sue Crew win again? Will the Fanon Fixers lose again? Will Trent ever get screen-time? What will happen when Duncan enjoys Viktoriya's performance in Pablo's commercial too much? And who will be the next contestant taking a ride to Play De Losers via the Lame-o-sine? Find out whenever I get the chance to update this story.