Kylo is surprised to see her again only a few hours later. He's in his chambers, just having finished his mid-day meal. He smiles at her warmly and she gives a small shake of her head and he realizes she's not alone. It frustrates him how frequently she's with people … he tends to be by himself most of the time. But Rey appears to need … friends.
"Yes, I understand. But this is something I have to do. I promise I'll be careful," she says to the other person. She's holding herself a bit more formally so he doesn't think it's Finn or Dameron.
However, he sees her wrapping her arms around this individual, who is clearly much shorter … oh hell, it's probably his mother. His heart beats a bit faster and he scowls at the pang of … something in his chest. He shouldn't want to see that woman. His throat is suddenly tight and he stands quickly, going to his viewport to watch the blue of hyperspace.
His supposition is confirmed when Rey says, "Thank you, Leia. And also with you."
Kylo doesn't turn when he senses her coming up behind him. He's too focused on calming the storm of confused feelings threatening to overtake him. He refuses to be pulled into memories of loving arms and understanding eyes. That time is long past and those thoughts, those needs, should be dead.
"Hey," she says, stroking her hand along his arm.
He breathes in sharply and pulls off his gloves, as is his custom when he's with her. Finally, he turns to her and runs his knuckles along her cheek. The brief contact instantly calms him.
"Hello, Rey." He bends down and kisses her gently, still thrilled to be allowed this easy affection. He pulls back and tucks a bit of hair behind her ear.
"I guess you know who that was."
"Yes … but ... I would prefer not to talk about it."
"Okay, okay."
She lays her head on his chest and his arms come up around her. He loves how she always seeks his touch. They spend almost all of their time together now touching in some way. It soothes and heals him and he's fast become addicted to the rightness that thrums through him when he has her with him. Gods, he wishes she was always with him.
He remembers what he had heard her saying. "You are going somewhere that requires you to be careful?"
She pulls back slightly so she can see his face. "Uhm, yeah. It's not dangerous, I'll just be on my own. I'm … I'm not sure I should tell you more."
He's growing to despise how much they can't talk about. He wants to know everything about her. How she spends every moment of the day.
She nibbles at her bottom lip then shrugs slightly. "No, actually I think it's alright. I'm going back to where I was with Luke, to build my lightsaber."
Another wave of conflicted feelings move through him. He prefers not to think about Skywalker. But building her first lightsaber? That's wonderful. "Oh, Rey, I'm so proud of you."
She smiles shyly. "Well I haven't done it yet."
"But you will, and it will be glorious. I'm sure of it."
"Thank you, Ben." Her smiling face grows pensive. "I've been wondering something."
"Hmm?"
"Why do you let me call you 'Ben'?"
The question makes his brain come to a stuttering halt because he truly doesn't know. He blinks down on her trying to come up with an answer.
He opens his mouth to speak, but she's already gone.
They're nearly to Jakku. He'd spent the rest of the day in his chambers catching up on reports, avoiding thinking about her question, and trying to discern a pattern to her visits. They've been more frequent lately, and of a longer duration. But then this afternoon it had only been a few minutes. It's exceedingly frustrating.
He just wants to be with her. All the time. He can't even ask her what she's done with her day and her past is so painful for her. Conversation is a minefield of reminders of the reality of their situation.
Kylo realizes he has an opportunity to know her better through this little detour to her wretched home. He finds himself wondering what he might learn of her.
Perhaps this Plutt might be useful before he kills him.
Kylo feels the Finalizer drop out of hyperspace and he's on his feet immediately. He strides out of his chambers and makes his way to the bridge.
"Hux!" he barks.
"Yes, sir," Hux acknowledges swiftly.
"Ready my ship."
"Sir?"
"I'm going to the surface. Alone."
"Supreme Leader, alone? Is this to do with the map to Skywalker?"
Kylo pauses as he realizes he'd never considered what reason to give for this trip to Jakku. He supposes Skywalker is as good a reason as any. "Yes," he responds shortly.
"Are you certain? Our troops were quite thorough th-"
"Just do it, Hux," he orders impatiently.
"And you're quite sure you don't require a battal-"
"Hux," Kylo growls threateningly, his fingers twitching.
"Right away, sir," Hux grumbles.
Kylo nods curtly.
His eyes squint in the Jakku sun and he misses her fiercely. Something about knowing this was her home for so many years makes his heart quicken.
He'd landed away from Niima, not wishing to draw attention to himself. He'd replaced his cloak with his old cowl and it helps shield him from the punishing sunlight, though does nothing for he heat.
Trudging through the sands, he's relieved to see the settlement come into view and speeds his pace.
As he draws nearer, he sees a series of tents and low buildings. Soon he finds himself walking through a marketplace of some kind. Each stall has the look of extreme poverty, the wares all battered and clearly well-used. He sighs heavily. This … this is where his beautiful Rey grew up and it hurts to realize even the merchants struggle. How bad must it have been for an orphan? A slave?
He approaches a squat being with fine, beige fur and startling violet eyes who seems to be selling medicines of some sort. While his instinct is to threaten and take, he realizes he isn't the intimidating Kylo Ren right now. The lack of mask makes him only an unusually tall human male. He decides to simply ask.
"I seek Plutt," he says without preamble.
The humanoid looks him up and down. "You aren't from Jakku," the seller says bluntly.
"No. Plutt?"
He gestures vaguely to a large tent across the way from the marketplace. "You'll find him where he always is, cheatin' and lyin'."
"Is this Plutt not well regarded?"
"Ha!" the man laughs out. "Unkar Plutt is the lowest of the low, but half of Niima would starve without his portions. Mean as a snake. Don't cross that one."
"I … thank you for your time." He starts to move towards the indicated tent when he stops. "One more thing, do you know of a girl named Rey?"
The man stills. "Don't mention her. She ran away, Plutt put a bounty out on her after she stole his ship." Then he looks around quickly. "But between us, she was always too good for Niima. Nothing could touch her. Hard life, the scavenging, but she managed to stay …" he trails off.
"Yes?" Kylo nudges.
"Whole. She managed to stay whole."
Kylo hopes that's true. He isn't so sure.
He watches the crolute throughout the afternoon. He uses the Force to make the crowds ignore his presence. Plutt has changed the exchange rate on parts numerous times and Kylo frowns as he begins to realize that he consistently provides less food to the young female scavengers. He reminds himself that Rey had said she'd had no experience of that sort.
Then he stills at a chilling thought. She'd been asking about how things are between people who care about each other. What if … what if this Plutt had … forced his attentions on her?
That thought gets him striding to Plutt's stall. He grabs the fleshy man by the head and slams it down on the counter.
"Tell me everything about Rey," Kylo hisses down on the pinned man.
"That sandra-"
Kylo hits him with a bout of lighting and Plutt whimpers. "Rey, if you please. And keep a civil tongue in your head. If you want to keep that tongue," Kylo threatens. Not that it matters. Plutt will be dead very, very soon.
"I bought her when she was 5, good little worker. Always found the best scavenge."
"And?"
Plutt stares at him, his beady eyes wide with fear.
"She worked for you for nearly 15 years. I want to know everything," Kylo growls.
"She's an ungrateful little-ahem-she stole my ship, uh … sir."
Kylo is never patient in the best of times, and he's done asking. Holding Plutt's head to the counter, he reaches out his other gloved hand and with a slight push, he's in this disgusting filth's mind.
Rey is at the forefront of his thoughts and the flavor of what's in Plutt's head makes Kylo's blood turn hot in his veins.
He watches as her heartbreaking childhood unfolds. She'd kept trying to make toys out of useless bits she'd find while learning the scavenge, but Plutt would find them and destroy them right in front of her little crying face.
Years of belittling, telling her she's nothing. How she'd scream that her parents were coming. "Who'd want you, you piece of trash?" Plutt had taunted.
Rey grows, carves out something of a life for herself. And then she reaches maturity and Plutt's designs on her become quite clear. It's very difficult for Kylo to keep himself from Force choking him right then and there. But he wants to know it all, regardless of what he might find.
He sees time and again, Plutt attempting to convince Rey to trade something other than scavenge for portions.
"Come on, little one, I'll give you two whole portions if you let me touch those pretty little tits," Plutt had slavered over his Rey. Kylo sneers and digs deeper, making sure it hurts.
"What you saving yourself for, girl? I know you haven't had more than half a portion a day for a week. I'll give you ten portions if you wrap that sharp mouth of yours around my cock."
"I'd rather eat sand," she had spit.
Plutt swipes back the quarter portion he was going to trade for her day's work. "Then that's all you'll have to eat today!"
Her lovely face had filled with impotent rage, but her shoulders had dropped in resignation. Kylo understands immediately that this has happened before. She had only nodded.
Kylo claws deeper and deeper, and is relieved to find only more failed attempts. Then he stumbles on a memory from just before she'd left Jakku.
Plutt had cornered her, grabbed her, put his vile hands all over her. He'd pulled her to him with his fingers digging into her bottom and had ground against her. But in a flash, she'd defended herself with her staff. She had landed a good blow that had Plutt bellowing in pain.
"You can't hold out forever, girlie. One of these days, I'm gonna make you scream."
Rey's eyes had held true fear as she'd scrambled away.
Kylo has seen enough and he pulls out of Plutt's head, feeling dirty from having touched such a repellent mind.
He's shaking with fury, wanting to make this man suffer. He could take him apart piece by piece … or choke him leisurely, letting him have just enough air to prolong the agony. There are oh so many ways he could make this man beg for death. "You deserve to have the skin ripped from your body and left to die very, very slowly," Kylo threatens lowly.
"No! I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry!"
"You're sorry? You're sorry? You kept Rey at a point of near starvation so that she would give into your disgusting plans!"
"I took care of her! Raised her as if she was my own I did!"
"She was your slave," Kylo snarls, grinding Plutt's head into the counter. He yelps in pain and Kylo's lips curl into a sneer.
"She was my best scavenger. Gave her preferential treatment! Even let her go off and live in that AT-AT of hers. Never beat her. I was good to her, and how did she repay me? Stole my ship!"
"Ah, yes. About that. The bounty on her head," Kylo says, bringing his face eye-to-eye with Plutt. The crolute struggles against Kylo's hold, trying to free himself, but it's no use. He finally stills.
"There ain't no bounty," Plutt says in a defeated tone. "I just told people that so they'd think twice about crossing old Uncle Unkar."
Kylo regards the quivering man. He desperately wants to take his time killing him, but he knows Rey would want him to have a clean death. He generally prefers quick kills, anyway.
"Then there's no reason to keep you alive."
"What? No, Maker, no! I'll give you all my portions! I have almost a thousand in the back! You can take anything. Let me show you!"
Kylo lets him go, amused to see what Plutt will offer up in exchange for his life.
"Here," he scrabbles for something under the counter. Kylo rolls his eyes when he produces a blaster. "Now who's in charge?" Plutt taunts.
Kylo sighs and pulls the blaster to him with the Force. "Me, Plutt. It's always me."
Again using the Force, he has the quivering blob out from behind his counter and suspended before him.
Now Plutt truly begins to beg. "I don't wanna die, please, please, I'll do anything. Please …" he blubbers.
Kylo drops him to the ground and punches him in the face as hard as he can. He feels the satisfying crunch of the bones in Plutt's nose and is pleased to find blood streaming down the reprehensible man's face.
He cocks his head and regards his prey. This man is responsible for the majority of Rey's suffering. Her sweet, small face when she was a child floats in his mind, her cheeks wet with tears.
Oh, how he wishes he'd known of her. He'd been 15 when they'd sold her. Old enough that he could have whisked her away, found her a proper home. In that moment, he's enraged at the Force for waiting so long to bind them. All the suffering he could have saved her from …
Because now … now he can sense the chasm in her heart and he hopes he can find a way to bridge it. This … this is a start. At least he can be her vengeance
"While I would like very much to take my time, make this last. I have rather pressing business to attend to."
With that, he takes up his saber and Plutt's head rolls on the ground a second later.
He skims the surface of Jakku's desert, looking for her AT-AT. He'd glimpsed it in her mind on Starkiller Base. There, there it is. He sets his ship down nearby and makes his way to her home. He just wants … he wants to know. He wants to be in her space.
Finding the entrance, he has to duck low as he walks into her odd home. He looks around, finding it nearly empty. He presumes it's been scavenged. He has to hunch to get a good look around.
He sees a flash of orange and he kneels down, picking up a doll, a small rebellion pilot. He glares at it, thinking of another rebellion pilot. But then he recalls how she'd kept trying to make herself toys, be like a normal little girl.
The pain of it explodes in his chest and he finds it's difficult to breathe. She's just been through so damned much and now … she's alone with the Force and, Maker, how he wishes she just would have stayed.
He stands, placing the doll on a makeshift shelf, and then notices the strangest thing. A wall of hundreds, maybe thousands of tiny marks. What in the galaxy? He walks closer and removes his glove. He finds he needs to touch them. As he's skimming his hand along the scratches it hits him. She'd been counting days.
Oh gods, every single mark is a day she was unloved and he feels like he's been punched in the gut.
"Oh, Rey …" he murmurs.
He holds his palm flat against the wall and hangs his head, wishing for impossible things.
"What's wrong?" she asks as he whirls to find Rey. He suddenly feels like an interloper. He didn't exactly ask her if she would mind him visiting her home.
"I ... " He realizes rather quickly that Rey might not precisely approve of his recent actions and he's not sure how to tell her.
"Why are you so dusty, it almost looks like sand …" Then she regards him with an analytical expression. "Where … where are you?"
He grimaces slightly. "Jakku. Specifically, your AT-AT."
"What?!" she gasps out. She shakes her head slightly. "I don't understand. Why are you on Jakku?".
"I … after you told me about Lyn … I just, I had to do something."
"Do?" Her eyes take on a hint of fear. "Ben … what … what did you do?"
Best to just get it out. "I killed Plutt."
Her eyes open and close rapidly. "You … you …" She grabs her stomach and starts to pace. Then she looks at him swiftly. Her expression is a swirl of confusion, recrimination, and an odd gleam of savage satisfaction. "He's dead? He's really dead?"
"I couldn't let one more minute pass with that vile creature drawing breath, not once I knew how he'd hurt you."
"You … you really killed him for me?"
"Of course I did. He hurt you," he says again.
She holds her head. "Plutt's dead. Oh Maker, Plutt is dead!"
He can't tell if this pleases her or not. "He hurt you," he says yet again. It's so obvious to him. Anyone who hurts her will answer to him.
But then she's shaking her head. "You … you can't just kill anyone who hurts me."
"I beg to differ." He'll do anything to protect her. Anything. She should understand that.
"Fine, I don't want you to kill people who have hurt me. I don't want you to kill anyone at all!"
He scoffs at that. "Some people deserve to be killed."
"No! I don't ... " Her eyes close tightly. "I see that you … meant well, and I have to admit I mostly just feel relief that he's gone. It … bothered me to know he still … owned me."
Kylo growls, "You belong to yourself. You always have. Just because money changed hands doesn't mean that you were his." Just saying that she was ever another's even in this context, stokes that jealous beast he's trying to learn how to handle. He's not terribly successful.
Her expression grows stormy. "You … you should have asked me if I wanted you to do this."
"I … perhaps," he acknowledges.
"No, not perhaps. Absolutely. I won't grieve for him, and I might have wished him dead many times as a child, but this is my life, Ben. Mine. He was mine to deal with, when and how I wanted to."
He tries to reach for her but she steps back. "I'm sorry, I can't … I can't do that right now."
"Rey?" he asks, suddenly worried he's made a serious error.
"You … I don't know what to do with this side of you. How brutal you can be. I thought … I thought I could keep it all separate, but … I need to think."
Her arms are wrapped around her torso and she's looking at something he can't see. He feels the pull to hold her and his fingers clench into fists. He thinks maybe he should say something but he doesn't know what. He won't apologize for ridding the galaxy of a man like Unkar Plutt. She'll see reason once she's had a moment to think.
She huffs out a breath. "It's really annoying not being able to control this connection."
"Yes, it can be … trying."
"I need to be alone, but I can't! And … then sometimes I need to see you so badly and I can't have that either."
"I know." He thinks that if she'd just come to him this wouldn't be an issue, but he is absolutely certain now is not the time to broach that subject.
She keeps her face averted and he looks at her pleadingly, willing her to soften. The silence is stilted and cold until she fades.
He looks around her AT-AT bleakly and wonders how long it will take her to forgive him.
A/N: I did it! I posted 10 chapters in 10 days! *phew* I'm taking Christmas off, but will resume daily posting on Tuesday, 12/26.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the amazing support. I know I wouldn't be able to produce like this without everyone's wonderful follows, favorites, and reviews. Thank you, thank you, thank you.