Hard Truths and Easy Lies, part 2
Brennan was confused.
She couldn't wrap her mind around why exactly she was feeling this way, but she had to accept that this sinking feeling in her stomach would not go away. Or at least it apparently didn't want to be rationalized away or she would've been able to get rid of it days ago.
On the one hand, this was one of the happiest times of her life. She was doing a job she loved, two jobs actually, and she was well compensated for it. She had great friends and family around her now and more support than she could ever remember having in her life before. She had a cat who ran to meet her every day when she came home and slept curled up into her stomach every night. She should be (what was that expression Booth used?)… walking on clouds. Instead, she was confused.
Because even though her days were filled with meaningful work, her nights were filled with laughter, companionship and fun. She hadn't spent an even alone in weeks, instead finding herself spending all her free time with either Jack or Booth. If she was with Jack, they'd spend their time watching science fiction movies (which he inexplicably seemed to love and yet somehow enjoyed her cynical take on the storylines) or going to various cultural events or music clubs. The evenings would always end with him dropping her off outside her building, a gentle kiss goodnight, and a walk back up to her apartment alone.
If she was spending time with Booth, it usually involved miscellaneous take-out food, bickering, playing with Annabelle (or "their daughter" as Booth liked to joke about her), and plenty of laughter. They would most likely stay in for the night, doing anything from watching television (she'd finally succumbed to his request that she get a decent one), filling out paperwork, or even the occasional board game. More often than not, the evenings would end early into the next morning, after they had woken up from unexpectedly dozing on her couch. He would always make her follow him to the door before he gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead and waited in the hallway to hear her engage her locks before heading home. And she would gather up the cat and head to bed, feeling both happy to have spent another evening in his company and strangely sad to see him leave, even though she knew she'd be seeing him in the morning.
"Morning T, you busy?"
Brennan glanced at the clock by her bedside before answering, "Jack, it's 6 am and we don't really have a big case going on, so how busy could I be? I was just getting ready for work."
She heard him chuckle softly over the phone and had to smile herself. One of the things she admired most about him was how he exuded an almost constant sense of calm and good humor. He wasn't quick to anger or subject to wild mood swings, and being around him helped ground her in a way that she hadn't ever felt with any of her previous relationships. Not that there'd been tons of them, but still.
"So do you think you could be persuaded to meet me for breakfast before work?"
"Sure. You want to meet at the diner?"
"Not really. How about the Pancake House instead?"
"Sure. I'll meet you there in 30 minutes."
"I'll be there."
True to her word, she found herself walking into the brightly decorated restaurant 30 minutes later to find Jack already there and waiting for her. A smile immediately lit up her face when she watched him bend down to help a frazzled waitress gather up the dishes she'd apparently dropped. Here was one of the wealthiest men in the country, perhaps even the world, and instead of throwing his weight around and demanding people wait on him at all times, he was helping someone else. It was just so him. His kindness and humility far outweighed his ego, no matter what the situation. He never flaunted his wealth, never threw his weight around (except in extreme circumstances and even then usually to help out a friend) and never expected to be treated differently from anyone else. He was truly a remarkable man.
"Hey, there you are!" He exclaimed as he looked up and saw her. He placed the dishes he had in his hand on the frazzled girl's tray, gave her a small smile and then moved over to Brennan, placing a light kiss on her cheek.
"That was nice of you," she said as they sat down at the small table.
"Huh? Oh, the waitress? Well, I wasn't just going to sit here and do nothing while the poor girl struggled. No big deal."
No, Jack, you're wrong, she thought. But that's probably what makes it a big deal—you have no idea how truly wonderful you are. "Maybe not, but not everyone would do it," she said instead and reached across the table to squeeze his hand.
"Maybe not, but they should." He smiled at her and reached over to brush an errant strand of hair off her face. "So, what are your plans for this weekend? 'Cause if you're free, I have an idea…"
"As far as I know I'm free. As long as we don't get a case between now and then, of course. Why, what do you have in mind?" She asked absently while perusing the menu.
"I'd like to take you away for the weekend."
Her head shot up in surprise, her eyes immediately searching his. Did he mean what she thought he meant? Going away together was a big step in a relationship, Angela had taught her that years ago, one she wasn't sure that she was ready for, especially now when she was feeling so confused and conflicted about how she felt about Jack. Plus, they hadn't yet progressed past the kissing stage of their coupling. A vacation implied a hotel room, which implied a bed, which definitely implied sex.
He must have read her thoughts in her eyes because he smiled and said simply, "T, I want to be closer to you. As cliché as it sounds, I want us to take the next step. I want it to be special and romantic and all about us, just the two of us, no distractions, no interruptions, no cases. But I need you to tell me if that's what you want too…"
"Jack, I'm… I'm scared." She said simply. She didn't want to hurt him and admit all of her doubts, but sleep with and have no consequences, that once emotions are involved, things can't be casual. I think he's right and I think… no, I know, that being with you, in that way, would be anything but casual. If things go wrong between us after we've taken that step, what then? How would we survive it and still be able to be around each other? Work together?"
"T, there are no guarantees in life and I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that things will never get complicated or messy between us. They might, they might not, I just don't know. But I can tell you that whether we're ever intimate or not, I will always care about you and want to have you in my life. I felt that way before we got involved and I'll feel that way in the future. That won't ever change. But T, we can't keep going like this indefinitely—more than friends but not quite lovers. We need to figure out what we really want to be to each other and I think we need to do that somewhere where we can be alone."
"And what if being more, being lovers, doesn't work out for us?"
"Then we'll take it from there, but at least we'll know where we stand. Okay?"
She took a deep breath and answered, "Okay."