A/N: As usual, a big, big thank you to the lovely misstiggy for motivating me without even realizing it. You get to find out more about Edward and Bella's pasts in this chapter. WARNING: This chapter is pretty graphic and dark but you'd expect that from me by now, right? Viewer discretion is advised... See you at the bottom!

Disclaimer: I Own Nothing.

Chapter Song: Misguided Ghosts by Paramore

"I get mad at people who talk about traumatic job interviews, about going on one and getting rejected. I get rejected all the time and not only do I get rejected, but people have no problem being really specific about why I was rejected."

- Julia Sweeney

"Mom," I shook her lightly, trying to wake her up. She was laying on the floor face down in her own vomit and surrounded by various empty bottles of alcohol and crushed packets of cigarettes. She began stirring beneath me, trying to fight her condition and move. She looked like a fish out of water, flapping and writhing recklessly. My voice was filled with pain and worry.

"Mom, you need to wake up for me, okay?"

The stale smell of tobacco lingered in the room, the smell of her filth clinging to my sinuses. I was trying desperately not to be sick and to just look after my mother. But I knew what was coming – it was what always happened every time she drank.

"You!" My mother growled as she tried to stand up. She was still drunk and her words were slurred but still as sharp as a knife. "It's all your fucking fault!"

All I could do was sigh as I pulled out a bunch of tissues from my pocket. I began to wipe away the vomit from Renee's mouth while she continued to go off at me, her arms flailing dangerously.

"What is my fault, mom?" I asked my mother quietly, afraid to speak too loudly.

"That Angus has left me! He left me because he couldn't handle having a nut job of a step-daughter. How could you be so selfish? How could you do this to me?"

"Angus didn't know about my depression, though." Tears stung my eyes, and for a moment I couldn't see through the wells in my eyes. I didn't bother to hide the hurt on my face. "Only my psychologist and now you."

"Of course he did! Who the hell doesn't know that you aren't normal? And you know what the bastard said to me? He said that I was to blame for your depression! He said this was all my fault! How dare he!" She glared at me as if I had spat in her face. In Renee's mind, maybe I did. "So this is all your fault. You're the reason why I am alone! You deserve to die!"

Renee's hand hit me like a thunderclap. I jumped at the intensity of it and flinched away from her. I slowly raised my hand and touched the place where Renee had hit me. I should have been used to her physical and verbal abuse, but I was still stunned every time it happened. I looked into my mother's eyes, finding no kindness or remorse in them. She meant what she said – she wanted me to die.

I stood up and quickly walked out of the room. Renee stumbled behind me, still screaming obscenities.

"I wish you were dead! You hear me, Isabella Fowler? I wish that the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I killed you! You are the devil spawn! You are fucking sick!"

I quickly locked my bedroom door and walked into my bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror and hated the person looking back at me. That's when I saw my razor, glittering and tempting me.

"If it's what you want, Renee." I whispered as I picked up the razor blade.

Alice took the razor from my hand and looked at me, crushed with sorrow. Tears fell from her eyes freely. She took a step toward me. I was far from being surprised when Alice randomly turns up, but this was the first time I didn't want her here. I didn't want the guilt of leaving her plaguing me.

"Don't do this." She said to me. "What about me? What do you think this is going to do to me, Bee?"

"How many times have you told me you're not real?" I hissed at her as I tried to grab the razor blade out of her hands. She glared at me, putting her hands behind her back.

"I'm talking about the real me! This isn't your time yet, Bee. Don't make the biggest mistake of your life."

"Bella?"

I jumped in fright, quickly realizing where I was. That was one hell of a dream...if I could really call it that. It was my past memory, back in time when I was fifteen years old and living in Arizona. It was my final day in that state, before my mother brought me to Seattle. My soft mattress squeaked in alarm as I rolled over to face the voice that was calling to me. I couldn't see a damn thing, the dim lighting didn't help anything. It was still dark outside and the stars illuminated my room like a backdrop. I pulled the sheets closer to me and sat up.

Through the gloom I could see a tall figure standing in the door way. I recognized his large, muscular build and buzz cut. I smiled, quickly realizing that he probably couldn't see me at all. I laughed nervously, hoping that it really was who I thought it was.

"Emmett," I said quietly said in recognition. I got out of the bed and walked beside him down the corridor.

Emmett was one of the nurses/guards of the ward and he was one of the nicest people I had ever had the privilege of meeting. He was a large man, nearly six foot seven with short black hair and breathtaking hazel eyes. When I first met him I was scared shitless of him, but once you get passed the large exterior, he is nothing but a soft touch. He is fiercely loyal to those he cares about and would jump through fire for them. I hadn't seen him in a few weeks because he just got married to a beautiful woman named Rosalie. I met her once and she was just as kind hearted as Emmett. They deserve the happiness that they have found and I couldn't be any more happy for him. Tonight must be when he resumed his work.

"You were calling out in your sleep. Nightmares again, little one?" He asked me with concern as we walked down the large corridor. I chuckled lightly, due to the fact that I was definitely not little. I was above average height, standing at five foot seven. I nodded my head, putting my hands in my pockets. His hazel eyes were lighter than usual tonight and it looked like he was really concerned about something. I knew that he probably wouldn't tell me due to confidentiality, but there was no harm in trying anyway.

"Is everything all right, Emmett?"

"Your mother called the ward earlier." He said with anger. I stopped walking and felt like someone poured a bucket of ice water over my body. She called here? Does that mean she is coming here? Emmett read my facial expressions and the hard glint in his eye was momentarily gone. He smiled at me and he looked like a big, soft teddy bear. I smiled back at him and we resumed walking toward the recreational room.

I quickly realized that the staff must know about the situation with my mother and that was why Emmett looked so angry.

"Is she coming here?"

"Fuck no, she's not." He growled. "I won't let that crazy bitch anywhere near you, little one."

We sat down on the soft couch and stared at the television screen for several minutes.

"Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!"

"Okay. Give me some water!"

"Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or... LOOK AT ME! Or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn."

"Please let me have it... Please!"

"First you have to give up, first you have to know... not fear... know... that someday you're gonna die."

"I shouldn't be letting you watch this." Emmett mumbled in annoyance. I laughed loudly and lifted my knee on the seat and rested my elbow on it. I rested my chin on the palm of my hand and looked over to him, amused.

"Fight Club is Edward's favorite book." I said, still smiling. "And it was my favorite movie long before I was admitted here. It's nothing I haven't seen before, teddy bear."

"Your mother let you watch this when you were a child? Christ, Bella!" He groaned.

"My mother didn't give a shit what I did, Emmett, just as long as I wasn't around to interfere with her many marriages."

"She wanted to come and see you today. She's in the Seattle area."

"What?" I almost yelled out. She's here? In light of all that has happened, what the fuck would happen if she actually got to see me? Would she know that I knew everything by the look on my face, or would I be a good enough liar to sucker her? I'd probably try to kill the woman if she tried that caring mother facade. It scared me to think that she was somewhere in the same city as me after all I know now. "Shit, I... Fuck! I have to call someone, Carlisle, or Charlie... I... I don't know-"

"Bella," His hand covered my mouth. I looked at him with wide, fearful eyes. I didn't know what the hell to do! "We were told to arrest her on sight. You don't need to worry about her getting to you."

"That's not what I'm worried about. I'm more worried about what I'll do to her. Have you tried to contact Carlisle or my... dad?"

"I've called Chief Swan." He ruffled my hair playfully. "He will come here once visiting hours resume, little one. Nearly shat a damn brick when I told him. He really loves you and wants to protect you, you know."

"I know... I'm very lucky despite the shitty circumstances."

I thought of Carlisle's letter that was still on the night stand in my room. It was like a constant dark cloud over my head, and the threat of rainfall was so intense I wanted to carry a metaphorical umbrella with me at all times. A storm was coming so soon, and I wasn't prepared. Even if I had all the time in the world, I don't think I ever could be.

"Do you believe in God, Emmett?"

His hazel eyes, now the color of amber looked at me in surprise. His platinum wedding band danced against the dim lighting of the room. The sun was now slowly beginning to peek its way through the horizon, a new day ready to begin. He shifted his body to face me. One thing I really liked about Emmett McCarty was that he knew when to joke around and when to be serious. Now was no exception. He looked extremely thoughtful, really thinking about my question before answering. We stared at each other for a few minutes, not feeling awkward, but strangely comforted.

"Do I believe in God?" He took a deep breath, his large chest rising. "I think I do. There has to be more to this life than simply existing, you know? All of these trials and tribulations can't all be for nothing. There has to be something after this."

"It sounds like you're afraid of nothingness after this life."

"Aren't you?"

I hesitated. "Absolutely, now that I have met Edward and Carlisle... And even you, Emmett. I couldn't even comprehend dying and thinking there is nothing afterward. I used to welcome the concept of death, beckoning my final breath... It didn't bother me that there might be nothing, because all I had was nothingness. But I believe that God gave me another chance at this life. I believe that that was God telling me to live my life the best I can and that when I eventually... die... There is something after this life... that it's not all for nothing."

"You speak far too maturely for someone your age, little one. You know what I was doing when I was eighteen? I was getting drunk at frat parties, getting stoned, eating far too much shit and then vomiting in the Dean's hundred dollar pot plants."

We both laughed while Emmett continued to tell me about the mischief that he got up to in his teenage years, which involved nude runs on campus and how he met his now wife, Rosalie. He had done a lot of stupid shit, but he was still a beautiful person. I couldn't picture Emmett ever losing himself in the crowd. He still knew the difference between good and bad.

Was I upset that I wasn't doing this stuff? No, not really. I now believed that everything happened for a reason, and there is a reason why I am the way I am now.

"Someone please? Someone help me! I can't sleep!" A loud, shrill voice called from one of the bedrooms. Emmett groaned and I smiled innocently at him. I knew exactly who that voice was, for she called out almost every night. I yawned, wishing that I could have a few more hours sleep before I had to face one of the hardest possible day of my life, thanks to my mother.

"No one ever fucking helps me! Why are you doing this to me? Please!"

"Gaye," Emmett growled. As he stood up, he turned around to look at me. "Do you want a sleeping tablet, little one?"

"But wakeup call is in an hour and a half."

"Fuck that shit. You need the sleep. You've been through so much lately. I'll cover you." He winked at me and I laughed. While Emmett went to check on Gaye, I walked toward the front desk where the nurses and admin officers usually resided when they weren't tending to patients. Because it was now only five fifty in the morning, there were only two guards supervising the area. More nurses will be arriving before seven, when wakeup call is.

"Emmett said something about a sleeping tablet?" I asked Benton hopefully. He nodded his head, grinning and walking to the locked medicine closet. He placed two orange tablets in a tiny plastic cup and passed me a glass of water. I looked at the orange tablets, relieved that I would get to sleep just a little longer. Ten minutes later I was tucked in my hospital bed and cradled in the arms of sleep.

Edward and I were entwined together on a single mattress, desperately holding onto each other as if we were the last two surviving humans on earth. I woke up an hour and a half after I fell asleep and found him curled up beside me. The moment I looked into his eyes, my heart broke. The calm resolve that I had grown accustomed to was no longer there, and I was staring at a very vulnerable, beautiful, tortured spirit.

Edward had his head nestled against my neck and he cried silently. I repeatedly kissed his head of hair, wishing I knew what to do to help him get through this. I knew this moment would come, where our roles would be reversed and I would be the comforter, but it didn't make it any less easy to deal with...but I would, for him. I owed that to him and so much more.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked him in a near whisper.

I didn't want to push Edward into talking to me about something so personal. I knew he came here and told me that he wanted to talk, but saying and doing is an entirely different thing. He was about to share his demons with me, and it would be absolutely petrifying for him. But I would make sure that he knew I would be here afterwards. It doesn't matter what has happened, or what he would do – I would still be beside him, regardless.

"I want to share everything with you." He mumbled against my skin.

His lips brushed against my collarbone and I couldn't help but shiver at the contact. I was extremely aware of his hot breath against my neck and the way my body was in complete contact with his. I couldn't help but think I could do this, lay here with him, for the rest of my life.

"I can't really remember much of my childhood... but this memory is the most vivid one I have." Edward's voice was monotonous and as each word left his mouth, the further he would be on auto-pilot mode. His eyes were glazed and unfocused. He was reliving his traumatic moment – the moment that his life had changed forever. "At the time, my parents and I lived in Chicago. We were pretty well off, my dad was a lawyer and my mom was a high school teacher. They were fucking amazing, Bella. Pretty much the most hard working, decent people I had ever come across. I know my parents would have loved you."

I smiled sympathetically, letting Edward get this all off his chest. He needed this. He rubbed circles on my bare skin absentmindedly and I played with his hair, twirling strands around my fingertips. I overheard Edward mumbling something about his parents dying in a fire to someone, but he told me that wasn't true. He said he wished that that was how they died. I'm afraid of fire and I wouldn't wish anyone to die that way.

"God, I remember everything about that night. It plays over and over in my mind like a fucking movie. A fucked up, psychotic movie... but it's real. There are no props, or camera crew."

"You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, Edward."

"No," he cut me off, his auto-pilot voice in full force now. "Did you know I have a f-fear of b-blood, Bella? Hemophobia, I believe the term is called. I repulse the sight of it. I can't d-deal with that shit. I just..." He trailed off and my mind was in shambles.

Edward has just told me he is afraid of blood – yet not even a week ago, he had cleaned my wounds. We watched the blood fall freely from my wrists and cleaned them without a sweat; all the while his fear was slapping him in the face repeatedly. Guilt crushed me brutally, and I couldn't breathe.

"Don't, Bella. I know what you're doing right now. You're feeling guilty over what happened a few days ago, right? Don't. Just don't, okay, because that will piss me off. I'm too pissed off with this world to deal with your guilt. You didn't know, okay?"

He moved his face from my neck and cupped my face in both of his hands. He made me look at him and his eyes were foreign and distant. I nodded my head, unable to speak; momentarily scared of the person I was looking at. I had to keep reminding myself that this was the other side of Edward, the dark side that had a reason for why he was there. It was just a part of him. When he realized I was nodding, he smiled although it did not reach his eyes and kissed my forehead before speaking again.

The foreign eyes didn't dissipate once.

"It was Halloween. The irony doesn't s-slip past me, believe me. Dad and I went out for trick or treating. I came back with b-bucket loads of candy. Mom dressed me up as Peter Pan. Every Halloween, my parents let me stay up until eleven, even if it was a school night. It was like a gift from God or something." He laughed bitterly, furiously wiping away his fallen tears. "It was exactly ten forty five when there was a knock at the door. Mom assumed it was more trick or treaters and was at the door in an instant with a plastic pumpkin filled with assorted candy. They...they..." His body was shaking in tremors, and his voice was filled with anguish and despair. My Edward was crying loudly, not caring if anyone heard or saw us, for we were in our own world, where our pain was shared. I was sad because he was. I rocked him gently in my arms, letting him cry as much as he needed to, not speaking and letting him take his time. I was scared about where this conversation was heading, but part of me already knew.

"They fucking slit her throat, Bella. They didn't even hesitate, didn't flinch at the sight of the life they had taken. Dad screamed at me to get out of the house and run to the neighbors, but I couldn't. I was frozen at the sight of my mother, staring vacantly at the ceiling in a pool of her own blood. If there was any comfort at all from that, it's that she didn't suffer for too long. My d-dad…

h-he sacrificed himself to save me. There were three of them and one of him, and he had to protect his fucking pathetic, shell shocked piece of scum that was his son. They weren't as kind with him."

Oh, God. I could feel the blood boiling in my veins and bile rising in my throat. How can there be people like that in the world? Why are there people who enjoy inflicting pain on each other? I can't imagine ever harming another person for amusement. There are evil people in this world. Evil, despicable, cold and calculating people who didn't deserve to walk among decent people like Edward and his parents. What do they have to gain with monstrous acts like this, and scarring those who survive? No wonder Edward is the way he is now. Anyone would be after witnessing what he had.

"Our house alarm was blaring, but I couldn't hear it. They didn't touch me at all, didn't harm me in any way. But they knew I was there. One of them even looked me in the eye as he plunged his knife into my father's chest. A family happened to be walking by at the time, and came to see if everything was okay. That's when those burglars ran for it. There was blood everywhere and I couldn't stop screaming. I didn't sleep for days afterward. And I never spoke a word

for thirteen years. I swear, Bella, if I ever see any of them on the street again-"

"Don't. Don't even say it." I cut him off, pulling him closer to me. I wanted to steal all of his pain and make it my own. Edward didn't deserve this. His parent's sure as hell didn't deserve the fate that was dealt to them. Times like these, it made me really hate people and how crudely we treat each other.

"Edward, I am so, so sorry for what you went through. For what your parents went through. But what they did, Edward, was fucking vile. That doesn't even begin to cover it. There are words that don't even match the level of what you saw that night. They deserve the most painful death in existence, but it won't be at your hands. Don't say it will be. Please."

"I can't promise you that." He said blankly.

"Edward Anthony Masen, they will get what is coming to them... That is if they haven't already, which I can pretty much guarantee they would have. Remember our talk about karma all those weeks ago? You told me you believe that what goes around comes around?"

"Where was my parent's karma, Isabella?" He said coldly. I stopped breathing. Edward has never spoken to me this way before. "They fucking bent over backwards to accommodate to others needs! They never ever asked for anything in return! They worked their asses off and never complained. My mother died for no fucking reason and my dad died to save me. Where is their karma?"

"I don't know," I rasped. My throat felt so dry, each word felt like sandpaper rubbing against it. "I know that nothing I can say will ever take away what happened. But would your parents want you to seek revenge for them? Would they want you to have this hate deep within you? Because from what you have told me, that would be the last thing they want. If you harm them, like they did you, that makes you no better than them. Please don't even think thoughts like that. You are so much better than that, Edward."

"You don't know me at all." His voice could have frozen me in my place for the rest of eternity. I furiously blinked away tears, snapping my open mouth shut.

I didn't bother to speak anymore, because I knew anything I said to him would be turned against me. I knew this from personal experience. It was a card that my mother pulled on me all the time during her drunken fights with me. We stared at each other coldly, the warmth of our bodies against each other not enough to block the cold stares.

He pulled away from me and quickly got up from the bed. I knew I should have told him to stay, to just cool off, but I couldn't speak. I watched him walk out of the room without looking back.

"I love you." I said to him quietly as I heard my door slam shut.

A/N.. again: Okay so i'm still getting plenty of alerts and views but not many reviews. To the new alerters... HI! *waves* While I don't expect people to review and am very thankful for those who do, drop and line, man. You can even leave one word and it'll make me squee. The more reviews I get, the faster the next chapter will be up.. Sooo.. GO! We're also nearing the end of this story, 3-4 chapters to go. *wipes away tear*