Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Author's Note: I had the one tiny idea for Zuko apologizing to Katara, and it grew into an entire chapter. And as I thought, the writing went really fast. And yes, I'm guessing at the ages they were when things from their past happened.
Forgiveness
"So what is this about?" Katara demanded when Zuko had finally stopped. They were standing in a clearing past some shrubs, where the little brook that ran through Piandao's property bubbled along placidly for a while before plunging down the rocks toward the sea below. Katara wondered if Zuko had chosen this location because he guessed that she would feel more comfortable with her element nearby. If so, he'd guessed right, but she wasn't about to let down her guard.
"When I left home, I swore I would do my best to make things right," he explained. "I have a long way to go before that's done, but the first step was to apologize to people I'd hurt. Somehow, I forgot about one of them until today."
"Who?"
"You," he said simply. "We were in that cave for a while, and--"
"Aang's the one you owe an apology to, not me," Katara interrupted, not sure why this was bothering her so much.
"I already took care of that," Zuko reminded her, and Katara recalled that, in fact, one of the first things Zuko had done after she'd knocked him out of the sky was apologize to Aang. "He's forgiven me, but you haven't."
"What do you think you can say that will make me forgive you?" returned Katara belligerently, crossing her arms in front of her.
"I don't know," he admitted, "but I have to try. We started to get to know each other when we were trapped together, and you must feel like I set you up, got you to identify with me before I turned on you."
Katara nodded slowly but didn't speak, tilting her head to hear what he would say next.
"For what it's worth, everything I said there was true," he continued. "I didn't lie to you, but I did repay your kindness with violence. For that, I'm sorry."
Katara mulled that over for a moment as she considered how to respond.
"Aang almost died because of you," she said quietly. She was still haunted by the image of Aang being struck from behind and the memory of his limp body landing in her arms, the fear that she would never get the chance to tell him what he meant to her.
"I know, and believe me, I didn't expect that!" Zuko protested. "I only ever tried to capture Aang, not kill him. Okay, that didn't sound good, but that's not the point. I'm just trying to tell you that I didn't intend to fight you that day."
"You said you'd changed."
"I thought I had." Zuko looked down at the ground. "I guess it wasn't enough. Azula offered me a last chance to earn my father's acceptance, maybe even his love." He offered a dry chuckle, shaking his head. "I know it was stupid, but I was too weak not to take that chance." Katara felt tempted to sympathize with him again, but she shut it down. Not yet.
"So how do I know you won't relapse again?" she challenged.
"You don't," he told her bluntly, his honesty surprising her. "I'm not looking for your trust right now, just your forgiveness. I can tell you one thing, though. I've learned that if a father's love is something you have to work for, it isn't worth the effort."
Katara regarded him again in silence, digesting his words. She tried for a moment to imagine what it must be like to have a father like the pitiless Firelord, one who judged you based on your ruthlessness. Zuko must feel like he was climbing out of a dark chasm, trying to learn from outside observation how normal people were supposed to behave. It was really no wonder he had trouble interacting with people in any way that wasn't antagonistic, and somewhat to her surprise, she discovered that a part of her wanted to forgive him. However, she needed a question answered first.
"What happened to your mother?" she asked, as gently as she could manage. He looked at her sharply, clearly not expecting that.
"Why?" he said.
"You said you lost your mother to the Fire Nation like I did. I'd like you to explain that before I do anything else."
Zuko held her gaze for a few breaths before shrugging.
"To tell the truth, I don't know, exactly," he confessed. The rest came out in kind of a rush. "She disappeared when I was eight. My father told me some things the day I left…I think she killed my grandfather."
"What?" Katara exclaimed reflexively. Honestly, could this family possibly get any more dysfunctional? Zuko sighed, settling himself on the grass.
"You might want to get comfortable," he advised her. "It's a pretty long story." Katara frowned but found a flat-topped rock that made a reasonable seat. Then she nodded to indicate that she was ready.
"Keep in mind that a lot of this is what I've heard from other people, so I don't know how much of it is true," Zuko warned at the outset. "It started when my cousin Lu Ten, Uncle Iroh's son, died in the war and Uncle abandoned the siege of Ba Sing Se. He was still on his way home when my father asked for an audience with Firelord Azulon. Father asked if he could be named the heir to the throne in place of Uncle Iroh. His reason was that he still had living children, while his older brother did not."
Katara must have gasped aloud because Zuko's mouth twitched, and he acknowledged her response when he continued.
"Believe it or not, Grandfather Azulon reacted much the same way," he said. "He didn't think Father was appreciating Uncle's grief. Grandfather declared that Father needed to know the pain of losing a son. He ordered my father to kill me." This time, Katara clearly heard the hiss as she drew her breath in between her teeth.
"So what happened?" she asked breathlessly. Something had clearly interrupted that plan, since Zuko was sitting there in front of her. The left corner of his mouth quirked up in a wry grin.
"Don't think that my father had some fit of paternal feeling," responded Zuko. "He was going to do it, but Mom found out somehow. She came up with a way around it. She killed my grandfather in the night. I assume she must have used poison to make it look like he'd simply died of old age, in his sleep. My father was able to spread the word that the Firelord's deathbed wish was for him to take the throne instead of Uncle. Everyone got what they wanted – my father got his crown sooner than he expected, and my mother got to keep her son alive. But there was a price.
"My mother went into exile as punishment for her action, despite the fact that no one but her and Father knew and that he was part of the plot. She gave up the life she knew to save me."
Katara waited until she was sure he was done before she spoke again.
"Your mother might be alive then?" she wondered. "Somewhere?"
"Maybe. I don't have any way to track her down, though."
This really shed a new light on him, and Katara decided that one mother story deserved another.
"My mother was killed senselessly in a raid on our village," she told him bluntly.
"I'm sorry," he said, and he really sounded like he meant it. "Do you know why you were raided?"
"No," Katara shook her head, the imperfect memories flashing through her mind. "That was the only time in my life that the Fire Nation came. Well, until you showed up, anyway."
"That's strange." Zuko looked thoughtful. "Usually, the raiders do things for a reason. When was this?"
"About seven years ago."
Zuko frowned, his eyes intent but distant, as though looking down a path no one else could see.
"I think I remember that," he remarked softly. "The Southern Raiders returned to the palace one day after they'd been off on some mission. That was when I was first starting to take seriously the idea that I was going to be Firelord someday, and I liked hanging around soldiers and officials to hear what they were talking about. The leader of the Southern Raiders announced that he had killed the last waterbender at the South Pole."
"But – " Katara began, but she broke off as the possibilities began crowding in on her. "But I'm the last Southern waterbender."
"Was your mother--?"
"No, she wasn't," Katara answered his question before he finished it. "It skipped a generation or two."
"But she knew you were by then?"
"Of course."
"Was she the only person who died?" This was spoken quietly, and Katara thought she knew what he was getting at.
"Yes," she responded, just as quietly. Now that she looked back on it, it was a little strange that only one person had died in the chaos. She had avoided thinking about that terrible day for so long, the day her childhood had effectively ended. She had only remembered she'd lost her mother and thought that was all she needed to know. Maybe it wasn't. "The Fire Nation showed up, set some things on fire, killed my mother, and left."
"That man must have thought she was the waterbender."
"Yes," Katara nodded, finding that it was her turn to be absorbed by memory. "He came into our home. He was questioning her. She must have lied to protect me. That's the only thing that makes sense." She felt tears welling up in her eyes, the pain fresh again with the new revelation.
"Your mother sacrificed herself for you." Zuko's words were practically a whisper, yet every syllable rang clearly in Katara's ears. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as the tears spilled out onto her face.
"I don't think she expected to die," she said, mostly to herself. "Before, the waterbenders from our tribe had always been taken away, not killed." There was a heavy silence.
"I think he's retired now, but maybe I can help you find your mother's murderer," Zuko offered at last. "You could finally face him." It was a tempting thought, but only for a handful of heartbeats.
"There's no need," she shook her head definitively, wiping her moist cheeks. "It's enough to know what happened. Strangely, it makes me feel better to know she died for a reason, not as a random act of violence. I feel a little guilty about being the reason for it, but…I guess you and I have more in common than I thought." Her mother had lost her life, while Zuko's had taken one. There did seem to be an odd sort of symmetry.
"Yeah." Zuko was looking at her expectantly, but it took Katara a moment to realize that he was still waiting for her to either provide or deny the favor he had asked of her. She regarded him for a short while longer before making her decision.
"I forgive you," she announced, and the words seemed to open her lungs so that she could breathe a little easier. "I think I understand now why you did what you did, and I don't blame you anymore."
"Thank you," Zuko bowed his head, and the relief in his voice was so pathetic that she actually felt a little remorse at having made him wait this long.
"You know something else?" she added. "I forgive the man who killed my mother, too. He was probably just following orders. When you get right down to it, this is all Firelord Ozai's fault, and his father and grandfather's. It's Aang destiny to deal with Ozai and the other two are dead, so I'm going to let it go. All of it." Katara was somewhat amazed to discover how deeply she meant what she said. She released all of the anger, resentment, hate, and anything else that had been tied to these past wrongs.
Suddenly, she felt incredibly light, and a broad smile spread slowly across her face. She was buoyant, as though floating in salt water. A great weight had been lifted from her, a weight she'd been carrying for so long that she'd forgotten it was there. She had always wondered how Aang could endure the losses he'd suffered, but she thought she finally understood.
"I have to talk to Aang," she announced, standing up quickly. She seemed to weigh nothing as she fairly floated across the grass. After a few steps, however, she turned back to Zuko, who had also stood up. "I'm really sorry I almost killed you," she added earnestly, and the memory now contained none of the inner conflict that had haunted her since it happened. She was sure she would never come that close to the brink again.
"It's okay," he told her. "I probably would have done the same thing." But Katara barely heard him, already on her way again.
***
There was a crashing of underbrush, and Aang turned to see Katara returning to the group. The abruptness of her reappearance made Sokka sit upright.
"Is everything all right?" he demanded, but Aang could tell from the smile on Katara's face that it wasn't trouble that hastened her approach.
"Everything's fine," she assured her brother, and her eyes fixed on Aang's. "In fact, they might be better than they've been in a long time. Aang, I need to see you." She grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. Bemused, he allowed her to lead him off in a different direction.
"What's with all the private conversations?" Sokka called after them. "I thought we were a team." Katara ignored him, taking Aang into a stand of bamboo.
"What's this about?" asked Aang curiously, although the mere sight of her glowing face was making it hard for him to really focus on anything else.
"First of all, this," she said, leaning in to kiss him. While that was going on, Aang really couldn't think about anything else, including the faint rustling in the nearby plants that sounded like an animal had been startled. When Katara released him, Aang's head was spinning, and he was suddenly aware of how little time they'd had alone together over the past few days. Katara danced away from him, darting between the bamboo stalks.
"Is this how you feel all the time?" she asked, whirling with an abandon he'd never seen in her before.
"I don't know what you mean," he returned, mystified by her behavior and trying not to laugh with the contagious happiness she exuded.
"Like you're light and free," she said. "I feel like I could float, even fly." She took hold of a thick bamboo stalk with one hand and turned rapidly around it. Aang felt his pulse quicken as he watched her move in and out of view, the intermittent sunbeams playing over her. She was radiant with an inner light. He'd always seen the spark within her, but it had now flared into full life, and the effect was intoxicating. Suddenly, she made one turn too many and looked in danger of losing her balance. Aang rushed to catch her around the waist and, once there, couldn't see any reason to let go. She giggled breathlessly, and he was reminded of the dance they'd shared in a cave not too far from here.
"Just let me get my glider, and that could be arranged," he offered, searching her face for clues to this change.
"And let somebody see us, maybe bringing soldiers down on Piandao?" Katara shook her head. "I haven't forgotten myself that far."
"What happened?" he demanded then.
"I forgave Zuko," she explained. "I even forgave the man who killed my mother." At last, the pieces began to come together in Aang's mind, and a new smile spread slowly across his face.
"You see now, don't you?" He felt like they had reached a new level of connection, and he wondered if he was on his way to being as exuberant as she was.
"Yes, I do!" she exclaimed. "All this time, I thought carrying a grudge against these people would punish them, but it didn't. I was only hurting myself, holding myself back from…from this." Katara spread her arms to indicate the freedom she'd recently been expressing before resuming her embrace of Aang.
"Hate is a prison that closes you in," Aang agreed, "and revenge is a disease that eats you from the inside. If you let both control you long enough, there won't be anything left."
"I never understood how you could be so forgiving," Katara sighed. "Now I think I get it. Although…" She trailed off, her expression growing serious.
"What?" he prompted, also sobering.
"I still don't know how you manage the grief. I only lost my mother; you lost everybody. How do you deal with that? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," she added quickly. Aang looked down and bit his lip.
"No, it's okay. I may have lost everyone I knew before, but I found someone, too. I found you. You helped me get through the grief."
"I did? How?"
"It's sort of hard to explain, but it's because I love you. I still miss my people, but the love of the other Air Nomads is in me. By giving that love to you, it's like they're still here. Does that make sense?"
"More than I would have expected," replied Katara, hugging him tightly. "And you've shown me the same thing – that my mother's love goes on as long as I can love others, and I love you, Aang."
Aang closed his eyes and sighed contentedly. This beautiful girl – young woman, really – could have chosen anyone in the world. By some miracle, she loved him, and it occurred to him to ask why. With an effort, however, he suppressed the impulse. It was time he stopped questioning when things went his way for a change.
--
Author's Note: I even got a nice Kataang scene out of that. I liked the idea of covering Katara's mom's sacrifice without devoting an entire episode to it as well as adding a new layer to her relationship with Aang.
Review responses:
musiclover9419: Well, thank you for being open-minded. I generally tend to be a canon shipper.
arizony: Thank you, and I know what you mean. Clearly, I'm not in this for the money.:) And I know you've been busy with your own story.
Amira Elizabeth: How was that for Kataang? I certainly preferred this concept of Katara's forgiveness to her going on a revenge mission and brushing Aang off several times.
Katsumara: Iroh is definitely a better dad! I hope this chapter fulfilled your expectations. The apology scene did take more space than I expected.
Galaxi: Of course I wouldn't make it Zutara! I didn't even have Katara hugging Zuko, although I considered it. She'll probably do it eventually, just in a friendly way.
Tetsu Dienonychus: Thank you very much. Destiny's Call remains my most popular story by far, but I suppose it wasn't for everyone. The reason I'm writing this was the show's failure to wrap up all of the subplots in a satisfactory manner.
BlackRose108: Aang promised not to misuse the knowledge of the library. Technically, it could be argued that trying to end the war quickly wasn't misuse, but I don't think Quan Xi Tong (or however that was spelled) saw it that way. At least I didn't make you wait too long.