Chapter 82

Jack embraced Evie again and she hugged him back. She felt his heartbeat. Her body was betraying her and responding in a way she didn't want to. He whispered in her ear, "Could you try to somehow forgive me?"

She pulled away and said, "Why? So you'll feel better."

"No, so we can figure out a way to love each other again. I love you… If not for my son, I'd be begging you. I have no pride. I want to be with you, but I don't want to lose my son."

"Now you want me. I spent four years accepting that I'll never love again and now you say that you want me. For how long?" she asked emotionally.

"For always," he said.

"How can I trust you?" she asked.

He took her hand and then he put his other hand over their joined hands. "I will have to earn your trust," he admitted.

"You can't choose me over your child," she said.

"He's the only good thing that came out of this mess. I only have him every other weekend and four weeks in summer and alternating Christmas and Easter holidays. She wasn't happy that I refused to make it work. She hated the rejection and made it hard on me. I know it's my own fault. Anyhow she has a new bloke now who Matty calls Daddy. It shatters me," he said.

She didn't know what to say or do. She squeezed his hand. He looked into her eyes again. She felt his gaze radiate through her body. He said, "I'm not sure I can live without you and it's seems you've been struggling without me. Please give me a chance to earn your love and trust and forgiveness."

"How?"

"By letting me call and come see you. I can't tell you how often I looked at jobs in London. I almost applied for one last year, but I was afraid you'd never talk to me. I was going to go see you over Easter holiday, but I saw the picture of you with him at your parent's house on Easter."

"We just met that day. I remember I had Bernadette on my lap and Mare wanted a picture… Tony jumped in…"

"Bernadette is so big now. I've heard your Uncle is doing better. Lord, I wanted to run to you when you told me that Melissa died. How awful for him and the whole family…"

"Uncle Teddy fell in love last year. Sara is wonderful. A bit younger than him, but they're having a baby. It's quite exciting," she said smiling for the first time since she saw him.

"I missed that," he said. She asked him what and he answered, "Your beautiful smile. I remember that day in the park you smiled and I knew I needed to see you again and again. I still do… Sweet Jesus what I really want to do is kiss you, but I'll underst…"

She stopped him by putting her finger to his lip. He took her hand in his and kissed her finger twice the second time she felt his tongue touch tasting her for the briefest second still it sent shivers through her body.

Evie realized that she wanted to kiss him more than anything, but was afraid she wouldn't want to stop. Could she emotionally handle making love with him and then walking away, because she had an eleven am flight back to Gatwick. She wasn't sure where it would lead but she knew she wanted to, needed to, kiss him. She whispered, "Maybe just once…"

She watched his eyes darken with a look that she knew so well. He moved her hand from in front of his mouth to his shoulder and wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her against him. He gazed into her eyes before lowering his mouth to hers. Her breath caught as their lips connected. She didn't mean to… It was involuntary. His lips were soft and gentle and not demanding at all. Her insides once again were betraying her and demanding something more She refused to lose her mind, because next would be her heart or at least what was left of that tattered organ. She heard him sigh and then he pulled away and brushed her cheek with his fingertips sending another ripple through her body. "Oh my darling, I have dreamed of seeing you and kissing you again every day for over four years…"

"Why did you wait so long?" she asked.

"Because I was a fool. I knew I hurt you and I didn't know how to make it right. I still don't," he said quietly. "I just know I can't let you go again...ever."

"Nothing is like it was. Everything is different… My family doesn't like you and I can't be estranged from my family. You, you've had another wife and a son. I thought that was going to be us. I wanted to be your wife and have your babies and experience all the wonder together. Now you've done it all without me," her hurt ran deep she had years of self wallowing all packed up inside her like an exploding trunk. Still just being with him and speaking of these hurts she felt a slight alleviation.

"I will say I'm sorry everyday until I'm an old man. I promise you that if you build a life with me everything will be special and new, because it will be with you and I love you and I have truly only loved you."

"You wrote me and told me that you chose her. It hurt so…" she couldn't just get past the hurt.

"I was stupid… I can't be angry at my mum because she's gone, but she asked something she had no right to. Still how could I argue when she was dying?" he was on the verge of tears.

Evie couldn't stop herself from comforting him. She held him and he clung to her. She whispered, "I tried so hard, but I couldn't stop loving you. I wanted to… I really did."

His lips found hers again and this kiss was not as gentle. She felt the intensity and met it. When they parted they were each breathless.

"I don't want anything more, because it just wouldn't be right, but I don't want to leave you. Can I just hold you tonight or what's left of it?" he asked. It was already one-thirty in the morning.

"We can talk more in the morning," she said and got up to use the bathroom and brush her teeth. He went in after her and took off only his shoes, socks and belt. She realized he was going to be true to his word and she liked that. When he got on the bed and stretched out, she moved closer, his arm went around her and she put her head on his shoulder. Her hand rested on his chest. She was afraid she'd never sleep but she dozed right off.

When she woke she was on her side and Jack was spooning her. The sun was streaming in and it was eighty-thirty according to the bedside clock. She had slept almost seven hours straight which was something she never did. She tried to slip out of bed, but he tightened his grip.

"Good morning, love," he said.

"I actually slept… I always wake in the early morning and have trouble getting back to sleep," she said.

"Another thing I did to you… I'm sorry, " he said.

"Our ride to the airport is coming in an hour. You made lots of promises, but how are you going to keep them when you're here and I'm not?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet, but I'll figure it out. I have to," he said looking defeated.

"I have to shower and get ready. You should probably…" She never said go, because he turned her over and captured her lips again. She responded to him and her insides were melting. Eventually she reluctantly pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but it's late. I really can't…"

She was interrupted by her phone. "I need to check that," she jumped up and grabbed her phone. It was a text from Tony, Are you free tonight? She smiled and answered, Yes!

"I used to make you smile like that," he said.

"That's because you were my best friend," she reminded him.

"I'll go so you can get ready," he said and started to put on his socks. She watched as he got ready to leave. He gathered her in his arms and she felt his strength again. He held her and whispered that he loved her over and over. Before he released her, he kissed her again tenderly. Then he walked out the door. She remembered the last time he left and she cried. She cried in the shower then she pulled herself together and got ready to leave.

She made a decision while she packed up her belongings. She wasn't going to tell anyone that she saw him. She knew that anyone who cared about her would think she was crazy.

At the airport, some of her bandmates asked who the bloke was and she told them an old friend. One joked don't worry we won't tell you boyfriend and she responded, "Please don't."