A loud, impatient slam was my wake-up call the next morning. It was so sudden - bam! - the door opened and I found myself staring up at the ceiling of my room, the dim light of the candle the only source of light which was dying a tad. Rolling over to my side, I got up from the bed and stretched out my stiff limbs only to basically get pelted in the side, thus ruining any normal wake up I was wanting. Groaning, I opened my eyes and at first my surroundings were blurry, but when my vision finally cleared itself out, I saw Hidan standing above me, looking pissed - as usual.
"It's about fucking time you got up! I just wanted to get this damn training session over and done with - yet, here you are lying in your fucking bed like you're not wasting any of my time!" Hidan continued to ramble on about how I was a heathen, but I just sort of tuned him out as I got out of my uncomfortable bed and ate leisurely away at the food that was provided for me. While doing so, I made a mental note on how my wound from yesterday was healing quite well; if I stayed off it - which probably wouldn't happen since I had to train with Kakuzu-san and Hidan again today - it would close within four days or so from now.
When I was least expecting it, Hidan gathered my hair into his fist and twisted it around. I yelped softly with pain; I didn't want to cry out too much, as that showed Hidan weakness - a look he probably wouldn't mind seeing on me.
"Don't just fucking sit there eating away and ignoring me! Let's go already!" Hidan shouted at me, dragging me out of my seat. I nodded with tears brimming in the corners of my eyes from the stinging pain on my scalp. Luckily, at that moment, Hidan released my dark hair and stormed out of my room. I supposed he wanted me to follow him; though, my head still hurt from him tugging unmercifully on my hair. I took a moment to let the pain lessen then I would follow him; hopefully he wouldn't get angry at me again for being slow.
Brushing my hair hastily back in place with my fingers, I sprinted a bit to catch up to Hidan. I saw him turn the corner which caused me have to rush myself in order to catch up to him. As I was about to follow him around the corner, another figure appeared at the corner of my eye; catching my attention. Turning to that person, I immediately saw the long blonde hair that helped me recognize him instantly:
Dei-Dei.
My heart was pulsing inside my chest until it felt that I couldn't breathe properly. It was as if everything was screaming at me to go after Dei-Dei in attempt to catch up to him, but after the way he coldly treated me the last time, there was a small part of me that didn't want to try to get him to remember me. Besides, Hidan would probably get mad at me for straying off course - but then if I wasn't around that meant he didn't have to train me. He would appreciate that, honestly. I sighed through my nose; I was getting really frustrated with myself for always turning the cons into pros - something I was really getting fond of doing lately.
Once Dei-Dei began to disappear in the dark hallways, I panicked and I didn't even think about it as I scurried off after him. Now that I was on my way to Dei-Dei, it became easier for me to go through with my decision. I mean, it wasn't hard for me to abandon Hidan and Kakuzu-san even though they were the one's who were spending their time training me, but it wasn't like they specially treated me in a way that would make me want to come back.
Dei-Dei then completely disappeared in the hallway which made my heart sink inside my chest and I strove to run even faster than before. When I arrived in the hallway where I saw Dei-Dei disappear, I was discouraged when I couldn't find him anywhere. How could he have vanished so suddenly like that? Of course, he was a trained ninja and things like this were second nature to him; maybe his disappearance was a testament to that. In the hallway I entered, there were two wooden doors and a fork in the hallway. There were too many possibilities of where he might have gone; not to mention that I was now lost in these seemingly endless dim hallways.
I took in a deep breath to think about my situation calmly. It would be wise to check the rooms first, since it wouldn't get me any more lost than I already was. If he wasn't in either room… then I just had to improvise or trust my instincts to get me back to where Hidan and Kakuzu-san probably were waiting impatiently.
So I put my hand against the door and pushed it open all the way to reveal a very subdued room. There wasn't immediately anyone inside so I blindly ventured inside. I couldn't tell right away what occupied the room, but judging from the types of boxes were inside it, there was something telling me that it had shuriken stars, kunais and the like in it.
When I stepped into the middle of the room, I was not prepared in slightest to be attacked from behind. My right arm was twisted behind my back and a hand clamped over my mouth. I struggled against my assailant, but they were obviously much stronger than I. They slammed me into the nearby wall and pinned me there; with my face pressed up against the wall. As quickly as their assault came, the person released my mouth, but continued with their iron grip on my wrist; not allowing my escape.
"Staring at me from afar wasn't enough for you; but now you're following after me, un?" The person asked wearily which caused my eyes to widen and I turned my head as far as it could quickly to the person who pushed me up against the wall so violently. At first, my eyes were still not adjusted to the darkness of the room, but when they finally did, I noticed that it was, indeed, Dei-Dei who had me cornered.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out straight away - as per usual. Come on Chiasa, this is your golden moment to really talk with him! I gulped down the saliva that, for some reason, collected inside my mouth so I could speak properly, "Um… I wasn't following after you. I was… lost. Hidan ran ahead of me too fast and… before I knew it, I-I couldn't find my way. That's all, r-really." Dei-Dei gave me this look that told me instantly that he didn't believe me for one minute.
"You must think I'm stupid, un. I sensed your chakra behind me as you were following Hidan, but then you hesitated and went with coming after me even though you could have easily continued following Hidan, un." Dei-Dei speculated. As soon as he said that, I felt extremely exposed. He easily derived all that from just one action on my part. I lowered my eyes from his vibrant blue orbs.
"All right… I wasn't lost. I came to talk to you." I admitted softly. It was a rather bold statement, but since it was just the two of us - of whom were best friends way back - he probably wouldn't get too upset from my rashness.
"What is it, un? More on how you know me when I lived in Iwagakure?" Dei-Dei assumed. His grip on my arm lessened though, which really caused me to wonder if what was coming out of his mouth before - about him never seeing me before in his life - was all a lie. If he had the courtesy to make me comfortable when he attacked me from behind then he must have been just trying to fool me. Why, though; why would he shun me when we were best friends back when we both lived in Iwagakure?
"Yes. This time around, I want the truth." I said - more audacious than I have ever been since I arrived in the Akatsuki hideout. Dei-Dei didn't seem to appreciate my statement seeing as he frowned deeply; making is disapproval obvious, "I'm Chiasa Yamaguchi - part of the Baaten clan that used to live in Iwagakure. I'm the daughter of Mari and Yoshio Yamaguchi, sister of Ayumu Yamaguchi; I was one of the only ones in my clan who didn't have the Kekkai Genkai special to the Baaten clan - the Omoiyarinoaru Hiiraa."
Dei-Dei seemed to weigh what I said for a moment before asking, "Why are you telling me this, un?"Due to him relaxing his grip on me, I took the time to turn around in his grip so I could face him properly. Dei-Dei returned his hands to his side and took a step back probably to put some reasonable distance between us.
"Maybe so it'll help you remember me." I offered.
"Don't make me repeat myself, un!" Dei-Dei snapped suddenly, "I already told you that I have never seen you before in my life! Why do you thin - ,"
"Stop lying to me, Dei-Dei!" I yelled back, equally as furious. At his nickname, even Dei-Dei couldn't hide his shock. His eyes widened and his jaw fell slack a bit; hopefully the mention of the nickname that I gave him a long time ago got through to him, "I know a part of you knows who I am. Yet, it seems to me that you're choosing to forget rather than you actually forgot. When I was speaking with Leader-sama and I got down on my knee, I noticed that you were paying close attention. It was as if you recognized that formal Baaten clan stance. Perhaps because you do recognize it."
"You're putting words into my mouth, un. I don't recognize you at all. You're… you just can't be…," Dei-Dei paused, sighing through his nose. He looked severely torn for some reason. He was most likely having conflicting thoughts: the part of him that remembered me was trying to show itself, but then he was refusing to let that part out. I couldn't comprehend why he was distancing himself from me; why he was acting so cold. It really tore a hole into my heart… wasn't he supposed to be my friend?
It was then that those usual pains erupted throughout my skull. I grunted in pain as I sunk to the floor, clutching onto my head. It was as if something was trying to drill itself into my head, but there was something disrupting its advancement. It was one of those pains that kind of blurred my vision - everything around me that wasn't already dark was beginning to drift in and out of blackness in my vision. That ripping, agonizing pain still continued to force out quiet pained cries out of my mouth.
"Chiasa!" I heard Dei-Dei exclaim. I couldn't exactly see straight, but I felt hands clasp gently onto my shoulders. If I wasn't in so much pain, I would've gave him a questioning look. After being so cold to me just a few days ago, he only now decided to show me some form of kindness? Why? Could it be…?
"What's the matter? Are you in pain, un?"
"It's… passing, I think…," I gasped when the pain lessened a tad. Now that it was, I could see without the blackness creeping up into my vision. I took in a considerable amount of air so I could better cope with the pain since it had weakened. Turning to Dei-Dei, I flickered my eyes to where his hands sat on my shoulders and then quickly flitted them to his azure eyes. For a moment, I could see that they seemed a bit… softer than what they had before. Though, that softness only lasted a millisecond before they turned cold again.
"What was that, un?" He asked.
"As far as I know, I've always had these pains." I explained calmly, only pausing here and there to grit my teeth to bear with waves where the pain would randomly get worse, "It's nearly gone now, though." I went to stand again, but Dei-Dei wouldn't take his hands off my shoulders - in fact, it was like he was trying to make me stay crouched where I was. It made me snap back to how concerned his voice sounded earlier. Quickly, Dei-Dei released my shoulders and also stood himself, turning his face away from mine so I couldn't look him in the eyes. Despite the situation, I found myself smiling.
"So… you were saying earlier?" I inquired, taking a step closer to him tilting to the side so I could angle myself to catch a glimpse of his face that he was trying to hide from me. He looked down at me with a light scowl, which depressed me a little bit. I hoping that he might have had blush smeared across his face; but why? We were friends, not lovers…
"What do you mean, un?" Dei-Dei asked, but I could tell that he was feigning ignorance. For some reason, it caused me to chuckle a little behind my hand. I was even surprised at myself; I didn't realize how comfortable I had become since I entered this room with Dei-Dei. Thanks to that, I was acting more like my old self. I was severely glad for that. That robotic mask I put on for the Akatsuki that I called Chiasa Yamaguchi wasn't really sitting in my stomach well.
"You know what I'm talking about." Even though I was more relaxed, I didn't nudge Dei-Dei in the arm with my elbow as I might have in any other situation, "You were saying that I wasn't something… or rather, I couldn't be something. What were you talking about, hmm?" I earnestly looked up into Dei-Dei's eyes expectantly. He turned his chin away from me.
"Don't act so familiar with me. Don't forget that even though you're in the Akatsuki, you're still my understudy, un!" Dei-Dei said, crossing his arms across his chest, "But, if you're so eager to know, I was saying that you couldn't be the person I knew in Iwagakure. It's impossible. She's… she's gone, now."
I furrowed my eyebrows, "How long are you going to deny it, Dei-Dei? The person who used to be your best friend in Iwagakure - the one who stopped bullies from picking on you about how short you were - is right in front of you!" I told him fiercely. At the mention of the bullies who used to pick on him, Dei-Dei's eyes widened.
"How do you know about that?!" Dei-Dei exclaimed with a redness creeping up into his face from embarrassment, but then caught himself and coughed in his fist, "I mean… I wasn't picked on by bullies. Only wimps get scraped off by the strong, un." Once more, I couldn't hide another giggle from escaping my lips.
"That's so like you, Dei-Dei." I said lightly.
His red face worsened, "Quit calling me 'Dei-Dei', un. Only she can call me that." Sighing, I put my hands on my hips. Everything I said or did, he denied that I was the Chiasa Yamaguchi that he was friends with back in Iwagakure. It was getting frustrating and since the pain was still throbbing in my head, I was getting particularly tired of this rallying back and forth.
When I put my hands on my hips, I felt something lightly tap my stomach as if reminding me of its presence. I looked down at whatever hit me and I saw the necklace that Dei-Dei had given me a long time ago twinkling off of whatever light there was in this room up at me. A smile found its way to my lips; yes, with this, I could convince Dei-Dei that he knew me. After all, he was the one who gave it to me in the first place.
Gingerly picking it up in my palm, I carefully opened the necklace to reveal the pictures of us as kids inside. Without even looking up, I could tell that Dei-Dei was eyeing me closely; I didn't know how I knew, but it was very clear to me that he was. I had felt the very same feeling of him watching me before... I wasn't quite sure when exactly. If only I had less holes in my memory - I wouldn't have to show this necklace as proof of my identity.
"Remember this?" I asked quietly, taking off my necklace and passing it over to him. He frowned again, but nonetheless took the necklace from my hands. I waited for some time for his reaction; for him to shout out that he did remember me and that we could go back to being friends again. Instead, he was silent. No matter how long I anticipated that sort of reaction, it never came. My heart sank as he closed the necklace over again with no words on his lips. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why wasn't he giving me a reaction? Any sort of reaction would have been nice; just not silence. It was heart-rending, the silence: as if it poked at my hope that was growing like a balloon and burst it instantaneously.
Dei-Dei handed back the necklace; and even as I took it back from him still I waited. He had a standoffish glance at the wall to our right, "So you have the necklace... but does that mean you understand it's significance, un?" My eyes grew wide.
"What do you mean?" I wondered. Dei-Dei closed his eyes, breathing in slowly as if he was trying to suppress a specific emotion. Was I not supposed to answer with that question? Was he frustrated with me? Was he disappointed? I wished he would tell me something - anything. I just wanted to get an understanding of how he was feeling. Deeper than that, actually; I wanted to understand him. If we were friends, then I would like to catch up with him. Instead, he was merely pushing me behind him like he couldn't be bothered. No matter how eagerly I tried to get close to him, I couldn't derive anything. There was too great a gap between us now and there wasn't a bridge for me to cross to get over to him. He was in his own world... a world I couldn't seem to participate in anymore.
I squeezed some tears that seemed to come out of nowhere from my eyes. Thank goodness it was too dark for him to catch them. I didn't want him to see me break down and cry in front of him - even if I used to be close to him. Was it so much to ask to be his friend again? Was it so much to want to pass over and be a part of his world again? Was it so much to ask to have a comforting presence in a strange, new place that was full of S-ranked criminals who could care less about my life?
"Somehow, I just knew you couldn't be her." Dei-Dei murmured. I swallowed to choke down a sob that was threatening in my throat.
"I-I'm not 'her'...?" I repeated, my voice hoarse from suppressing tears. I stared down at the floor and thought about what he said. I wasn't her? I wasn't Chiasa Yamaguchi? Of course I was... I mean, from the first thing I can remember, I've always been named Chiasa. Even in my memories I had recently gained I've been called Chiasa. Then again, my parents have kept secrets from me about the Nine Tailed Beast's chakra being inside of me; and since I had no memories who was to say that my memories weren't modified to suit the Baaten clan's fancy? I wouldn't be surprised if the Baaten clan could achieve that sort of medical advancement - where someone could manipulate a person's memories. Perhaps Dei-Dei was right - that I wasn't Chiasa Yamaguchi. Perhaps I was someone else but I was raised to think and believe I was Chiasa Yamaguchi. More tears fell from my eyes - who the hell was I?
There was silence, then he said, "Well, I guess the least I can do for you is to bring you to where Hidan and Kakuzu are waiting, un. Can't guarantee what they'll do to you when you arrive since you kept them waiting for so long." I didn't reply to him; there were no words left for me to say to him. My silence seemed to bother him a little seeing as he turned to me for a split second but then continued out the door anyway. I tried not to let my depression rule me as I followed after Dei-Dei - if I did, then I would only get picked off even more by Hidan. Yesterday was bad enough, but to double it today, I probably wouldn't be able to handle it for very long.
I followed behind Dei-Dei with a noticeably wide distance between us. It was obvious that he didn't want to become friends with me - no matter if we knew each other in the past or not - so what was the purpose in earnestly trying to become close? It would only end in pain for me when he pushed me away like he did already.
Dei-Dei didn't say anything to me either - which was to be expected; but I couldn't help but notice in the corner of my eye that Dei-Dei was occasionally sneaking glances at me. Ever since he screamed out my name when I randomly got that pain in my head, he had been doing that. It was like he was expecting me to fall over by the same paining any second. Was he worried about it or something? I sighed; what was I thinking? What did it matter to him if I got another one of those pains? He was probably merely checking up on me every so often to see if he could get a chance to go his separate way while I was in agony and leave me to fend for myself.
Finally, we made it to the same lobby-like area that Kakuzu, Hidan and I trained in yesterday. I saw Hidan standing there with an extremely impatient look on his face - Kakuzu-san as well. When we arrived, they both gave me these looks that seemed as though they were going to tear me apart. Hidan turned around to face me and I couldn't help but focus on his scythe that was already in his hands; by the way he was tapping the scythe impatiently against his shoulder, it looked like he was itching to tear the blades across my flesh.
"Where the fuck were you?! Was it so hard to follow where I was going, huh?!" Hidan yelled out, his voice harsh and loud like usual.
I wove around Dei-Dei so I could face Kakuzu-san and Hidan to bowed low politely, "Forgive me… that was really careless of me. I promise I won't do it again." My robotic voice came back to me, but I could only hope that they accepted my humble apology. I guess this was where people said 'curiosity killed the cat' - since I wandered off to talk to Dei-Dei to answer my curiosity of whether or not he recognized me, Hidan and Kakuzu-san were just about ready to kill me for making them wait.
Loud, vicious stomping could be heard getting louder and louder towards me. My hair was pulled on again aggressively and one of the three red blades of Hidan's scythe rubbed its edge against my neck - right along my trachea. I dared not move in fear my throat would get torn open on the spot.
"Oh, now you think your apologies are going to give me back my time I wasted waiting for you, right? Well, you're damn wrong!" Hidan shouted at me, causing me to close tight my eyes in fear that he would kill me right on the spot. I tried to tell myself in my head that he couldn't kill me because it would upset Leader-sama, but when did Hidan ever start caring about what his actions did to others?
"For once, I agree with you, Hidan." Kakuzu-san sighed from behind Hidan. My heart wrenched in my chest; this time, even Kakuzu-san wasn't going to vouch for me - and he was right to do so, I suppose. I did waste a lot of their time; after all, they didn't even want to train me in the first place. What would possibly make them want to stop everything they wished to do to educate me in the ways of fighting? "Although, Leader-sama would be greatly annoyed if we killed her. Besides, we might as well train her now that she's here. So, it would be best not to punish her."
Hidan scoffed, "Like I care what that stupid Leader wants! If she pisses me off, she's required to pay the compensation!" With that, Hidan released my hair again, but as soon as he did, he was going to slap me right across the face. I braced myself, but nothing came… I opened my eyes and noticed that someone had stopped Hidan's arm. I gasped softly when I saw that it was Dei-Dei who had stopped him. I assumed he already left when we arrived… but, why did he end up staying?
"What the hell, Deidara?! Let go of me!" Hidan yelled. Yet, Dei-Dei refused to let him go, it seemed. My shock just couldn't seem to cease - I was convinced that he didn't care about my existence at all. Although, I should have noticed that there was something in Dei-Dei that told him to defend me seeing as he already shown concern when I experienced the sharp pain in that room and now, he was protecting me from getting slapped around by Hidan.
"Didn't Leader-sama tell you to train Chiasa? Not beat her on every occasion you get, un?" Dei-Dei asked Hidan in a morose voice. I stared at Dei-Dei; he always seemed to be the type of guy who only got serious when the situation called for it. Did that mean… that I resembled the Chiasa he knew and because of that memory he has, he wants to treat me decently? Argh! It was too difficult to work out inside my head without any leads!
"Huh? What are you mumbling about? Yeah, sure that damn Leader told us that, but—," Hidan began, trying to get his arm free, but Dei-Dei had a tight grip on him.
"Then do it, un. If you skip being angry then the training won't take as long." Dei-Dei said. Hidan gave Dei-Dei a curious look, but didn't say anything as Dei-Dei released his arm and turned around to leave the room. I couldn't help but stare at his back even though he probably knew that I was. If Hidan and Kakuzu-san still weren't around, I probably would have thanked him. But I couldn't bring up the courage to do it.
"Deidara does have a point, Hidan." Kakuzu-san agreed behind me, but I didn't pay any mind as Hidan squabbled with him. I couldn't get over it; Dei-Dei defending me against Hidan. I couldn't help but pull the hope back up that I dropped when I convinced myself that Dei-Dei didn't care for me even in the slightest. Before, I was thinking it was a mistake that I joined the Akatsuki - they were a bunch of criminals with no need for friends or even acquaintances for that matter. Yet, now, I was beginning to think to myself: Criminals were people too; no matter what kind of past they led. They had human feelings no matter how much they tried to hide it. The only difference was, because of their shaded pasts, they grew with distorted thoughts and ideals. If only they could resurface those emotions they've hidden then they wouldn't have to be so serious all the time; then they wouldn't seem so heartless on the outside to everyone. Then people could see what I was seeing - that criminals could actually have a soft spot.
"Chiasa!" Kakuzu-san called to me, bursting me through my thoughts, "We're getting started now!" I turned around and rushed over to Kakuzu-san and Hidan without showing any hesitance. Now that I regained that hope I once lost, I was eager to put my best foot forward and make the most out of this decision to be in the Akatsuki that I had made. Who knew? Maybe being in the Akatsuki wasn't so bad; it could actually prove to be fun, if I sought after that hard enough. Even if I didn't, I would make it up myself - I just didn't want to lose myself because I have sent myself down this path.