Happy New Year everyone! May bad news stay at the door and good things sit by the fireplace ^^

Unbeta-ed work and massive headache after a computer overdose...so all mistakes are mine :P

Thank you for the reviews, and please enjoy :)

STRAYS

*Chapter 9*

9 years ago

"Jeremy? Jeremy what's going on?"

His head felt numb, Barton could barely figure out his environment. His mission had gone wrong, a kid had been caught in the crossfire and he hadn't been able to save him. All he wanted now was to return to his apartment and drink a couple of shots. It wasn't until he pushed the door open that he realized he wouldn't be alone tonight. Natalie was there, attempting to cook something behind the stove. The pans were not quite smoking but a faint smell of burning was invading the room. Any other day, he would have been amused by her disastrous cooking skills. Tonight, he was tired and honestly, quite depressed.

She had noticed his broody mood of course, she always noticed. It hadn't been the first time he'd come home (wait, home? Since when his apartment had truly become home?) badly beaten up. But this time was different. A kid had been caught in the crossfire, he repeated himself, over and over. The others hadn't cared, had kept shooting. And he had seen that eleven year old boy crumble in his own blood.

"Jeremy?"

He still hadn't given her his true name. A precaution, he had told himself; protection for both her and himself. But would that be enough in the end? If his enemies saw her with him, if they wanted to use her as leverage against him…Maria spent sleepless nights worrying over her daughters. By being with him, Natalie would be a target. They hadn't been together for long, but he already knew it would kill him if anything happened to her because of him.

"Hey Jer-"

"You shouldn't be here." He cut, his voice harsh and emotionless. "What are you doing here?"

She raised a surprised eyebrow at him.

"You gave me your key, remember?"

"What the fuck are you still doing here!" He yelled. "Get the hell out of my place!"

She took a step back, wariness in her eyes. That's it, Barton thought, be afraid, leave.

"What is going on with you?"

"I'm tired of you, don't you get it!" Words made him guilty but he needed to say them. She wasn't safe with him. She needed to get out. "I want to be alone, I don't want you here!"

She punched him. Barton felt his ears ring and his vision blur. She stood right in front of him, glaring with clenched fists. He had never seen her so furious.

"You want me to leave you? To slam the door and get out of your apartment? You really want that?"

"YES!"

"LIAR!"

And she hit him again, cracking her fist against his jaw and boy she had a mean right hook. He tasted copper in his mouth, wiped his face and saw traces of red on his fingers. She didn't even look apologetic.

"I have no idea what's going through that thick head of yours, but any idiot can tell you're not doing well right now. I'm not leaving you!"

Natalie had that light in her eyes, the one he knew he couldn't change her mind. He shook his head, which earned him a new headache –he had no idea she could hit so hard.

"You don't get it, you shouldn't be here."

"Why? Please explain in reasonable words and you better give me a fucking awesome reason."

"I am an assassin" he hissed, narrowing his eyes and completely uncaring if anyone heard him. If she was going to leave, he would move away. He wouldn't be able to live in this apartment without her. "I kill people for a living! Isn't that an explanation enough?"

"That's pretty much the definition in 'assassin' darling" she snorted. "You made sure I knew from the start."

He grabbed her wrist, pushed her against the wall, trapped her chin in his free hand and raised her face to meet her eyes. She didn't look away.

"I could snap your neck right here and there" he whispered and something akin to fear spread in her eyes, quickly replaced by firm determination. "I could tear you apart and no-one would ever find your body."

"So what are you waiting for?" she replied defiantly. Both held their ground before she added quietly: "Nobody will look for me out there. I got no-one to return to."

"You'll find someone" he muttered, releasing the pressure lightly but not backing off yet. He wanted to scare her off, not actually hurt her. "You're young."

"Cut the crap Jer." She paused, and added softly: "You're in love with me, that's why you want me to leave."

His throat felt tight and he couldn't swallow anymore. She was dressed in his t-shirt, wearing old sweatpants, her hair was a mess and she wore no make-up. She looked very different from the flirting young woman he had met a few months ago in that train. And she always saw right through his acts.

"No need for words, your eyes says it all."

"Nat…"

Any protest died on his lips when she lifted a finger to his mouth.

"You think you're protecting me, but you're wrong. I don't care who you are or what you do. As long as you keep looking at me the way you do…" her words trailed off and Barton saw a raw, strange emotion emerge on her face. "I'll keep you safe."

Barton wanted to pinpoint that he was the most dangerous one of the two, but something in her eyes stopped him. She meant those words, he couldn't take them lightly. His heart slowed down and his head felt lightened, almost dizzy. Before he could stop himself, he blurted:

"My real name's Clint Barton."

She smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Clint Barton."

His thoughts turned short when she tiptoed and brushed his lips with hers. It started with a tender, chaste kiss. It continued with teasing brushes and ended in caresses and whispered words in the bedroom. They had never truly made love, Barton reflected afterwards, holding Natalie's body even though she was sprawled upon his chest already. Lots of fun between the sheets and elsewhere, but they had never reached that degree of intimacy.

Now that he had told her his name, now that he had bared a new part of him to her…this was a complete new level for him. It terrified him, to feel this trusting with a woman he barely knew. He was sleepy but not asleep; fighting actually, to stay awake a little longer and cling to the perfectness of the moment. She wanted him. He was a killer with hands dripping red; he was painting a target on her back each day passing. Yet she wanted him. As she ran her fingers over his collarbone, and just before he plunged into a deep slumber, he heard her whisper:

"I'll keep you safe, I promise."

"Why you? Tricky question isn't it." Natasha said with a somewhat sad smile on her face. "The first time we met, on that train, was actually a coincidence. I was on my way to meet my handler for my next mission and, to make it short, you were my next mission."

"But the second time was no coincidence." Barton muttered, remembering Natalie walking in the bar, spotting him and smiling at him. He had paid her a drink and they had ended against a wall in a nearby alley. That encounter had been the first of many others.

"No it wasn't. I was supposed to seduce you, extract any information about SHIELD you knew, and then kill you." Her face turned blank. "It didn't…quite turn out that way."

Barton snorted.

"Obviously. My question is why? I don't think you even tried to ask about my job the whole time we were together. You dropped hints that you'd listen if I wanted to open up, but you never dug deeper. That night, when I proposed, I would have told you everything. I'm sure you knew that and yet you didn't ask a thing. Why?"

Natasha closed her eyes and breathed in sharply.

"Do you remember that time you tried to get rid of me?" she asked. At his puzzled glance, she added helpfully: "The time you gave me you true name."

"You're going to say you meant every word?" he muttered. "You wanted to keep me safe from what exactly?"

Natasha stood up, walked around the couch and crossed her arms, suddenly refusing to meet his gaze.

"I thought I could play them. I told them you would get me to SHIELD HQ, that I've been meeting people. I told them to be patient." Her hands were tightening over her sleeves until her knuckles turned white. "I was planning to defect."

"So we could both live together and I stay oblivious to your true whereabouts?" Barton continued sarcastically. He was truthfully surprised when she shrugged.

"Something like that. Although I guess I waited too long in the end."

He snorted.

"That was plain stupid."

She turned to face him, lips thinned into a line, her eyes hard with emotions.

"My first kill was ordered when I was eight. The first mark I had to seduce? I was thirteen. I was nineteen when I met you and you were the first guy I chose to sleep with. And then I'm told I need to end you. Do you have any idea…" her voice had raised, a fact she suddenly realized as she pinched her lips tightly and looked away. "You have any idea how...puzzled and frustrated it made me feel? The one thing I thought I could keep for me came slamming into my face? I just needed to protect you from them."

That last thought gave him pause, but it didn't last.

"So you decided to protect me because you willingly slept with me first?"

Something akin to anger flashed in her eyes.

"You don't listen, do you? I told you, as long as you keep looking at me the way you do. You treated me like I was the most precious thing in your life." Her voice quieted. "You cared for me. That's all I knew and that's all I wanted from you." She bit her lower lip, hesitating, before adding softly: "Had Jeremy not been yours, I wouldn't have kept him."

Clint hated the note of vulnerability in her voice. He hated it because they were standing in the same room and they were different people. And yet this exchange brought back all those memories and he just couldn't loathe her, no matter how much he wished he could. So he changed the subject, hoping she wouldn't catch the edge of his voice.

"About that, you told me you couldn't have children…"

"I thought I couldn't either." Natasha returned on the couch, seeming calmer than before. "The Red Room injected me a serum to increase my abilities; it was supposed to sterilize me. Jeremy…Jeremy was a miracle somehow. My system is completely fucked up though. Doctors said he'll likely be my only kid. Not that I'd want another one, he's a handful on a good day" she grumbled to herself. "I'm lucky to have Milla and the others to keep an eye on him when I'm out."

A thought suddenly crossed Clint. In the whole reunion mess, he had completely forgotten about it but the babysitting hint had reminded him someone else was worth mentioning in this conversation.

"Others like Hill?"

Natasha's lips formed a thin line, but she nodded reluctantly.

"Sometimes."

Clint felt his pulse rise slowly. So Maria had been involved in Romanoff and Jeremy's life. Still, he kept his temper in check and asked calmly:

"How long has she known you were part of SHIELD?" Another thought occurred to him. "How did you even get into SHIELD? I don't assume Fury had welcomed you with opened arms."

Natasha looked reluctant to answer that question. He could see the wheels turning in her mind, weighting the consequences and possibilities. In the end, he sighed and added:

"You must have known that shooting me would bring SHIELD on your back. What convinced them that you would work for them and not deflect?"

This time, the redhead's reluctance showed even further with a slight grimace. However, Clint knew she would give him an honest answer.

"Actually" she started slowly. "Maria hired me." Clint gawked at her, but Natasha ignored his expression and went on: "She traced me back to France two months after Jeremy was born and made another call. She actually created this division to ensure my loyalty" Natasha whispered, carefully avoiding Clint's eyes. "SHIELD would protect Jeremy in exchange of my skill sets. If I worked for them, I would be allowed to raise my- our- son safely."

Barton stared at her, stunned.

"Do you actually mean…"

Natasha nodded.

"The idea of recruiting agents with a particular skill set but in a…particular position had been on Maria's mind for a while. I was the ideal test subject especially since I wanted to deflect. The fact that it was your kid might have been another factor too." At the sight of his grim face, she quickly added: "Don't be too hard on Maria. I begged her not to tell you about me or Jeremy, and we wouldn't be here if not for her."

Clint nearly snapped like hell he'd let the lieutenant out of this easily. He considered Hill his friend and she had hidden his son away from him. She had been there, had stood by his side all this time and yet had lied in his face. It didn't matter why she did it; she had betrayed his trust.

The door opened and Milla stepped in the room.

"Sorry to interrupt" she started, although her tone indicated she was nothing but sorry. "But dinner's ready. Sam and Oliver and their brats are waiting for you."

The break arrived at a pretty critical point but before Clint could tell her to fuck off, Natasha jumped on the diversion and stood up, efficiently putting an end to the conversation.

"Can you tell Jer? I'll be there in a minute." Then she turned towards him and, ignoring Milla's scandalized stare, asked: "Will you be staying?"

Clint nodded in agreement, knowing this was far from over and Natasha was just buying herself some time. But the day had been overwhelming enough and he could use that momentary respite to gather his own thoughts. Taking a step back and digesting the new information wasn't a bad idea, he concluded. He had always seen better from afar after all.

Thank you for reading!

Till next time :)