So, yeah... Major fail yet again. Sorry.

Real life came up and I was.... umm... distracted. (I know some of you know what I mean.)

Anyways, this is a turning point for the crazy kids. Read, enjoy, then review!

Special thanks always to my beta. Love you girly, and yes... You are my bitch. lol

Also, to myonlyherion (krys, my ho, my love, my reason to wake up in the morning.) who helped me get out of my rut and get this chapter done. Thanks for having an honest opinion and never bullshitting me. Love ya!

Scarred

Chapter 9

My Own Two Arms

The door closed behind her brother as he left, and I stood silently for a few seconds. I could feel the air thick with a tension. Everything around me closed in quickly.

I was messed up. I knew this. She was broken and bruised, and me, I was just a fuck up with a frightening past and an even more frightening future. She told me her secret, and she showed me her body. She told me her past, her hurts, and her fears and, I still could not think of a way to tell her about me. I could not even find the want to tell her.

I straightened out my back and turned around to see her sitting there on the bed. She had pulled the blankets back over her and the look on her face was one of worry. She was biting her lip and her brows wrinkled in concentration. It was something I had expected but still dreaded. This shit was as fucked up as we were.

I walked over to the chair Emmett had just occupied and plopped down beside her. She kept her eyes down. It was the same look she had the first time that I saw her. She was panicked. I thought we were past this. She just let me in. What could be wrong now?

"Can I have one?" I asked to break the ice a little. She nodded and handed me her whole bag of m&ms.

I reached passed the bright yellow bag to touch the tiny area of scarred skin that she left exposed. Her eyes flew up to mine, and I heard her sharply take in a breath. I slid my fingers gently down her wrist to tip a few into my hand. She shook her head and continued to hide herself from me. The covers were so completely covering her that she looked almost as though she were trying to merge with the bed.

"Bella?" She ignored me. "What's wrong?" I said and reached beneath the covers to grasp her hand gently.

This felt right.

Holding her, in any way that she would let me, felt like someone turned the air down to a polar setting. Shocks coursed through my limbs and torso from my contact with her skin. Her beautiful skin.

Touching her should be fine.

And it was.

She closed her eyes as my other hand came in contact with her cheek and she sighed. I tucked the strand behind her ear and heard her exhale shakily.

"Bells, I can see it in your eyes that something's not right........ I need to know what you're thinking. I need to know how to fix it," I told her pleading. No one, and I mean no one, had the same affect on me as she did. I needed her to be okay like I needed to breathe. It hurt to see her hurt. If a bastard like me could cry, I would have matched her tear for tear.

"You can't," She said in a small voice. I shook my head at her and she looked at me from under her lashes.

"Don't do that shit with me," I whispered to her softly and she bit her lip. I stood and made my way to sit next to her on the bed. She scooted over for me a little, but I wasn't having that either. I put my arms around her, lifted her slightly, and pulled her close to me.

She hesitated for a moment, then fell into me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and her face buried in my neck. It took all I had not to just pull her lips to mine and taste her sweet, innocent lips. Her innocence was one of the most genuine things about her. She was my complete opposite in almost every way. And I loved her for it.

I inhaled quickly.

Love?

Yes, love. You love Bella Swan.

I do?

Mmhmm.

Huh

"Tell me what's wrong," I pleaded with her softly. She was the only person to make me talk and care for someone this way. I tried with her. I actually tried.

"I'm scared." She whispered against my neck. I could feel her breaths causing me to shiver slightly. I breathed in deep to prepare myself for it as irrational fear flooded me.

She's afraid of you.

And she should be.

"Of?" I asked cautiously. I wasn't sure I wanted the answer.

"Losing you," She said even quieter. I sat there stunned for a moment.

"Why would you ever lose me?" I asked her and stroked her back. Her crying had calmed down a bit.

"Because I'm….." She started then stopped herself. I held my breath. "because of what I look like… because of how I am." She finished.

"What? I don't understand why you would think that," I said and tilted her face up to see mine. Her tears were brimming again.

"Because I'm so messed up. Inside and out," She answered and her lip trembled.

This beautiful, kind, loving, and caring creature believed she was unworthy of me. She believed that she wasn't worthy to be with a bastard whose life is so fucked up that he can't think straight most of the time. Me, the one whose denigration knows no boundaries except for the lovely softness within my arms. The one your parents warn you about when you got up everyday. She thought she was unworthy of me?

"How could I not want you? Caring, loving and as beautiful as you are. Inside and out," I told her and held her face in my hands. Her eyes stayed on mine for as long as possible. Mine did the same. It was reassurance we were looking for. "I'm unworthy of you, my Bella." I said in a whisper. Her breath hitched and her eyes darted to my lips. Mine did the same.

She stayed on my lips. Then back into my eyes. Her cheeks flushed even deeper and she took a deep breath.

"I've never been kissed before," She said quietly. I smiled as her eyes met mine.

"Would you mind if I changed that for you?" I said just as quiet with my smile for her still intact. The crooked one that made her blush the minute she saw it.

She licked her lips and looked to mine again. In my mind I had the words of a song I never thought would be something I could relate to. Never thought I would see the day they spoke to me.

And my own two hands will comfort you tonight, tonight

Say when

And my own two arms will carry you tonight, tonight

"Say when," I told her as I inched closer. She breathed in deeply. I licked my lips and looked into her eyes. Her brown ones were so dark and deep. I could get lost in them forever. I wanted to.

"When," She whispered and met me the rest of the way. Our lips touched softly and it was like my body came alive.

I had walked this earth alone and broken. For so many years I had only been for me, I knew what I was and what I could become. My faith in myself had never been very deep because my life had never had meaning but to look for the pleasures of the physical world. Never had I opened my heart. It had been replaced with a void so dark and deep no one could really reach me. Many had tried. None had come close.

I had my family. But they were my protectors. Shielding me from falling too deep into the void.

But Bella…

She was everything. My other half. My soul had found its partner in everyway. With one look into her brown eyes I was lost, but at the same time she had found me. She pulled me from the void and didn't even need to try. It just was. And that's what made her special. That's what made her mine.

Forever.

Our lips molded together in the most intimate, yet most innocent kiss I had ever shared. Her eyes finally closed, and she let out a soft sigh. My tongue flickered out to taste her, and she gasped. Her hands came into my hair and tugged as she opened her mouth to mine. I let out a low moan when our tongues touched. My arms tightened around her and I felt right. I felt like my world was tilted back into place on its axis.

Our tongues danced instinctually. This was more evidence that she was made for me. This woman, who had never been kissed, made my whole body light on fire with one kiss. A perfect kiss.

We broke apart gasping for air. Our foreheads rested on each others and we looked into each others eyes.

Brown.

Green.

It was like how we were in life. I was the weak leaf that could wilt and die quickly. But she was the strong support. Her branches held me and sustained me.

Brown.

Green.

Meant for the other.

"I love you," I said before I could stop myself. She gasped and her eyes filled with tears again.

"I love you too," She answered before I could say anything else.

Our smiles were bright and blinding. They matched at intensity.

--

Next School Day

"It's okay, baby," I said to her and cupped her cheeks and held her face in my hands. Her brown eyes stared back up at me and she seemed so scared. "I'm here," I said in a soft voice.

She sighed and nodded. I could tell she was scared to be back here. I knew it was soon but if she didn't face this now, then she never would. She'd hole herself up in her room and never come out. I needed her to be stronger than that. She needed to be stronger than that for herself.

"Let's do this then." She said and shivered. She had one a small jacket and her regular gloves. Underneath her jacket she was wearing a gray shirt that looked like it had some writing on it. I think it was a band but I couldn't read it. And her jeans that Alice had bought her. I really, really liked those jeans.

"Here." I took off my jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

Her eyes widened and she stared at my chest. She slowly put her arms in the sleeves while still staring at my chest. I was wearing a normal t-shirt. It was black and a little bit tighter but nothing special.

"You okay?" I asked and pulled her into my embrace.

"I'm fine just…" She trailed off and looked up at me.

I looked down at her face and traced her jaw line with my finger. She breathed in deep and leaned into my touch. It had been less than 24 hours and we hadn't kissed since that first time. It felt like ages.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew what my Pre-Bella self wanted and that's what scared me.

But at the same time kissing Bella felt better than any fucking I ever did.

And I also knew that we would have problems. I knew I wasn't fixed automatically. I'm not that fucking delusional.

"You're just so beautiful," She said breaking me from my musings. I looked at her for a second before giving her my smile that was just for her. I chuckled slightly and she buried her face in my chest. "Don't laugh at me," she pouted and I only laughed harder.

She pulled away from me and muttered, "Asshole." I grabbed her elbow and pulled her back to me. She semi struggled in my arms but then relented.

"I'm sorry. It was just a little funny. No one's ever called me beautiful before." I said and rubbed the back of her neck as her face was buried in my chest. I swept her hair away and felt the warmth of her skin there. Before I could stop myself, I leaned down and kissed her long slender neck. She gasped and moaned, so I continued my journey of her neck to her ear where I nibbled her lobe.

"I love you," I heard her whisper.

"I love you too, baby. More than my own life," I said back with everything I had. I meant it more than anything I've ever said.

--

"So, now you think you're the shit, huh?" I heard in the distance before I saw anything. I had only left her alone for a minute to take a piss before break.

"I don't know what you mean," I heard her say quietly.

"You have Edward Cullen now, so you think you're above the rest of us?" I knew that voice. I hated that voice. I had, unfortunately, messed around with that voice.

"Lauren, I…." Bella whispered.

"Shut up, you bitch." She hissed.

"HEY!" I shouted and ran to get to her. "Back off," I warned and stood between the two.

"Edward, it's fine," Bella said from behind me.

"Whatever," Lauren scoffed and then walked away.

Would this shit ever end?

--

"Hey! I'm home." I yelled into the house. It looked like everyone was here. Even Rosalie and Jasper's cars were out front.

"Hey sweetie," Esme said from the kitchen. I waved at her and she came over to me. She wrapped her arms tightly around me and I was instantly worried.

"Mom?" I questioned. She looked at me with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Your father is in his study and he needs to talk to you." She said and smoothed down my hair like she did was I was younger. Times when things got rough and she knew I needed the comfort.

"Okay," I said knowing something was going on.

I walked up the stairs slowly. Trying to slow down the inevitable bad news. I could hear my friends laughing at the TV and completely unaware of what my parents seemed to be upset about.

I knocked on the door and he called me inside already knowing who it was.

His face.

His face scared the shit out of me.

"Hey dad." I said and sat down in the chair opposite him.

"Hello son," He said somberly.

He sat there for a little while just staring at me and me staring back. He finally sighed and closed his lids over his icey blue eyes. He was young to be the father of someone my age but in this moment he looked as if he lived hundreds of years.

"We got a call today, along with a letter for you." He said pulling out an envelope. He handed it to me and I took it slowly.

My eyes scanned the paper and then they snapped back up to Carlisle. He nodded.

"Westwood Mental Health Facility called today. They say he's very sick."

--

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Love you all,

courthale