Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own the song Strange I am solely using it for fictional purposes… yadda, yadda, yadda…
ON WITH THE CHAPTER! :D
Chapter 10: Darling Your Brow Is Wet, You've Got A Fever
I had thrown questions at Alice left, right and center; asking how they possibly thought this was a positive and what the heck was this going to help. She said that it would help both of our careers and it would also help Bill dampen the rumors about his sexuality. There were so many negative things about the plan though. What if we got caught? What if the fans didn't like it? What if we couldn't pull it off? I was currently hurling those questions at Erica as we sat on my bed at home. I had gotten absolutely no sleep that night, worsening my exhaustion.
"How… how are you going to do this, though?" Erica asked quietly as I sat Indian style on my bed and toyed with the braided belt on my long, strapless dress. I glanced up at her in puzzlement.
"What do you mean?"
"Well how are you… how are you going to make it known? Like, are you going to tell the fans or take a few pictures and 'leak' them?"
"Oh-uh… I-I really don't know. I mean, that would probably be up to Alice and David right?"
A snort erupted from Erica as she threw her head backwards. "Are you saying that you are going to have absolutely no control what-so-ever in this relationship? It's all going to be run by your managers?"
"Well it's not exactly a relationship anyway is it? It's all fake!" I stopped myself as I felt my voice rise. Erica was the only person I had told, Alice had instructed me to let her inform my parents, which I was happy to. My parents were not going to be pleased in the slightest and secretly, I wanted to see them dispute with Alice, as horrible as that makes me sound. But I wasn't happy with her.
"Maybe you shouldn't do this." Erica placed her hand on my knee. "The music industry puts you under enough pressure, I've noticed, and this is going to make everything a million times harder for you. Plus, what if your friendship with Bill gets damaged? What if it all ends badly and you come out worse for wear? I don't want to see that happen to you, you don't deserve it."
"Ricky," I swallowed thickly, not knowing what to say. "I feel like I don't have a choice. I feel like I have to. And… and deep down, there is a fragment of me that wants to do it."
My sister stared at me in a baffled manner, like nothing I was saying made sense. She had no idea that I was about to unlock the truth that I had been fighting and denying, and that I was about to spill it and start believing what I felt.
"I-I think… I think I might be in l-love with Bill." As the words slipped from my mouth, I felt my heart clench my breath become ragged. Erica continued to watch me, her face slowly fading from confusion to concern. Her other hand moved to enclose mine as she sighed softly and deflected her gaze from me, blinking a few times.
"How are you going to do this?" Her voice was a whisper but it grew louder as she continued to speak. "How? You-you have to act like you love him, when you really don't but in fact you really do? You aren't going to be able to do this. You can't do it."
"I know it's confusing, believe me, I know. But I wouldn't have to pretend to love him."
"What about when the cameras aren't around?" She ripped her hands away from mine, giving me a cold stare. "You can't love him then, you're supposed to be faking it. What if you give it all away? Huh? And what if he doesn't truly love you back? What are you going to do then?"
Tears sprang to my eyes as her words; they crept into my vision, blurring everything. I blinked several times as my chin trembled and stared at her in disbelief. She had never spoken to me so bluntly or so insensitively before and I hadn't witnessed a stare that cold since I stole one of her Barbie dolls when we were little.
She stood up to leave, sending one last warning my way. "Don't do it Ingrid, you're just going to end up hurt and alone."
If only I had done the smart thing and listened to what she told me instead of following my lovesick heart.
20th December 2009…
I stepped up to the microphone and placed the headphones over my ears, glancing down at the piece of paper before me with 'Strange' scrawled across the top. On it were the words that conveyed the dark and honest truth I had been hiding. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before cueing the music to start. The soft riff of Tom's guitar filled my ears, sending a shiver up my spine and propelling me into the music. Bill's sweet voice soon followed, telling how we both felt.
A freak of nature
Stuck in reality
I don't fit the picture
I'm not what you want me to be
Sorry
I took a breath and started to sing in unison with Bill's heavenly voice.
Under the radar
Out of the system
Caught in the spotlight
That's my existence
You want me to change but all I feel is
Strange
Strange
In your perfect world so
Strange
Strange
I feel so absurd in this life
Don't come closer in my arms forever you'll be
Strange
Strange
It was now at my part, I didn't have Bill's voice to accompany me but it didn't matter. All of my cares flew out the window, all I focused on was the singing.
You want to fix me
Push me
Into your fantasy
You try to give me
Sell me
A new personality
I continued to record all day, having to do backing vocals and what not. I had fallen ungracefully onto the sofa, pulling out my phone and messaging Bill when everything was done. Of course I wasn't expecting a reply, it was 1am in Germany, but I just wanted to let him know that I had finished recording and the studio was putting the final touches on it. I let out a tired sigh as I sent the message to him and placed my phone on the coffee table.
Alice and David had brainstormed some more in the last month and had decided that Bill and I would announce our relationship halfway through the tour, saying that it was a foolproof plan. Apparently our reasoning would be that we grew so close to each other on tour that we couldn't deny our feelings any longer. Foolproof, huh? I tried to believe that people would go with it but it honestly sounded too good to me, it sounded too… cliché? And honestly, nobody was going to expect it to last.
"Hey, are you hungry?" Alice asked as she entered the room holding a plate of food. "A fan turned up and wanted to give you these." As she placed the dish in front of me on the coffee table I noticed that they were brownies; there must have been about 20 or so stacked high on the plate and covered with Saran wrap. I sat forward and eyed the chocolate treats suspiciously.
"They didn't want an autograph or a photo?"
"No, she said that she had met you once before and gotten those things then. She said she just wanted to give you some brownies as a thank you for being so nice."
I quirked an eyebrow in disbelief and skepticism. "Um, what if they are… you know? Like, I shouldn't be accepting food from stranger's right?"
A wry laugh came from Alice as she sat down on the opposing sofa. "You really think one of your fans is trying to poison you with brownies?"
"Well… she might have lied." I offered pathetically. There was something really leery about the whole scenario. "Look, I don't want them ok. So if you want them, go ahead." I pushed the plate across the low table to my manager before retreating back into the sofa.
"Alright then, I'll take care of these. I'm sure Vaughn will be happy to get rid of them." She stood again, collecting the plate of brownies and moving to the door.
"Um, how long until we can leave?"
"Probably half an hour. Come on out and sit with us, I don't want you in here on your own."
I sighed quietly before standing, grabbing my phone, and following Alice out to an area adjacent to the kitchen; it was filled with sofas and chairs that were decorated with plush pillows. Vaughn gave a warm smile and waved me over to sit next to him on a black two seater sofa. I smiled back at him and several other staff members before sitting gingerly next to Vaughn. Alice placed the overflowing plate onto the turquoise coffee table and uncovered the wrapping.
"Help yourselves guys." She gestured towards the brownies and a few people, including Vaughn, leaned forward to try them. I would have said something to her but it felt rude. Alice wandered into the kitchen, asking me if I would like a cup of coffee. I accepted the offer as I kept a close eye on the people who were chomping at the brownies, making sounds of gratitude.
"These are marvelous, did you make them yourself Alice?" A middle aged woman with dark auburn hair and a thick Irish accent inquired, licking the remaining chocolate icing off her fingers. My manager laughed boorishly.
"No, I cannot cook for my life, Katie. A fan of Pippa's brought them in."
"My goodness that's a lovely thing to do." Katie turned towards me, wearing a bright smile. "Have you tried one dear? They're absolutely wonderful."
I gave a shaky, awkward laugh and swayed my head from side to side. "I-I haven't yet."
"Oh! You should, it's a remarkable thing for a fan to do. It shows real devotion."
Oh God, guilt trip.
If I said no I would feel rude, ungrateful and unappreciative towards my fans. I wasn't like that at all and I didn't want people to think that I was like that; I was just paranoid about the whole fake relationship with Bill. No one but Bill, Alice, David and I knew but it didn't help the feeling of dread in my stomach. I could practically feel his fans staring me down with daggers in their eyes, wishing that I would die. My mind was adamant that the fan that brought me the brownies was a dedicated Tokio Hotel fan who wanted to poison me.
Damn you paranoia.
"I uh, I suppose it does." Giving a weak smile, I leaned forward a picked up a brownie. Swallowing nervously, I sunk my teeth into it and waited for the foul taste of poison. To my surprise the brownie didn't have a toxically metallic flavor, instead it tasted like a chocolate brownie. A really nice chocolate brownie.
"Good, isn't it?" Katie asked with wide, happy eyes. I nodded my head and smiled emphatically.
"Really good." Obviously I couldn't mask the surprise in my voice as Katie, Vaughn and the other people laughed humorously. I had lost all skepticism and the rumbling in my stomach urged me to eat a couple more.
After half an hour we finally left the recording studio and Alice dropped me off at my apartment in Pacific Heights. Clutching my handbag, as I felt a little woozy, I said goodbye to Alice and made my way up to my apartment. I grappled around in my bag for a moment in search of my keys. Panic ran through veins as my searching became more frantic, my fingers not finding the cool steel of my door key.
"Oh no, no, no!"
I suddenly remembered that I had pockets in my pants and began to stuff my hands into them. Finally my fingertips brushed against the metal, allowing me to breathe a sigh of relief.
"Gosh, get ahold of yourself." I sung quietly as I hurriedly unlocked my door and entered the warm apartment. Throwing my hand bag and keys on the kitchen counter, I walked into the bathroom and splashed cool water over my flushed face. I leaned on the hand basin as my stomach churned alarmingly.
I think I need to eat.
I hadn't eaten properly the last few days due to my hectic schedule and I was positive that it was the cause of my lightheadedness and upset stomach. With that thought hanging in my mind, I went back out to the kitchen and scoured the pantry. The first thing that caught my eye was some tomato soup, not exactly a square meal but I was desperate. I grabbed it and threw it into the microwave, tapping my fingers impatiently on the table top while I waited and my stomach stirred more violently. While I watched the timer slowly tick down, beads of water started to appear on my skin as a cold sweat washed over me. My breathing became ragged and my fingers stopped tapping, instead holding onto the counter as I clutched my stomach. Blinking furiously, I wrenched the microwave door open nearly a minute before it was done and pulled out the bowl. I grabbed a spoon out of the basin, rinsing it quickly and diving it into the warm, red soup. My hand shook unstably as I brought the spoon to my lips, tipping the contents into my dry mouth. A second after I swallowed the lukewarm liquid, my stomach clenched painfully causing me to drop the spoon onto the floor, the loud sound piercing through my head sharply. My body began to convulse, leading to vomit flying across the counter top and the walls.
Eyes widened in panic and fear, I moved to the sink and vomited brutally again. My foggy mind raced with thoughts.
Why am I throwing up? Why is it hot in here? Is that soup passed its use by date? Am I coming down with something? Why am I sweating so much?
But before I had time to figure out any answers, my stomach heaved again. I took advantage of a pause in hurling to stumble over and grab my home phone, quickly racing back over to the sink afterwards. I realized that I needed to do two things; call Alice and get to the bathroom as the sink was no place for this activity. The foreboding rumble in my stomach decided which was more urgent.
Clutching the phone desperately in my hand, I staggered to the bathroom just in time to empty my stomach once more. I let out a feeble groan as I collapsed next to the toilet in a pile of sweat and tears. Holding the phone in my trembling hands, I tried my hardest to focus on the swirling screen and buttons. I had never been more thankful that Alice was on speed dial than now. I clutched the phone to my ear, listening to it ring and my heavy, labored breaths.
"Hey Pip, what's up?"
"Alice! Alice… I-I need help, please. Please Alice, I need you." My mouth rambled as the connection between my brain and voice box failed. In my head I had planned dialogue but it wasn't getting through; the only thing that was spilling from my mouth was gibberish.
"Pippa what's wrong? What's going on?"
I started to cry dramatically, sobbing harder than I was vomiting. "I need, I need help Alice! Please help me, please."
"Ok, ok I'll be there soon. Hold on, just hold on!"
Alice's POV
"Pippa!" I yelled as I threw her unlocked door open, my eyes frantically scanning the apartment. I noted the tomato soup spilled on the kitchen floor with a spoon lying in it and the unmistakable stench of vomit coming from the sink. I grimaced and blocked my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. "Ugh gross. Pippa? Where are you?"
"Alice?" Her weak and wavering voice floated from the bathroom. I raced in there only to be confronted with a sight that made me gasp in horror and my heart drop. Pippa was sprawled on the floor, her head leaning on the side of the bathtub languidly. Her pasty, sickly white skin was covered in a layer of sweat as broken breathes poured from her parted lips.
"Ingrid, oh God!" I cried as I rushed toward her limp body and grabbed her cold tear and mascara streaked face in my hands. Her eyelids fluttered open, revealing distant and hazy eyes, a darker shade than usual. "Jesus what happened Ingrid? What happened?"
A fragile moan came from her as she lulled her head from side to side and her vacant eyes rolled into the back of her head.
"Ingrid!" I yelled at her fearfully, slapping her firmly on the cheek to keep her conscious. "Ingrid you have to tell me what happened!"
Her eyes rolled to the front again as she opened her mouth slightly and stuttered maniacally. "T-t-the… br-brownies."
I wasn't sure whether or not to skip ahead but I finally decided to because it just felt like the right thing to do. Also I wasn't sure whether I would be able to work Strange into this very well so I hope that it's alright.
I also need to give major credit to XxShelbyxKaulitzxX for her idea of the interview with Bill in the last chapter. I forgot to credit her and it's been eating away at me so I just needed to get that out there. LOVE YOU BELSHY :)
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