Chapter 10
He awoke a little after 6 a.m. the space beside him cold and empty, the muffled sound of a shower running behind the closed bathroom door. Allowing her time to finish her shower, Will walked down to the hotel cafe for sustenance in the form of coffee, fresh fruit and bagels. When he re-entered the room at 6:45 a.m. to the sound of the shower still running he began to worry. Tapping the door gently a couple times with no answer, Will entered. A wall of steam smacking him in the face as he opened the door. Pulling the shower curtain to the side, he took in the image of Emma sitting on the floor of the tub, her eyes were closed and her head angled in such a way as to ensure that the shower water struck her face. The water droplets from the shower standing in for the tears she no longer had the energy to produce.
"Em?"
The unexpected sound of his voice caused her to jump, snapping her from the watery meditation. She turned her head to look at him with glassy vacant eyes. Without saying a word, she turned the water off, grabbed the hotel's standard issue fluffy white robe and exited. They sat in silence eating their breakfast and sipping their coffee, neither knowing what to say or how to proceed.
"Aren't you afraid?" Breaking the silence, Emma spoke.
"Afraid?" Will queried with a tilt to his head and a squint in his eye.
"Afraid that I'll hurt you like I did Ken and Carl?" She posited while examining the polish on her toes.
"No." Was his reply.
The room was once again silent. It was Will who broke the silence next as he took his last sip of coffee.
"You know what does scare me though?" the shaky words filling the room as his thumb nervously picked at the hole in the lid of his coffee cup.
"What scares me, is how easily I can imagine my whole life with you. Our wedding. Our home. Our children. What scares me, is knowing that I'm the luckiest man in the whole world, because I have you in my arms. What scares me, is that you won't feel the same. That if I propose . . . WHEN I propose, you'll say 'yes.' You'll say 'yes' because that's what you do. You'll say 'yes' not because you can't imagine a life without me or because you feel lucky to have me, but because you don't want to be alone. And I can't bear the thought of you just bumping though life settling because you don't believe that you deserve the best."
Will finished as a tear slid gently down his cheek. Sniffling his nose, he quickly rubbed the tear away on the shoulder of his shirt, a paternal voice in his head berating him for his tears.
Emma stared at him. Dumbfounded. Heavy tears falling quickly from her eyes. Given the past 12 hours, it was a wonder she had any tears left to cry. She didn't know what to say. He had left her speechless and stunned.
They sat again in silence. The five feet between them might as well have been a chasm the size of the Grand Canyon.
Will sighed. He didn't know where that had come from. It certainly was not his intention to make her feel worse than she already had. His intention was to be there for her, to hug her and to hold her. To comfort her, knowing that the news of Ken's death would devastate her. Knowing all along that she would blame herself. That's why he made the drive to begin with. News of this magnitude was never meant to be delivered via phone call or mail. But when she asked him if he was scared, he cast his intentions to the side and answered so viscerally, that the response shocked him.
"I can see that." She whispered. No, no, no, that came out all wrong. She thought.
Clearing her throat, she tried again.
"I can understand why you would think that. My methods were wrong. With Ken. . . . With Carl. . . ." She wasn't quite sure which way she wanted to go with this, but she was too exhausted to play games, so she chose to start at the beginning.
She began with a story that took place nearly two years ago, a time when a sweaty football coach called her M&M whilst presenting her with a Cubic Zirconium dream. A time when a desperate wife fearing for her marriage, approached Emma in her office and advised her to accept the proposal.
She skimmed over their brief attempt at dating as if it were a minor detail, a brief meaningless blip in the Cosmos. Her attempt to minimize it's importance failing miserably when the time came to introduce the villain. The name Sue Sylvester fell from her lips as did the names Shelby and April. The source revealed, Will finally had an explanation for her scathing confrontation in the faculty lunch room.
Emma continued, with the admission that she initially accepted a date from the charming Dr. Carl Howell as an attempt to move on. She never expected it to go beyond a first date, but with time, she truly did feel like she loved him.
Taking a deep breath and a couple sips of coffee Emma continued as a stunned Will listened, captivated by the honesty of it all.
"It was exhilarating. . ." She recalled, the feeling of two men wanting her. Admitting that she enjoyed it a little too much. Ashamed that she didn't recognize there was something more to her feelings after the Toucha Toucha incident.
"Will? That day at the bus . . . Sectionals." She whispered.
Will's shoulders slumped, he never wanted to think of that day again.
"Yeah?" He swallowed.
"After the bus left, I went to the store to buy some hand sanitizer and I saw Terri."
Emma's voice trembled and the story came to a halt.
Will flinched. "She told you." It was more of a statement than a question.
Emma looked him in the eye and gave a small nod.
"I was more upset than I had a right to be. When I came home, Carl was there with a ring and two tickets to Vegas and I was just so ANGRY with you, I didn't give it a second thought." The inflection and dynamic of her voice conveying nine month old anger as if it were only minutes old.
"Emma, I . . . ummm. It was wrong. I've made mistakes. Shelby. Terri. Honestly, it just felt so good to be wanted. To not have to think or try. It was stupid and wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Emma walked over to Will, pulling him to stand, she wrapped his arms around her and laid her head to rest on his chest.
"So much of this could have been avoided if we would have just talked." Emma stated with a sigh.
"It's about time we started. Promise?" He asked, placing a light kiss to the top of her head.
"Promise."
They snuggled back into bed, two years worth of drama lifted from their shoulders and slept.
The eleven o'clock check out time approached, and Emma was expected back at her post. She was still saddened by Ken's passing, but also thankful for the conversations that were the result of it. Only time would diminish the guilt she felt.
Will dropped Emma back at camp. She thanked him for coming, delivering the news in person, for being there, and she thanked him for braving the conversation that needed to be had.
"Just so you know, I'm the luckiest woman in the world because I have you in my arms, and when the time comes the answer will be 'yes' because that's the way it was always meant to be. Definitely not settling." She whispered and her eyes once again filled with tears, but this time her eyes were filled with joy and there was the hint of a smile on her face.